Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Friday, November 7, 2014

What Would I Do?

After watching Never Tear Us Apart, the Untold Story of INXS, which is still my top favorite movie, I often wondered what I would have done if I had been in Michael's circle of friends. If I had been the person he called that night needing someone to talk to. He called several people in need of a caring hand that night before he died. Michelle Bennett was the only person who responded right away. She was the only one who picked up the phone immediately when Michael called. She has reported that Michael sounded drunk and was crying. Just thinking about that breaks my heart! I only got close to Michael once, and when I was, I saw a very happy person, with the biggest smile I've ever seen!! Of course that was back in 1991. I never saw Michael in person after he had his accident the following year that changed his life.

The way I heard the story, Michael was in Copenhagen at the time, on a date with Helena Christensen. He bought the both of them some food and was in the middle of the road eating and having fun when this cab driver came up on them. The cab driver shouted at Michael, and Michael retorted. After that, the cab driver got out of his vehicle and walked up to Michael and just punched him to the curb. Michael hit his head very hard on the cobblestone road and this caused him to lose his senses of taste and smell. Being a connoisseur of fine food and wine, and loving the scent and taste of a woman like he did, this is when Michael became depressed. The other band members and his personal friends all said he was never the same again after that incident. Makes me feel so bad for him! I often ask why Helena didn't do anything to stop that cab driver? She could have stood between them, assuming the cab driver wouldn't strike a woman. Maybe the cab driver would have just left things the way they were and went on his own way. But then again, how could Helena know that is why the driver was getting out of his car? Perhaps she thought all that would happen would be nothing more than a mutual exchange of cuss words and phrases. But no matter what, if I were Helena, I think I would have stood between them, just in case!! Cannot be too careful in this day and age!! I'd have done whatever I could to protect Michael from ANY potential threat! But maybe Helena's instincts sucked!

If you ask me, that cab driver doesn't deserve to live!! Looking at it in retrospect, I wonder if the cab driver often thought about what he did to Michael and if he knew he had some affect on Michael killing himself the way he did. That's blood on the cab driver's hands, and he should pay for that!! It's partly his fault Michael is no longer here with us!!

Now as for Michael being a different person after that incident, I heard he went into rages in a flash. I wonder if those rages he had were brought on by the Prozac he was taking, or if he was upset that he could no longer smell and taste anything, or if he was angry with himself because he did not fight the cab driver back? Could have been either or. I was on Prozac after I lost Groucho because I slipped into a deep depression. But I got the giggles. I didn't get rages. I cannot ever say that I know how Michael felt losing his sense of taste and smell, because that never happened to me. I did once know of someone who could no longer taste anything and she took it in stride. It did not depress her at all. To me, it would be a blessing, because all the healthy foods, the foods I should be eating, all taste terrible!! If I could eat them and not have to taste them, I'd be so glad! As for being mad at himself for not striking back at that cab driver, I know exactly how that feels!! When I was relieved from Patti's clutches after enduring her bullshit for 3 days, I got mad at myself because I never told her off. I essentially let her walk all over me! Just so I could try to get along with her. For quite a while I was mad at myself for allowing that to happen. Even though intellectually I know it wasn't my fault that Patti took advantage of my kindness. I know Patti was the one with the problem, not me. But still!! I was mad at myself for letting her walk all over me, when I know I could have put her in her place, then at least I would have said something to shut her up!! Who cares if it would have gotten me kicked out! I was nice and respectful to her and still got kicked out anyways. If I'd have at least told Patti to shut up once, I could be feeling better about that incident now because I would have stood up for myself. So, I know how Michael feels if that is what caused his rages.

If I could go back in time, to any time in Michael's life, I'd put myself in Michelle Bennett's place on November 22, 1997, when Michael called her, crying and needing someone. I would have hot-footed and high-tailed it over to Michael. But before that, knowing how sad he was and that there was a potential of him to hurt himself, I'd have said to him on the phone, "I'm out the door now baby, don't do anything until I get there! Then we will have some fun!" I remember right after we moved to Bozeman, my sis was depressed, called me crying and needing some cheering up. So, I took her out on the town, and by the time the evening was over, she was feeling MUCH better, smiling and laughing again. I'd have done the exact same thing for Michael.

I remember just before Michael died, I had taken a 5-year break from INXS fanhood. But about 2 or 3 months before he died, I slowly began to get back into them. I would look at old, dust-covered pictures I had of INXS, and at Michael and my heart would pound faster and faster every day, the more I looked at him. It was a very slow process at first, but it did gradually build up. But by the time he died, I was not fully into INXS yet, but just enough that his death had an effect on me. I cried that night when I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. And then I cried myself to sleep. I often wonder if the Godly forces were preparing me for that event? Or if GOD was signaling to me that eventually Michael would need some serious help from a loving, caring, compassionate person such as me, who once loved Michael before as a performer. I don't know! I don't know what I could have done, since Michael and I were never friends. I only saw him live once. But there are other people who were MUCH closer to him than I was. Much, MUCH, MUCH closer than I was!! Why I got those feelings rebuilding in my body just a couple months before he died, I have no idea and I may never fully know the answer. But that's what I would have done if I could have been there for Michael. We should have been friends. Michael might still be alive if we had.
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