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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Another Fatherless Christmas

Well, it is now another holiday season and dad is not here. It's only my second without him. It is this time of year that I seem to miss him the most. I miss him calling me on Christmas, I miss him playing Santa Claus, I miss being able to talk to him on the phone. It's only been a couple months that I was able to finally delete his phone number from my phone. I deleted Kathy's number right after dad died. The instant I heard dad was dying, I knew all ties to Kathy and her family was going to be broken once he was gone. I just knew it. We were never that close to Kathy or her family. So, I knew the instant dad wasn't there anymore, me and my sis would never hear from Kathy or her family again. And for the most part, we haven't. I always believed my mom to be right about Kathy's way of thinking. My mom said that in Kathy's eyes, it'd have been better if me and my sister did not exist. But I am glad I didn't have Kathy as a mom.

I look at how Kathy's children are, and I look at how me and my sis turned out. We have differences. There's some things they admittedly have that I don't have, and there's things they have that I am glad I don't have. And sometimes they do things I would never speak of! Part of the reason me and my sis wanted so badly to move away from dad was because of Kathy and her family. Kathy, Stephanie and Jennifer all had a lot of friends, or people they knew, all over town. My sis and I could not turn a single corner without coming across someone who knew someone in Kathy's family! That may not have been so bad, except for that person would tell Kathy or Stephanie or Jennifer they met up with one of us, and tell them what we were doing. In turn Kathy, Stephanie or Jennifer would tell dad what we did that day. That was the one thing about them that always pissed me off! Because they would never ask us why we were doing what we were doing. Just tell dad. Then dad would come to us, usually angrily, and confront us about it. Usually, they were things we did not want dad to know about. Like, if we went out of town or something.

I have a story relating to that. I once had a job at a dog grooming parlor, and I used to believe it was going to be all poodles and small dogs while I was working there. But no, they had a lot of big dogs too. I used to be kinda scared of big dogs. But in that job, you could not be afraid of any dogs! So, my employer got the idea for me to go to the local animal shelter and spend some time with the bigger dogs to kind of get the feel of them. Well, I wanted to see if that would work, so that afternoon, after I got off work, I went to the local shelter and spent time with the biggest dog in that shelter at that time. It was a huge malamute, which is a breed I actually like a lot. But it gave me an idea of what it feels like to be near a large dog. Well, apparently Stephanie was there, but we never spoke. In fact, I never saw her. I didn't know she was even there until I got a very angry call from dad asking me why I brought home another dog.

When he said that, I was like "What?!?!" He told me that Stephanie saw me at the animal shelter with another dog. Well, the first thing I did was curse Stephanie all to hell. Then, I told dad I was not there to adopt that dog! I explained to him about my job at the grooming parlor and how I was scared of the big dogs. But my boss did not want someone working there who was scared of big dogs. So she sent me to the pound to get to know some bigger dogs. Well dad seemed to take a sigh of relief. At least dad was no longer upset, but I was still mad at Stephanie for causing all this bullshit, and never once coming up to me to ask me why I was at the animal shelter in the first place! But that's the kind of things Kathy and her family did to me and my sis. I wasn't ever going to tell dad about that, but Stephanie did it for me, without even me giving her permission to. I honestly do not have any idea how it was Stephanie, Jennifer and Kathy have so many friends if they go around blowing things like that to other people! When I was growing up, I always learned anyone who can't keep a secret can't keep a friend.

Well, I "met" one of Kathy's close friends when my sis and I were visiting dad on his deathbed there in Arizona, and I did NOT like her! She was nothing but conceited trash. So that there was a pretty good indication of the kind of friends Kathy, Stephanie and Jennifer have. Stephanie sure as Hell ain't no angel! She had 2 kids out of wedlock, both with different fathers, NONE of which Stephanie was ever married to and had no intention of ever marrying. And for a while, she even had a homosexual relationship with a woman named Patty. Stephanie sure as Hell is not bound for Heaven when she leaves this world! Jennifer at least waited until she was married to have her kid, but she did not raise her right. I think though Madison is like me, the odd duck of the family. She has piercings and tattoos all over her body. I predict it's only going to get worse and she'll most likely shave her head and go around bald. Jennifer lets her do it. Well, first of all it's anti-religious to get tattoos. Madison is WAY too young to get tattoos! She got them before she was 18. Not only that, but Madison has run away from home before. So, Jennifer is a lousy mom.

The reason I bring all this up was because of how Stephanie was saying my mom was going to Hell, for one sin she committed almost 30 years ago. And Stephanie and Jennifer thinking their family is perfect. Fuck that! They are FAR from perfect! As far as far can get! And I told them so! Shoot, I ain't afraid to say it to them. They can't do shit because it's the truth. But yeah, I knew me and my sis would never hear from Kathy and her family ever again once dad was gone. That kinda went without saying. I was lucky to get that care package from Kathy. At least I now have something of my dad's to remember him by.
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