What's She Thinking?

I thought this was a cute pic too. Now, I kinda wonder what Lily is thinking here. One of my friends said in this pic she looks sad. I kinda agree. Actually I think she looks kindof emotionless. But that could be just for the picture. And the fact she doesn't have make up on. It is a sad fact that all she has of her father is pictures. But I truly believe pictures capture the soul. Maybe here it shows Lily finally feeling the pain of losing her parents. Well, I am sure there was always some pain there, though she was just a baby when both her parents died. Now, she is old enough to understand what happened and piece it together.

There is no doubt in my mind that Michael loved Lily. Not a shred of doubt. I just wish he would have thought more of her to keep going and not do what he did. Paula, I don't know, I don't care. She was just plain irresponsible! She abandoned Lily! I won't forgive her for that! I don't like what Michael did, but he was the easier of the two for me to forgive. I loved that man more than life it's self. I never liked Paula. So, Michael to me was easy to forgive, even though he abandoned Lily too. And yes, I do think it was irresponsible of him! But Michael touched me in ways Paula never could. Michael was sweet, funny, his words filled my heart with laughter and joy, and his singing made me swoon. Read my story "Hutchess, A Picture Diary" and you will see how Michael (and Timmy both) saved my life. With all that in mind, I could not help but forgive Michael, and to this day, I am not angry at him anymore. Paula Yates was a very different story. Paula meant nothing to me at all. I was never a fan of hers. So all I see when I see Paula Yates is an ugly, irresponsible woman who deserved to die in shame!! She should have wised up for the sake of Lily. I'm angry at her for not being here for her!

Looking back on some of my past posts, I notice I've said some terrible things about Bob Geldof. LOL! Not that I like him at all now, but I have said now that I have more respect for him than I will ever have for Paula. Which really is not saying much, as I have absolutely NO respect for Paula any ways to Sunday!! I never did and I never will. But you know what's funny, I actually knew Paula was going to kill herself soon. I first learned who she was just after Michael died and it was announced to me that he has a daughter out there. I didn't ever blame Paula for Michael's death until after she died. I figured then it was guilt that made her kill herself. It was then I found out that Paula would not visit Michael in Australia and he wanted to see his baby.

Everyone who knew Michael, including myself, knew he was a man who loved life. That's why his death was so shocking to me. That's why I never thought he would do something so dumb as to kill himself! Yes, for a long time, I hated him for that, but loved him so deeply at the same time. It's hard to explain. But it is positive proof that love is indeed a stronger emotion than hate. I had this sort of love-hate feeling for Michael shortly after he died, and after I found out what killed him. More often it was the love that took over my feelings for Michael. Until 2005, when I "rediscovered" Timmy. LOL! That lasted for 9 years. Today I think I have completely forgiven Michael all the way, and I love him much more than I ever have before.

Oh! Speaking of which, UMG Productions now has a new feature! Thanks to Sellfy, now, buyers can name their own price on ebooks. All they really pay is a minimum fee, but they have the option to pay more if they want to. The minimum is mostly about $3.99, which is what I think any ebook should be worth. It is digital afterall. Printed material still costs the same though. But now it's up to the buyer if they want to pay more for an ebook.