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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Status Symbol

ARGH! This is what I hate most, talking about shit like this! Well hell, I don't know if I will be able to go to this gathering, I've accepted a challenge which is going to cost me every month. Well, maybe I can get away with only getting the pills. But I would like to get both items. Trouble is, even with the discount they are still expensive! But I want to do this. My sis cannot be the only one of us losing weight! And I want to look good for my trip to Australia. I also want to help celebrate my Michael. I love that man so much! More than anything in this world!! LOL!! I act like I was married to the man, and I actually wasn't. Just feels like it from the way I fell so deeply in love with him. That was a love like I'd never felt before in my life. But the thing is, so many other people felt it too. I don't think I will ever understand why Michael believed he was not loved. I loved him! So did a lot of others. But you know the British press! They're dumb!! Michael should have learned to take anything they say with a grain of salt. I bet he'd still be here if he could.

Well, I asked my sis to come up here while I go to the gathering, and bring the dogs. I need something there to help balance out the number of strangers that will be in attendance there. Not to mention the damn fags. I'm sure some of those will be there too. My loony pig of a sister (sometimes) and I were chatting the other night, and she thinks I am going to be "using my dogs" to "get back at" the damn fags. In other words, she thinks the only reason I want to bring my dogs is so I can show off to the fags like "Hey. Look what I got that you don't".  I said to her "Not to get back at them you fool! More like to divert my attention away from them." I love my sis dearly, believe me I do. But she has a habit of totally misinterpreting everything she reads. It's not just the fags I need to divert my attention away from. It's the people too. That's what happens when you have social anxiety. If I were to go and not bring the dogs, I'd be paying for a ticket for nothing, because I would be too nervous to even walk through the door. Even if I had friends there. I'm just uncomfortable around so many people.

It was hard enough when I went to INXS concerts back in the day. I didn't bring my dogs, or any animals (although I did consider it once). But I knew once I walked in those doors, my Timmy (and in one case, my Michael) would be there, and seeing them would be comforting enough. That eased the social anxiety in those cases. But that wouldn't be the case in this gathering. But I do want to go, and support this friend of mine who is putting it together. And it sounds like fun anyways. But no, the reason I want to bring my dogs is not to say to the fags "Hey look what I got". It's more like this:

Me: Oh dear! Look at all those people. I don't think I want to go in there.
The dogs: It's OK. I'm here. If you get scared, just lean on me.
Me: OK babies. Then let's go.
Then I pet the dogs and walk in.

It's a proven fact that the simple act of petting a dog lowers anxiety. That is why I want to bring them there with me. That is why I don't want to go without them. Believe me, if my only objective was to "get back at" the fags, there are plenty of more reasonable ways I could do it. Looking good for one thing. Pepper spray would be another, but I'd only use that in cases where I felt really threatened. I never use my pets as a "status symbol". My sis knows that but she gets crazy ideas in her head about some messed-up shit. Other people may resort to using their pets as status symbols, but I've never been that kind. That's like those men who own rottweilers or pit bulls, and then laugh at those of us who own chihuahuas or pomeranians and say we are lesser people because we have smaller dogs. Like that dustingrey character. He uses his pets as status symbols. And you wanna bet, he probably does not even have a dog. I bet he really only has a cat. Which means he's all talk and trying to sound tough, when he's really nothing but a wussy.
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