Disclaimer:

Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Your Blogs Say Different

Some people have told me that. I said I will never trust people again, and someone said to me that my blogs say different. LOL! This was a quote by Kelly Carter, who is one of the blind sheep. I told her at least if I suspect someone has wronged someone else, I don't listen to just one side of the story. I prefer to get all sides of a story before I condemn anyone. She got her suspicions from someone who does not know either side of the story, and she is judging me based on that. So, I call her a blind sheep. Just like a lot of those people. Ya know, this is exactly the same deal Michael got in London with the tabloids. They spoke nothing but lies about him too, and everyone believed it. Poor Michael became a broken man because of it.

Normally, this kind of thing wouldn't get me down. And I am mostly over it, I don't feel so angry anymore at least. But most of it has to do with the feeling that these people have slapped my father in the face. I am usually quite strong. But today, I am rather weak, and it is because of my father's passing. Kelly C. never sent condolences, so I don't know if she knew about my pa. But I can tell you she was on my friends list when I announced he died. I'll tell you another thing though, when Kelly Carter is not feeling well, she sure is quick to fish for sympathy from her friends. I remember when I was having some neck problems, and I announced it on Facebook, and my other friends tried to help me. But not Kelly C. She turned the whole post around into something about herself. Not sure I should be associating with someone like that at all anyways. She recently announced her brother has been diagnosed with cancer too. Well, I sure do hope he beats it. I am not like her. I wouldn't wish ill on her or her brother, and I would never have turned my back on someone I thought of as a friend in their time of grieving. I will go on praying for her brother that he beats it, regardless of what Kelly C. thinks.

Its sad it took Michael killing himself to make everyone appreciate him again. Elegantly Wasted is a wonderful album, yet so underrated! And the stadiums did not sell out in Michael's last year. I'm sure a lot of things went through Michael's head during that time. And I am sure it's the same things going through my head too. But I have no intention of killing myself. I wouldn't give the trolls the satisfaction. LOL! I have been disappointed deeply by some people, a lot of them I have invested too much time and emotions in. I've done everything I can to help them. I have given them my everything, even through my own struggles. Many of these struggles, I've never even mentioned here or on Facebook! They're things I prefer to keep completely to myself. Know why? Because I don't want people to feel bad for me. I try to make my friends feel happy. Minor things I don't mind mentioning on Facebook, or on this blog. And the readers can take it how they want to. They can pray for me, they can feel sorry if they want to, or they can be indifferent. I don't care. But it is my own choice if I decide to display my major struggles to the world, and I usually choose not to.

Well, my father passed and I would not say I've been fishing for sympathy. A lot of times I write in this blog to get things off my chest. Also, to help people understand, because obviously I am not like other people. Like I said before, I knew the emotional roller coaster was about to begin. I could not stop grieving for my pa after less than a month. That's too soon for someone I've known for over 40 years! Someone who was always there when I needed help. Someone who has helped me more than any other family member. Someone who has often gone out of his way to make sure me and my sis were doing fine. No, a month or less is no where near enough time to grieve for him! So, I knew the emotional roller coaster was coming. There was no stopping it. No matter how upbeat I acted, I knew it was coming! Because of that, my emotions are weakened. I can't be the strong person I was before. Not now. Normally, I would laugh things like what has been going on in Facebook off, but not now. I do need some time to get over my pa. I'm old and tired and I need a break. I need to build up that strength again. My family can help, and my good friends like Katrina. They can all help me get back to the person I once was.

Yes, I know I am not a people person. But I do still love my family and close friends. I know there are some good people out there. But what I am saying is be careful! People can be downright crazy! You never know what they want or what they really like. You never know if they are being nice to you because they really like you or if it's because they want something from you. I try to be nice to everyone. I try! I tell that to everyone who says how nice and sweet I am. That's all I can say, is "I try!" But it's so much easier to get along with animals than it is to get along with people. Though each animal is individually different from each other, still the animals do not judge based on rumors. I am not ashamed to say some of my best friends are animals. I've even made friends with some non-domesticated animals. Like the vision of Snow White. I just have a natural way with animals. This is the same woman saying this that took a family of Egyptian spiny mice and made them as tame as puppy dogs. People told me it couldn't be done. But I done it!

Well, today was my Thanksgiving day, and I had the turkey with all the trimmings. Well, it was actually a turkey breast. I don't eat drumsticks or anything like that. And since it's just me here, I don't need a heck of a lot. But that breast should last me a few days. It's only a half a breast portion. I also made a cake. Nothing spectacular, just a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I put Michael's name on it and it says "Never Tear Us Apart--Michael Hutchence--You Will Always Be Loved" That is how I am celebrating his life this year. The smell of turkey is still lingering, but I am STUFFED!!!!! Just as stuffed as I would be at any Thanksgiving dinner. I also deactivated my Facebook account tonight and it's getting ready for deletion. Katrina says she doesn't want me to leave Facebook. Some of my friends have given me their email address, and I do intend to keep in contact. But I need to leave. I need to breathe. I need to grieve on my own for a while. I don't want my friends feeling sorry for me or anything. If I go back to Facebook, I want them to see a totally different person. By then, I hope to be over this intense grief I've been feeling since my pa died. I knew holidays without him would be difficult. I miss him like everything. But I do thank the friends I have made for understanding, and I will keep in touch.
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