Timmyfan Is An Idiot

hehehe! My online "spy" again. hehe! Anyway, is Timmyfan really an idiot? Well, everybody says it, but no one has been able to prove it. That's because they are going by an online persona. I am far too complex of a person for anyone to judge that way. And most of the people who say that are just angry because I will not bend my ways of thinking to satisfy them. I have a lot of live personal experience. And most people who have sat and talked with me for any length of time would disagree that I am a true idiot. I am like any person, or culture. I have my beliefs, and I won't back off them. Only if my beliefs would physically hurt another person (or a dog) would I reconsider my position. But that's my choice. I know enough to know that my beliefs are my business.

I will not say that I have never done anything stupid. But show me a person anywhere who has not at any time in their lives. The important thing is that the stupidity not be repeated. Most of my, what I like to call "blond moments", come when I am either not paying too much attention to what I am doing, or when I get too curious. I am a very curious person, and I tend to question EVERYTHING! That's how one finds out about something, they ask. I ask a lot of questions if there is something that sparks my interest. Yes sometimes I may throw in a little sarcasm, not to be taken personally. It's just how I am. I find even at my advanced age, I'm still learning new things. I like that too. It's fun to learn something new. I like asking questions and getting answers, but I don't like people who force their beliefs on me. That is when I start head-butting with others. You can give me facts, and you can say "I think this" or "I believe this", and I will accept it. But you cannot tell me "If you don't think my way, you have no taste" and/or "you are insane" or "If you don't believe what I believe, I'll kill you" and/or "your whole family." It's when I get remarks like those that I push thier beliefs away, and even form a block against them. That's one of the biggest reasons why I do not like panthers nor panther-fanatics. Besides the fact that I find panthers physically repulsive. I mean really. Take away their spots, stripes, and features like the mane on a male lion, and what have you got? A big, fleshy, flapping, disgusting NOTHING. To me, a panther is about as attractive as I would be seen naked by a fanatical vegan. LOL!

Well, if being an idiot means I will not mold myself to fit the populace, then I guess I am an idiot. I like myself the way I am now. I love being different. I love being myself. People have tried to dampen my self-worth by saying "You love being a fat, ignorant [insert another insulting adjective here]?" I emphasize "they tried" because they do try and try hard. But it never works. I like who I am. That's because I see myself for the things I have accomplished in this life. Not by what I look like, or by what I can tell people that they would want to hear. Actually, my looks are the very last thing that is (not so) important to me. You cannot judge a book by it's cover! If my appearance was more important to me, believe me, I would make myself look a LOT more attractive! That's why a person can say I am ugly and it doesn't bother me. But for me, my entire emphasis is on how I am and what I have accomplished, not what I look like. I hope to improve on the things that have made me what I love about myself. For one thing, I would love to be funnier. I've been watching some stand-up comics on YouTube, and trying to have it rub off on me a little. It's a start. When people tell me I am funny, or I make them laugh, it makes me feel good, and it encourages me to make myself better. I like to go beyond the normal, run of the mill jokes. I like things that are very outlandish and would make me laugh for days on end. That is the center of my existance, laughing. I do it all the time. I've even made some people mad because I laugh so much it frustrates them. Even my sis Eva thinks I laugh too much. I laugh where she gets pissed.

I remember when I was a kid, and I went to this private school. The kids all HATED it that I laughed so much! They would get angry at me. I laughed when I got in trouble, I laughed at what was for dinner, I laughed at the sunrise. I would always laugh at everything, and they all got angry because I did. These days I am a lot less giggly, but I still laugh at a lot of things I probably shouldn't. I remember back in 1989, I laughed for a whole week without stopping, all because of a TV show I saw that I thought was funny. The only reason I stopped laughing was because something happened that made me miserable. I lost something I loved in a storm. I was sad then. Sort of ironic. I went from being as happy as a person could be, to being as sad as a person could get, almost in a quick flash.