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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

Well it is 2009. Another ending decade. Isn't it funny? I still feel like it was only yesterday that it was 1999. The years seem to be going by faster and faster every decade. I'm not going to get into "is this a sign" kind of discussion. I just want to say Happy New Year. Yesterday was a long, tough day, Anna and I went to Olympia to do a little after-Christmas shopping. Today, nothing is open, except maybe the 24-hour shops (even those I'm not sure). I'll never find out here because we don't have any 24-hour shops in this town. We drove past a store and someone was selling puppies last night! They were too CUTE!!!! Do you know how long it's been since I touched a puppy? It's been 2 whole years!! Since Vegas was a puppy. I never realized how much I miss having a puppy until I got to hold those little babies last night!! I never even realized how long it's been since I've held a puppy until last night!!! It felt so GOOOOOOOOOD!!!! Those things were so sweet!!! They were so soft and cute, and had such floppy ears and beady eyes and waggly tails!! And so light!! Uhh! They were as light as thistle down! I could hardly feel one in my arms as I held it. And the puppy breath! That's something I miss more than anything! Nothing smells sweeter than puppy breath and I got befuddled on that last night!! I tell you, if I had my way, I'd have brought one of those flocculent babies home and that puppy by now would be singing my praises as a mommy! LOL! I'd have cuddled with it all night long. But I couldn't. We went to Olympia for the same reason we always do, to shop for groceries. And they are more important than a puppy right now. Besides, I really do not like the idea of getting a puppy from someone who is standing in front of a store trying to unload them. I'd have preferred to see the parents. It gives me a good idea how the puppy is going to look when it gets older. But anyway, it was a definite high! Anyway, it was the light of my day yesterday!

When we got home last night, it was dark, windy and rainy. But we had a lot to unload. One of the first things I always grab is my little MP3 player (my old one). I thought I grabbed it last night and brought it into the house, but I looked for it last night and realized it wasn't here. But I was so exhausted I didn't really want to bother with it. I just figured it was still inside the car. So I said I'd get it the next morning. Well, this morning I got up about 7 AM (unusual for me), and I looked out the window and I saw a small, pink object lying right next to the car. I was like "oh no!" I knew instantly what it was. I rushed out there and sure enough, it was my little MP3 player. I thought for sure it was doomed! I brought it back into the house and pushed the play button and it actually played!!! I thought "What a tough little device!" I could not believe it was still playing! Now, hooking it up to the stereo might be a different matter. I haven't tried that yet. I just could not believe that little device survived a whole night of cold wind and punishing rain!! It was raining hard last night!! I could hear it pounding on my window. The funny twist in this is that I was laying in bed last night thinking I was so glad that my MP3 player was in the car and not out in that rain, because I have actually dropped it before, but I never just left it to lay on the ground!! I would have almost sworn I brought it back into the house though! I'd have bet my life on it!! LOL!

Well, I was tired last night, but I wanted to stay awake to make my New Year's wish. Every year, I make my New Year's wish and every year it comes true. One way or another. In 2006 and 2007 I wished for INXS and to go to more concerts. In 2007 I only had time to go to one concert though, and it was all the way in Michigan. But still, it was a good show, even though I thought the opening band SUCKED!!!! Their music wasn't so bad, but the killer for their songs were the long, instrumental bridges!!! They went on too long!! 20 or so minutes on average!! Too long, when I go to a concert I want to hear some singing dammit!! That's one of the things I love about INXS. But even if they didn't sing, just seeing my Timmy is a great enough reward! I tended to keep my eyes on him a lot. Not to say I didn't enjoy seeing JD, Andrew, Jon and Garry as well. But the real reward was seeing the very handsome and beautiful Tim Farriss!!! I hated that trip!! The area was so dry! And getting there was no picnic either! My feet kept swelling up like balloons!! It was the first and only time in my life I felt like a freak!!! Like I was deformed or something. And it just struck all of a sudden! I never had my feet swell up like that before. But seeing Tim at the end of the line made it all worthwhile!! Anyway my feet got back to normal when I got home, but honestly, I thought for a moment they were going to be that way forever! LOL!!!

When I got home last night I got an anonymous e-mail about my Metazoic site. I always get people who have some kind of problems with the site. But this was about my little spat with the owner of the SE forum. Everyone thinks I don't like the owner!! He calls himself Proletarian. I never said I don't like him!! I said he needs to grow up, and he does. Especially if he's going to be the administrator of a forum. He was starting to act like Adolph Hitler! Kinda like the personality Vicki took on in the Switchboard. Only I like Proletarian a lot better than I ever did Vicki. In fact, I never liked Vicki at all. Something about her from day 1 was very disturbing. Not so with Proletarian. I think, for such a young man, he's just drunk with the powers of administration. He was never like this on my forum (now torn down). But on my forum, I always treated him like an equal. I never cussed him out because I didn't like the fact he believed in The Future is Wild's terrestrial squids. But he was cussing me out because I believe mammals can evolve to walk like ostriches, which I’ve gotta say is a lot more conceivable than giant, walking squids, or squids that swing through the trees like gibbons. He doesn’t believe it. I always say they have their opinions and I have mine. I think like I do for a reason and I stand by it. Admittedly there are those who are a lot less stubborn than I am in their points of view, but at least I can say I have my reasons for thinking like I do and not be so easily yielded. I said Proletarian is being a typical cat-person, and everyone by now should know what I think of cat people. I’ve met so many.

That was another thing brought up by this e-mailer. He asked me why I hate cats so much. I don’t hate house cats, as long as they belong to other people and stay in their homes and not come to mine. I do hate panthers of any kind—lions, tigers, leopards, cheetahs, cougars—I hate them all!! Well, the only exception is snow leopards. I have a thing though, the more popular something is, the less I like it. Since panthers seem to be the most popular animals of all, I don’t like them. I used to like them, but that was ages ago!! Since I’ve seen them in so many movies, tv shows, documentaries, etc, I got sick of looking at them. Especially when everyone told me that I cannot hate panthers because everyone else likes them. I especially said I didn’t like them then. Now, don’t think that just because I think this way about felines that it means I feel the same way about people. LOL! I know some idiots will think that. But being popular does not make a person to me. Look at me. I’m probably one of the most unpopular people, especially on the internet. But my friends, who know me in person, say I’m one of the most lovable, unobjectionable people they’ve ever known. Contrariwise, I’ve met some people that everyone on the internet likes who are the most insufferable and hateful people I’ve ever met anywhere!! I can tell. And my instincts are almost impeccable! For example, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been getting some bad vibes from someone I thought I would like. This person has always been nice in the past, and I really don’t want to say anything until I am 100% positive. Unfortunately, most people don’t say anything until it’s too late, and in the meantime they fool you into thinking nothing is wrong by just not saying anything. But I have a natural knack for picking up on these little things, that later turn out to become bigger things than I first thought.

Yeah, I admit it, I may be a little paranoid, but I have good reason for that. I’ve been “played on” before. The worst recollection I can think of was a young woman I knew in vocational school. We became fast friends, maybe too fast? We called each other almost daily, we went on long rides together; we even went so far as exchanging Christmas and birthday gifts, and that lasted for 3 years. I thought we’d be friends forever. It sure seemed that way! Then one day I called her and for the first time since I knew her, she didn’t call back. I called her again, and no response. Both times I left a message on her answering machine so she knew it was me. I puzzled over that for quite a while. But I thought nothing of it because at that time she had just recently moved into a new apartment and I figured she was just getting settled in. That is until I went back to the voc school and noticed she was acting strangely when I said hello to her. Usually, she and I were always happy to see each other, followed by hugs, smiles and laughter. Well, this time there was none of that at all, and she acted more like “Oh no! Not you again!” I sensed that in her voice and facial expressions almost immediately. But still thought nothing of it. I went home and continued my day. That evening I called her again, got her answering machine and left another message. Waited 3 days and she still never responded. Then we had an adventure Christmas shopping, and I met a nice young man. I wanted to tell this friend about him, since she’d tried to get me back together with a man since my first boyfriend moved away. So I left a message on her answering machine again, waited and still got no answer from her. I figured the friendship must be over for sure now. Such a shame too! I really did like her.

I cannot say for sure why she chose to end it so abruptly, as usual I can only speculate based on events and little signals that began just shortly before they began showing up. One of the biggest things that comes to mind was she had a guy friend who was looking for a roommate. I was still quite young and looking to get a place out of my father’s house. This friend introduced me to him saying he has a room for rent. So I said I would move into this guy’s empty room. Well, he set a time and date to meet, and I was going to go. But I never showed up. But this friend of mine I guess got angry at that, and honestly I could not blame her. But if she had bothered to ask me, she would have found out the reason why I didn’t show up at that appointment. Somehow my father caught wind of the news that I would be rooming with a guy, and said he would completely disown me if I moved in with him. Well, I didn’t want my father to disown me, as I would have wanted to see him again! So, I just didn’t go. I had no way of letting this guy know this either. Back then, cell phones were not as popular and widespread as they are today. And I didn’t have his home number. The only one I could call was the woman friend of mine. And if I recall correctly, I did try to call her to tell her I wasn’t going to be able to make it there, that was the first time I called and left a message on her machine and she never answered back. I still, to this day, remember the corny message on her machine: “Hello. I’m cooking dinner. Leave me a message…..BEEP!” And I said “Jennifer, it’s DeeDee, call me back, it’s important.” And no response from her in days. Of all the friendships I’ve had and lost over the years, I think that was the one that hurt me the most, simply because I put so much of an emotional investment in that woman. I trusted her like no one else. I was always there for her and she was always there for me. I won’t say we were without an occasional spat, but it seemed like we were going to be friends forever.

I have a thing, I never explain why I do anything unless someone asks me. Most people I’ve noticed don’t ask. Those that don’t ask, I always just assume they don’t give a shit so I just drop the subject altogether. But then, it always seems that it meant more to them than they let on from the beginning. Especially when they just choose to drop the loving friendship I gave them. I’m not like that. Someone does me wrong, I always have to know why! I want to give the person a fair chance at explaining themselves. I don’t want to condemn someone I like over a misunderstanding. I’ve been wrong before, and I want to hear from the other person proving that I am wrong, and how so. I know there are some people, like Passion Wolf, who think they don't have to explain themselves even to their friends. People like that you know don't care about others in general. But what my [real] friends and family thinks means everything to me, but I always go on their lead. I don't want to talk out of turn. Maybe that's my handicap. And this other person I've been getting bad vibes from, well, I just don't want to say anything yet. But it may be better if I just let go.

OK, this has turned into a novel for the first day of the year! LOL!
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