Cecil The Lion

OMG!! For the past 2 days I've been seeing and hearing nothing except about a damn dentist who went to Africa and killed a fucking lion, named Cecil!! Enough already! I am sick of it!!! It's old news now! And really, anyone who only cares because it is a stupid lion is pathetic! Apparently, this lion was what most people call "special". They say he was an "African icon". That's malarkey!! That's nothing but a load of leopard gas!! A lion is a lion! You seen one, you've seen them all! This lion was no more "special" than any other lion, or any other animal that has ever been killed by trophy hunters over the past years. Well, you all know how I hate lions! I hate ALL panthers. And lions are my most hated panthers of all. I can't stand the sight of them. To look at one literally makes me physically ill. I couldn't care less that one more lion is dead. What I don't agree with about this article is trophy hunting.

Most people seem to be more upset that it was a dumb lion that was killed. Who cares?! It's just a stupid lion! It doesn't have a soul, it is NOT the "king of beasts", and I don't buy that it never hurt anyone. It's just a big, fat, ugly, stupid, sodden-brained, dim-witted, good-for-nothing, psychotic-minded, addlepated, lazy-ass lion!! And I don't buy that it never hurt anyone. Imagine how many hyenas unnecessarily died in Cecil's jaws! I imagine lots of them. One less lion now to worry about. Not that I am a huge fan of hyenas. But lions do kill them for nothing but pleasure. Just like this dentist killed that lion for pleasure. I am totally against trophy hunting! I think it's a waste of life. But I would feel the same way if it were a wolf, or a fox, or a sitatunga that was killed just as a trophy. It's not fair. But let's face it, there have been trophy hunters before, advertising their hunts. No one has ever cried as loud as they do now for this stupid lion. The guy who killed Cecil probably didn't even know it was Cecil. Would you be able to tell just by looking at him? Think of it. Is this Cecil?

Or is this Cecil?

Or is this Cecil?

Or this?

Those are all different lions. Can you tell which one is Cecil? I can't just by looking at them. They all look alike to me. But surely one of them IS Cecil. I just bet you can't tell which one it is, unless you happen to recognize his picture, because it's been posted all over by now! One of my vegan friends posted a thing on Facebook, asking why people are getting so upset about the death of a lion, when people are responsible for the deaths of cattle, pigs and chickens? Well, I responded to her post saying "It's just another propaganda ploy being used now to glorify panthers." It isn't going to stop until they get everyone in the world to love panthers. Well, none of it will work on me. I used to like panthers a long time ago, and I outgrew it. I'm glad I did too! I am not ashamed to admit that it does not bother me that one more lion is gone from this world! However, I am sorry that it ended in a trophy hunt. I just never agreed with trophy hunting, I couldn't care less if it was a lion that was killed, or what ever animal. I just don't agree with trophy hunting. Killing an animal (like a cow, pig or chicken) for consumption is one thing. But killing an animal just to display on your wall is horrible! If you want to display an animal in your living room, BUY A POSTER!!!! No need to go off and kill a creature just to display as a trophy!

Shoot! I don't even agree with Paula trapping Michael so she could display him like a trophy, even though the end result with him was the same. But there will never be another Michael Hutchence! There will ALWAYS be other lions. One dies, another one will soon come along and take his place. No gaps are left whatsoever. There's no shortage of lions out there killing for fun. They all look the same, they're all ugly, disgusting and lazy beasts, someone out there will give them names, but it makes no difference. A lion is a fucking lion. Nothing changes. Get over it!!

Life In The Deep, Dark Web

Did you all know the internet has layers? There is the top layer, the visible layer. That is the internet most people typically use. Then there is the deep internet, which is only accessible through special browsers. Then there is the dark internet, which is only used by law enforcement and the military. I've been on YouTube, looking at some videos, and I've seen a couple of people who regularly browse the deep internet. It's a scary place!! I've also heard some horror stories about the deep internet, and I will tell you about those in a moment. If you want to access the dark web, well, you can't. Only the military and FBI are allowed there. I think I heard it's only accessible via passwords. Nothing interesting there anyways. And the deep web, it's very interesting, but usually not in good ways.

The deep web is only accessible through specialized web browsers. One such browser I heard is called Onion. For obvious reasons! Though I think someone once said in a video that you can also access it through Google Chrome. They don't have a search engine like Google, and no sites from the deep web can be found on Google either. Their websites are usually small and unimpressionable. Their web hosters only allow so much bandwidth, so the sites are not very flashy or dynamic. They get right to the point. I've never browsed the deep web, and I never want to! The browser, Onion, is not very protected. It leaves you open and vulnerable to hackers. And believe me when I say there are a lot of hackers that access the deep web! Its like an underground alley or something. Lots of people get in there and sell things like electronics, very cheap. Like, you could get a 30 GB iPad for less than $150. But don't buy it! Chances are, it's a stolen item. You can also buy black market items such as guns, grenades, ammo, all the way down to children, and hitmen. You can also rent a hacker. There is no access to Facebook, ebay or Amazon in the deep web, but they do have their own currency system known as BitCoin.

Well, there is a very good reason I steer absolutely clear of the deep web. I've heard some pretty messed-up stories from people who have visited the deep web. Some are downright scary! Going to the deep web is like taking a walk through a neighborhood that you know is a bad neighborhood, at night, alone. It can get really scary sometimes. Like I said, it's crawling with hackers! One truly messed up story I heard, someone was browsing the deep web one day, visiting a site that sells guns. While he was visiting the site, a chat box pops on the screen and says hi. So, he thought he would be social and say hello back. Worst mistake he ever made!! The other chatter said "Do you like the site?" and the visitor answers "It's OK." The other chatter and the visitor make small talk, and the visitor said he had to go. The other chatter got a little upset and said "Hmm, I see your name is Michael and you live in *************, Massachusetts." Well, immediately the visitor got chills up his spine, because the hacker was right. But he tried to make it out like he was wrong. The next thing the visitor knows, he sees a screen pop up, looks and sees himself and what he is doing right then. He suddenly realizes his webcam is on! So, he closes his laptop. It shakes him up pretty bad.

Another scary story I've heard involved a man who supposedly went to the deep web to meet up with what he thought was a woman. He would meet her in a chatroom. Well, it got to be a little much for the guy and so he cooled off the relationship. When he did that, the woman told him where he lived, which kindof gave the guy a jolt because he'd never told her where he lived, but she had his full address up there on the screen! She said "You're only about an hour from me, I'm gonna come and see you." He closed his laptop and went about his business. Suddenly, some time later, he gets a text. It was from that girl! She said "Hey! I'm in your neighborhood now!" About 1 minute later, he gets another text from her and she says "I'm pulling into your driveway." and she sends him a picture of the front of his house. She then sends him another text saying "I see you" and she sends him a picture she just took of him sleeping on his sofa, which is exactly what he was doing at that point. It creeped him out!!

But by far, the creepiest, most disturbing story I heard about the deep web was from a video I watched last night. This man in Australia posted a video of his on the deep web, and well, this guy talks about it himself. It's a 30-something minute long video, but he describes everything.

 

Can you imagine that? He talks about this guy mutilating a child, then making items like T shirts with pictures of this mutilated little girl to sell!! It's sad! My jaw dropped 6 feet when I saw that! But this is a really good reason I never visit the deep web!!

So, enjoy the internet! But beware of the deep internet! Don't go there!! Unless you enjoy being hacked and stalked!

Oh Lawdy Lawd!!!

I am so glad I am not a fan of Paula Yates!! UGH!! One of my friends announced that there are 2 groups dedicated to Paula. One group is run by a woman named Sheila, the other group is run by Maria and Jannah. OMG!! I am so glad I am not a Paula fan! SO glad!! And I must say now, I would suggest the Paula fans go to the group run by Sheila, and stay clear away from the group run by Jannah! I'm not saying Jannah is a bad person. I don't believe she'll come to your house, park in your driveway and wait for you to come out of your house to mug you. But Jannah definitely has some serious emotional issues! Can you imagine what she'd be like as a moderator in a group? You'd say one thing she doesn't agree with, and she'll get obsessively angry at you before booting you out of the group. I imagine it to be pretty much like this:

Dee: The sky is blue today.
Jannah: The sky is never blue. It's a sea-greenish color.
Dee: No, the sky is definitely blue.
Jannah: It is NOT!!! I'm right! You're WRONG!!!
Dee: When I look out and see the sky on a clear day, it's always blue.
Jannah: I don't care what you see when you look outside! I say the sky is sea-greenish and I don't appreciate you contradicting me!!!!!
Dee: OK, so you see the sky as being sea-greenish, I see it as blue. Let's leave it as that.
Jannah: Oh you are just about the rudest, most obnoxious person I ever met!! And if I were the Battlestar Gallactica, I would HATE you for contradicting my vision!!!!
(Dee goes to type a response only to find out she is unable to respond because Jannah has kicked her out of the group).

That is what I mean. You disagree with Jannah, and she will most likely boot you out! If you like a challenge, I say go for it, join that group. I'd never join a Paula Yates fan group anyways. But if I ever did, it wouldn't be one that is moderated by Jannah! Maria is OK, I like her. But there is a definitely good reason I never asked Jannah to become my friend on Facebook. Also why I am glad she has me on ignore on Facebook! I hope she never takes me off ignore. Of course if she did, I could just put her on ignore in turn. I don't care if she likes Paula. I am not shallow enough to not like someone just because they don't like the same things I do. (Don't listen to the dirty dozen mob!) What I don't like about Jannah is how she gets so outrageously angry over little things like someone disagreeing with her.

Take it from me, I've dealt with people like her before. I know what the outcome of that group is going to be like. A lot of people have even given up the MH & His Life fan page because of people like Jannah. She has blindly and viciously attacked everyone who does not like Paula, including Michael's own sister Christina. And Christina was there when Paula did all that shit to Michael behind his back! Jannah wasn't. I have a great deal of fortitude, I can handle a lot of lashings and hatred. But I'm the kind of person that can take people or leave them. I don't care. But if you're trying to make friends with Jannah, well, I just suggest don't even try! She hates people who disagree with her. She will turn on you at the drop of a hat if you say even one thing that she doesn't agree with. The sky is blue argument is just a sample (it didn't actually happen) of the kind of little things that sets her off. I think she needs therapy, and if I were her, I would get it before I even dream of moderating any group.

Condolences To Nick Cave

I don't know Nick Cave, but I do know he and Michael were friends. Michael was inspired in a lot of ways by Nick Cave. Well, Nick had twin boys, and one of them passed away yesterday. He was only 15. He died falling from a 60-foot cliff. Today the authorities in Australia are saying the kid committed suicide, that it wasn't an accident. That is so sad! I felt sad yesterday after hearing this news. I'm not even a fan of Nick Cave, at all. I've never heard his music, he's not overly handsome, I never heard him sing, but this is just terrible. The kid was only 15! That's the fact I cannot get over.

It saddens me when someone that young dies. Think of it! The kid never really had a chance to grow up. He never got to have a career, he never finished school, never got married or had children of his own, he never even got old enough to get a driver's license. It's sad! I've been in school and a couple times got news another fellow student passed away. The first time was in 1984, a young girl in my class was riding a horse when the horse stumbled and fell on top of her. She was in a coma for 3 days, and the family finally decided to pull the plug and she died. I was really too young back then to understand what happened. I understood death, but I wasn't put together enough to realize the impact something like that would have on her family, or the opportunities she missed by not being able to grow up. I couldn't go to her funeral, I'd never been to a funeral in my life, and I couldn't bring myself to go to that of a friend's. But several of my other friends did go to her funeral. There was a great deal of sadness that day.

About 2 years later, in 1986, another incident happened to a much older student. I don't remember his name though, but some of my friends knew the guy. He was out with some friends one weekend and driving around, getting drunk and they got into an accident. The driver accidentally crashed their car into a tree, this boy was thrown from the car on impact and he died instantly. Apparently, his head hit the ground really hard when he was thrown from the car, and crushed his skull and brain. One of my teachers actually saw him after he was in the morgue. The teacher described his face being all scratched up and his head was crushed. The boy's mom was in the attendance office to fill out a discharge from school form. When asked for a reason, she simply replied "deceased". I don't remember if they had funeral services for him in that school, not like they did for the other girl in my last school.

Aside from also losing a few teachers in between those times, those were the only times I'd heard of anyone close to my age passing away. Well, until now, but this doesn't count, I'm getting older. At my age, death is closer to me than family. When my time comes, I'd like to think I am ready to go. There's just a few things I want to complete before I make my final journey.

Up At 4AM

And nothing much to do, except browse the internet! I officially HATE M&Ms now! LOL! I ate some last night, when I knew I shouldn't have, and I ate too many and now I feel sick and weak. This really sucks!! But at the same time, it's pretty cool too. But the M&Ms are not the reason I woke up so damn early. I just couldn't go back to sleep. I had the same problem a week or so ago, when I woke up at about 3AM. I heard what sounded like running footfalls outside my window. Then, I heard a black man's voice shouting "Get back here before I fuck you up!" I assumed what I was hearing was a bit of a domestic dispute. I hate it when they bring their bullshit outside at night, right in front of my bedroom window!! Seriously!! Once the girl runs out of the house, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!!!!! Your stupid arguments between the two of you are not my business! I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know about it, and I don't want it broadcast in front of my window when I am trying to sleep!! That was the night I was having a nice MH dream too!

One of my friends this morning was saying how she saw someone wearing a shirt that said "Addicted to Jesus" and it made her angry, just the sight of that shirt. So angry, she said she wanted to punch that person in the face. I told her I feel the same way every time I see anyone wearing a shirt that has a picture of any kind of panther on it. I see grown people wearing shirts that have pictures of lions, tigers, or leopards and I feel so angry I want to punch them in the face, and then stomp on that shirt. I don't want to see those ugly faces staring at me when I walk by those people! And believe me I've seen a lot of panther radicals! They make me sick!! I think I'm even over that business of wanting to get myself a kitten. Know why? It's all thanks to this stupid panther-fanatical wussy on YouTube who calls himself "TYRANTZILLA Fastlife". Normally, I don't respond to negative people on YouTube anymore, but I wanted to have some fun with this dumbass. It led to a nearly week-long battle of wits. Well, Tyrantzilla had no wits at all. His biggest insult was calling me "gayass", his reason is because I don't like lions or any kind of panthers. I call him a wussy because he does like panthers. I also call him a dumbass who has no brains or creativity of his own, also because he loves panthers.

I truly believe people who love panthers only do so because they are followers. Either they were foolishly influenced by that stupid movie "The Lion King", or that disgusting program "Big 'Cat' Diary", or they are just afraid. Afraid of feeling rejected because they don't like what everyone else likes. I'm just exactly the opposite. The more popular something is, the less I like it. In the case of panthers, it's because I got so sick of hearing about them and seeing them on every nature show, it just became nothing but a pile of cat shit! I hate panthers. I hate the entire cat and panther family. I'm proud of that too. That's what sets me apart from the rest of the people. That's who I am. And I love being different. Believe me, I'd feel worse if I did like panthers. I'd feel like I wasn't being true to myself. I've experienced that feeling once before, all because I wanted some idiot people to like me, and it was the worst feeling in the world and I swore I would NEVER do that again!!! My self-respect is a million times more important to me than the respect of strangers.

One of the big reasons I hate panthers so much is because of the panther-fags like Tyrantzilla. You know, people will forgive panthers where they won't forgive any other animals? For example, if a lion kills a hyena, all the cat-fags will say "That's nature", or "the lion is just protecting it's family". If a lion runs from an attacking crocodile, the panther-fags are like "lions don't take unnecessary chances with another dangerous animal", and they seem to understand it. But if a hyena fends off a lion, the hyenas are suddenly the "bad guys", or they are "evil, disgusting creatures that deserve to be killed". Or if a hyena runs from a lion or a crocodile, the hyena is labeled a "coward" by the panther-fags, and they suddenly don't understand it. People don't seem to know that hyenas are a considerably older family than the felines. I don't like hyenas myself, I think they are ugly and smelly, but I do find it fascinating they have been around so long (40 million years as opposed to true felines only being around for 20 million) and are still going strong!! Hyenas are very successful, in spite of everything! They don't take unnecessary chances either. They didn't survive all these years by being stupid. Unlike felines, hyenas don't go out looking for fights. They do what they are programmed by nature to do, and that is eat to survive. Felines, on the other hand, have only been here for half as long, and they are not faring very well since humans have taken over the scene. I'm not talking about "cats", I'm talking only about TRUE felines. Other animals known as "cats", like the civets and mongooses, have been around for a good 50 million years and are secretive, but as a family they're mostly doing OK.

The oldest carnivore family though, by far, are the canines. Foxes, being the earliest representatives of that family. Canines first came on the scene when Tyrannosaurs and Triceratops were roaming the Earth. They survived the extinction event that killed the dinosaurs. They were what all modern carnivores are descended from. That includes felines. Yet, canines are labeled by the panther-fags as being "cowardly", or by cat-fags as being "stupid". Having studied canines for many years, I can honestly tell you, NO canine is any of this!! As a family, they are doing far better than the felines, despite the fact they've been around for many more eons. Wolves were wiped out at one point, but they are back and have been extending their range faster than bobcats, lynx and mountain lions. The difference is dogs aim to please. Being descendants of wolves, they are programmed by nature to do what the leader tells them to do. Cat-fags don't understand this, and what people don't understand, they either feel fear of, or they just loathe. Not everyone is like me. I hate panthers because I do understand them, and I know they are WAY overrated! They are the most over-embellished creatures on the planet thanks to cartoons, movies and over-worked panther fanatics and cat-fags.

Well, I must say I am not too different from other people. Not in every way. I just have my own point of view, just like everyone else. One guy I am subscribed to, was talking last night on a video about faith, and he said it really hurts his feelings when his family, who are Christians, tell him or their friends they hope he, who is an atheist, comes back to having that faith in GOD that he used to have. He said people who believe in GOD do so for comfort, because they don't want to face the unknown by themselves. GOD provides them with some security, something to lean on. He may be right! I think the same thing about show breeders! I've met many show breeders, when I used to get into pet forums and go to dog shows, and that wretched email group I was on just before my Groucho died. One thing that seemed to be mostly universal, show breeders seemed to be very insecure people! Remember that John Cipollina guy, the guy who ran Maestro Chihuahuas? I thought it was very unusual how he just got so angry with me for almost no reason at all, it was also very suspicious! I'd be the first one to admit if I'd done something wrong. But he acted like I murdered his family and he just wanted to tear me apart for it. When all I really did was fill out a survey that I thought was going to the whole forum to fill out. No one told me it was only supposed to be directed at one person, it was sent over email to everyone, and I thought we were supposed to all fill it out. And I did! I also gave my opinions honestly.

Well, when John Cipollina read that, he blew his top clear off!!! LOL! He was yelling, screaming, and I think I may have even felt the veins in his head popping. Or I heard them! LOL! He could have handled it diplomatically, and sent me a PM kindly pointing out exactly what it was I said that offended him. He could have wrote me something like this:

"Hello Cassandra,
I'm glad you decided to join our group. I hope you can learn something new about the breeding game. I am just writing you a PM because I found what you said in your survey to be quite offensive, not only to me, but also could be taken wrong by some of the other breeders on the group. Like, when you said ...(insert offensive breeder line here) I just want to make sure you have your facts straight on this subject. For example, (insert factual breeder info here)"

And so on. I would have been understanding. I was trying to do breeding the right way, I welcomed constructive criticism, and really the last thing I wanted back then was to offend anyone. John Cipollina, and everyone in that group for that matter, might have even got a public apology from me. But no, John Cipollina was not even nearly that tactful. And he was no gentleman! I was slammed at by him with a barrage of hate-filled tirades, anger soaked in venom, verbal assault and the like. And not just by him, but also by his dumbass show breeder "friends". And I do use the term "friends" loosely, because I don't believe any show breeder can ever be a good friend to anyone else, except for other show breeders, and only for as long as they are winning show breeders. I haven't seen anything of that John Cipollina in a long time. I wonder what ever happened to the old fart. Not that I truly care! It's partly because of him that I hate show breeders so much now. Most of the show breeders I've met have been a lot like him. Judging by his outrageous attitude, he probably had a heart attack. Anyone who gets as angry as quickly as he did, they've got to be suffering some blood pressure problems, maybe some heart problems too. I hope it killed him too!! That would be wonderful news! hehehe!

Anyway, I think the reason he was always so mean and hateful is probably the same reason a lot of show breeders are mean, because maybe as a child he was neglected. Maybe his parents never showed him any love. They probably spoiled him more with gifts and possessions than with love, understanding or any physical contact. This makes people like him feel insecure, so he breeds to give himself a sense of accomplishment. He probably also shows his dogs to give himself that much-needed ego boost. That's one of the reasons I never showed any dogs. I don't rely on my animals to give me an ego boost! I have other ways of getting that. My Metazoic site for one thing. My love for INXS is another. INXS friends are the greatest!! MUCH better than show breeders ever were!

The Sparks of Love

Ya know, they say when the right man comes along, the woman knows it. I've felt love in the past, but only one man ever gave me those sparks and see fireworks. It was the only man I ever fell in love with on first sight. It was Michael Hutchence. I did manage to see him live in concert only once, but it was a memorable show! I even reached out and kissed him at that concert. But it was my first sighting of him that made me fall madly in love with him. When I first saw him on TV. When I saw him, sparks flew, I heard and saw the fireworks, I went totally weak in the knees, and I could think of no one or nothing else after that. That is what they say it is like to fall in love. That is the point where the woman knows it is going to be true love. That same day, watching that same video, I also fell in love with Timmy's buns! He has the best set of buns in the whole band!! At the time, I didn't know if Michael, or Timmy for that matter, were already married or not. I just saw them and fell in absolute love! I figured handsome men like them must be married!! Well, I would later find out it was true for Timmy, but not true for Michael. Back in those days, I found that a little harder to believe. Both were handsome men! But for different reasons. Though Timmy has the better figure and personality, for me, it was Michael's moves, cute face and flowing hair that attracted me.

Well, I did used to joke around to friends that I would someday marry Michael. I was so deeply in love with him, I wanted it to happen, but knew deep inside it would never happen! No other man has ever made me feel the same way Michael has! I never felt those sparks with any other man. Not even the man I eventually did marry! There were a few barriers in place though that made me not want to even approach Michael in that matter. One of the reasons I never approached him about the subject of marrying me, let's face it, rock stars NEVER marry fans!! To them, all we are is fans. People who admire them for their songs, performance and in Michael's case; his sultry good looks. I don't think rock stars think a fan would love them for who they are. So, they don't take it seriously when a fan approaches them and says "Hey! I want to be your girlfriend forever!" or "I want to marry you!" So, that was just one idea why I never approached Michael in that way for that reason. But that's not the only reason.

I remember when someone posted a link to a blog where the writer told of herself being the only person that Michael communicates with from beyond the grave on one of the groups I am on. I checked it out and had a great laugh over it. But there was one comment made by someone on there, well, he is among my Facebook friends now, and he seems like a nice guy. He's a bird-lover. But the comment he left on that blog made me kinda glad I never approached Michael. This guy is best friends with Michael's brother Rhett, and he told about how he used to hang at the INXS headquarters back in the day. They would get fan mail and most of it would wind up in the recycling bin. But he and Rhett would dig some of the letters out, read them and have a good laugh over them. One particularly creepy woman sounded serious about meeting Michael and becoming his lifelong girlfriend (I swear, it wasn't me who wrote that!) LOL! Well he said she showed up one day at their office in Sydney, and the scary part is she was nothing like how she described herself in her letters. He said she was 10 years older than Michael, not even remotely attractive and as big as a hippo. His words, not mine! LOL!

Well anyways, it was that reason also that I never approached Michael. I never thought of myself as being attractive. Not even when I was thinner. I guess I'd been told by bullies in school so many times that I was ugly, it sank in too deep. And while it didn't bother me if the bullies in school said it, if my Michael had said that about me, even behind my back, it would have broken my heart if I ever found out he said it. I always thought I was too ugly for such a handsome guy like Michael. I mean really, who would marry this?

That was me from 2000, but it would give you a general idea of what I looked like at the time Michael was alive. I always hated my smile! I look more like I am half frowning! I hate my hair too. I hate how it just lies all over the place! Plus, I was way too skinny! I just never thought of myself as being attractive. So, I was afraid to approach Michael. But then again, look at what he did almost wind up with...

This must be the reason he killed himself, if indeed he did commit suicide. Though that thing is the mother of his only child, it's ugly as a lion's behind!! The only good thing about Michael being with Paula, is I look at her, and I think maybe I would have had a chance with him myself! Even being fat, broken-down and bald, I couldn't look worse than Paula!! But maybe if I had married Michael, I would never have gotten fat, Michael might still be alive today, and his daughter might have had a more decent name! Well, I would have probably called her "Heavenly Hiraani Lily Hutchence", her call-name would have been Hiraani. Leave out the "tiger". That part of her name is ugly!! Michael really wanted her call-name to be Hiraani, so that's what we would have called her. It's pretty and it's unique. And it doesn't represent an ugly, lazy beast like the name "tiger" does! Tigers are cursed by GOD. With a name like that, I fear Lily will fail in anything she tries.

Dian Fossey named one of her gorillas "tiger" too, thinking the name would fit his personality. Well, judging by his namesake's current position in the wild, she was indeed right! He failed to find a mate and reproduce, and he died a lonely bachelor gorilla with no offspring whatsoever.

Well, a lot of people agree with me about Paula. One of my friends told me it's mostly the people from the UK who defend Paula. I think she's right! People from the UK and Australia defend Paula. Not all, but I noticed that pattern myself. People from the UK think Paula was the equivalent of Betty Crocker. But she killed Michael! I'll never get that out of my mind! Those of us from the USA, you can't pull the wool over our eyes! We saw through Paula's little scheme!! I'll never forgive her for that! Lily may hate me for saying things like that about Paula, but that's OK. She should hear the truth. And remember, Paula threatened to kill herself AND Lily if Michael ever left her. And Paula did kill herself via a drug overdose. Doing those kinds of things, does that sound like something a responsible mother would do?? Not to me! So if Lily wants to hate me for hating Paula, so be it! But she should know Paula wanted Lily dead if she couldn't have Michael. Paula was selfish for sure. No one can ever make me believe otherwise!

"Today Was A Bad Day, But Tomorrow's Another Day"

There was always that aire of doubt in my mind if I truly loved this band, because of my former feelings about Kirk. My meetings with him have been disappointing, to say the least. The last time I had a chance to talk to him, I paid $300 for the privilege. I know, it was my sisters' money, but still! It was for a birthday gift for me. I stood in front of Kirk like an idiot, smiled and said hello, and he never spoke back to me. For many years, I thought it was personal, like he didn't like fans who were overweight, like me. What else could I think? He spoke to everyone else around me (fans who were not as fat as me), but just totally snubbed me. It made me feel very sad, because up until then, I loved Kirk. I never said anything bad about him, and he was right up there with Timmy as one of my favorite band members. A couple of times, someone came in this blog, pretending to be Kirk. While it would have felt good if it had actually been him, I knew it wasn't. Well, admittedly at first, I did think it was, but I knew nothing about him then. But then one of my friends, who used to come in here, pointed out a few features that she said were very un-Kirk-like. hehe. Well, she told me she had communicated with him many times on Myspace, so she knew a lot more about him than I did, and she said the comments did not resemble his writing at all.

Later on, a not-so-friendly reader (probably DonnaG, or one of her cronies) came in and said pretty much the same thing my friend did, but that person's timing was considerably late. LOL! My friend had already told me the news by the time she chimed in. But it did act in a way to confirm what my friend said and my own suspicions. So the next time someone came in and did the same thing, a year later (I think the posts are still there), I was better prepared. Though the posts did seem to come from someone in Australia, I highly doubt they were made by Kirk. I suspected it may have been posted by someone from the Rockband Lounge forums. They hated me there because I did not like DonnaG, and she was kindof the mods' "pet" on those forums. Anyone who didn't like her was slammed mercilessly on that forum. So, I always made sure I slammed Donna on here just to show those mods that they do NOT control me. I control myself! I decide who I like and who I don't like. And I don't give a shit if they slam me or not!

I was on that Rockband forum for a while. I didn't like it at all. There was only 1 or 2 friendly people, everyone else was one of DonnaG's little robots. You couldn't make a post, the mods there had to be the ones to start the posts. The posters were only allowed to respond to those posts. That was why I quit that forum! I tried to start a post and couldn't. You had to have at least moderator status in order to begin a post. That's fucking STUPID!!! Why open a forum and not allow the members that were not mods start a post? It didn't make sense to me. So I left and never looked back.

Anyways, my respect level for Kirk has increased 1000-fold! He kicked cancer's ass!! I admire him for that! Especially after I heard his wife say he would have his good days, and his bad days. On his bad days, he would say "Today was a bad day, but tomorrow's another day." I gotta admire someone with strength like that!! He didn't let the bad days get to him. I never had cancer, and it doesn't run rampant in my family, but I always felt if it had ever happened to me, I don't want to cry or moan "why did this happen to me?" I want to be strong, like Kirk was, and just take one day at a time. And if GOD forbid, HE did decide to take me home, my only thought would be "Well, if GOD feels it is my time to head home, it's HIS decision, and HE needs me there more than I need to be down here." Only one person in my whole history ever died of cancer. It was my great-grandfather. I never knew him. He died of prostate cancer in 1960. As far as I can determine, he's the only one in our whole family to ever develop any form of cancer.

I've basically got good genes! There's no cancer in our family, there's no heart attacks in our family, although my grandma did have a weak heart. The doc thinks that was linked to her having only a vegan diet when she was younger. The worst thing in our family is obesity, from my mom's father's side of the family. But that can easily be overcome. I am working on that now as we speak! My father and sis has insomnia, but I think the only reason my sis has it is because she drinks coffee late in the afternoon, instead of in the morning like a normal person does.

Anyways, I worked hard to forgive Kirk because of my last meeting with him. Looking back on some of the posts I've made in the past on here, I was downright cruel to him!! Like in one post from 2010, I told Kirk to "go suck a stonefish"!! LOL!! Sorry Kirk! That was indeed mean of me to say that. I saw that and I thought "OMG!! I am nasty!!" Well, I was still feeling upset about my last meeting with him. But I worked hard on forgiving him. I wanted to make that my goal for this year. I'd say I accomplished it nicely. I wanted to be able to say I love INXS 100%, and mean it! Now, I can. Kirk may not want to forgive me for being so mean and hateful to him in the past, but that is OK too. I wouldn't blame him at all. I said some pretty fucked-up shit to him. Things that now, I wish I hadn't said. But I do admire him a great deal now, for the way he kicked cancer's ass!!

I remember back in 1998, I became a companion to a woman who was dying of cancer. She had cancer of the stomach that spread to her pancreas and liver, so she was going pretty fast. I became a companion to her. I remember what her bad days were like. By the end of June that year, she had succumb to the disease. But I remember her as being mostly a happy and cheerful person, even in her suffering and the constant threat of not waking up the next morning. I do miss her. But during her bad days, she looked weak, tired, pale and all she wanted to do was sleep. So, I know Kirk's journey must have been a difficult one. But he pulled through. That's the important thing. And I am back on the sidelines cheering him on, clapping my hands, and saying "Way to go boy!" And I mean it.

KICK Cancer's Ass!

Sometimes you kick. Sometimes you get kicked, baby! Well, this morning I heard about Kirk's battle against prostate cancer. I didn't know he was even sick! That's terrible news! Apparently it was diagnosed a couple years ago, and it was an aggressive form of prostate cancer. If it hadn't been diagnosed as early as it was, Kirk would have been a goner!! Oh my GOD!! That is so close!! I felt bad for Kirk! I know I've been disappointed with him in the past, but putting my personal feelings aside, I must say I am so glad Kirk is now cancer-free. I hope he continues to be cancer-free for many years to come, and he lives a long life only to die at the age of 130 of natural causes. I want that for all the guys! I love these guys!

Well, I have since forgiven Kirk. I'm no longer angry with him. Well, I don't think I was ever "angry", per se. I was disappointed. I expected him to be friendlier than he was. If anything bad were to happen to Kirk, I'd feel sad. Just like when Michael died, and when Timmy got hurt really bad. When I heard this morning Kirk had been battling cancer, I was worried. It scared me! My biggest fear was something bad was going to happen to him. Like he would have a relapse, or he didn't catch it in time. I lost my Michael. I could not handle anymore INXS-related sadness! It'd just about kill me! No matter what my feelings about Kirk were in the past. That does not matter.

Well, Kirk had the infected prostate removed and he was cured. No radiation or chemotherapy was needed. He is doing fine now. Thank GOD! And I do hope he continues to go on and on cancer-free! I mean that with all my heart and soul. To Kirk: I love you man! Keep Kicking cancer's ass!!! Cancer sucks!! I hope someday it gets completely eradicated. There is no doubt in my mind Kirk will completely win this battle. He's strong! Just like my Timmy.

Michael Was Murdered!!

I have to say this, I cannot emphasize it enough. I truly believe my Michael was murdered. I think Bob Geldof was possibly the one who set it up too. I cannot believe Michael would have killed himself. He had too much to live for. He had a daughter that he loved more than anything, so I just find it so hard to believe he killed himself. Though I know Michael was facing some issues toward the end, and losing his senses of taste and smell was no picnic for him. Plus he had to go on a tour that I know he didn't want to go on. He also had some problems with things that were said about him in the press. Poor guy, that would be overwhelming to anyone. But I just have a hard time believing he actually killed himself.

Why someone did not reach out and help him after that incident with Oasis at the Brit Awards is beyond me. That clearly hurt his ego. He was already faced with the possibility of INXS not being thought of as "cool" anymore. Noel's remark about Michael being a "has-been" just made matters worse. Well, look who the "has-beens" are now! LOL!! Oasis are down the tube. They are Beetles wannabes, and ripped off a lot of music by those who were more successful than they were, thinking that it might make them popular again. Eventually, Oasis are going to be completely forgotten. I know I haven't heard but one song by them (a song which totally sucked tiger balls!) But INXS, they are a different story. Thanks to the movie, INXS are becoming big again! Now the younger generation is learning to love them, and I am so happy to see that! Every time I hear of someone younger than 30 years old who say they love INXS, it makes me so happy! It's like a Christmas present for me. I've held my devotion to INXS all these years. I'm hoping these young people just learning about them will continue to do the same. Yes, I have been known to get out of INXS for periods of time, but I always go back to them. I love the music, lyrics, I love the guys, I love the inspiration they've given me, and I love hearing stories by other fans of how INXS inspired them or had some impact in their lives. Anyone who does not believe INXS can have a profound effect on their lives, listen to the song Kiss the Dirt. Listen to it closely. It's a hauntingly beautiful song! With meaningful lyrics.

Well, I just cannot believe Michael would have killed himself. I think he was murdered! I was not there, and I am no psychic. I am not Michael's medium either. I have really nothing to do with the guy, aside from being a loyal fan. But judging by what clues were left behind I have a scenario in my mind about what may have happened after Michael's conversation with Michelle Bennett, who was the last known person to hear Michael's voice. I have no proof of this, and no expertise as a CSI, this is just what I think happened. Bob Geldof often told how Michael got threatening in his call to him. Well, I think because Geldof is above the law in England, and the Australian authorities could not do anything about him being from another country, Geldof hired some hitmen in Australia to break into Michael's hotel room that night, possibly through the window. There may have been 2 or 3 of them, who knows? One guy held Michael in the room at gunpoint, while the other probably filled the bathtub with water, as it was found to be full when Michael was found. They had Michael strip naked, allowed him to call one person, so he called the 2 people he trusted most; his manager in NY and Michelle. Michelle was the only one to pick up the phone. The hitmen beat Michael unconscious and then took him into the bathroom and put him in the tub, then held his head underwater until eventually he drowned. They didn't want to shoot him because that would be too obvious, and they would have to fix his fingers to make it look like he shot the gun himself. So, as a final slap in the face, they arranged it to make it look like Michael died by autoerotic asphyxiation.

They dried him off and tied his leather belt around the door frame and the other half around his neck, and stood him up, then dropped him to make it look like he choked himself and then left by the window, arranging it so he could be found that way, and no one would question the cause of his death. Of course this is just my detailed idea of how I think Michael would have been murdered. I don't know for sure if this is how it really happened. But I just cannot believe that Michael killed himself. Bob Geldof had a motive, he wanted Lily. Well, he got Lily! Sadly enough. Geldof is apparently above the law, so they won't do anything about him. So if anybody killed him, or had him killed, it had to be Geldof. I can't stand that man! I only have a smidgen of respect for him because he took in Lily and raised her seemingly well. But for what he did to my Michael, I will forever hate him!

Subject change. Ya know, ever since I started talking about getting a cat, I've had a bigger appreciation for them. LOL! I expected this to happen. I am still not a cat-fag though. I may learn to like them, but I am never going to gain fag-status. I haven't even fully made up my mind if I am going to get one! Before I do, I want to make absolutely positively certain it's what I want. I don't want to go out and get one only to get rid of it a year from now! I want to feel 201% comfortable with this choice before I go out and get one. I haven't had a cat in years. I want to feel completely good about the choice I make. I want to think of the animal as my family, like I always did with my dogs. And if I do decide to get one, it's going to be MY choice!! Not the dirty dozen's! Not the evil INXS fan's! Not my family's. Just mine. And I'm not going to get 3 or 5 or 20 cats. One is enough! If I do get one, I want to get that Litter Genie, that would be the best thing! Then I don't even have to pick up after it. It can be flushed down the toilet.

Little Memory Bits

Sometimes I sit and think of things and long-lost memories seem to come back at random times. Sometimes they are triggered by little things in my environment. Sometimes they come back in dreams, and then I wake up thinking "Oh! I remember that now!" Now that I am getting older, things that I have long forgotten are beginning to come back to me. And all my life, I've heard  nothing but "When you get older, you forget things more and more!" My grandma was a great visual aid to that concept. But now that I am in my 40s, I'm finding things I haven't thought of in years, even things I've forgotten, are beginning to come back to me. This morning, I've had one such flashback. It was once again about Michael, and it was triggered by looking at one of my oldest pics I still have of him and the gang. It was seemingly insignificant at the time because I was not fully into INXS, though it happened at a time I was beginning to get back into them. It happened on November 23, 1997.

That was the day me and my sis spent with ma in Buckley. She had come up from Salem to spend the weekend with us and grandma. Well she spent Saturday, the 22nd with grandma, and she spent Sunday, the 23rd, with me and my sis, and we went to Buckley. Buckley is a small town, but we managed to find an antique store that was open. We went inside and had some fun. One of the things about that trip that I remember the most was when I went upstairs and there was a big, old western-style saddle. I hopped on it and pretended to be riding a horse, like a real cowgirl! LOL! There was even an old cowboy hat, and I put it on. hehehe! That was my kiddie-style fun! The last thing on my mind was INXS. The saddle cost $25 and if I'd had it at the time, I would have bought it! Just because of that memory! Especially knowing now what was about to be in store for me the next day!

Well, that night, ma decided to leave back for Salem, and my sis and I were on our own. Now, this is the memory that came back to me from that night. Every night, I usually would go back into the family room, which was a room converted from part of the old garage. I usually kept my pics, stories and drawings back there. I had one pic of INXS back then. Only one. And it was covered with dust. At that time, I had just begun to get back into those guys, and it had been coming on little by little. That night, I dusted off that picture, and I started to look at the image of Michael. Then I remember I started to feel sad. I looked at him as if it were the last time I would ever see him. I thought then, I was feeling sad because ma was gone back to Salem, and I wouldn't see her again for a couple weeks. That usually happened. Especially after such a fun day as we had that day. Keep in mind, at this time, I had no idea Michael was already dead, and had been dead since the day before, Saturday the 22nd. I could not figure out why looking at his image on that picture made me feel so sad.

It wasn't until around midnight the next night I found out Michael was gone. It was a complete shocker to me! This is one of those memories that had been stashed away in my memory bank and forgotten until just this morning, when I was looking at his picture again. A picture I have now seen many times, and still hadn't thought of that memory. It only just came back to me this morning. I can't say for sure what triggered that memory, like I said, they've been coming back to me at random times, a little at a time. I have the distinctive feeling more may still yet come. Lots of things happened during that time period when I was just beginning to love INXS again in 1997. I didn't even care that Princess Diana was gone! Everyone who has seen these blogs for the past 10 years knows how I am when I begin to fall in love with someone, or something. IT becomes the only thing on my mind! Nothing else is important. But I was never a fan of Princess Diana to begin with. So, her death meant nothing to me anyways.

All these little memories are starting to come back to me now, even though it is too late to act on them, as far as being with Michael was concerned. But I would have killed to have had a chance to marry him. No other man has ever made me feel the way Michael did. I haven't been in love with another man since the first time I saw Michael. I would have fought Paula to the death to get him! Believe me! I'm not even a violent person! But I would have killed for him, that's for sure! Michael was the only man I ever fell in absolute love with on first sight. I heard when the right man comes along, the woman knows it. Well, I think Michael was my man. Though I often wonder how many other women can say they had the same exact feeling the first time they saw Michael. I'm sure I wasn't the only one. I was thin back then, and supposedly beautiful (lots of other men and boys had the hots for me) though I've always been self-conscious of my looks. I never thought I was beautiful, which is probably why I never went for Michael. I figured he'd look at me and think the same thing. Besides the fact that rock stars never marry fans. I knew that, even back then. But then again, look at Paula. She was perhaps uglier than I ever was, and Michael fell for her. So, looking at what he eventually wound up with (that also eventually killed him), I think maybe I should have acted on my hunch. Perhaps I would be Mrs. Michael Hutchence by now, and Michael himself would still be alive today!

The Goodness of Forums

Well, I don't go into online forums anymore, like Pluba or the Switch forum, I go into groups on Facebook. I've been more active lately on them, and I notice it's turning me into a more social person. Before I started going to these groups, I'd completely ignore friends of friends who were not on my own friends list. But lately that has been changing. I'm no longer that distant and anti-social. I've been finding myself conversing with complete strangers now. That's one thing I've learned by going into these groups. Though when I join a group, I feel I have to converse with others. Otherwise, what's the point in joining in the first place? Doesn't make sense to not speak when you are spoken to. So, in groups I've always been far more social than when I am just conversing with friends on Facebook. The only time I don't respond when I am spoken to in a group is after I completely feel I've had my say. One thing I learned is that people don't like it when you go on and on, they think you're getting irrational. I don't want to present that kind of picture, so after I have said everything I felt I need to say, I leave the conversation.

That was how the dirty dozen mob operated, always going on and on and on, for days, even weeks! Their main target was always this person who called herself Passion Wolf, or Purfect Dream. She was a cat breeder, and they used to hound her on the forum all the time! The biggest mistake Passion Wolf always made was that she would respond to each and every insult the dirty dozen threw at her. That always made the attacks on her go on for days, even weeks. I've seen it before go on for weeks. The dirty dozen is a lot like Roger, the idiot from Bozeman; they aren't happy unless they are bitching about something. Anything! They don't care what. As long as they are angry and bitching, that's what flares their orgasms. LOL! Gotta love the dirty dozen mob! Yeah right!! Like a pack of rats!!! If they can't find something to bitch about, they make something up. And it's almost always something they can be accused of themselves. Yet when they do it, it's OK.

Over the years of going into forums and conversing with strangers, another thing I've learned is when to not say anything at all. Though sometimes that is hard. I'm hard-wired to speak my mind, and I've been doing it a lot more lately. I remember way back when Mcgillicutty was an innocent girl, she showed me the Chihuahuas she was breeding back then, and I spared her feelings by not saying what poor quality they were. After she went bonkers, I realized that was maybe a mistake. I should have been honest with her to begin with. I try to approach everything with finesse, but when I feel something needs to be said, I say it. Sometimes I do talk out of turn. Like when the people on this group were posting pics of Aiden Turner and I thought that was inappropriate on a group that was only supposed to be about Michael and the things in his life. Well, the mod got angry earlier that morning because one person left the group and didn't discuss the problems she was having with the group with the mod, so on that note, I decided this time to tell the mod how I felt, and I did.

Well, when I brought up how I felt, the mod got somewhat angry. She said if he was good enough to present on the official site, it's good enough for the group. Then my initial thought was "Oh OK. So that's your game, eh?" LOL! So now when I see people talking about Aiden Turner on the group, I either ignore or throw in a few "yuks". I still am not a fan of his. I still don't like him. I like the fact he likes dogs though. That's a rarity nowadays.

Ya know, people think dogs are dumb. Dogs cannot be too dumb! The canids are a much older family than the felines. Canines have been on Earth for 60 million years, and still going strong! Felines have only been on Earth for about 20 million years, and they are starting to go extinct. In fact if it weren't for human interference, felines would be completely wiped out by now. Many species already have such a low sperm count they have to be artificially inseminated by humans. One of the things I'm always hearing from cat fags is "dogs are cowardly". My goodness!! If there's one thing a dog is not, it's a coward! They didn't survive the extinction event that killed the dinosaurs by being stupid! Next time a gunman breaks into your house, see if your fat cat saves your life. I know my dogs would! HA! More likely, the dumb cat will save it's own ass. Not even give any thought about your's. Then come back and try to convince me that dogs are the cowards! Yes there is a video that went viral of a cat apparently saving a toddler from a dog attack. But that's just ONE video! And frankly, I never believed the cat attacked that dog to save the kid. I think the cat most likely did it to save it's self. The last thing on that cat's mind would have been the toddler. It was just coincidence that it attacked the dog as the dog was attacking the child and it was caught on camera.

My guess is the cat has probably attacked that dog more than once, and the kid was never present at the time. I just don't believe for one second the cat attacked the dog solely to save the child.

On the other hand, I do enjoy that video because it proves what I've said all along. In high school, there was this boy named Steven Smith, and he didn't believe me when I said a cat can whip a dog, even a pit bull! He even laughed at me. That video proves I was correct about that. Cats have more  natural weapons than dogs. Foxes have retractable claws too, that are very sharp. But they haven't learned yet to use them in their defense. They use their claws specifically for climbing. Foxes are about the coolest carnivores! I like them. They don't deserve the bad rap they've been getting over the years past.

No Shows For Vegas!

Last week, the news had filtered that a bus with show breeders/handlers and their dogs crashed, killing everyone and every dog onboard. That's sad! I don't feel much for the breeders or handlers, but I am sad the dogs died. And I remember when Vegas was little, I was trying to decide whether to show him or not. When I went to my last specialty show was when I made up my mind. I decided I did not want to show Vegas. I could have! LORD knows he's good enough! But I didn't want to! Partly because one show breeder I saw there gave me and my sister dirty looks after talking with Rio Bellon. It showed me that show breeders are despicable people. It's odd how I didn't learn that in the beginning. I could have handed Vegas over to a handler, but after hearing news like this, I am so glad I didn't!

At the time of that specialty show, I had just lost Groucho and I was still agonizing over that. Someone I spoke to told me that I could give Vegas to a handler and that handler could take him and show him. I thought about it, but then I realized Vegas would be out of my sight. My Groucho had just died and I was holding on to Vegas like he was my security blanket. My lifeline. I just couldn't stand the thought of him being taken away from me. He was, in the truest sense, all I had then. And if anything like this crash had happened to him, I'd have really been distraught! No telling what would have become of me if Vegas had died while he was out of my sight. So that is why I never showed Vegas, and never became a show breeder.

I should have learned show breeders are dumbasses when Bischi went behind my back and brought up my name in a forum I am not a member of. Typical show breeder morale. They LOVE to do that to other people. They HATE it when it is done to them, but they LOVE doing it to other people. Particularly if you're just beginning in the show world. Personally, I don't care. My name is already out there with my books and stories and videos. It's more the principle of the thing. Like, if you're going to talk about me, at least say what you have to say to my face, or at least on a public forum so I can have a chance to read or respond if I want to. Most of the time, I wouldn't do either anyways. But still! I write about people here all the time, and the comments are open if anyone wants to respond. If they don't want to respond, that's fine too. I don't usually respond either to negative things said about me. But my point is, my blog is open to all, and they have a chance to respond if I say something they don't like about them on here. But Bischi went into a private forum and said things about me for everyone there to read. I'd rather she did it out in the open like I do here.

Well, that was my first bad encounter with evil show breeders. That is why I am prejudice against them. I usually don't like bigots. But show breeders deserve nothing but bigotry. They should be hated and despised. They treat others like dirt. They look down on other people. They do evil things to other people, and then turn around and gripe when the same thing is done to them. They usually don't converse with anyone unless it's another established show breeder. It's like my grandma described people of different races back in her day. They never associated interracially then. If they did, it was extremely rare, just like show breeders don't associate with the average person. If they do, it's very rare. And that would be a special kind of show breeder. The kind I actually like because they are a diamond in the rough.

Big Egos And Small Minds

My sis and I were talking last night. I noticed Deb is no longer in her friends list on Facebook. Well, she hadn't been talking to my sis in a long time. So she deleted her. She said "I believe you when you say Deb has a big ego". I was like "I told you so!" I noticed that long ago. She could be a very sweet person, I liked her. But that darn ego of her's always got in the way! Now her husband Mike, I didn't like too much. Apparently he treated her like crap. He always looked mean and stoned. They never seemed to be a real couple. They didn't seem to be in love with each other. They never did things together, except occasionally going out to McDonald's to eat. But she would go on trips without him, and he would go on trips without her. He rarely, if ever, smiled. But he really showed his true colors when he shouted names at my sis from inside his apartment. That told me he was a petty, immature, stupid man, who hated women and saw corruption in everyone except himself. No wonder his own daughter hates him. HAHA! If only Mike could see my sis now!! She's lost 100 pounds!! He probably weighs more than she does now! And probably still has that big beer gut.

Anyways, I usually don't like people with big egos. That's why I don't like the mod in this one group anymore, Karin. She has a big ego. I've been accused of being narcissistic, and having a big ego myself. Mostly by Viergacht. Remember him? His biggest complaint about me was he thought I was narcissistic. LOL! But he didn't know any better. I'm just very sure of myself. That may seem like narcissism to an inexperienced person. But believe me, there is nothing narcissistic about me. I can handle criticism. I often criticize myself. In fact, I often call myself "fat" or "ugly" and I know I am. But the thing with me is I've found a way to turn those negatives into positives, and I can laugh at myself as well. A narcissist doesn't do that. Now, the dirty dozen mob is full of narcissists. They only see other peoples' faults, not their own. And if you corner them with their faults and failures, they come out name-calling and fighting.

Well, there is a HUGE difference between having a big ego, and just being very sure of yourself. When you are sure of yourself, you don't feel the need to defend yourself. That is why I stopped responding to negative comments about me. A person who has a big ego always feels the need to defend themselves. And they often put down others who criticize them to make themselves feel better. Like when Karin said I have bad taste in men, and then said she has excellent taste in men. That's the sure sign of someone who has a big ego. On the other hand, a person who is very sure of themselves does not just stand and defend themselves because they don't feel the need to. Note I did not try to convince Karin I had good taste in men. Mostly because I know my taste is different. I'm fully aware of that, and thus I didn't feel the need to defend my position. I know my taste is right for me. I'm not trying to impress her or anyone else. I'm not trying to agree or disagree with anyone else. I just state what I feel and that's it. I still think Aiden Turner is ugly!! LOL!!

Well, once again, I cannot say I hate the guy anymore. At least he likes dogs. So he can't be a bad person. He does have a cute dog too.

But anyways, that is why I am just very sure of myself. It may seem like narcissism, but believe me, it's not. I do a lot of things a narcissist doesn't do. If anything, Viergacht was the narcissist, not me. LOL! He went on for days bashing me, my Metazoic project, my friends, my family, my dogs, everything. I didn't bash him. Not to the extent he bashed me. LOL! If I had been an egg, I'd have been scrambled! hehehe! Katrina did jump in and defend me though. I've asked her many times not to do that. She thought though she was trying to help, she says I don't defend myself well enough so she jumps in. The reason is like I said here before; I don't defend myself because I just don't feel the need to. When you're right, and you know you are, you don't have to rub anyone else's nose in it. I was right about Viergacht, and the dirty dozen mob, and Deb, and Karin.

Speaking of which, yesterday I got an interesting PM from another mod in the group I am in, someone has been backstabbing, and it is someone on my friends list. Hmm. Probably someone who has read this blog and thought I was talking about Maria, and went in there to tell her. They got it wrong. I like Maria. It's Karin I don't like. She's the only one. Tell her if you want to tell anyone. She'll probably just give them a big "so what" anyways. LOL! When I got that PM, the first thing I wondered was if it may have been the dirty dozen mob again. But I don't think they can hide their M.O. on Facebook. Not without eventually being discovered. It was someone calling themselves Hutchierookie and Freedom Take Me Deeper. I don't know who they are, but Maria said they are on my friends list. I've seen Hutchierookie around, and he has some cool pics of Michael. I don't know who he is though. Well, Maria said they said some things about her. Gosh! I wonder what kind of things they said about me? LOL! I may never know, because by the time I got on the group again, the posts were gone. Doesn't matter anyways.

Well, I gotta congratulate my sis! She's lost 100 pounds! I told her I am so proud of her! But also a little bit jealous. LOL! More proud than jealous though. Well, not too jealous really. I did let myself go a bit living in the van for a couple months. But I am getting back on track. Getting this treadmill of my own that I can keep in my own apartment will aid in that. And I work out on it every day! For at least an hour. If I am not doing that, I am at the docks doing my 4-mile walk. I did that today. But it was quite a walk! The wind is blowing something awful. Going towards Safeway was easy, because I was going the direction of the wind, but heading back to the bridge was harder because I had to fight against the wind. There were times I had to slant into the wind, and it almost knocked me down today! That wind was fierce!!! Usually though, that is a pleasant walk, I love it.

Maybe I Should...

Damn! I did some thinking today and I was thinking "Maybe I should get a cat". I don't know why I was thinking that. I don't even like cats that much! Well, yes in a way I do know why I was thinking that. I was looking back to all the years previously that I did have cats, and noticed there is a significant pattern. As story writing goes, those were some of my most productive years. Cats do something to your brain. They carry parasites that actually get into your brain and makes it run amuck. Cat owners feel nothing but pleasure, which is why cat owners think they cannot live without a cat. Really they can, but the parasites that get into their brain makes them think they cannot. It has the same effect as ecstasy, and heroin, and other familiar street drugs. Only difference is, owning a cat is not going to land the person in jail. Sometimes I think it should. Especially these people who want to own 5 or 10 or 20 cats altogether. I'd never do that! It may be cute and fun for the owner, but really it's not good for the cats.

I don't really like cats too much. I like a few breeds, but I'd rather have a dog instead. Dogs can't climb on my kitchen counters, and if a cat was to get on my counters, especially if I were cooking something, I'd want to kill the damn thing! And they like to get up there and knock things over, like my clean plates, and paper towels, and pots and pans, and I won't have that!! That is exactly why I never want to own another cat again as long as I live. But looking back, on the years when I used to have cats, those were some of my biggest story-writing years ever. I had ideas flowing in my head like water! I got Amadeus (a Siamese) in 1987 and had him until 1990, when my pa made me get rid of him. But during that time, I made a lot of stories, including some with the now famous Uncle Martin and his gang. Those became very popular. I had so many story ideas flowing through my head, I couldn't keep up with the drawings I had to do!

In 1992, we got another cat, and that was when I did the entire Batman series for UMG. Those may or may not get put up on the site, I haven't made up my mind about that. It's Batman, but it's UMG characters playing the parts of Batman and his arch-villains. It's not the real Batman, and not meant to be. But yet, there may still be some conflict with DC Comics if I put them up. But it's a shame I cannot put them up, if I cannot get in contact with DC Comics, because they were some of my greatest creations yet! In 1994, our cat had kittens, and the following year was when I came out with more stories. I had a surge of story ideas then, as you can see on the site. In 1996 we got the Persians, and that year, and in 1997 and 98 I had a flood of story ideas, many of which can also be seen on the site. Among the stories I wrote in those years was Gracie's Odyssey and Vacation Time (With The Gang), and the prototype to INXS Goes to Mount St. Helens.

I got rid of the Persians in 1998, and for a couple years after, still had some story ideas. I guess the parasites from those dang cats were still taking over my mind. Then in 2002, we had a cat for a while, and again, I had a surge of ideas. These have not yet been put up on the site, but there are some good stories from that year that I fully intend on putting up. But in the years since, when I didn't have a cat, story ideas have been a little bit harder to come by. Though I completed some in 2007, they were a very rare case, and I haven't had much in the way of story ideas since. But Cathy, my friend, has always had cats, and she has story ideas out the wazoo, while I sit dry. Not only that, but a lot of the greatest writers, photographers, cartoonists, musicians, painters, all have had cats. Many of the ones I know are even cat fags. Well, I don't intend to become like that!! I'm not going to get just any old run of the mill cat. Definitely NOT a gray tabby! Or an orange tabby, or a silver tabby. NO TABBIES!!! If I have to live with it, I want it to be something I can at least look at without puking in the back of my mouth.

Maybe I should adopt "Tux". LOL!! Unfortunately he belongs to someone else here. "Tux" is a big black cat, who is black everywhere except for a little white spot under his chin. When I moved in here, he was the first and only one to greet me at the door. He looked right at me and gave me this long and loud "MEAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Made me chuckle, reminded me of Amadeus! He's the only cat that I have even touched since 2002. Whenever I see him, I always remember to give him a little tickle behind the ears. He belongs to someone here, I don't know who. I don't even know what his real name is, but I call him "Tux", because of the fact he is all black with just that little white spot under his chin. He's the only cat I've really fallen in love with since Amadeus. If only he didn't already belong to someone else, I'd take him for myself.

"Offensive" Friend Requests?

I used to not go out and send friend requests on Facebook, I used to think it was too much for me to go around asking people on Facebook to become my friend. I always felt like I was forcing myself on people when I did that. Some people I still haven't asked to become my friend because they seem rather intimidating. Not that I don't like them, they just seem intimidating. But usually if I do ask someone on Facebook to become my friend, it's because I like them, either they did something or said something that made me feel good, or made me smile or laugh. There has been cases where the people I asked to become my friends have rejected my offer. That's OK. I just ask, I don't expect everyone I ask to accept. But in the cases where I have asked them to become my friends and they rejected, I've also noticed they seem to get offended by my request. I wonder why that is?

That's one of the many mysteries about humans I will never understand. If someone asks to become my friend on Facebook, I feel flattered. Even if I don't care for the person very much, and I do try to give everyone a chance. I figure most of the time when they ask me it's because they like me. That's why I ask people on Facebook to become my friend. I don't find that offensive. Maybe that's what is wrong with people in the world. They don't know friendship when it hits them. You cannot ask someone to become your friend on Facebook without them getting offended, I'd hate to think what it'd be like to go up to those same people on the street and just say hello and try to shake hands with them! It used to be (before Facebook) the best way to make friends was to find someone who seemed nice, say hello, introduce yourself, shake hands and start talking to them. Now, if you try that, does the other person get offended?

I remember some weeks ago, Jannah got a friend request from someone on the INXS group I am a regular on, and she got all offended by it and made a huge announcement about how "creepy" she thought that person was on the group and said she blocked that person. I thought "What?? What's the big deal???" Jannah now has me blocked too. LOL! But believe me, I am fine with that! Now, I can say what I want without her interference. Jannah was a cool chick though. I just never asked her to become my Facebook friend because I didn't like the way she gets all irrational when someone doesn't like Paula Yates. Well, I still don't like Paula! I never will. Nothing can change that. I won't listen to friends of Paula's, I won't listen to Jannah, I wouldn't even listen to Michael because I know those people are biased. The only person who can change my mind about how I feel about Paula would be Paula herself and she isn't here! I'm the type that prefers to meet people myself and get to know them, then form my own opinions.

The default setting in my mind for new strangers is they are all enemies until they prove otherwise. That comes from years of getting burned by people I've tried to be nice to. But my mind is not closed. If I meet someone I formerly didn't like, and it turns out they are nice, friendly, decent people, and I wind up liking them, I can change my mind. I didn't like Jannah when I first "met" her on the group. But I found she could be funny, and often made me laugh, and we'd frolic around with each other as well, and I learned to like her. But I also always had a bit of a block against her because of how she gets so outrageously angry at people who don't like Paula. Not that I ever felt intimidated by Jannah, it was more of an annoyance than anything else. There were times I just wanted to slap her and tell her to just "Shut the fuck up!!" But I couldn't get too angry at her for something like that. I remember I was the same way when I was younger. That was one of the biggest gripes I used to get when I was in my 20s and 30s, is that I got so irrational if people did not agree with me. But in 2003, I began to work on that.

There were times I still got irrational, and I admit I do need to work on that. Like when people talk about cats and panthers. I know I need to work on that, I've been told that many times before. It's harder to work on when you hate something with such passion, as I do panthers. I mean really, look at how people who hate fat people talk about people like me. They get just as irrational as I do when I hear about panthers. Jannah is exactly the same way when someone says they don't like Paula. She needs to work on that. If she can't, I might suggest right here and now that she seeks some therapy. It can work wonders!