Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

My Versions of Christmas Songs

I did a little project this morning. I'm taking popular Christmas songs and putting my own words to their tunes. I write about things I know. I must say my work has been very creative. But that's me, I love creativity. I wish I could always be creative. I was watching Herbie Rides Again last night, and I was reminded of ol' Andy, back in Bozeman. I even wrote a psalm about him. He looks just like Keenan Wynn, who always played a Mr. Hawk. He even has his temper. The resemblance is totally uncanny. Anyway, this is the song I wrote about him, to the tune of Frosty the Snowman:

Andy the blowman

Was as stinky as could be

Never took a bath

And talks lots of crap

Cuz he’s not like you and me


Andy the blowman

Likes to have sex with his dog

Makes a pass at one

And the women run

Cuz his face looks like a hog

He must have skipped his bath that day he whooped and raged about

For when he charged right through those doors, his stench nearly knocked me out


Andy the blowman

Is a pedophile you see

When he gets all wild

He will rape his child

Then he has a jubilee
See, this is creativity. Andy wouldn't know what that is. To him, being creative is calling fat people "fat" or calling an animal lover a "cow" and telling fat people they need to lose weight. LOL!! But his was just the beginning. I made one for Vegas too, sang to the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer:

Vegas the spotted Booby

Had some very tiny feet

And if you ever saw them

You would even say they’re sweet

All of the other boobies

Didn’t seem to have a prayer

When Vegas would walk by them

All they did was sit and stare

Cuz when Vegas showed his feet

His mommy would just squee

“Vegas with your feet so small

I love to hug you like a doll”

Oh how his mommy loved him

As she shouted out with glee

“Vegas the spotted booby

You have got such teeny feet!”

Let me clarify, in my language, "booby" refers to any small dog. I call them all boobies, because they are just so darn cute!! And the use of the word "blow" when I am referring to Andy, means "obnoxious" or "damned". Enjoy these!
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