Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Something Horrible About Me

You know, I was talking about this on my last post, saying there is just something about me that people automatically hate. And I have absolutely NO idea what it is. No matter how hard I try to be nice to people, there is just something about me. It goes back to when I was in school. In 3rd grade, people just hated me. I moved from a school that I loved to a school that I hated. I remember in my previous school, there was only one kid that hated me so much, and it was a girl named Deanna. She told one of my friends that the reason she hated me so much was because when she invited me to come play at her house, she said I asked her mom for "this and that and this and that". I only remember asking her mom for a couple of things, one was a glass of water, which she actually offered me. The other was drawing paper. But apparently to Deanna, that was a curse. But at least she was honest about why she didn't like me. I'd prefer that to not knowing at all.

When I moved on to the next school, I barely said anything to anyone, since my words got me in trouble with one person at my previous school. I thought maybe I could better myself here by not talking to anyone. BAD mistake!!!!!! At this school, if you didn't talk, the kids would think you were retarded. That first day, the kids all asked me if my sister was retarded apparently because our first day at that school, my sis wanted to invite everyone she met to a slumber party at our place. It was supposed to be nothing more than a nice gesture, and hopefully a quick way to make friends. But the other kids did not take it that way. They took it to mean my sister was retarded.

Some people may scoff at me because I am fat, but you know what? This has been going on long before I ever got fat. I was not fat in 3rd grade. I just never talked to anyone. I was not fat in middle school or high school, but I did mature faster than the other kids. By that I mean I had "filled out" more. I was always nice to people in middle school and in high school. I was actually more popular in high school than I was in middle school. I remember in middle school, there would be this little boy named Joel, he was the same boy that used to call himself a Chihuahua. He was a weird-ass kid! I would sometimes see him playing with my friend's baby brother as I was walking home from school, they were best friends apparently. But I remember he used to call me names too. He was about 8 years old at that time, and he used to call me names. Why? I don't know. I didn't know him at all, and he'd never spoken to me, except to call me names or tell me that I was retarded because I refused to speak to some loony-ass kid who referred to himself as being a type of dog that is too cute for him! I never told him though that I thought he was crazy. Kids have fantasies, and I thought maybe that was Joel's fantasy, to be a Chihuahua. LOL! So, I left him alone. But he would still call me names.

I also remember back in 1991, my sis and I were walking our dog, Andy. We were just walking down the street, minding our own business, heading to the corner market, which was about 1/4 mile from where we lived. On the way, we noticed there was this Afro-American boy standing out by the road, and he had been staring at us for a long time. Just standing there and staring ever since we turned that corner to get on that road. He seemed to never take his eyes off us. This was a long road, it took about 10 minutes to walk down to where he was standing, and the whole time, he never took his eyes off me and my sister. I definitely felt there was something strange about it. I didn't know this boy, he looked like an older teenager, but younger than me. Maybe about 16 years old. My instincts did tell me that perhaps there was something not right, and my sis said "Have you noticed that guy hasn't stopped staring at us?" I answered, "Yes, that is strange!" I almost considered turning around and going the other way and take a different road. But by that time, my sis and I were already half way down that road.

When we got where that black kid was standing, we heard a bunch of girls talking but didn't see them. They saw Andy first, as he was a little ahead of me and my sis, then when we got into sight, the girl who was standing in their garage, behind their car, started shouting "Oh now I see 2 big rocks!" Another girl was on the front lawn, dying of laughing. The black boy simply watched us as we passed by. There were 2 grown men standing in the yard too, one was a young man, probably in his mid-30s, whom I know was a cop. There was also a big, fat, bald man talking to the younger man, this man was fatter than me and my sis. I don't know if the girls who were shouting names and shit at me and my sis were related to either of those people. If they were related to that big guy, that would have been funny. That's what they probably look like now. Either that or they have kids that look like him now. Obese children are a common sight now. I found it odd that neither one of those people did or said anything to stop those girls or shut them up. Yet the only ones who were laughing was the girl shouting the names and the girl in the yard.

Actually, I don't take being called a rock as an insult. I take it as a compliment. Like saying "you're tough as a rock!" hehehe! Even though I am sure that girl meant to say it with malice, I still did not take it as an insult. But knowing she meant to say it with malice, I am shocked the other people in the yard were just standing by, watching me and my sis. Not doing anything at all. Not even watching the girl who was shouting the names or the girl who was dying in the front yard. It almost seemed as if they were watching us hoping we would do something to her ourselves, with all of them there. Or expecting us to do something. But I kinda wonder, did they say the same kind of shit to the fat man that was standing in their yard? Because he was bigger than me and my sis put together! I was not even that fat back then! I had big knockers and that's it. LOL! My sis wasn't fat then either. Not that big! Surely neither one of us was as big as the bald man standing in the yard.

A year later, my sis and I were at the lake, going for a swim. There was this group of 11-12 year old girls there. The red-headed girl was extremely obnoxious and started saying shit in reference to me and my sis. There was an oriental girl in that group that told her to shut up and stop being so mean. She didn't stop though, she kept saying things about us. Well, after swimming for a while, we went back to our dog Andy, who had been tied to a table leg, waiting for us. There was a woman standing by our area with a dog of her own, a little terrier-like dog. She too was fat, in fact, she looked just like Rosanne Barr. She was fatter than me and my sis. She liked Andy though. Everyone liked Andy! Our little black and white papillon. We used to get a lot of compliments about how adorable he was! Well, as we were sitting there, that same bunch of girls walked up to the woman and her terrier-like dog and started petting the dog. The little red-haired girl was acting so nice and congenial to that woman, it was hard to believe she was the same girl who made rude cracks about my sis and me while we were swimming. I saw that red-haired girl look at Andy with great interest. I was holding Andy at the time, and I wouldn't let him go to those girls at all. The girl turned to that woman and asked her if Andy was her dog, and she said no, he belongs to us. The red-haired girl still looked at Andy with interest, but seemed a little disappointed that we had the better-looking dog! LOL! I know that red-haired girl wanted to come up and pet Andy so badly, but she knew I wasn't going to let her. So she didn't even bother to ask. LOL!

What gets me is, why was that red-haired girl so rude to me and my sis, but not to that woman who was as fat as Rosanne Barr? Neither I nor my sis ever said anything to that girl to warrant her rudeness towards us. We didn't know her, we'd never done anything to her before. Though I think she was polite to that other woman for no other reason than the fact that she liked her dog. Had that woman not had her dog with her, I wonder if that red-haired girl would have made nasty remarks about her too?

Then there was Andy. Not Andy our dog, I'm talking about the idiot in Bozeman. Captain Stinkaroo. I used to see him talking to fat people all the time. He used to chat with Leon. And Leon is 3 times as fat as I am. I don't know what they talk about, but I have seen Andy talking with Leon before. I don't know if Andy calls him names too in reference to his size. Plus, Andy is friends with Kim, and Kim is fatter than I am. In her ass. She has an ass as big as the side of a house! Yet Andy is congenial with her. He never calls her fat names. Not that I truly care what Andy thinks, but why is he nice to some fat people, but hates me and my sis with such passion? The point is, he's not the only one. There is just something about me that I think brings out the absolute worst in people. And I doubt all of it is just because I am fat. Or ugly.

Even cases where fat didn't seem to factor, and I was totally nice to someone, they seemed to cast me off like dirty diapers. Like with Patti. I was nothing but nice and respectful to her. Never had a cross word with her, never called her names, I never even so much as disagreed with her. I talked to her like a friend, I never mistreated her in any way. We did disagree on what foods we liked, but normally that wouldn't matter to someone. Well, not someone with sense. I never said Patti had any sense! But there was just something about me that she did not like at all. I didn't do the dishes ONE night, and I do mean ONE night!! That's what seemed to make Patti go over the edge. She gave me all kinds of excuses why she didn't want me living there anymore, but I can honestly tell you all, to a normal person, NONE of it would have mattered. Especially since no contracts were signed.

I know a lot of people just don't like fat people, but I see someone like Andy, talking to one fat person in a friendly manner, and in the same breath say hateful and rude things to another fat person that never did him any harm, that puzzles me. And I don't buy that bullshit that people hate fat people because they raise the cost of health care!! I don't buy that at all! I don't believe an 8 year old, a 15-year old, or an 11 or 12 year old calls someone fat names because they're concerned about the cost of health care!! And those scenarios occurred LONG before this health care crisis got started! So I don't believe anyone calls someone fat names because they give even the slightest shit about health care costs! And I sure as HELL don't believe they call us names because they are concerned about our own health! I truly think these nutjobs just use that as a cover-up because they don't want to admit that they are cruel, immoral, sociopathic shitheads with no personality of their own! That's my opinion. At least when people start admitting that, then the world can be honest with one another.
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