Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

How I Saw Patti vs. How Patti Saw Me

I am going to mock Patti Killebrew again in this post. Well shoot! I had fun writing the scenario in which I thought about what her non-existent children's lives would have been like if she'd had them. So, this post is going to be more how it was, rather than how it would have been. There's a lot to mock! The woman was a raging, satanic, controlling lunatic! And that's a fact. I lived with her for 4 days, I got a good dose of what she was like. I can pack a lot into that 4 days I lived with her, we each saw things very differently. This afternoon, I was remembering a conversation I had with her the day before she went totally bonkers on me. It was after she got home from work with a client that she stated she did not like very well because the client's husband was too controlling. Oh how ironic that is after I got to know Patti!! LOL! Well, these are some scenarios based on conversations we actually did have while I was there, and what I think was the final result of having those conversations and what I believe Patti was trying to convey when she said what she did during those conversations.

Before I moved in with her, Patti said: "I'm so motivated to move you in, I don't even care about a security deposit."
What I interpreted after living there: You get what you pay for!

During the interview, Patti said: "My favorite kind of food is comfort food."
What I interpreted after living there: "Screw comfort food. I only eat health food. If you don't eat what I eat, I don't like you!"

During the interview, Patti said: "I like to watch British TV shows."
What I interpreted after living there: I like to watch dark, angry shows where people have fun killing others, and the whole world is screwed up!"

When I sat down with Patti that first morning for breakfast, she told me her brother wanted me to sign a contract, which would have been fine with me. But Patti didn't want to go through all that stuff. I interpreted it to mean: "OK, so I am moving in and binding to no rules or regulations, I don't have to do anything if I don't want to."
Patti was in reality thinking: "I can kick you out anytime I want to without warning or 30-days notice, and I don't have to even have a good reason to kick you out!"

When Patti met my dogs, I told her my sis and I used to breed Chihuahuas, and that Vegas was one of our creations.
Patti interpreted that to mean: "So you didn't rescue Vegas from a shelter? You were adding to the pet overpopulation problem!"

After I moved in, Patti suggested after her brother sold that house, we move into an apartment together and split the rent evenly. I told her how hard it was to find an apartment that will allow 3 tiny dogs. If we would have added Patti's huge dog and 2 cats to that equation it would have been damn near impossible to find a place.
Patti took that to mean: "Oh shit! Now that I have a roommate, what have I gotten myself into?"

After I moved in, I offered to help Patti buy furniture from the local thrift store. Patti's reaction to that was: "Be careful, thrift store furniture sometimes comes with bugs!"
Then she moves an old easy chair that had been out in the barn that had for years been collecting chicken crap on it, and was dirty and stinky into the house. How Patti saw it: "That chair cannot be dirty and have bugs on it because it's mine."

Patti wanted to invite my ma and stepfather for a barbecue the weekend after I moved in. I looked on the barbecue grill and there were dirty old boots on the grill it's self. After seeing Patti put bread down on the same cutting board she had the mutt's food dish on without cleaning it first, I believed Patti was thinking: "I want to poison both you and your family with my family's germs and internal parasites!"

BTW, I prayed to GOD to get me and my family OUT of that barbecue and GOD answered my prayers when Patti kicked me out of her house! Hallelujah!!

My second night there, Patti bought an ice cream cone for me. I thought at first it was a nice gesture. In reality, it probably meant: "OK, I gave you a treat. Now you're going to do whatever I want you to, or else!" I truly believe this was the beginning of an ambush plan that Patti had.

Patti and I talked about her abusive ex-husband, and how she never had children of her own. Then she asked me if I ever had kids and I said no. Patti said "You've had a boring life, haven't you?!" What I think she really meant was: "You've never lived until you've had a husband that beats the living shit out of you!"

My third day there was when Patti and I went shopping, and that is when she went completely bonkers! I offered to buy food for her, whatever she wanted. I think Patti took that to mean: "Really? Does this mean I can also use you to do anything I want you to?"

Patti asked me if I had any limitations on what I could buy. I think in reality, she was trying to say: "I don't care about your limitations, I'm going to control whatever you eat anyway!"

Then Patti told me what kind of food she didn't want in the house, which was margarine. I said "OK. I don't eat margarine anyways." What Patti was hoping I would say is: "Oh no! I like margarine!" and be all sad and upset that I cannot get any.

Patti really went berserk when she found out I bought myself a couple of burritos, even though she went to Taco Bell frequently and bought herself burritos. Patti's thought on that was: "Do as I say, not as I do!"

When we were putting the groceries up, Patti told me to put the package of chicken in the refrigerator for the barbecue. I thought it was wrong, since the barbecue was 5 days away, but I felt if I didn't do what she wanted, she would bitch at me to no end. Well, when Patti saw the package of chicken in the refrigerator, she asked me "Why is this in the refrigerator and not in the freezer?" I reminded her that she told me to put it in there. Patti said "You can't think for yourself?" In reality, Patti was thinking, "Oh shit! You got me with my own words, and now I can't really bitch at you because of this!"

After putting up the groceries, Patti took me out to the barn to crush some cans. After that, Patti told me to show her how I close the barn door. I didn't know how, as it was a heavy, metal door and I was used to wooden barn doors. So I closed it the best way I could, while Patti stood by with an evil grin on her face. Patti said "That's not how you close a barn door. That's how you break a barn door!" The look on her face, and her tone of voice reminded me of when I was in 4th grade, the school bully named Melody, tried to teach me how to do crazy 8s, and she said if I didn't learn to do it right soon, she was going to beat me up.

That night, in the kitchen, I was trying to replenish what I had puked up earlier after being poisoned by Patti. Patti comes down with an angry look on her face. She says nothing at first. To this day, I believe she probably would have just went back to bed if I hadn't said anything to her first. As Patti was giving her lecture about health food and shit, I was standing there thinking: "I shouldn't have said anything to Patti!" Patti's whole speech was about "You live in my brother's house, you do as I say, and you eat whatever I want you to!"

Patti also griped because my sandwich was a little dark. Patti turns and says to herself "She's up at 10 PM burning cheese sandwiches!" I told Patti that I was not used to her gas stove yet, and that's why the sandwich got a little dark. But it was still good! Patti had this evil grin on her face again as she mockingly said "You don't know how to use a stove?" I told her it had been several years since I used a gas stove, and mine was not like her's.

The next day was when I officially got kicked out of Patti's brother's house. Patti gave me the news as I put my dogs outside. My only response was "Cool!" What I really wanted to say was: "Awesomeness!! I can't wait to get out! I'll go get my things packed right away!" Patti was hoping I would say: "Oh no! Now I have to go back and live with my ma! Can't I stay? PLEASE?" She gave me a look like "Huh?? You're not upset???" In reality, I took it as GOD answering my prayer to get me out of Patti's e-coli barbecue!

When I got back inside, before I started packing, I told Patti I wanted to inform my Facebook friends that I am no longer living with a roommate. Because I told them that morning how big a bitch Patti was being the day before, and that I don't think my staying there was going to last much longer. Many of my Facebook friends had been following my posts ever since I first moved in with Patti. So, I felt I had to update them with this new, and exciting, news. I said to Patti: "First, I need to tell my Facebook friends about this. IF that's OK with you!" Patti took that to mean: "I'm telling all my friends what a big meanie you are." In reality, I mentioned nothing about Patti's personality in that post.

As I was working on my computer, updating my Facebook status, Patti gets angry because I was doing it in the kitchen and says "Could you just hurry up and pack your stuff because you're getting in my face about this!" I interpreted that to mean "So you're not upset about getting kicked out? Well, I'm going to say as much shit as I can to make you feel like this whole thing was your fault! Then I will make you feel bad!" In reality, I just couldn't wait to get packed. I was just hoping my ma would read my status and come get me out of there!

Later that night, after I was all packed, Patti told me I could come out of my room and eat something. I thought back to earlier that day, when I saw Patti's brother using the dishwashing sponge to clean dirty bins that had been sitting out in the barn for 10 years, and I had to use that same sponge to clean the dishes. I thought of that and I told Patti "No thank you!" Patti said "Are you sure?" I said yes. In reality, Patti was thinking: "Oh good! I made her feel bad and now she's lost her appetite! haw-haw-haw!!" In reality, it was her brother's misuse of the dishwashing sponge that made me lose my appetite! I didn't want to get sick again!

That is why I am so grateful that I no longer live with Patti! I'm grateful I got out of there! I am grateful Patti and I did not look for any apartment together! I couldn't have stood living with her for one more day! Though Patti viciously denied it, she was trying to control everything I did, ate, liked, who I spoke to, who I associated with, what I did, when I did it and where I did it. I don't want or need that!!
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