Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Kids Who Bully

I hate bullies! Plain and simple! There is just no good reason to bully anybody. Why do kids bully others? Well for only one real reason: They're dumb! I used to think they were just kids with low self-esteem that felt like they had to make another kid feel bad just to make themselves feel better. While I believe that is the case in some kids, it's only partly true. Some kids do it because they are the dominant kids. Like the oldest kid in the family bullying the younger. Or like my landlord's dog bullying Minnie. But kids (and dogs) that are dominant want to stay that way. So they beat up the smaller, weaker kids to basically say to everyone "This is what I am capable of doing. And I'll do the same to you if you ever make me feel inferior!" I went through most of my childhood as a loner. All I wanted was to be left alone! If someone liked me, fine. I'll play and have fun with them. But those who didn't like me, it was fine too as long as they left me alone. But that was just too much for the bullies to take. They hated it that I ignored them for the most part and didn't want them around me. I wish I had stuck up for myself more when I was a kid. But before I turned 10 years old, I let every kid who wanted to harass me walk all over me. That's probably what molded me into the person I am today! I no longer stand idly by and just let people walk all over me. A grizzly bear is not born knowing how to handle intruders. It learns it from it's mom.

Whenever I had a problem when I was a kid, I used to tell ma and let her handle it. Looking back on that now, it may have done me more harm than good. But when I was a kid, I didn't learn how to stick up for myself. But I think having my parents fight my battles for me as a child did not help me at all. So after I turned 10 years old, I started learning to stick up for myself. Well, when I was 10, I got into a big, nasty battle with someone and we both got in big trouble. I was actually scared of what my parents were going to do, me getting in trouble like that. I'd never been in trouble like that before. Ever since then, I just took pains to completely avoid any kind of confrontation. I just went my way, and let the other kids go their way. I am basically the same way now as an adult. I don't lash out unless I feel I have to. My attitude now is leave me alone and I will do the same for you. But even with that attitude, there's always some jackasses that are going to want to intrude in your life. I remember in Middle School, there was a gang of 4 boys, all friends with each other. They used to LOVE to harass me. I don't know why. The ringleader's name was Carlos Stewart. He had moved there from Germany the year before my incidents with him began. He was an African-American boy and there was this one girl in the classroom, named Teresa, that always called him the "N" word. I always hated it when Teresa would do things like that! Not just to Carlos, but she was offensive like that with EVERYBODY! Carlos was very quiet that first year after he arrived. It was the following year that I began having problems with him.

I don't know why I had any kind of problems with Carlos. I never did anything to him at all. Maybe because he saw me and Teresa talking to each other (we were never really friends) perhaps he thought that I was thinking the same thing about him as she did. But no, I didn't. At least not before I began having problems with him. But unlike Teresa, I usually like to give everyone a chance. I never even gave Carlos a single thought before I began having problems with him. It began innocently enough. I was visiting the art class he was in to pick up a book I wrote that I allowed the teacher to read. Carlos was standing at the teacher's desk area with some of his friends. I overheard him say I was an ugly chick. I just paid him no mind. My attitude was more like "So what if you think I'm ugly!" I didn't say a word to him, just got my book, and the compliments from the teacher (he thought it was a great story!) and went on my way. Didn't think any more about what Carlos had said any more than I thought about a dead leaf flowing with the wind. But it soon became apparent that there was more to that "meeting" than I had ever imagined. Normally, I could just brush-off comments like that like dust off my shoulders, and I did, and had all but forgotten that encounter with Carlos until very soon after when he began getting physical.

Now, he never touched me with his hands. His abuse toward me was delivered by throwing things at me. He would bite off the ends of his pencils, bring in bits of plastic and glass from the art classroom (when they were doing sand-blasting), or small pebbles, or even crumpled up sheets of paper, and throw them at me in class. Seemed to me like a Hell of a lot of trouble to go through just to try and get someone's attention that just didn't want anything in the world to do with him, but that was his prerogative. I still ignored him for the most part. He would throw the item and then turn around and sit in his chair like the most innocent being in the world, thinking I didn't see him stand up and toss that object at me. But what he never knew is that I have great peripheral vision. I saw him do these things. And his 3 friends, who were always around him, would always stick up for him and say he didn't do anything. Either they were dumb, blind or both. I'm banking on both! LOL! I would not have said anything if I didn't think it was Carlos, but I actually saw him do these things. And he did it every day every time I had him in the same class with me. It became too much for me. So I finally sought some advice about what to do from family and friends. Well, when I went to my ma for some advice, she became very concerned and went to the school the next day to confront the teacher. I was hoping after talking with the teacher that things would begin to get better, and Carlos would learn to just do his own thing with his own buddies and leave me out of it! But no, it only got worse.

Carlos still maintained that he didn't do anything to me, which I knew was wrong. Perhaps he was scared of his parents finding out about it too. I know I heard his father was a very strict disciplinarian. But for me, if I were him, if I didn't want trouble, I wouldn't have caused trouble. Well, the next thing I knew, all of Carlos's stupid friends were making me out to be the bad guy, even though I was the victim in this case. But I was the bad guy because I "got Carlos in trouble". LOL! But no, I didn't. All I wanted was to be left alone. Carlos got himself in trouble. Only a bully would force themselves on an innocent person the way Carlos did. Well, next thing I knew, kids all over the school, whether or not they were involved in this incident, were harassing me because I had mentioned this incident to my ma and she spoke to the teacher. In their minds, it was like I ran home and screamed "Mommy! Mommy! The kids in school are picking on me!" But actually, it wasn't like that at all. I sought answers about what to do from several individuals, friends and family. My ma was just the one who took action due to her deep concern. One of my friends said "Maybe he's doing this because he likes you." Which brought back to mind the encounter I had with him in the art classroom, when I overheard him say I was an ugly chick. I don't think someone who likes a girl is going to call that girl an "ugly chick", or try to hurt that girl. I see husbands abuse their wives they claim to "love" all the time on TV. I don't believe that is what love is! If I like someone, I want to see them happy, and I do everything in my powers to make that person happy. I would NEVER try to hurt or kill someone that I like.

Well, some months later, those friends of Carlos' still hadn't got that incident out of their minds. I remember one of Carlos' friends, Jason Ellis, told a friend of mine, named Heidi, about that incident. Heidi was one of the first friends I made when I entered Middle School, and she'd always been good to me. I met her through another girl named Vicki, who was no longer at this school at this time. Heidi and Vicki both approached me one day after confronting a girl named Stephanie, who had been slamming on me that day when I wasn't looking. I thought both Heidi and Vicki were wonderful people for standing up to Stephanie like that. Well, Jason just flat-out told Heidi that I told my ma that Carlos was throwing things at me. I looked at Heidi  and she had developed this evil smirk on her face after he said that. Jason added "The whole class wasn't doing anything!" What Jason had said didn't bother me, I came to expect that attitude from him. But Heidi's reaction kinda surprised me. The look on her face reminded me of how Carlos' friends looked when they were sitting in the classroom, trying to make me out to be the bad guy. From that day on, I noticed a complete turnaround in Heidi's disposition. She started to become Jason Ellis, in a matter of speaking. LOL! But what was once a very sweet, good friend, suddenly turned into something of a monster, and she began shit-holing me like Jason and his friends did.

I remember one time the teacher started touching me in a very inappropriate manner, and I pushed his arms away from me, and in the process I accidentally scratched him. Well, the teacher capitalized on that accident and turned the class against me, and just like a fish blindly going in for the bait, the class went along with him. Jason Ellis kinda jokingly said "You want me to go get my gun?" And I also heard Heidi say "Why don't we just get rid of her!?" Then the teacher said to the class "Watch out! She's got rabies!" and the whole class screamed and pushed their desks away from me, including Heidi. I just said "Fine. At least I'm alone." I never told anyone about the teacher touching me like that. But I think I should have. Who knows if he's done it to someone else? And to think, he used to be one of my favorite teachers back then. Not anymore after that incident. I did hear later on that he has actually done something similar to another girl in the school. That's why he soon became known as the school's pervert.

Well, a few years back, I saw a special on Dr. Phil and they discussed bullying. They said to any kid who is being bullied to talk to a parent about it. And he was talking to kids who were in Middle School and High School. But I can tell you now, from personal experience, that is a BAD idea!!! For me, it only made things worse. Kids doing the bullying can say they are innocent, without proper proof, it's just one child's word against another's. My incident could have been proven correct if only the classroom I was in had surveillance cameras installed. That's what the classrooms need, and then the kids doing the bullying can be turned in to the proper authorities. Telling your parents does not work! It only makes it worse. That's speaking through personal experience.
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