Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Day 7

Well, tonight Timmy did the show for the year 1990. A great year! I was in the Voc school that year, and became something of a grown up. It was a part of my high school continuing education program. Yippee!! I was glad to get away from the high school kids and become a grown up. Though even then, on the bus to the school, I still had kids barking at me. Don't ask why!! It was their thing, not mine! They were nutty kids! They were on their way to a school for troubled kids, so that should give you some idea why they acted that way. I was also madly in love with my first boyfriend this year, and hoped to marry him once I graduated from high school. He couldn't wait either. But later I found out he was being transfered across the country. He wanted me to come, but I couldn't. My family and friends are here, and it's not easy for me to make friends (back then we didn't have the internet), so I opted to stay here. He couldn't stay, so he had to go. I thought we would keep in touch, he had my phone # and all, but he never called, wrote or anything.

Now, I wish I had gone with him. I stayed there and lived in my father's house for many years, and every day was a constant battle with him!!! I never knew from one minute to the next if he was going to be in a good mood or bad mood, he changed with the wind!! Ya know, I think that's what turned me into a bitter old woman?! A woman who doesn't trust anybody! Maybe if I had gone with my first boyfriend to NC, I would not have become such an ogre! Being overly-defensive at every turn, hating everybody, or not trusting them, thinking everyone is either out to get me or is only being nice because they want something from me. I got so used to living that way staying at my father's house. But he was nice enough to let me live there on a minimal rent. It was just every time I saw him, he was either very very sweet, or very very mean. And I didn't know what he was which days. Sometimes he would come to the house nice, and later turn mean and nasty, for no apparent reason. Well, those days are behind me. He's a very different person now. I honestly think it took us moving out here, almost 100 miles away from him, to tame him down. Now whenever I see him, he's always very thoughtful, kind and polite. Miracles never cease.

Anyway, 1990 was also the year I discovered INXS. It was the summer of 1990. I'd been hearing INXS's music for a couple of years, and it was one of the first bands to capture my attention, and my imagination. When I saw a video of their's for the first time that summer, at first I fell in love with Michael. It was Need U Tonight/Mediate. Michael was so cute I fell in love right away. But it was Tim who caught my attention in Mediate, though he was at the end of the video, he had the best set of buns in the band!! So round, and fully-packed!! Let's face it, I'm a butt-woman!! I love a man with big, round buns like Tim's!!! I never seen one like his on a man! Michael had the face, but Tim had the buns!!! Michael had a cute face, but Tim was nice everywhere else! But like everyone else, I went for the lead singer of the band back then. I wasn't really like I am now. Now, I like to think independently.

Well anyway, I enjoyed the show. Timmy is really a damn good DJ. He should also make a career of this! I heard one song tonight I haven't heard since 1990! I think it's called "Onion Skin" or something like that. I used to hear it all the time on the radio station I was hooked on back then. I used to HATE that song!! I did at first. Then I started listening to it and learned to like it better. When I was ready to record it one day I discovered that they had actually stopped playing the song! I was upset, and I never heard it again. EVER!! Not until tonight anyway. I had even completely forgotten about that song until I heard it tonight!!! Thanks again Timmy!!!! Luv ya, and keep up the good work!


Freckle Face said...

You shouldn't call yourself names like that. Accept yourself for who you are, and focus on the good things. Change what you don't like, and grow in the areas that you do like. Ogres are for fairy tales, not real life. Be the best YOU you can be and let go of yesterday.

Timgal said...

It's been so long since I've seen the me I liked, it's going to take a while to find her. But I am working on letting go of yesterday. I thought I might begin this blog by posting up that I forgive everyone. What do you think?

Freckle Face said...

Absolutely a great idea to forgive, at any time, anywhere. :) And when you're tempted to take back that anger---resist it. The more you resist taking it back, the sooner you'll see the 'you' that you've been missing. :)

When I asked you the other day about the dirty mob people, and you named the people that you were talking about to me, a poster (Katrina?) came and added a name that you forgot. I just was wondering if you would feel comfortable asking your friends to not help you remember names and events....having your friends let go will help you in your recovery too. It's a group recovery for you and your friends. They obviously hurt for you too.

And I should ask you to forgive me for even asking that question in the first place. I was curious, and spoke too soon. I shouldn't have asked, because it only brought it back up to you again. So, sorry. :( And my apologies to the poster, Katrina, too. It seems like it's a painful reminder for her too?

Good luck with that forgiveness blog, and you've definitely got my support on that one (not that it matters! LOL)

Timgal said...

Well, I don't really want to get into it, but Katrina remembered because that person she named attacked all of us (as well as everyone on the Pluba forum).

You are forgiven. :) Every bit of support helps and matters.