Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year!

Well thank GOD 2016 is closing. But it could not seem to resist taking one last 80s icon before it closed. It took George Michael on Christmas day. Katrina was saddened by it because she likes him. I'm a little upset about it too, but not devastated. So many celebs fell victim to 2016, this year will always be remembered as the year we lost many celebrities. For me, it wasn't the death of the celebrities that mattered. I stopped crying for dead celebrities after Michael died. After that, no other celebrity death meant anything to me. Michael was my world! My everything. But it was the death of my father that tore me up the most this year. I'll never forgive 2016 for taking him from me. The only thing I am grateful for is that this year did not claim my Timmy!! I was worried though!

I read there was a GoFundMe campaign going on that someone set up to pay this year to leave Betty White alone. Oddly she was the oldest of the Golden Girls, but she is also the only one who is still alive. She is in her 90s though. She just might make it to 100. Maybe even beyond. I miss my pa though. I knew holidays without him was going to be the hardest. It was! The pain was a bit eased up with my sis and the dogs here. Especially the dogs! I even made a video of our holiday! I made it into a movie. Check it out! https://youtu.be/x2pbgkAZzsU

I hope to also make a video when I get my puppy. Like the one I made when my sis got her puppy back in 2000. Only better. But a lot of that will also be up to the breeder I plan to visit. I don't want to include scenes with the breeder, or their house, unless he (or she) is OK with it. I'm not that kind of filmmaker! But I can include scenes of just myself, and later on I can put the puppy on film. I plan to make a weekend of it. It'll be fun! I hope! I don't want anything ruining it! Now, I can hardly wait to get my pup! I can be a happy girl again!

This year has also taught me who my real friends are. I've found most of the people I met on Facebook are not that at all. But then again, most of them were liberals. I hate to say it but a lot of INXS fans are liberals. Well, I know I am probably the most hated INXS fan out there now, but you know what? I really do not care. Truly, I don't! I've been told all my life that I am not very popular, and when I was a kid I admit it, that did bother me. But believe me, it doesn't anymore. I actually like it that not a lot of people like me. I'm happy to say that most of my friends are non-humans. Hey! At least animals do not judge you, they don't turn their back on you when you're in mourning, they don't do what the "popular crowd" is doing just to fit in. The only animals that are likely to stab a person in the back is a cat and I don't have any cats! No plans to get one either. I keep watching videos and movies of people who are betrayed by their human friends, and I've had it happen to me more times than I care to remember, so believe me, I am happy that no person likes me. I just don't like them going around telling everyone that I think cancer is a joke when they are fully aware I lost my pa to cancer! UGH!! Stupid people!

Seriously! Do you think a hyena is upset because it's the most hated animal on the savanna? Do you think a tiger is depressed because the other animals in the jungle hate his guts? Do you think naked mole rats are sad by the fact that humans think they are ugly? My guess to all these would be no. No animal is upset by this kind of thing. It may be traumatizing to a child, but not to me. Of course these animals would not be upset by false rumors being spread around about them either. We tell stories to our children with these animals all the time, the animals don't care. A person can learn a lot from watching and studying animals. In a lot of ways, animals are indeed smarter than humans.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

The Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, Especially not a mouse! Because I'm gonna tell you, if I saw a mouse in here, I'd really get medieval on the landlord!

Well, we had an interesting Christmas. I got at least one really good gift, my sis gave me a 43 inch TV set! I always wanted a bigger screen TV! I need one. I am having some trouble reading the menu on the smaller one I had. Well, thankfully my sis gave me one. It was the best gift I have received so far this year! I love it! The sound is so crisp and clear! So is the picture! It sure beats the crap out of the other little gifts she gave me. LOL! I love my sis, but she has a habit of getting me some of the shittest things, unless I am there to tell her what to give me. Now, I love lighthouses and I like to paint. I'm no damn good at it, but I do like painting on occasion. But the dragon my sis gave me is a plastic-rubber toy made for kids! What am I going to do with it? LOL! I can't even put my real dragon family up. Hopefully someday I will be able to, I need a curio cabinet first. I guess then I will put this little plastic dragon on display. Why not? LOL!

One of the things that was brought up was my father's will. My ma has been hounding us about that since our pa died. I knew the subject was going to come up! I brought it up while I was there, because I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. I know my pa did have a will. I just don't know what has become of it. I also know bringing it up then was bad timing on my part, but I knew the subject was going to come up sooner or later. I would like to have something of my father's! As it is, I got nothing now. I'm not even sure Kathy has anything that was his. But I don't know what he had that I could inherit. But I'd just like to have something of his back. Apparently he was buried in his uniform, so I don't think I'd be getting that back. LOL! But that's OK! I'd want him to be buried with dignity, not naked! Kathy and her family seems to forget that he was my father before he was her husband. He will always be MY father.

Aahh!! Ya know I never thought this would happen in my family. This is the kind of bullshit that you read about in mystery novels!

I remember while my sis and I were visiting Kathy and my dad, one of Kathy's friends came over, I think her name was Robin or something like that. I did NOT like her! Not even a little bit. She looked so stuck-up and full of herself! She really seemed like a snooty asshole! I'd be shocked my dad would make friends with a person like that. But that's my dad! He wouldn't see that she is snooty. Kathy tried to introduce her to me and my sis, and she didn't even want to meet us. Nevermind that we were Kathy's husband's real children. This Robin just brushed me and my sis off like we didn't matter at all. No condolences to us about our father dying, not even so much as a hello from her. All she said about us was "Yah-yah, I've seen them on Facebook". But she said hello to Kathy's children. Even Anna noticed that. I would excuse it if this Robin was an introvert or something, but Kathy does not make friends with introverts. Kathy does not even like me much, because I am a no-nonsense person. When I say something, I get right to the point. I don't beat around the bush and I don't sugarcoat anything. I say exactly as I feel. LOL! I don't know this Robin at all. I've seen her posts too on Kathy's Facebook wall, but I don't know her and I don't pretend to know her, as she pretends to know me and my sis. But I can tell you, when I did see her at Kathy's home, what I saw from her I know for sure, I don't like.

Frankly, I don't like a lot of Kathy's friends. They're all liberals. I've had enough of liberals, which is why I really do not want any INXS buddies right now. There's some I still email, I enjoy them. But one of the reasons I left in the first place is because I am sick of the fake friends that liberals make. I still have things that need to be resolved. But I am planning on getting a puppy, and my sis has agreed to help me out with that. That's one of the biggest steps in my own rehabilitation. I need to have this puppy!! Some of my friends are urging me to go to a shelter and rescue. Well, I would if I could, if I could find a young pup in the breed I want (I don't do mixed-breeds), but first of all, there is no shelter in this town. Second, I can never find a puppy the age I want in the breed I want right now. So, I am going with a breeder. I want a puppy because I want it trained to my specifications. I figure it'd be the best birthday gift my sis could give me, and she agreed to help me out. Thank goodness! I'd never be able to do it by myself.

All in all though, this Christmas was pretty good. It would have been a lot better if I wasn't so doggone sick!! But I pushed myself, sometimes beyond the limit! We went to the mall on Friday and I almost collapsed, I was still feverish and weak. But I carried on like nothing was going on. We even went to Red Robin and had dinner. It was good! They still have pretty darn good milkshakes! The next day was Christmas Eve and I told my sis to take the day off and I would go shopping myself and get the things I needed. She needed at least one day to relax. While I was out, I snuck in a visit to the hospital, because this sore throat of mine has lasted a month at this point! I never had a sore throat that lasted a whole month! So I wanted to know what was wrong. I did have a fever, and my glands were swollen, so they gave me some medication for that and I am currently still taking it. The doctor wanted me to climb up on the examining table and I said to him "I can't climb up there!" I was way too weak. I took his seat instead! LOL!

Well, the meds he gave me are helping. I feel better today. But I am still weak, so I spend a lot of my time in bed. Still got my Michael and Timmy, but I miss my dogs!!! Vegas is a big licker! I miss his licks and kisses. Minnie does not lick much, but she does give me kisses too. I miss them both! I bawled like a baby when they left the day after Christmas. I miss them so much!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Store Closed

In case you haven't noticed, the INXS store I had on here for a while is now closed. Zazzle, who was the provider, kept rejecting my designs, so I saw no reason to keep the store open. I might try again later on with some drawings of the guys I've made. They cannot really object to drawings. Such a shame! They were good ideas too! But like I said, I might try again with drawings. Better luck with that hopefully. I opened the store because I wanted to see more INXS items available in this country. I'm not talking just about items with the INXS logo on it. I'm talking about items with pictures of the guys on them. I love these guys! I always will! Never again will I allow the actions of other INXS fans to determine my love for these guys. I'll always love them. I'm just going to be a silent fan from now on. No more conversing with other fans, or with outside people. I need to try what Katrina suggested. I need to stop getting so emotionally involved in people online. Kinda hard for me. Even though I am not a people person, it's still in my nature to help others and try to make them feel good. I need to stop that!

Well, I am back on Facebook. I've found it really is the best way to communicate with my family and closest friends. But I am not accepting any INXS friends. Not now. Maybe later. I'm also using a very different moniker, which I won't reveal now. But I am no longer Dee TimmyHutchFan on Facebook. Feels kinda strange not having an INXS related name anymore. I'm just not ready to accept strangers in my life right now. I still need time to heal. So, I only want to surround myself with real friends and family. Yes, I did get to really like some of my former INXS buddies. But I am just not ready for anymore contacts from that side of the fence. I hope they understand that. Again, maybe someday down the road. But I won't ask any of them to become my friend again on Facebook. If they want to be friends, they can ask me. I can't even have a username on Facebook! UGH!!

What's worse is I've still got this confounded flu! It just won't go away! I was hoping by Christmas, I'd be all better. But so far, I'm not. Well, most of the worst of it is gone, I'm just dealing with the after-effects. A lot of coughing! I think I've coughed myself a new throat! Or at least enlarged the old one! It SUCKS!!! It hurts really bad! I've coughed my throat raw, I know that for sure. I used to get colds and flus like this back in the 90s, I haven't had anything like it since 2000. I'd actually forgotten what it felt like to have a flu like this. One time, back in 1996, I had what was the worst damn flu I think I've ever had in my life! It caused blisters in my throat. I've never known a flu could do that! But that one did! Talk about pain! You want to know what real pain is, get a flu like that one and it'll quickly show you pain! Now, I can't really talk. I need to make one more video for my Christmas Cookies collection! And I can't! Not without a voice! 😭 I'm thinking maybe I can just film it, and then add the vocals later on. I've done that before. I wasn't comfortable doing it because it's not normally my style. But I can do it. I'll probably have to. These peppermint meltaway cookies are too good to keep to myself!

Well, that's all that was going on. Not much! I cannot really go anywhere! I still need to go out and get a bed and chair for my sis when she visits. This isn't easy! Trying to get all this shit done and nurse a cold is not easy! I cannot even promise I'll find a chair. I didn't see one the last time I was at the thrift store. So, I don't know if I'll find one. But I can for sure get a bed.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Gracie's Odyssey (A Sample)

Another videobook sample. This is Gracie's Odyssey, it's probably one of my most favorite stories in our line-up. The reason I love this story so much is because it was begun shortly after Michael died. My buddy Cairo wrote the story based on how I was feeling about the death of Michael Hutchence. If you knew me back then, you would be able to see the connection between myself, Gracie and her baby in this story. I was sad at first when I heard the news, then angry. I hadn't yet come to terms with Michael's death at the first moment this story was written. I think if I had, I'd have had Cairo kill Gracie off in the story too. But then thinking back on that, I think that really would have hurt the story.

The funny thing about this story is there are 2 versions. There is an original, which is not what this one is, where Davy is taken to live in a group home for animals. It is the same group home Gracie actually lives in in the story INXS Goes to Mount St. Helens. But that story did not really set well with me. Though the idea is much the same. In this version, which is actually a much later version I thought up, he is still a baby when he leaves the zoo, and is taken to live with a man and his daughter. The daughter, named Lisa, becomes Davy's keeper, and his surrogate mother. That one is a bit far off from my feelings about Michael, and more based on how I believe Lily would feel, being taken in by Bob Geldof. She was indeed lucky he was there.

Well, the one scene that stays the same in both versions is the quarantine station. It happens to be my favorite scene. It's Davy's first night in the new zoo without his mom. It's a reminder of how lost I felt the first time I heard about Michael's passing. I remember I could not cry right away. It didn't hit me until several hours after I heard the news. Then I cried hard. Just like the baby in this story once he realizes his mom is not there anymore. Michael is everywhere in this story, without actually being in the story it's self. But his memory is there. How I dealt with his death is there too.

This story is merely a sample of the original videobook. To view the full version, go to this link: http://www.umgproductions.com/2010/05/gracies-odyssey.html

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Another Loss

I haven't been eating much this past week. I've been unable to swallow for the most part, so eating much was not an option. And this flu besides has taken away most of what was left of my appetite. I just wondered how much I may have lost this past week alone. So, I stepped on the scale. I managed to lose 10 pounds this past week. Normally, I would be excited, but I hate losing weight this way! 10 pounds in one week is a lot! Too much! But it's this flu. I'm trying to get over it. I had to go out today and get some lysol to spray around the house. My sis is coming over soon with the dogs and the last thing I want is to have her catch this bug! Believe me, she wouldn't want none of this! I also managed to pick up a few other things as well. Not much though. But I did get some wrapping paper. Other things can wait till my sis comes, we're going to Portland.

Well, usually when I lose weight, I lose it from my face first. But now, you'd never be able to tell. My glands are still so swollen, it makes my face and neck look bigger than it really is! So I look horrible!! That's why I haven't done another Christmas Cookie video. I still want to do at least one more. My sis loves my peppermint meltaway cookies, so I am going to do a video on how to make those. I got the ingredients for that too while I was out today. They are very attractive cookies when done. Before Christmas, I want to post all my Christmas cookie videos on my cooking blog. I did some last year too. Another thing I would like to try and make a video doing is making my homemade mousse. That's awesome. It's kindof a complicated recipe, but it's a great Christmas dessert.

Oh well, just thinking out loud here, for the world to see. Not much to say. I really should have stayed home today, but I couldn't. I had to get out. I'm feeling a little better, so at least I won't get sicker. I shouldn't. My biggest fear though is that there were so many people at the store today, I may have passed this flu anyways to almost everyone in this town!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Manliest Men

Ya know something? There is this guy who lives upstairs from me, I often see him walking this big, white, pit bull type dog, I don't know his name though. I've only just started seeing him around here. But I think he has the hots for me. LOL! There's a few problems though. First of all, he's way too young for me! He looks like he's in his late 20s, and early 30s. I cannot get close, in that sense, to someone that much younger than me. It goes against my nature. I can be friends with someone that age, but never lovers! It's never been my thing to fall in love with younger men. I always preferred them older. Look at who my idols were when I was a kid. They were always older men. Like Ray Walston, Bill Bixby, Harpo Marx, and of course, INXS. I never even went for idols close to my age. I never would have fallen for Justin Bieber if I were a child today either. So, falling in love with a man younger than me would just never happen. All I can think of is that I may have changed his diapers when he was a baby.

Another thing that bothers me, he has a thick beard. I never liked men with beards. Not the long, thick ones. A little stubble is fine. Like Michael had in the video for The Stairs. But a long, thick beard just is not what I care to see in a man. That's funny too because I remember there is this guy on YouTube, who calls himself Red Pill Philosophy. He's a total dickhead! LOL! He always has a thick beard, and even advertises for beard products. He says the most manly thing a man can have is a beard. But I never thought so. A man with a thick mustache and beard, to me, looks more like he's hiding something. Like he's really an insecure man who only wants to look manly, and the only way he can think to do that is to grow a beard to hide his insecurity. You'll notice they are almost always men who have no respect for women. Kinda like Mike Splan from Bozeman. You remember, Deb's ex-husband. Now, I am not saying women should have more respect than men. But I've just noticed a pattern that men with those long, thick beards usually are the types that have no respect for women at all. Not even enough respect to treat them like equals.

Another thing about this guy, I think he may be the owner of all these dumb stray cats around this place. Even though he has a dog, I think he also is the owner of these dumb cats that keep getting into my porch that I have to chase away. I don't like men who like cats. They're almost always wimps. Well! Really it's different if they just like cats, I can handle a man like that, as long as they don't want to be surrounded by them. Or they don't own any cats. But this guy I think has tons of cats, which is not allowed in this complex. We're only allowed to have 2 pets per household. I opened my door today and saw someone had placed a plate that had cat food on it, to welcome those dumb strays to my front door. I think it was him. He's seen me yell at the cats around here to get out of my yard. I took the plate and tossed it. But I think next time I walk out there and see something like that, I'll fill it with a little surprise of my own. hehehe!! I'll keep you updated with that.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

The Curse Continues

LOL!! To the literal folks: that's just a joke! Don't mess your underpants over that! Seems I have to tell people that something is a joke or a figure of speech as well. Otherwise they take everything too literal. UGH! People! I got one idiot last month, named Andrea Jones, who said "You need help if you think you have the ability to cast spells or curse other people!" LOL! I told her it was just a figure of speech. So for dumb fucks like her, I guess I have to spell out that when I mention the word "curse", it's almost always a joke, or a figure of speech. Unless she actually did think I do have some kind of special powers. I know I look like Super Woman. Maybe she thought I am her! LOL! 😂

Ah well fuck her! Anyways, this month I got "the curse", the curse that hits a lot of people during this time of the year. It's the reason I hate taking the bus! I need a car of my own! I don't even really like going out anywhere at this time of the year because of this curse! I had an opportunity to ward it off and I didn't take it, because I haven't been bothered by it for several years. But this year, I managed to catch it. Yes! If you guessed the "curse" I am talking about is "the flu", you got it right!! I got the bug!! It's my new companion. That too is a figure of speech, BTW. I got it and I hate every second of it!! I haven't had an attack like this since I lived in Reno. I remember when I first moved to Reno, I moved right into Donna's house, and about a week later, she brought home a mild case of pneumonia, and I caught it. It was then I discovered why pneumonia is sometimes a killer! It was difficult to catch my breath sometimes. Even a mild case of pneumonia is bad! Yes, I discovered that then. I'd never had pneumonia before in my life! It was a shocker. I always thought it'd be more like a bad cold. But no, it was worse!!! 😟

Well, yesterday I woke up with congestion in my throat and chest, and my glands were swollen and painful. At first, I had something of a scratchy throat, then it progressed into a sore throat. I also had a bit of a fever yesterday. As the day dragged on, I got weaker and weaker. Last night, I went to bed early. Got up this morning pretty early too. My throat is still sore, and swollen, still feverish, still pretty weak, some congestion, but it's just getting started. It still has quite a number to do on me yet! Most of my day was spent cuddling in bed with my Michael and Timmy by my side. hehe!! Well, they make being sick kinda fun. It feels good to wake up and see their faces. I think I need to turn the radio back on for background noise too. I did that for a while back in Astoria, but then I would hear one of INXS's songs and I would wake up and start head-bopping. Most of the time, when I would hear one of their songs, it was Need U Tonight. Though one time I heard New Sensation!😘💗

Well, on my YouTube channel, I've been asked to do more cooking videos, so I have. I think I'm going to start making that a Christmas tradition. Every year, Dee TimmyHutchFan is going to make Christmas cookie videos. My latest video is about different ways to tweak chocolate chip cookies. And let me tell you, they came out AWESOME!!!! I made Turtle cookies, with pecans and a dab of caramel concealed inside the cookie. I also made mint chocolate chip cookies, and they were good too! I also made red velvet chocolate chip cookies, with white chocolate chips. It's like a red velvet cake, and it too was awesome!!! Well, I can say I got all the Christmas colors there! The mint cookies are green and the red velvet cookies, of course, are red! The turtle cookies though are just a plain color. 🍪

Well, I can say some good is coming out of this, I lost 8 pounds! This time, I'm going to keep on going, not stop no matter what! Well, I have no intention of moving soon, so keeping a regime of losing weight will be a lot easier now. As soon as I can get a car, there is a gym in town I want to join. I can use my treadmill still, but only for about 30 minutes at a time. I can't get on and run the whole hour and a half anymore. Bummer! 💪

My ma called me yesterday, she said that I called her yesterday morning. But I know I didn't. Oh well! It was nice talking to her anyways. She asked me why I left Facebook and I told her all about what happened. She knows I would never think cancer is a joke. But my ma has always been smart. She knows me. She wants me back on Facebook. I have been debating it, creating a little account that only close friends and family are on. That way, I can stay in touch with my family and close friends. But let's see. This would only be for family and my closest friends. Not INXS friends or anything like that. Though I might still include my dog breeder friends. I actually got kinda close to them. Before I left, I told one of them that she restored my faith in show breeders again. Well, she's a lot of fun! She recently went to a Duran Duran concert, she likes rock n roll music. I just wish I had been there with her, I'd have taken her backstage to meet up with those guys! Then we would have really had a blast! Hey! I've done it before! 😉

Monday, December 5, 2016

A Non-Credible Source

I get people a lot saying things about my blog like it's a non-credible source. Well, I am here to say that I never claimed it was. LOL! Kinda silly to look upon my blog as anything resembling a credible source. It's only credible when it is talking about me. But what's the point really? Does everything you read really have to come from nothing but a credible source? Your life must be pretty dull. This is not the evening news, it's just a blog. An online diary. A forum. You want credible? You visit CNN or ESPN's websites. You want to read one woman's opinion on world events? You come here. But here you'll only get one side of the story. MY side. But if you're looking for anything about me, chances are good, you'll find it here. This is where I spill out all my innermost ideas and feelings. That's what a diary is for.

In fact, I will tell you what I am thinking right this minute. I am thinking the people upstairs must have feet like Jeison Rodriguez! Or they must all be fatter than Jonah Hill! The one thing I hate about living under someone else is you can hear every move they make! If they have kids, it makes it much worse. Kids are always running, especially boys! But I am sitting here typing and I can hear every single step being made in the apartment above me. And it sounds like thunder sometimes! Like nearby thunder. Another thing I am thinking of, yesterday I took out a load of trash and could not open the dumpster to dump it. So I had to leave it out. I tried and tried to open the door of the dumpster and the key would not work! I don't know what happened! It's always worked before. I'm thinking I need to talk to the manager about that. And I will! But it's been raining all night long, and my garbage has been sitting out there all this time, it won't be pretty!

Well, those are my thoughts for today's blog. That's typically what I write about. Something that I think is interesting comes into my head, I share it with friends and family. Mostly family. It's mostly my family are the ones who I hope read these blogs. The fact that outsiders take an interest in my thoughts and ideas, that's just extra gravy. And I might as well get paid for every visit. I made more money last month than the month before. I saw my stats. Though last month, it was for a not-so-amiable reason, still the visits were numerous and I made some money on that. There's always a bright side to everything. Just have to find it. But I am still upset about people thinking that I think cancer is a joke, and that I would have thought it was funny I lost my pa. UGH!! 

Friday, December 2, 2016

Stay Angrier

Sorry, I have to say this. One of my visitors yesterday said when I make posts spreading hate, it makes other people angrier. I said that's too bad for them. Far as I am concerned, those people can stay angry! Get angrier! Get angry enough to uproot hell if you want to. Get angry till it hurts! My apologies to my friends, but those who abandoned me, I hope they get so angry it keeps them up at night. I am already angry about them spreading bullshit they had no proof of. I think if they were in my position, they'd feel the same way. Once again, I never post anything on this blog as facts unless I have proof of it. I may speculate, and if a person is capable of reading properly, they will know I am just speculating. The dumbasses who take things I say out of context will think that I believe it's a fact and will get angry at me.

Well, I have absolutely no plans to go back to Facebook anyways. Not in the forseeable future. Maybe in the far-distant future. I have things I need to work out on my own first. But if I ever do go back, I won't go for any INXS fans. Not again. Next time I get on Facebook, I'll only ask family and close friends to join me. I'm sick of the fake "friends". I'm sick of being who they want me to be just to make them happy, and in a flash when I am being myself, they get so easily offended. You know what's funny? A lot of those people were Clinton supporters. I hate to drag politics into INXS conversations, and I hate putting republican-democrat labels on everything, especially INXS fans! But I noticed a pattern among those who unfriended me. The majority of them were Clinton supporters. Most of them wanted Hillary Clinton to win. I spoke with Katrina about this when she came over last week. I just happened to notice that pattern.

I just have to ask why? Why did they want Hillary Clinton to win? Just because she's a democrat? Or because she's a liberal? Or because she empathizes with minorities? She wanted to let people in this country that hate americans. They are the types that want to bomb us all off the face of the earth. You really want that in our country? Of course I have no idea if she really would have done that, but she once said she did want to allow muslim extremists to this country. We would not have been safe getting on buses or even our cars. They'd have planted bombs under your car too as you slept at night. Honestly, I do not want a president that wants to just help minorities. I want someone who wants to help ALL of us. I want someone who wants to treat everyone as an equal. I know for sure we are not likely to find that in Donald Trump. Which is why I did not vote for either him nor Clinton. Besides, I saw what Bill Clinton did to this country, and I don't like it. We got dumb kids now roaming the streets that cannot look at a map and find North America. We got kids all grown up now that were never taught a sense of moral values because they were never disciplined as children. So what do they do? They go out and commit horrific crimes!

Ya know, that's one thing that gets me angry now, knowing there are kids out there that have never been spanked in their lives. Sure, some kids can do well without being spanked. But I never will understand a parent "negotiating" with their kids. That seems to be the biggest substitute now for discipline and I think it's a bad mistake! You don't negotiate with kids as if they were adults! That's why so many millennials have this attitude of entitlement. They think the world owes them something. That's what kids grow up believing when they are negotiated with instead of told "no". They grow up thinking the world owes them, then they do things like kill police men, shoot up schools, rob stores, shoot up their workplaces, and just become a general nuisance. I would never negotiate with my kids! No is no. It means just what it says. NO! People need to learn that.

I keep thinking about this story I once heard about a mom whose little boy was invited to a birthday party of a friend, and she took him to the toy store and her little boy saw a toy he wanted very bad, even though they were there to buy the birthday kid a present. The mom told her kid no at first, then he pitched a fit and she gave in anyways, and they went home without a present for the birthday child. She said she did it because she didn't want her child to hate her. Someone like that does not need to even be a parent! She's too weak! Yes, her kid would hate her for a while, but he'd have gotten over it soon. Personally, if that were my kid, I'd have totally shamed him! I'd have sent him to the birthday party with a note telling the birthday child's mom that my child could not bring a present because he was selfish and demanded I buy him a toy he wanted instead. And Sorry for the inconvenience. Yeah, my kid would have gotten some harsh stares and maybe even harsh treatment at the party, but it would have taught him a lesson! It would have taught him how society treats selfish, greedy people. Maybe, and I would hope, it'd make him change for the better.

My worst crime is I speak my mind. LOL! Yes, it has lost me friends before, I've never gotten beat up or anything for it yet, though I am prepared if that ever happens. I'm pretty strong! But in the end, you find out who your real friends are. Sometimes even people who say they like you because you speak your mind, don't really mean it. Say something that they totally believe is immoral, whether it is or not, then see if they still like you. The ones that are your true friends will.

That's what I like about Katrina. I sometimes yell at her, we don't always agree, sometimes I even say things she does not like. Even things she has found disturbing. But, we are still friends. We love each other like we are sisters. Shoot, even my own sis and I don't always agree. But we are still family. I'll never stop loving my sis, nor my good friends. In harsh times, it's always good to know they are always around. I just wish they were closer. Katrina's the closest, and even she lives 150 miles away! That's why we don't see each other that much.😢

Thursday, December 1, 2016

New Month, New Video

I'm doing videos more and more these days. I can't explain it either. I'm not as angry as I was a week or so ago, but I am still miffed about people believing that I think cancer is a joke! I mean really! These people knew my father had died of cancer. They should have had the sense to tell themselves that because of that alone, I would not be making jokes about someone else having cancer. And don't tell me I need to get over it! To me, saying that I think cancer is a joke is like slapping my father in the face. I'll get over it when I am good and cured. I should just ignore them, I know that. But I cannot help it. It's still stuck in my mind. It's going to take a while to get over that because I am still mourning my father. This isn't something I can just easily let go of. I made a video about it last night with a message to those people. If you want to call them people. Oh well hell, I think they're about as "people" as a person can get. That's why I hate people so much! At least a dog would try to comfort me in my time of mourning, not judge me. Shoot! Maybe I should try to get another chihuahua, they're perfect little ambassadors!

Well, I am healing, but it doesn't help much. I gotta live each day the best way I can knowing there are still people out in the world, former "friends", who still think I think cancer is a joke. I'm going to wake up tomorrow with that thought in my head. Those people will wake up, and they will be able to call and hug their parents. But I won't. Not my father. He's in the ground now. That thought takes a heavy toll on me. I still have his phone number on my cell phone's contact list. The most hurtful thing about it is I can dial that number and get nothing more than an operator saying "This number is no longer in service". It hasn't been easy for me to get over losing my pa, and with this turmoil now in my life, it makes it even harder. But this too shall pass. The sun will still set tonight, and rise again tomorrow. Work will still carry on as usual. I am no longer on Facebook, so that makes things a lot easier. I am taking this time off Facebook to heal. Hopefully I can get a dog and my world will be brighter again.

Anyways, here is the video...

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Behind Your Back!

Everyone always says when I post about them on my blog that I am talking about them behind their backs. Well, that is not necessarily true. Yes, I do talk about people on here, it used to be that I did not mention names of anyone on my blog. Not unless I felt I had to. Well, now that ends, I will always mention names on this blog now. Hey! I'm giving the people what they want! Don't blame me for that! I've found now that when I do not mention names, there is total assumption. My ma has told me that when I have a problem with someone to talk it out with them face to face. Well, usually I do, if it's a problem I believe can be solved. But if I told everyone, that I felt I had a problem with, what problem I have with them and it turns out not to be true, I always thought I'd look like a complete ass. That's where this blog comes in handy. It's a place for me to get those petty, obscure feelings out.

Say, for example, I suspected Mark had the hots for me. Nobody told me he does, but the look in his eyes told me different. But Mark is involved with another girl named Rosie. Should I tell Rosie that I think Mark has been looking at me funny? Or should I come to my blog first and type something like this....

"You know what? I think there's this guy I know who has the hots for me. But I cannot prove it yet. The problem is, he's involved with another girl. I can't get involved with him. But I don't know how to tell him."

The truth is, I wouldn't dare tell her unless Mark does something that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was indeed falling for me. THEN I would tell Rosie. If I confront Mark, or Rosie, with this assumption of mine, and it turns out not to be true, I'm going to feel like a complete ass, and it'll most likely have Mark thinking that I made this story up because I want him. And that wouldn't be true. And Rosie might hate me in the end, because Mark would assume that I have a crush on him, and that I want to take him away, and Rosie would surely believe him. Not even ask me if I have a crush on him. Or she would assume I am jealous of them or something. Which would also not be true. But that's what she would assume, because it's popular opinion. Or it would be a typical response most other people would feel. But I am not like other people.

Now, just imagine that Mark and Rosie were people I knew only on a forum or Facebook or something. And Mark seemed to pay special attention to me, sometimes even making a cyber-pass at me. But let's say Rosie and I are not friends and Rosie even has me blocked and I can't communicate with her. But Mark is seeing her while making a pass at me. How can I tell Rosie that Mark is making a pass at me through PMs? Simple, I post it on this blog and hope somehow that Rosie reads this. It's not meant to make people feel sorry for me. It's meant to warn other people. It's part of my "I care too much for my own good" service. I would hope that when Rosie reads the blog post I write about Mark, that she would confront him with my allegation. Hopefully, Mark would tell her the truth. If not, I could provide proof, and very often I do.

My blog is an open forum, I don't block anyone, and I even allow anonymous posts. I'm more likely to respond to people who use their name though than I am to respond to an anonymous user. You can even find this blog on Google. This blog is totally out in the open. People like Tess Obrien take bits and pieces of blog posts from here and posts them in Facebook groups that I am not on, and makes assumptions about posts I make without ever confronting me herself about it. So I ask you, who is talking behind who's back? Not me. Anyone can read and comment on this blog, and usually I get facts before I post anything about anyone here. But to post about me on a forum that I am not on, that IS posting behind someone's back. Katrina even got on Tim-Hutch Love and called Tess a fat-ass pig, and I deleted her post. Not because I cared anything about Tess. But because she was no longer there at the time and could not respond or read it. I have never been known for talking behind anyone's back. Not when I have proof. If I don't have proof, I say in my posts "I think" or "I believe" or "perhaps" or similar words and phrases. Those kind of words indicate speculation. Nothing more. Speculation is not meant to be taken seriously, it's just a precaution. And people need to learn the difference.

I remember on Facebook, this chick named Claire Aisha said speculation and lies are the same thing. She, being a lawyer, I thought would know better! Somehow I don't believe she is a lawyer, but she says she is and I gotta believe it. I guess the law is different where she comes from. But speculation is when I believe something is true or not, and I know it could be proven wrong. Lying is when I say something that I know for sure is not true but I say it anyways as if it were true. I remember one time on a post by a friend I call Naughty, I said Michael would not like the drama going around in Facebook groups now. Well, Christina (Michael's sis) asked me what groups are causing drama. Well, I did not really want to name names at all, but Christina, GOD love her! She pushed me into telling her. So, I told her the group I had the most trouble on, it was the Michael Hutchence and His Life Fan Page. I even explained in my response to her that it was "The group I personally had the most trouble on". And it was! I was kicked out of there and after I was kicked out, Maria made a post about me and bashed me. She didn't make the post before I was kicked out, so I would have a chance to respond if I wanted to. She did it after. I'll never forgive her for that. Especially since I offered to post the offending post there for her and she wouldn't let me. She said I would be arousing a bad situation. So, when someone asks me which INXS group on Facebook I think is the worst, I'm going to tell them! I'm going to tell them based on my own experience. Claire Aisha can call it lies till the cows come home, it does not mean she's right. I was just stating my opinion based on my own personal experience, and not a lie at all.

Well, fuck Claire! She doesn't believe in any such thing as having an opinion or a personal experience. She seems to think everyone's opinions and personal experiences are all the same.

Well, that's one thing no one can ever honestly accuse me of. I've never talked about anyone on my group after they left, that's not my style. Like I said, I even stopped Katrina from talking about someone who had left. Well, Tess didn't really leave on her own, I told her to get out. Thankfully she did, and she's not allowed back in. But to talk behind someone's back is just not my style. At the very least, I'd say what I have to say on this blog. I can say more without getting too many other people involved. Everyone these days though seems to always want to get other people involved, even when it doesn't concern them. I think it's because of the damn liberals, like my sis says. I've noticed things have been going downhill since Obama became president, and a lot of it has to do with all this damn political correctness.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

One Day In November... A Sample

I have decided to put up a sample copy of the videobook version of this story. I just thought this would be interesting, since it is the last days of November, which will always represent Michael's life to me. I still love that man more than anything. This is the condensed version of this story. The full version can be seen at this link: http://www.umgproductions.com/2014/09/one-day-in-november.html

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Don't Get Involved

Ya know, Katrina has told me this many times, I get too involved in the life of my buddies. I have mentioned that often in this blog. Well, I have often felt it was part of being a good friend, to get involved and help them whenever I can. Of course there are some times I never got involved at all, and that was when one friend was having problems with another friend of mine. If I really like both of them, I just never get involved at all. Even if I am not sure I like both persons. I still never get involved. Because I always felt that was none of my business, that it's something that is just between the two of them. I'm not going to side against one friend just because the other friend has a problem with them. Especially when the one friend has never done me any harm. That's just not my style.

Even when I was at the shelter, I never got involved in problems between other people. I figured they would eventually work it out themselves. I stayed completely neutral. I remember I was friends with Lulu, and another woman, initials MC. Well, MC was one of those negative types, you know the kind. But she had a lot of good qualities too. She loved to bake, and she made the most awesome cinnamon rolls! She also made great cookies and breads too. I also thought, in spite of her negativity, that she was a nice person too. I remember one time she told me about a trip she took to Wales, and how it was her favorite place to visit. Well, I liked MC, and I considered her a friend. But she had a problem. She said Lulu threatened her life. I personally never heard Lulu threaten her life before, and I knew Lulu would never have done that anyways. MC though did all she could to turn me against Lulu. I told her to just leave me out of it, because I liked both of them. I didn't want to get involved in their prejudice against each other.

This is also why I did not get involved when Rosanda turned against Nancy. Some of her friends did. I know for sure Delilah P. did! She said she blocked Nancy from all social media because of the battle between Rosanda and Nancy. But I did not get involved. Nancy never did anything to hurt me at all and at that time, neither did Rosanda. That was before she slapped my father in the face! I felt it was none of my business anyways. I figured this was a battle that was between the two of them. Had nothing to do with me. I liked both of them so I just didn't get involved. Delilah did though. Delilah is like a baby sheep, and I don't mean lamb! She follows Rosanda anywhere, and gets involved in all her affairs. She blocks anyone who opposes. Such a shame. Delilah has some potential. She's a good writer. In fact, she got one of her ideas from me. Since she and I are no longer friends, I hope she doesn't intend on using the idea I gave her once! She'll find her ass in court!

Well, Katrina says I get too involved in online buddies, and that I need to stop being like that. Katrina is a sweet girl, but she has a knack for not getting involved in other peoples' lives. She said it comes from where she works at. She has to deal with customers all day long. She asked me long ago never to mention where she works, so I won't. She leads a VERY private life. She doesn't even use her real name on Facebook. LOL! But anyways her partner told her never to get emotionally involved with the customers. You never know who is on the other side of the line. Same thing goes for online, like on Facebook. Unless you know the person very well, NEVER get involved. I always thought that was so cold and callous though! But Katrina told me the same thing applies for Facebook as for her workplace. You never really know who the other person is. She said for all I know, it could be a sweet-talking serial killer. LOL! Most of the people I made friends with were INXS fans, I never thought of INXS fans as being serial killers. But Katrina says, until I have actually met them and shook hands with them, and actually spent time with them, I really don't know them, and they could be anything. She's right! And really, I knew that. I still just thought it was cold and callous to accept a friend request, and then just forget about them. Never get involved in anything they write.

Well, Katrina is totally different online than she is in person. She only has a few facebook friends. She does not "like" many posts, and she only talks to other people when she has to. Like if they comment on a subject she really likes. She actually came here on Thursday and showed me how her existence on Facebook really is. She does very little. She said she does it because she doesn't want to get emotionally involved with anyone. That way, if she happens to lose a buddy, it's no big deal. She has real friends and family, so she said she doesn't need them online. Oh yes, she brought the baby. He's really CUTE!!! Another thing she never does online, she never posts pics of her children. She said she's seen too many cases of pedophiles stealing pics of children, or child porn sites taking them and posting them for those sick individuals to gape at. Katrina really does not trust anyone online. That's why she rarely gets online. She has a Facebook, and usually, she rarely gets on it. She rarely comes in here, except she is on maternity leave from work. Funny she still checks in at work though. LOL!

If I ever again get on Facebook, I probably should try her method. But again, that is just not me. I like getting involved in my friends' lives, as much as they allow. But like Katrina says, they're never really your friends until you actually get to know them in person. Not just as an online entity. I have several friends like that online. I need to stick with them and only them. Katrina, you are so right. You are also wise beyond your years! Like I said though, I did know all this stuff before, and I should have always stuck with it. Because not everyone is like me. Most people are like "if you don't like what I like, or who I like, then you're fucked!" And will drop you without hesitation or warning. I can't be like that. I always believed everyone has a right to like who, or what, ever they want. And I have never been known for dropping a friend just because they feel different than me. In most cases.

Well, if I do ever get back on Facebook, it probably won't be for a very long time. I've actually felt more relaxed now than I ever have the whole time I've been on Facebook. I am still trying to work out what has happened in my family. I am still trying to grieve for my pa. I did a little more weeping last night, because I began to miss him again. It's going to take a while to stop completely. I never expect to "get over" him. But I hope someday to get back to a point where I can remember him without tears forming in my eyes again. The fact that I am here alone does not help. I need a dog! Katrina is in Chehalis. My sis is in Montana. My ma is in Reno. Even my stepmom is in Arizona. My dogs are also in Montana. So, I need a dog here now.

I remember one of my friends asked me if I'd be interested in having a cat. LOL! I said to him no, I'm not the type that would be happy with just a cat. Cats, IMO, are more depressing than being alone. I would rather have a fish tank than a cat! I need something in my life that is more upbeat, like a dog. I haven't had a cat since 2002, and I do not miss having them! Believe me! LOL!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

I'll Never Have Plastic Surgery!

That is one thing I can say I will never have. Not unless I somehow wind up with my face hacked off, and if plastic surgery can repair it, I'd have it done. I don't want to go out into the world looking like a zombie with no face! But to have it done strictly for the purpose that I think it'll make me look better. No way!! I'd never do that! The reason is I've seen what it does to people who overdo it. It makes them look a lot worse than they did before they had the surgery. It always looks so unnatural. I may not be the most attractive woman anyone has ever seen. But I would rather look like myself than to look like one of these:


Everybody is always wanting their lips and nose done, but I think it looks terrible! I think in most cases, the before pictures look better. People really aught to leave their bodies alone. I realize it's their body and they are the ones who have the say. But I have to ask "Why???" Why would anyone risk their own personal beauty just to achieve this intangible "perfection"? See that last pic? That's Daryl Hannah. She used to be so beautiful! At one point, I even looked up to her. I wanted to look just like her. Even as she got older, I thought she was pretty. But look at her after picture, she looks bloated and unnatural. She's not nearly as attractive as she would have been if she'd have just let herself age naturally.

To me, plastic surgery is just what it sounds like; Plastic! And plastic to me, indicates something that is unnatural. That is just how these people look to me. Like something totally unnatural. I cannot admire that in anyone. I don't care how ugly I get, nothing is worth having plastic surgery done to me. I intend to stay the way I am, as an ugly old crone. This is who I am! This is who I will always be. I came to terms with the fact I will never be a supermodel, I figured that out long ago. I can lose weight, but I will never become a supermodel. It's just not in the cards for me. But I am who I am, and I am satisfied. To have plastic surgery done is like a temporary fix to most people, and they always seem to want more and more, which makes them wind up looking more and more like crap. People need to learn to be comfortable with the natural beauty that GOD gave them! Its the only way one can have true happiness. Like Michael said in The Stairs, "All are different, All are great!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Happy Birthday Harpo!

Well, I have to say, there hasn't been a single positive post about Michael all month. I guess I've said everything about Michael that I can say! I've said more than enough about him on this blog. If he is reading this blog from the Heavens, I am sure he knows exactly how much I love him, and will always love him. But anyways, this isn't about Michael. This post is about probably the first celebrity I ever officially fell in love with. I say that because I was just beginning to realize what love was at the time.

Well, today I am celebrating the life of Harpo Marx. Not meaning to take anything away from Michael Hutchence, but Harpo was actually my first official crush. LOL! I know! I know! He was dead before I was born, but you know what? That has never stopped me before. I read his book "Harpo Speaks" from cover to cover, it is fascinating reading! I found out he and I have a lot in common, right down to favorite vacation spots! He used to spend vacations in Ocean Shores, WA. I used to live there, and it has been my most favorite place to live so far! I don't even like this town quite as much. I just love this apartment.

Harpo never spoke in any of the movies he did with the Marx Brothers, I read in his book it was because someone put down his voice after a vaudeville show he did with his family. Someone said they loved his character, until he spoke. So, from that moment on, he no longer spoke in any of his acts. Harpo, much like the men of INXS, was multi-talented. He could do anything he put his mind to. He even taught himself how to play the harp. He did it in such a way that has never, to this day, been equaled or surpassed. In fact, one of his many music teachers said the way he tuned and played the harp, the strings should have snapped on him, but they didn't. I guess it's an indication of how talented he was.

Another good thing about him, he was also a dog-lover, and had several of his own. He even had a german shepherd dog that ran away once and he put an ad in the local newspaper trying to find the dog. Well, one person called the ad and said he had his dog, and Harpo went to get it. But when he got there, the guy had a little black and tan terrier-type dog that was definitely not his shepherd! But Harpo took the dog anyways. When he presented it to his wife, Susan, who expected to see him come home with their german shepherd dog, Harpo stood in front of her and said "He kinda shrunk, didn't he!" They kept the little terrier dog from that moment on.

Then there was his famous Gookie. He put one of these in every one of his movie and television appearances:

He started doing that face when he was 10 years old. He said it all began when he used to go to the local cigar store, and he and some friends would stand at the window and watch this guy, who everyone called "Gookie", roll cigars. Harpo said that this "Gookie" guy would get so engrossed in his work that he would begin to fix his face into this expression after a while. One day, 10-year old Harpo tried to mimic the expression on the guy's face. When "Gookie" saw what Harpo was doing, he ran out of the store and chased Harpo down the block. But this became Harpo's trademark expression, besides the curly hair and googly eyes.

Harpo was actually quite a handsome man without his make up. As seen in this picture above. He was the second oldest of the Marx Brothers, with Chico being the oldest. Harpo was born in 1888. He was actually the third child of Minnie and Samuel Marx. But their first child died when it was 2 years old. A year after the loss of their first child, they had Chico (Leonard), whom they were very protective of. Then 2 years after Chico was born, came Harpo. Harpo was born with the name Adolph, which was a popular German/Jewish name back then. But during World War 2, he had his name changed from Adolph to Arthur, because of the bad publicity Adolph Hitler was causing.

I'm so glad to have gotten to know the Marx Brothers the way I did through their movies, TV shows and documentaries as well. I first saw Harpo back when I used to watch You Bet Your Life, which was hosted by Groucho Marx, in the early 80s. It was 1983, and my mom was combing my hair as we were watching the show. In this one episode, I saw Harpo come out with one of the contestants, and I thought he was so CUTE!!!!!! I could not help but scream how cute he was! Up until that night, I had never seen him before. Not that I remember anyways. Except in cartoons, but I always thought he was just a simple cartoon character, like Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse. I didn't have any idea he was a real person! I learned different that night! Like INXS has done for me now, the Marx Brothers, and my devotion to them, has inspired a few stories and pictures from some of my friends like this one from a 1984 story:

That's Caroline, the lemur, looking up at the 3 most popular Marx Brothers.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Your Blogs Say Different

Some people have told me that. I said I will never trust people again, and someone said to me that my blogs say different. LOL! This was a quote by Kelly Carter, who is one of the blind sheep. I told her at least if I suspect someone has wronged someone else, I don't listen to just one side of the story. I prefer to get all sides of a story before I condemn anyone. She got her suspicions from someone who does not know either side of the story, and she is judging me based on that. So, I call her a blind sheep. Just like a lot of those people. Ya know, this is exactly the same deal Michael got in London with the tabloids. They spoke nothing but lies about him too, and everyone believed it. Poor Michael became a broken man because of it.

Normally, this kind of thing wouldn't get me down. And I am mostly over it, I don't feel so angry anymore at least. But most of it has to do with the feeling that these people have slapped my father in the face. I am usually quite strong. But today, I am rather weak, and it is because of my father's passing. Kelly C. never sent condolences, so I don't know if she knew about my pa. But I can tell you she was on my friends list when I announced he died. I'll tell you another thing though, when Kelly Carter is not feeling well, she sure is quick to fish for sympathy from her friends. I remember when I was having some neck problems, and I announced it on Facebook, and my other friends tried to help me. But not Kelly C. She turned the whole post around into something about herself. Not sure I should be associating with someone like that at all anyways. She recently announced her brother has been diagnosed with cancer too. Well, I sure do hope he beats it. I am not like her. I wouldn't wish ill on her or her brother, and I would never have turned my back on someone I thought of as a friend in their time of grieving. I will go on praying for her brother that he beats it, regardless of what Kelly C. thinks.

Its sad it took Michael killing himself to make everyone appreciate him again. Elegantly Wasted is a wonderful album, yet so underrated! And the stadiums did not sell out in Michael's last year. I'm sure a lot of things went through Michael's head during that time. And I am sure it's the same things going through my head too. But I have no intention of killing myself. I wouldn't give the trolls the satisfaction. LOL! I have been disappointed deeply by some people, a lot of them I have invested too much time and emotions in. I've done everything I can to help them. I have given them my everything, even through my own struggles. Many of these struggles, I've never even mentioned here or on Facebook! They're things I prefer to keep completely to myself. Know why? Because I don't want people to feel bad for me. I try to make my friends feel happy. Minor things I don't mind mentioning on Facebook, or on this blog. And the readers can take it how they want to. They can pray for me, they can feel sorry if they want to, or they can be indifferent. I don't care. But it is my own choice if I decide to display my major struggles to the world, and I usually choose not to.

Well, my father passed and I would not say I've been fishing for sympathy. A lot of times I write in this blog to get things off my chest. Also, to help people understand, because obviously I am not like other people. Like I said before, I knew the emotional roller coaster was about to begin. I could not stop grieving for my pa after less than a month. That's too soon for someone I've known for over 40 years! Someone who was always there when I needed help. Someone who has helped me more than any other family member. Someone who has often gone out of his way to make sure me and my sis were doing fine. No, a month or less is no where near enough time to grieve for him! So, I knew the emotional roller coaster was coming. There was no stopping it. No matter how upbeat I acted, I knew it was coming! Because of that, my emotions are weakened. I can't be the strong person I was before. Not now. Normally, I would laugh things like what has been going on in Facebook off, but not now. I do need some time to get over my pa. I'm old and tired and I need a break. I need to build up that strength again. My family can help, and my good friends like Katrina. They can all help me get back to the person I once was.

Yes, I know I am not a people person. But I do still love my family and close friends. I know there are some good people out there. But what I am saying is be careful! People can be downright crazy! You never know what they want or what they really like. You never know if they are being nice to you because they really like you or if it's because they want something from you. I try to be nice to everyone. I try! I tell that to everyone who says how nice and sweet I am. That's all I can say, is "I try!" But it's so much easier to get along with animals than it is to get along with people. Though each animal is individually different from each other, still the animals do not judge based on rumors. I am not ashamed to say some of my best friends are animals. I've even made friends with some non-domesticated animals. Like the vision of Snow White. I just have a natural way with animals. This is the same woman saying this that took a family of Egyptian spiny mice and made them as tame as puppy dogs. People told me it couldn't be done. But I done it!

Well, today was my Thanksgiving day, and I had the turkey with all the trimmings. Well, it was actually a turkey breast. I don't eat drumsticks or anything like that. And since it's just me here, I don't need a heck of a lot. But that breast should last me a few days. It's only a half a breast portion. I also made a cake. Nothing spectacular, just a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I put Michael's name on it and it says "Never Tear Us Apart--Michael Hutchence--You Will Always Be Loved" That is how I am celebrating his life this year. The smell of turkey is still lingering, but I am STUFFED!!!!! Just as stuffed as I would be at any Thanksgiving dinner. I also deactivated my Facebook account tonight and it's getting ready for deletion. Katrina says she doesn't want me to leave Facebook. Some of my friends have given me their email address, and I do intend to keep in contact. But I need to leave. I need to breathe. I need to grieve on my own for a while. I don't want my friends feeling sorry for me or anything. If I go back to Facebook, I want them to see a totally different person. By then, I hope to be over this intense grief I've been feeling since my pa died. I knew holidays without him would be difficult. I miss him like everything. But I do thank the friends I have made for understanding, and I will keep in touch.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Tomorrow is My Thanksgiving Day

I announced this in my group today. I do not celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. At least, not the same way other people in this country do. That day was never meant to be celebrated every year. My Thanksgiving, from now on, is going to be celebrated on November 22 of every year. No matter what! Know why? That is the day Michael Hutchence got his wings. This year it will make 19 years since he got his wings. That is the day I am going to celebrate his life. I bought a turkey (breast) to roast and everything! I'm celebrating Michael's life. I am celebrating having him in my life. Even if it was only briefly and only once. At least it was something. And I did get to kiss him! He let me do it. LOL! I miss him, every day of my life. The world is a difficult place now without him, but at the same time, it is a better world now for him having been in it. Better than it would have been had he not been in it. I feel like Michael was meant to be one of them peacekeepers.

This time of year has always been difficult for me, ever since I found out Michael was dead. And now my pa is gone too. So this year has been extremely difficult for me. This holiday season, I can predict, is going to be more difficult for me than any other previous holiday season. My pa always knew how to make holidays fun. But it's going to be hard this year, as it will be the first year I won't even be getting a Christmas card from him. He won't be calling me to say "Have a happy Thanksgiving" and "Did you call your mom and sister yet?" That's always been his primary concern was if I kept in touch with my ma and sis. Even when he was very ill.

I need to stop this!! I'm depressing myself again. I actually haven't cried since yesterday around noon or so, when I saw Katrina's post on Tim-Hutch Love. Now, I am doing it again as I am writing this.

But to dad, Thanksgiving was the traditional. He doesn't know now I am using it to celebrate Michael's life. My dad wouldn't understand Michael really. He's a country music fan. He was not much into rock-n-roll like I am. But for me, Thanksgiving is what it says, a day of giving thanks. And for me, the one thing I am most thankful for is having Michael in my life. So that is why from now on, Thanksgiving is going to always be on November 22, IF I must celebrate any day this month, it will be that day. I sure would not celebrate it as a day other Americans celebrate it as. As one of my friends last year pointed out, and she is a Native-American, for her it's a day of greed and genocide. I saw her post about that and I said "She's got a point!" I too am of Native-American descent (Cherokee and Chocktaw), so I should not be celebrating it for the 'traditional' reasons. And I haven't. This is about the only thing I am politically correct on, because it is just not fair! So, instead of celebrating greed and genocide, which should NOT be celebrated, I celebrate a great man who gave so much of himself to the world, and in the end received so little back.

In the song, Never Tear Us Apart, Michael sang "We all have wings... But some of us don't know why!" Well, Michael had his wings and didn't know why. No one ever told him he was an angel in his life. Or if they did, he didn't know it or understand it. Hopefully now, he knows it.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Dogs I Have Considered And Why

OK, Back to the old me. LOL! You didn't think I could really stay down for long did you? Oh naw! Never going to happen. My pa would want me to move on. He wouldn't want me to linger on this thing. So, I won't. Getting ready for the 22nd anyways. Got a big picture-posting day planned for that day, and I won't have it spoiled. Besides, as Katrina pointed out, my real friends are still there! 💝 Thanks guys and gals! Anyways, you all know one of the things I want to work on while I am taking a hiatus from Facebook is getting myself a dog. I need a dog before I can get back on Facebook. IF I do ever get back on Facebook. A lot of my friends do not want me to really leave. I do still have a lot of supportive friends there! I'm grateful for them too. So, I might go back. But not before I get a dog! The dog is going to be perhaps the most important tool in my rehabilitation. They are the one thing that makes me feel comfortable. Animals have always had that effect on me. I don't think I'm going to go with a chihuahua or a papillon this time. I want to go ALL different. I've done some research and come up with some great breed-matches for me. Not that I wouldn't love another chihuahua or a papillon, they've been awesome dogs! But I just want something different this time, but still well-suited for me. Here's some breeds I've been looking at. In no particular order...

1. Japanese Chin
They're so cute as puppies and so upbeat and beautiful dogs as adults! I've just got to have one. This is also Katrina's favorite breed. I used to visit her place and she's always had chins jumping all over me whenever I visited. I fell in love with them all over again. I used to like them when I was a kid, and I think I'd love to try having one.

2. Pomeranian
Actually, I am not a stranger to pomeranians. I raised them for a while back in 2000, and had a couple of litters. I call them the "clowns of the dog world" or, shortened it to "clown dogs", because no matter what, pomeranians always seem to make me laugh for some reason. For one thing, they are always cheerful. They seem to always smile, and their tails are always going. And I never have seen a more random dog breed in my life!! Not even chihuahuas are quite as much fun to have around.

3. Powderpuff Chinese Crested
Truly a beautiful dog, though I would have to have a powderpuff version. We had one back in 2000, but he came with quite a bit of behavioral problems. He had a severe case of separation anxiety. He would howl while we were gone so loud the neighbors would think he was being tortured! Even though he wasn't. So, we had to send him to live with someone else. But if I can get one that does not come with serious behavioral problems, I'd love to try having another one of these. It'd have to probably be from a reputable breeder. Can't get one any other way.

4. Italian Greyhound
I find these pint-sized versions of the greyhound fascinating! This is another breed that Katrina used to have. In fact, I think she still has one. They have all the qualities of the greyhound, only in a tinier package. They are so little and so cute! I remember it was fun playing with Katrina's dogs, we'd go out into her back yard and play fetch with these guys. They are active, but I like that. They'd make wonderful walking buddies, especially on those long walks I like to take. It'd keep them active and in perfect shape.

5. Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
I've never had one before, but I fell in love with them when I wrote about them on this blog before. I would love to try having one. They seem like the perfect little companion dogs. Well, I've always loved the spaniel family of dogs, they are always so mellow and sweet. These little guys are just perfect for a single person like me. I want one like this one in the picture, either a solid black and tan or the white with black and tan spots. A dog like this would definitely have to be acquired from a reputable breeder, as they have been overbred now and are plagued with health problems.

6. Tibetan Spaniel
Again, I always seem to turn most toward the spaniel family. I always had papillons and chihuahuas. This one is partly a toy breed and partly a utility breed. Either way, they are awesome guard dogs! I used to see one walking on the docs back in Astoria, a woman had one of these and it was so doggone CUTE!!!! I always wanted to bring it home. But then again, I said that about every dog I met there. Heck! I just love dogs! I think my sis had one of these, which she named Randle. Though he was sold to us as a pekingese, I think more thinking back on him now, that he was one of these guys. He looked more like this than like a pekingese.

7. Shetland Sheepdog
They look like miniature Lassies. For some odd reason, I am just drawn to that. This is a breed I would just love to have! I always pictured myself getting one, and I came dreadfully close to getting a sheltie twice in my life. The first time was in 1990, I had a friend that bred shelties as a hobby, and she was going to just give me one. But my ma said my dad would have a fit! So I didn't get one then. Then again in 1999 I came close, I had a deposit down on one. But forces beyond my control stopped me from getting one then. Who knows? Maybe this time will be my time to get one?

8. Toy American Shepherd
This is the smallest version of the Australian Shepherd. I used to breed Australian shepherds (standard-sized) back in the mid 90s. It was a project I helped a boyfriend take on, starting in 1996, and worked on it all the way up to the year 2000, when we bred our last litter. I had to give it up because grandma needed round-the-clock care, and I had to help. So, I had to give up the dog breeding. But looking at this today, this is a breed I would love to have! They have all the qualities of the standard Australian shepherds (which, BTW is an American breed), only in a smaller package. They are made for apartment living.

9. Scottish Terrier
Ever since I was a little kid, I've always loved Scotties! They are probably one of the most iconic breeds in the world! I even had a Scottie that I named Mysti. After the INXS song, Mystify. She was a good dog too. And probably a better rat-killer than those doggone cats we used to have! I wanted to keep her forever, but my dad, who owned the house we lived in, told us we had too many dogs, and that we could only have one. So, since my sis had her dog longer, he made me get rid of Mysti. To this day, I wish I hadn't done that.

10. Miniature Dachshund
When I was a kid, I saw this movie called The Ugly Dachshund, about a show-breeder family that had dachshunds and a great dane. Ever since then, I've been in love with getting a miniature dachshund. I always wanted one! I'd love to have a smooth and a longcoat, if I decide to go with these. They are more like companion dogs than hunting dogs.

11. Cairn Terrier
Actually, this is one of my most favorite terriers of all. I remember first seeing this breed when I saw the Wizard of Oz as a child. I didn't much care for the movie, but I did find myself fascinated by the dog, Toto. Then, when I got older, there was this book called The Complete Puppy and Dog Book, which became like my own personal Bible. My first book of dog knowledge. There was a picture in that book of a Cairn terrier and I fell in love with the dog in that picture. It was so darn CUTE!!!!! I wanted one like it.

Well, that is the list of dog breeds I would not mind having. I try to keep it simple. There are other breeds that I do love, but probably would not even consider owning at this point in my life for various reasons. But this is my target-list of breeds I have been looking into. I do need a dog! I have yet to decide which one(s) I truly want. But when I am ready to get one, I will make an announcement on here. Thanks to Katrina for the suggestion to do this post.

The Emotional Triggers

Ya know something? Katrina opened my eyes again with a post she made here and on Tim-Hutch-Love. I cannot even believe I had forgotten about this. Katrina and I have been friends forever. But she has also been more than that to me. She's also been a lot like a little sister to me too. I remember when I first met her dad back in the early 90s, after I got out of high school, and we even became boyfriend/girlfriend for a while. Katrina was only 5 years old back then, and she had just lost her mom to ovarian cancer (There's that damn word again!!!!!!!!!!) UGH! Makes me mad! Anyways, they were new to the states, and I was in love with her father for a while. I also took Katrina under my wing, so to speak. For those literal folks reading, I do not really have wings! But I took Katrina in almost like a daughter. At 5 years old, she was smart as a whip! That's why I took to her. She was not like most other 5 year olds. When her father and I stopped dating, we didn't lose touch. We remained friends. Partly because I fell in love with babying Katrina. I was not looking to take the place of her mom, I just wanted to be someone she could turn to if she needed a female role-model around. Her father even allowed her to come live with me and my big sis for a while when she was 15 through 18. I even introduced her to INXS's music. She was about 10 when Michael died. She learned to love INXS through me.

Anyways, she knows I never tried to take her mom's place. But one thing Katrina never really did was grieve for her mom. She was too young to know what went on. I think, in some small way, Katrina thought I was her motherly figure. So, she never really grieved for her real mother. It wasn't until she was older that she went back to her original homeland to visit her mother's grave site that it hit her, and she was 20 years old at that time. But again, she was young, and it didn't hit her as hard. Of course she cried some, but she did not go through the heavy-step grieving process. I guess this is what happens when you get older. After I read her post in Tim-Hutch Love, I started thinking about all the times I have grieved over lost loved ones. Then I went back to a post I made here back in September, after my pa died, titled "The Grieving Process". BOY! Do I know me well or not?! I went through the initial shock, then the point where I was crying every 10 minutes, and then through a period of intense cheerfulness, and then through the part of being a total jerk! I knew it was going to happen! I've been through it before. I went through it after my grandma died, after my Groucho died, and now again after my pa died. It seems to always happen after anyone who means anything to me dies, and it has gotten worse as I got older.

I was rather young myself when Michael died back in 1997, and he meant everything to me. I was also in love with him once, and at the time he died, I had fallen in love with him again. I was beginning to. The initial shock lasted a few hours, then the part of crying every 10 minutes began. And up until Michael died, I almost NEVER cried!!! Not since before my teenage years anyways! But Michael's death, I believe, broke me emotionally. I had lost a dog I had for 14 years just a few months before Michael died, and I didn't cry nearly as much as I did when Michael died. I even lost a boyfriend in a car accident around the same time I lost the dog. I did cry, but not as much as I did when Michael died. I think maybe, Michael's death was just like the final slap in the face for 1997. I lost too many people/animals I loved that year. Michael was like the final straw that broke the camel's back. This year, 2016, the world lost a lot of people, public figures. None of them meant anything to me. I'm not happy they are dead, but none of them struck me as emotionally as when Michael died. I saw their deaths as mostly signaling the end of my childhood years. But then my father died. And it was like when Michael died all over again. It broke me emotionally. I've spent the last 2 months doing nothing but trying to find peace with it.

As is typical with my own grieving process, I can become an asshole (or a hemorrhoid)! Poor Rita Love has received the brunt of it because we have done the most PMing back and forth for the past 2 months. She has tried to tell me how happy she has been, and I've ignored and/or made fun of her. Talking to Katrina today, I know that was wrong of me. When I saw her post in the group, it was like little chimes that went off. It snapped me back to that memory of when her mom died and she was too young to know what was going on. The innocence she displayed that day we first met. Then I thought of when I lost Michael, and how I never recovered from that. I grew old from that moment on. I had become a 100-year old woman trapped in a 23-year old body. Then when I lost grandma in 2001, and Groucho in 2006, and then my dad this year. I knew the emotional roller coaster was coming! I predicted it, based on how I've been in the past after losing someone I loved. There are going to be times I can be a total jerk! A pig! An asshole. Whatever you want to call it. But it was bound to happen. I hadn't cried in 19 hours, and then I saw Katrina's post about her mom on Tim-Hutch Love, and it got me started again because I had completely forgotten about that!!!

I remember this past year, one of my (former) friends from Facebook and I saw her videos on YouTube too, lost her mom as well. I tried to be there for her. She went through periods where she was very despondent and often did not come back to Facebook. I told her to just take all the time she needs to recover. I know how hard it is. I told her her REAL friends will understand. And I was one of those. Well, I was understanding of her, but apparently she didn't want to show me the same understanding. But like I said, it happens among people. But at least, once again, it shows what kind of friends they are. Not what kind of friend I am. OK Katrina, rant over! LOL! Back to what I talked about before; Dogs. Maybe I will talk about the breeds I've been looking into getting next. Probably won't be a chihuahua or a papillon. I think I want to go ALL different this next time I build up my family.