Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Trip Home

After that incident with Lulu, I've decided I have got to stop being so compassionate with people. Some will take a nasty advantage of you if you're too compassionate. That's always been my handicap, I'm way too compassionate with people! But it really was not one-sided, Lulu helped me a lot when I lived in the shelter. Like one time she took me to the hospital. But Darrell even had to get involved in that. He went because he was feeling pain, but the doctors have never been able to find anything wrong with him. He did that several times, hoping the doctors would tell him something was wrong with him, but they could never find anything, which is exactly why I believe Darrell broke his ankle on purpose the day I was supposed to be taken to Salem to catch a bus to Phoenix. I truly believe he did that just for the attention, and I'll always believe that. He was upset because something was going to be done that day that didn't concern him, so he fell and broke his ankle on purpose. But his little scheme nearly cost me my last visit with my father. My stepmother paid $400 for the ticket so I could go visit them, and believe me, I'd have made Lulu pay my stepmother back for that! They would have found themselves taken to court! And they would have owed my mother $50 on top of that too! But it wouldn't be about the money for me. I'll never get that chance again to see my father, and if he'd have died without seeing me, I would have been the most broken 40-year old woman you've ever seen in your life!!

Well, I did get to see my father, thank GOD! At least I did get that chance to say a final goodbye. I told him that I am in an apartment that I love! Even though the people here are not very friendly. You know what's funny? They even admitted to me they're not very friendly here! When Lulu did not show up in time, ma told me to go around the complex here and see if I could get someone from around here to take me to Salem. I got so desperate that I did just that! No one wanted to though, and a couple of guys that I ran into, was an old man with a younger man, even said the people in this complex are not that friendly. Somehow I kinda sensed that when that Mexican guy saw me taking empty boxes to the dumpster that one day, and instead of telling me what to do with them, he was calling the manager on me. But I thought he was just one unfriendly person. But according to those guys I spoke to, apparently everyone here is unfriendly. But I don't care, I'm a loner anyways. Most of the time, I keep to my own apartment. I was just desperate to find another person to take me to Salem and I did what I thought I had to. My ma says I need to get involved in a church, and I might just do that. I do need to make some reliable friends! My sis has there in Bozeman. My sis also said making friends here might be very hard because people in this state are all liberals. But I think there has to be someone in this state that isn't a liberal!!

Well, now I want to tell you all about the trip home. My father passed away the day my sis and I left Phoenix, and I kept thinking about that on the way. I told Anna not to say anything, because I wanted Kathy to have her moment to tell us. But the driver already told her that he told us that dad was gone. Dad did have a very good life, and I know he is in Heaven now. Contrary to what the WBC would say. Oh well who gives a SHIT what they have to say?!?! Fuck them!!! My father was in a comatose like state when my sis and I got there, he could not talk, but the doctor said he could hear. The only sounds dad emitted were like long moans and groans. He still sounded like dad, but he could not form words or sentences. My sis and I even told funny stories while we were there with him, stories that I remember about him from when I was a kid. Dad was always doing things to make us laugh. I remember one day when he was in the police academy, he came home early. I was sitting in the family room watching TV, and dad showed me this pair of pants he was wearing that day, and the seat had been ripped open. He said to me "You know what happened to these pants?" I looked and his pants had the biggest rip I'd ever seen and I asked what happened. Dad told me that happened in class when he farted. He had to walk out of class with his back against the wall! LOL! It made me laugh just to imagine him farting with such force that it split a seam!

Dad was quite a character. Everybody that knew him loved him. I'll always remember him as being a man who loves dogs and people. He used to hate chihuahuas until I started breeding them. Then he realized what beautiful animals a well-bred chihuahua is with a LOT of personality! I did think about dad a lot on the way home. But riding through Arizona was pretty cool too. I saw cactus. Wild cactus! I've never seen a wild cactus before! I'd seen them in nurseries, botanical gardens, etc, I even remember Taco Time in Lakewood used to have a huge saguaro cactus on display. But I've never seen one in the wild! It was so cool to see them on the way home! I normally hate sitting in the bus stations, but the one in LA was not so bad. I had to switch buses in LA. They have an eatery there with a bar and stools. I found a bit of an isolated corner of the bar and claimed one of those seats. It beat sitting on those hard, wire benches. I sat there for a while and cried my eyes out. I kept saying to myself how I am going to miss that old fart! LOL.. I was still calling dad an old fart. I always did. I love him, but sometimes he could be an old fart. That was part of his charm.

My next stop was Sacramento, which we got to easily. It was morning when I got there. From there, I got to Salem. From Salem, I caught a bus to Portland, where I knew I could catch a bus that would take me back to Tillamook. Unfortunately, by the time I got to Portland, the bus to Tillamook had left and it was the last bus heading west that day. So, I had to wait 15 hours for the next bus to Tillamook. I decided to phone ma to tell her that I made it back to OR in good shape. She said I should phone Lulu and have her come and get me to take me home. I said I never want to be reliant on Lulu ever again for anything! They'll take my money and use it to buy cigarettes! I'm tired of supporting her nasty smoking habit! Ma wanted me to find a YWCA there in Portland. I didn't know if I could. So, I asked one of the station attendants if there was one in town. She said she'd look it up. She found one that was about 10 blocks away. She gave me the number and I called. All I got was an answering machine. So, I left a message. But I also decided to walk over there to take a look at it and see what was there. So I did. All 10 blocks!! LOL! Well, I didn't mind really, I needed to walk, stretch my legs. When I got there, I managed to find the YWCA, but it was closed. They must never be there, because to this day, I still have not heard back from anyone there, and I gave them my cell phone number. That was on Thursday I called them.

On the way back to the bus station, I got hungry, so I decided to stop and have a bite before heading back to the bus station. I found a nice little cafe and went inside. It was a fine-dining cafe. I looked over their menu, and ordered myself a Kobe burger! Don't knock it those things are AWESOME!!! I remember getting that when dad used to come visit my sis and I in Ocean Shores at a little cafe there. It was delicious as heck! So, that is what I got. While I was there, I also did some more crying in between bites. I don't like crying while I eat, but having that burger reminded me of the times dad came to Ocean Shores to spend the day with me and my sis. Brought back memories. On top of being so doggone delicious! I couldn't finish the whole thing, so I packed some away in a doggie bag. While I was there, I noticed there was a lobby with some comfortable looking chairs and a sofa. I asked the waiter if it was OK if I sat in there for a while and he said I could. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I got in a nice, big, soft, leather chair and sat for a while, took out my favorite pic of Michael and Timmy and just cried and cried! Still mourning over my father. I think I was there for more than an hour, just crying. I had nothing else to do, and those seats were so comfortable! I couldn't help it. I almost fell asleep. But I knew I had to get back to the bus station. So eventually I had to get up and walk back.

It was dark when I started back to the bus station, and I could not remember where I turned at. I began searching for someone to tell me where the bus station was. I got 10 different people that gave me 10 different streets to turn down. I didn't know if I was coming or going! I must have walked all around downtown Portland before I finally got to the bus station! I said if I had been walking in a straight line, I'd have been back in Tillamook! I did that much walking that night! Didn't find the bus station until about 9PM. Then I didn't care, I plopped down on one of those hard wire benches they always have, and fell asleep for a while. But the station was due to close at 10:30PM and a security guard there was clearing everyone out. One crazy bitch of a girl even argued with the guard, calling him every name in the book on her way out! I asked the guard if there was a shelter in that town and he did not know of one at all. That's why all the homeless people were covering the streets. I didn't have anywhere to go, so I had to think of a creative way to keep myself occupied. I had over 12 hours to kill before the bus to Tillamook was due to come! I really did not want to spend a night with a bunch of homeless thugs! So, I decided to catch the train around town. But I fell asleep on the train. When the train ride ended, I found myself in an area that I did not know and it was dark! But I had to vacate the train anyways.

I asked when the train to take me back to the bus station was coming, and the supervisor said there would be another train coming in an hour and a half. It was cold outside too! And I was dressed for the weather in Phoenix! I seriously thought I would be home by nightfall! It was 100 degrees in Phoenix, and probably about 55 degrees in Portland that night! I was freezing and did not have a coat. I reached in my suitcase and pulled out the only thing I had that I could possibly keep warm in; my nightgown. I took it and folded it in half and wrapped that around my shoulders. I slept for about 5 minutes while I was there, but most of my time was spent trying to keep warm. I actually thought about dad that night. I was thinking he was up in Heaven now saying to me "OK, you like to get yourself in trouble? Now I'm going to show you what real trouble is like!" That's one of the last things I remember him saying to me when I spoke to dad on the phone only a month before he passed. He said "You sure get yourself in a lot of trouble!" Maybe I do. But I stayed at the shelter because I had to, and it was a good thing it was there. Finally, the first train into town came. I didn't bother with a ticket, as I still had one from the night before. No one ever checked those! I just climbed in. I was on that train for maybe 2 hours, going all over town. I was asleep most of the way there. But I finally got off where the bus station was and walked the rest of the way.

The bus station there has a little cafe too, so I sat there for a while and had something to eat. By this time, I still had about 4 hours to kill. So I ate, and then went back to the waiting area to wait for the next bus to Tillamook. I fell asleep in the waiting area. Even though those seats were uncomfortable. I was excited when the bus finally did come to take me back to Tillamook! I bought a ticket and hopped on. Now, I was on my way home. Of course I did fall asleep most of the way. But I'll tell you now, it was good to be home! I immediately climbed in bed and went to sleep.


mikessa said...

My trip home wasn't as dramatic as yours. I have very little to say about it. I saw dad's memorial video that Kathy posted on FB and I cried my eyes out. I was at a bus stop in Vegas. I kept running into the bathroom and cried. I cried a few times on the bus going to SLC, and then again at the station in SLC. Only there, I wasn't able to hide in the bathroom stalls because they were all taken. I had to run outside. At least 5 people saw me. I just didn't wanna be bothered.

I tried to keep my mind off of dad's death. I did see all those cactuses and took a pic of them. I woulda love to have gotten more, but we were going so fast, I only got one pic that actually came out good. I saw one that had like 10 arms coming out in all directions, it was so cool!!! Damn, I shoulda gotten that one!!! I think I even saw the Grand Canyon, now that I would love to see on my own someday. Who says Arizona doesn't have anything cool?? If you can ignore the brutal, disgusting, searing heat, which is impossible since it hits you like a brick wall. I'm sure even a person like me can find something.

TimGal said...

Last night, I took out all the Christmas and birthday cards I have in a box and was looking for some pics of us with Dad. I found the birthday card dad sent me this past year and I really cried a lot. Seeing his handwriting set me off. But when I was in LA and Portland, and was crying, no one bothered me. But I didn't want to take that chance. I just wanted to be alone.