Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Cecil The Lion

OMG!! For the past 2 days I've been seeing and hearing nothing except about a damn dentist who went to Africa and killed a fucking lion, named Cecil!! Enough already! I am sick of it!!! It's old news now! And really, anyone who only cares because it is a stupid lion is pathetic! Apparently, this lion was what most people call "special". They say he was an "African icon". That's malarkey!! That's nothing but a load of leopard gas!! A lion is a lion! You seen one, you've seen them all! This lion was no more "special" than any other lion, or any other animal that has ever been killed by trophy hunters over the past years. Well, you all know how I hate lions! I hate ALL panthers. And lions are my most hated panthers of all. I can't stand the sight of them. To look at one literally makes me physically ill. I couldn't care less that one more lion is dead. What I don't agree with about this article is trophy hunting.

Most people seem to be more upset that it was a dumb lion that was killed. Who cares?! It's just a stupid lion! It doesn't have a soul, it is NOT the "king of beasts", and I don't buy that it never hurt anyone. It's just a big, fat, ugly, stupid, sodden-brained, dim-witted, good-for-nothing, psychotic-minded, addlepated, lazy-ass lion!! And I don't buy that it never hurt anyone. Imagine how many hyenas unnecessarily died in Cecil's jaws! I imagine lots of them. One less lion now to worry about. Not that I am a huge fan of hyenas. But lions do kill them for nothing but pleasure. Just like this dentist killed that lion for pleasure. I am totally against trophy hunting! I think it's a waste of life. But I would feel the same way if it were a wolf, or a fox, or a sitatunga that was killed just as a trophy. It's not fair. But let's face it, there have been trophy hunters before, advertising their hunts. No one has ever cried as loud as they do now for this stupid lion. The guy who killed Cecil probably didn't even know it was Cecil. Would you be able to tell just by looking at him? Think of it. Is this Cecil?

Or is this Cecil?

Or is this Cecil?

Or this?

Those are all different lions. Can you tell which one is Cecil? I can't just by looking at them. They all look alike to me. But surely one of them IS Cecil. I just bet you can't tell which one it is, unless you happen to recognize his picture, because it's been posted all over by now! One of my vegan friends posted a thing on Facebook, asking why people are getting so upset about the death of a lion, when people are responsible for the deaths of cattle, pigs and chickens? Well, I responded to her post saying "It's just another propaganda ploy being used now to glorify panthers." It isn't going to stop until they get everyone in the world to love panthers. Well, none of it will work on me. I used to like panthers a long time ago, and I outgrew it. I'm glad I did too! I am not ashamed to admit that it does not bother me that one more lion is gone from this world! However, I am sorry that it ended in a trophy hunt. I just never agreed with trophy hunting, I couldn't care less if it was a lion that was killed, or what ever animal. I just don't agree with trophy hunting. Killing an animal (like a cow, pig or chicken) for consumption is one thing. But killing an animal just to display on your wall is horrible! If you want to display an animal in your living room, BUY A POSTER!!!! No need to go off and kill a creature just to display as a trophy!

Shoot! I don't even agree with Paula trapping Michael so she could display him like a trophy, even though the end result with him was the same. But there will never be another Michael Hutchence! There will ALWAYS be other lions. One dies, another one will soon come along and take his place. No gaps are left whatsoever. There's no shortage of lions out there killing for fun. They all look the same, they're all ugly, disgusting and lazy beasts, someone out there will give them names, but it makes no difference. A lion is a fucking lion. Nothing changes. Get over it!!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Life In The Deep, Dark Web

Did you all know the internet has layers? There is the top layer, the visible layer. That is the internet most people typically use. Then there is the deep internet, which is only accessible through special browsers. Then there is the dark internet, which is only used by law enforcement and the military. I've been on YouTube, looking at some videos, and I've seen a couple of people who regularly browse the deep internet. It's a scary place!! I've also heard some horror stories about the deep internet, and I will tell you about those in a moment. If you want to access the dark web, well, you can't. Only the military and FBI are allowed there. I think I heard it's only accessible via passwords. Nothing interesting there anyways. And the deep web, it's very interesting, but usually not in good ways.

The deep web is only accessible through specialized web browsers. One such browser I heard is called Onion. For obvious reasons! Though I think someone once said in a video that you can also access it through Google Chrome. They don't have a search engine like Google, and no sites from the deep web can be found on Google either. Their websites are usually small and unimpressionable. Their web hosters only allow so much bandwidth, so the sites are not very flashy or dynamic. They get right to the point. I've never browsed the deep web, and I never want to! The browser, Onion, is not very protected. It leaves you open and vulnerable to hackers. And believe me when I say there are a lot of hackers that access the deep web! Its like an underground alley or something. Lots of people get in there and sell things like electronics, very cheap. Like, you could get a 30 GB iPad for less than $150. But don't buy it! Chances are, it's a stolen item. You can also buy black market items such as guns, grenades, ammo, all the way down to children, and hitmen. You can also rent a hacker. There is no access to Facebook, ebay or Amazon in the deep web, but they do have their own currency system known as BitCoin.

Well, there is a very good reason I steer absolutely clear of the deep web. I've heard some pretty messed-up stories from people who have visited the deep web. Some are downright scary! Going to the deep web is like taking a walk through a neighborhood that you know is a bad neighborhood, at night, alone. It can get really scary sometimes. Like I said, it's crawling with hackers! One truly messed up story I heard, someone was browsing the deep web one day, visiting a site that sells guns. While he was visiting the site, a chat box pops on the screen and says hi. So, he thought he would be social and say hello back. Worst mistake he ever made!! The other chatter said "Do you like the site?" and the visitor answers "It's OK." The other chatter and the visitor make small talk, and the visitor said he had to go. The other chatter got a little upset and said "Hmm, I see your name is Michael and you live in *************, Massachusetts." Well, immediately the visitor got chills up his spine, because the hacker was right. But he tried to make it out like he was wrong. The next thing the visitor knows, he sees a screen pop up, looks and sees himself and what he is doing right then. He suddenly realizes his webcam is on! So, he closes his laptop. It shakes him up pretty bad.

Another scary story I've heard involved a man who supposedly went to the deep web to meet up with what he thought was a woman. He would meet her in a chatroom. Well, it got to be a little much for the guy and so he cooled off the relationship. When he did that, the woman told him where he lived, which kindof gave the guy a jolt because he'd never told her where he lived, but she had his full address up there on the screen! She said "You're only about an hour from me, I'm gonna come and see you." He closed his laptop and went about his business. Suddenly, some time later, he gets a text. It was from that girl! She said "Hey! I'm in your neighborhood now!" About 1 minute later, he gets another text from her and she says "I'm pulling into your driveway." and she sends him a picture of the front of his house. She then sends him another text saying "I see you" and she sends him a picture she just took of him sleeping on his sofa, which is exactly what he was doing at that point. It creeped him out!!

But by far, the creepiest, most disturbing story I heard about the deep web was from a video I watched last night. This man in Australia posted a video of his on the deep web, and well, this guy talks about it himself. It's a 30-something minute long video, but he describes everything.


Can you imagine that? He talks about this guy mutilating a child, then making items like T shirts with pictures of this mutilated little girl to sell!! It's sad! My jaw dropped 6 feet when I saw that! But this is a really good reason I never visit the deep web!!

So, enjoy the internet! But beware of the deep internet! Don't go there!! Unless you enjoy being hacked and stalked!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Oh Lawdy Lawd!!!

I am so glad I am not a fan of Paula Yates!! UGH!! One of my friends announced that there are 2 groups dedicated to Paula. One group is run by a woman named Sheila, the other group is run by Maria and Jannah. OMG!! I am so glad I am not a Paula fan! SO glad!! And I must say now, I would suggest the Paula fans go to the group run by Sheila, and stay clear away from the group run by Jannah! I'm not saying Jannah is a bad person. I don't believe she'll come to your house, park in your driveway and wait for you to come out of your house to mug you. But Jannah definitely has some serious emotional issues! Can you imagine what she'd be like as a moderator in a group? You'd say one thing she doesn't agree with, and she'll get obsessively angry at you before booting you out of the group. I imagine it to be pretty much like this:

Dee: The sky is blue today.
Jannah: The sky is never blue. It's a sea-greenish color.
Dee: No, the sky is definitely blue.
Jannah: It is NOT!!! I'm right! You're WRONG!!!
Dee: When I look out and see the sky on a clear day, it's always blue.
Jannah: I don't care what you see when you look outside! I say the sky is sea-greenish and I don't appreciate you contradicting me!!!!!
Dee: OK, so you see the sky as being sea-greenish, I see it as blue. Let's leave it as that.
Jannah: Oh you are just about the rudest, most obnoxious person I ever met!! And if I were the Battlestar Gallactica, I would HATE you for contradicting my vision!!!!
(Dee goes to type a response only to find out she is unable to respond because Jannah has kicked her out of the group).

That is what I mean. You disagree with Jannah, and she will most likely boot you out! If you like a challenge, I say go for it, join that group. I'd never join a Paula Yates fan group anyways. But if I ever did, it wouldn't be one that is moderated by Jannah! Maria is OK, I like her. But there is a definitely good reason I never asked Jannah to become my friend on Facebook. Also why I am glad she has me on ignore on Facebook! I hope she never takes me off ignore. Of course if she did, I could just put her on ignore in turn. I don't care if she likes Paula. I am not shallow enough to not like someone just because they don't like the same things I do. (Don't listen to the dirty dozen mob!) What I don't like about Jannah is how she gets so outrageously angry over little things like someone disagreeing with her.

Take it from me, I've dealt with people like her before. I know what the outcome of that group is going to be like. A lot of people have even given up the MH & His Life fan page because of people like Jannah. She has blindly and viciously attacked everyone who does not like Paula, including Michael's own sister Christina. And Christina was there when Paula did all that shit to Michael behind his back! Jannah wasn't. I have a great deal of fortitude, I can handle a lot of lashings and hatred. But I'm the kind of person that can take people or leave them. I don't care. But if you're trying to make friends with Jannah, well, I just suggest don't even try! She hates people who disagree with her. She will turn on you at the drop of a hat if you say even one thing that she doesn't agree with. The sky is blue argument is just a sample (it didn't actually happen) of the kind of little things that sets her off. I think she needs therapy, and if I were her, I would get it before I even dream of moderating any group.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Condolences To Nick Cave

I don't know Nick Cave, but I do know he and Michael were friends. Michael was inspired in a lot of ways by Nick Cave. Well, Nick had twin boys, and one of them passed away yesterday. He was only 15. He died falling from a 60-foot cliff. Today the authorities in Australia are saying the kid committed suicide, that it wasn't an accident. That is so sad! I felt sad yesterday after hearing this news. I'm not even a fan of Nick Cave, at all. I've never heard his music, he's not overly handsome, I never heard him sing, but this is just terrible. The kid was only 15! That's the fact I cannot get over.

It saddens me when someone that young dies. Think of it! The kid never really had a chance to grow up. He never got to have a career, he never finished school, never got married or had children of his own, he never even got old enough to get a driver's license. It's sad! I've been in school and a couple times got news another fellow student passed away. The first time was in 1984, a young girl in my class was riding a horse when the horse stumbled and fell on top of her. She was in a coma for 3 days, and the family finally decided to pull the plug and she died. I was really too young back then to understand what happened. I understood death, but I wasn't put together enough to realize the impact something like that would have on her family, or the opportunities she missed by not being able to grow up. I couldn't go to her funeral, I'd never been to a funeral in my life, and I couldn't bring myself to go to that of a friend's. But several of my other friends did go to her funeral. There was a great deal of sadness that day.

About 2 years later, in 1986, another incident happened to a much older student. I don't remember his name though, but some of my friends knew the guy. He was out with some friends one weekend and driving around, getting drunk and they got into an accident. The driver accidentally crashed their car into a tree, this boy was thrown from the car on impact and he died instantly. Apparently, his head hit the ground really hard when he was thrown from the car, and crushed his skull and brain. One of my teachers actually saw him after he was in the morgue. The teacher described his face being all scratched up and his head was crushed. The boy's mom was in the attendance office to fill out a discharge from school form. When asked for a reason, she simply replied "deceased". I don't remember if they had funeral services for him in that school, not like they did for the other girl in my last school.

Aside from also losing a few teachers in between those times, those were the only times I'd heard of anyone close to my age passing away. Well, until now, but this doesn't count, I'm getting older. At my age, death is closer to me than family. When my time comes, I'd like to think I am ready to go. There's just a few things I want to complete before I make my final journey.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Up At 4AM

And nothing much to do, except browse the internet! I officially HATE M&Ms now! LOL! I ate some last night, when I knew I shouldn't have, and I ate too many and now I feel sick and weak. This really sucks!! But at the same time, it's pretty cool too. But the M&Ms are not the reason I woke up so damn early. I just couldn't go back to sleep. I had the same problem a week or so ago, when I woke up at about 3AM. I heard what sounded like running footfalls outside my window. Then, I heard a black man's voice shouting "Get back here before I fuck you up!" I assumed what I was hearing was a bit of a domestic dispute. I hate it when they bring their bullshit outside at night, right in front of my bedroom window!! Seriously!! Once the girl runs out of the house, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!!!!! Your stupid arguments between the two of you are not my business! I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know about it, and I don't want it broadcast in front of my window when I am trying to sleep!! That was the night I was having a nice MH dream too!

One of my friends this morning was saying how she saw someone wearing a shirt that said "Addicted to Jesus" and it made her angry, just the sight of that shirt. So angry, she said she wanted to punch that person in the face. I told her I feel the same way every time I see anyone wearing a shirt that has a picture of any kind of panther on it. I see grown people wearing shirts that have pictures of lions, tigers, or leopards and I feel so angry I want to punch them in the face, and then stomp on that shirt. I don't want to see those ugly faces staring at me when I walk by those people! And believe me I've seen a lot of panther radicals! They make me sick!! I think I'm even over that business of wanting to get myself a kitten. Know why? It's all thanks to this stupid panther-fanatical wussy on YouTube who calls himself "TYRANTZILLA Fastlife". Normally, I don't respond to negative people on YouTube anymore, but I wanted to have some fun with this dumbass. It led to a nearly week-long battle of wits. Well, Tyrantzilla had no wits at all. His biggest insult was calling me "gayass", his reason is because I don't like lions or any kind of panthers. I call him a wussy because he does like panthers. I also call him a dumbass who has no brains or creativity of his own, also because he loves panthers.

I truly believe people who love panthers only do so because they are followers. Either they were foolishly influenced by that stupid movie "The Lion King", or that disgusting program "Big 'Cat' Diary", or they are just afraid. Afraid of feeling rejected because they don't like what everyone else likes. I'm just exactly the opposite. The more popular something is, the less I like it. In the case of panthers, it's because I got so sick of hearing about them and seeing them on every nature show, it just became nothing but a pile of cat shit! I hate panthers. I hate the entire cat and panther family. I'm proud of that too. That's what sets me apart from the rest of the people. That's who I am. And I love being different. Believe me, I'd feel worse if I did like panthers. I'd feel like I wasn't being true to myself. I've experienced that feeling once before, all because I wanted some idiot people to like me, and it was the worst feeling in the world and I swore I would NEVER do that again!!! My self-respect is a million times more important to me than the respect of strangers.

One of the big reasons I hate panthers so much is because of the panther-fags like Tyrantzilla. You know, people will forgive panthers where they won't forgive any other animals? For example, if a lion kills a hyena, all the cat-fags will say "That's nature", or "the lion is just protecting it's family". If a lion runs from an attacking crocodile, the panther-fags are like "lions don't take unnecessary chances with another dangerous animal", and they seem to understand it. But if a hyena fends off a lion, the hyenas are suddenly the "bad guys", or they are "evil, disgusting creatures that deserve to be killed". Or if a hyena runs from a lion or a crocodile, the hyena is labeled a "coward" by the panther-fags, and they suddenly don't understand it. People don't seem to know that hyenas are a considerably older family than the felines. I don't like hyenas myself, I think they are ugly and smelly, but I do find it fascinating they have been around so long (40 million years as opposed to true felines only being around for 20 million) and are still going strong!! Hyenas are very successful, in spite of everything! They don't take unnecessary chances either. They didn't survive all these years by being stupid. Unlike felines, hyenas don't go out looking for fights. They do what they are programmed by nature to do, and that is eat to survive. Felines, on the other hand, have only been here for half as long, and they are not faring very well since humans have taken over the scene. I'm not talking about "cats", I'm talking only about TRUE felines. Other animals known as "cats", like the civets and mongooses, have been around for a good 50 million years and are secretive, but as a family they're mostly doing OK.

The oldest carnivore family though, by far, are the canines. Foxes, being the earliest representatives of that family. Canines first came on the scene when Tyrannosaurs and Triceratops were roaming the Earth. They survived the extinction event that killed the dinosaurs. They were what all modern carnivores are descended from. That includes felines. Yet, canines are labeled by the panther-fags as being "cowardly", or by cat-fags as being "stupid". Having studied canines for many years, I can honestly tell you, NO canine is any of this!! As a family, they are doing far better than the felines, despite the fact they've been around for many more eons. Wolves were wiped out at one point, but they are back and have been extending their range faster than bobcats, lynx and mountain lions. The difference is dogs aim to please. Being descendants of wolves, they are programmed by nature to do what the leader tells them to do. Cat-fags don't understand this, and what people don't understand, they either feel fear of, or they just loathe. Not everyone is like me. I hate panthers because I do understand them, and I know they are WAY overrated! They are the most over-embellished creatures on the planet thanks to cartoons, movies and over-worked panther fanatics and cat-fags.

Well, I must say I am not too different from other people. Not in every way. I just have my own point of view, just like everyone else. One guy I am subscribed to, was talking last night on a video about faith, and he said it really hurts his feelings when his family, who are Christians, tell him or their friends they hope he, who is an atheist, comes back to having that faith in GOD that he used to have. He said people who believe in GOD do so for comfort, because they don't want to face the unknown by themselves. GOD provides them with some security, something to lean on. He may be right! I think the same thing about show breeders! I've met many show breeders, when I used to get into pet forums and go to dog shows, and that wretched email group I was on just before my Groucho died. One thing that seemed to be mostly universal, show breeders seemed to be very insecure people! Remember that John Cipollina guy, the guy who ran Maestro Chihuahuas? I thought it was very unusual how he just got so angry with me for almost no reason at all, it was also very suspicious! I'd be the first one to admit if I'd done something wrong. But he acted like I murdered his family and he just wanted to tear me apart for it. When all I really did was fill out a survey that I thought was going to the whole forum to fill out. No one told me it was only supposed to be directed at one person, it was sent over email to everyone, and I thought we were supposed to all fill it out. And I did! I also gave my opinions honestly.

Well, when John Cipollina read that, he blew his top clear off!!! LOL! He was yelling, screaming, and I think I may have even felt the veins in his head popping. Or I heard them! LOL! He could have handled it diplomatically, and sent me a PM kindly pointing out exactly what it was I said that offended him. He could have wrote me something like this:

"Hello Cassandra,
I'm glad you decided to join our group. I hope you can learn something new about the breeding game. I am just writing you a PM because I found what you said in your survey to be quite offensive, not only to me, but also could be taken wrong by some of the other breeders on the group. Like, when you said ...(insert offensive breeder line here) I just want to make sure you have your facts straight on this subject. For example, (insert factual breeder info here)"

And so on. I would have been understanding. I was trying to do breeding the right way, I welcomed constructive criticism, and really the last thing I wanted back then was to offend anyone. John Cipollina, and everyone in that group for that matter, might have even got a public apology from me. But no, John Cipollina was not even nearly that tactful. And he was no gentleman! I was slammed at by him with a barrage of hate-filled tirades, anger soaked in venom, verbal assault and the like. And not just by him, but also by his dumbass show breeder "friends". And I do use the term "friends" loosely, because I don't believe any show breeder can ever be a good friend to anyone else, except for other show breeders, and only for as long as they are winning show breeders. I haven't seen anything of that John Cipollina in a long time. I wonder what ever happened to the old fart. Not that I truly care! It's partly because of him that I hate show breeders so much now. Most of the show breeders I've met have been a lot like him. Judging by his outrageous attitude, he probably had a heart attack. Anyone who gets as angry as quickly as he did, they've got to be suffering some blood pressure problems, maybe some heart problems too. I hope it killed him too!! That would be wonderful news! hehehe!

Anyway, I think the reason he was always so mean and hateful is probably the same reason a lot of show breeders are mean, because maybe as a child he was neglected. Maybe his parents never showed him any love. They probably spoiled him more with gifts and possessions than with love, understanding or any physical contact. This makes people like him feel insecure, so he breeds to give himself a sense of accomplishment. He probably also shows his dogs to give himself that much-needed ego boost. That's one of the reasons I never showed any dogs. I don't rely on my animals to give me an ego boost! I have other ways of getting that. My Metazoic site for one thing. My love for INXS is another. INXS friends are the greatest!! MUCH better than show breeders ever were!

Sunday, July 5, 2015

The Sparks of Love

Ya know, they say when the right man comes along, the woman knows it. I've felt love in the past, but only one man ever gave me those sparks and see fireworks. It was the only man I ever fell in love with on first sight. It was Michael Hutchence. I did manage to see him live in concert only once, but it was a memorable show! I even reached out and kissed him at that concert. But it was my first sighting of him that made me fall madly in love with him. When I first saw him on TV. When I saw him, sparks flew, I heard and saw the fireworks, I went totally weak in the knees, and I could think of no one or nothing else after that. That is what they say it is like to fall in love. That is the point where the woman knows it is going to be true love. That same day, watching that same video, I also fell in love with Timmy's buns! He has the best set of buns in the whole band!! At the time, I didn't know if Michael, or Timmy for that matter, were already married or not. I just saw them and fell in absolute love! I figured handsome men like them must be married!! Well, I would later find out it was true for Timmy, but not true for Michael. Back in those days, I found that a little harder to believe. Both were handsome men! But for different reasons. Though Timmy has the better figure and personality, for me, it was Michael's moves, cute face and flowing hair that attracted me.

Well, I did used to joke around to friends that I would someday marry Michael. I was so deeply in love with him, I wanted it to happen, but knew deep inside it would never happen! No other man has ever made me feel the same way Michael has! I never felt those sparks with any other man. Not even the man I eventually did marry! There were a few barriers in place though that made me not want to even approach Michael in that matter. One of the reasons I never approached him about the subject of marrying me, let's face it, rock stars NEVER marry fans!! To them, all we are is fans. People who admire them for their songs, performance and in Michael's case; his sultry good looks. I don't think rock stars think a fan would love them for who they are. So, they don't take it seriously when a fan approaches them and says "Hey! I want to be your girlfriend forever!" or "I want to marry you!" So, that was just one idea why I never approached Michael in that way for that reason. But that's not the only reason.

I remember when someone posted a link to a blog where the writer told of herself being the only person that Michael communicates with from beyond the grave on one of the groups I am on. I checked it out and had a great laugh over it. But there was one comment made by someone on there, well, he is among my Facebook friends now, and he seems like a nice guy. He's a bird-lover. But the comment he left on that blog made me kinda glad I never approached Michael. This guy is best friends with Michael's brother Rhett, and he told about how he used to hang at the INXS headquarters back in the day. They would get fan mail and most of it would wind up in the recycling bin. But he and Rhett would dig some of the letters out, read them and have a good laugh over them. One particularly creepy woman sounded serious about meeting Michael and becoming his lifelong girlfriend (I swear, it wasn't me who wrote that!) LOL! Well he said she showed up one day at their office in Sydney, and the scary part is she was nothing like how she described herself in her letters. He said she was 10 years older than Michael, not even remotely attractive and as big as a hippo. His words, not mine! LOL!

Well anyways, it was that reason also that I never approached Michael. I never thought of myself as being attractive. Not even when I was thinner. I guess I'd been told by bullies in school so many times that I was ugly, it sank in too deep. And while it didn't bother me if the bullies in school said it, if my Michael had said that about me, even behind my back, it would have broken my heart if I ever found out he said it. I always thought I was too ugly for such a handsome guy like Michael. I mean really, who would marry this?

That was me from 2000, but it would give you a general idea of what I looked like at the time Michael was alive. I always hated my smile! I look more like I am half frowning! I hate my hair too. I hate how it just lies all over the place! Plus, I was way too skinny! I just never thought of myself as being attractive. So, I was afraid to approach Michael. But then again, look at what he did almost wind up with...

This must be the reason he killed himself, if indeed he did commit suicide. Though that thing is the mother of his only child, it's ugly as a lion's behind!! The only good thing about Michael being with Paula, is I look at her, and I think maybe I would have had a chance with him myself! Even being fat, broken-down and bald, I couldn't look worse than Paula!! But maybe if I had married Michael, I would never have gotten fat, Michael might still be alive today, and his daughter might have had a more decent name! Well, I would have probably called her "Heavenly Hiraani Lily Hutchence", her call-name would have been Hiraani. Leave out the "tiger". That part of her name is ugly!! Michael really wanted her call-name to be Hiraani, so that's what we would have called her. It's pretty and it's unique. And it doesn't represent an ugly, lazy beast like the name "tiger" does! Tigers are cursed by GOD. With a name like that, I fear Lily will fail in anything she tries.

Dian Fossey named one of her gorillas "tiger" too, thinking the name would fit his personality. Well, judging by his namesake's current position in the wild, she was indeed right! He failed to find a mate and reproduce, and he died a lonely bachelor gorilla with no offspring whatsoever.

Well, a lot of people agree with me about Paula. One of my friends told me it's mostly the people from the UK who defend Paula. I think she's right! People from the UK and Australia defend Paula. Not all, but I noticed that pattern myself. People from the UK think Paula was the equivalent of Betty Crocker. But she killed Michael! I'll never get that out of my mind! Those of us from the USA, you can't pull the wool over our eyes! We saw through Paula's little scheme!! I'll never forgive her for that! Lily may hate me for saying things like that about Paula, but that's OK. She should hear the truth. And remember, Paula threatened to kill herself AND Lily if Michael ever left her. And Paula did kill herself via a drug overdose. Doing those kinds of things, does that sound like something a responsible mother would do?? Not to me! So if Lily wants to hate me for hating Paula, so be it! But she should know Paula wanted Lily dead if she couldn't have Michael. Paula was selfish for sure. No one can ever make me believe otherwise!

Saturday, July 4, 2015

"Today Was A Bad Day, But Tomorrow's Another Day"

There was always that aire of doubt in my mind if I truly loved this band, because of my former feelings about Kirk. My meetings with him have been disappointing, to say the least. The last time I had a chance to talk to him, I paid $300 for the privilege. I know, it was my sisters' money, but still! It was for a birthday gift for me. I stood in front of Kirk like an idiot, smiled and said hello, and he never spoke back to me. For many years, I thought it was personal, like he didn't like fans who were overweight, like me. What else could I think? He spoke to everyone else around me (fans who were not as fat as me), but just totally snubbed me. It made me feel very sad, because up until then, I loved Kirk. I never said anything bad about him, and he was right up there with Timmy as one of my favorite band members. A couple of times, someone came in this blog, pretending to be Kirk. While it would have felt good if it had actually been him, I knew it wasn't. Well, admittedly at first, I did think it was, but I knew nothing about him then. But then one of my friends, who used to come in here, pointed out a few features that she said were very un-Kirk-like. hehe. Well, she told me she had communicated with him many times on Myspace, so she knew a lot more about him than I did, and she said the comments did not resemble his writing at all.

Later on, a not-so-friendly reader (probably DonnaG, or one of her cronies) came in and said pretty much the same thing my friend did, but that person's timing was considerably late. LOL! My friend had already told me the news by the time she chimed in. But it did act in a way to confirm what my friend said and my own suspicions. So the next time someone came in and did the same thing, a year later (I think the posts are still there), I was better prepared. Though the posts did seem to come from someone in Australia, I highly doubt they were made by Kirk. I suspected it may have been posted by someone from the Rockband Lounge forums. They hated me there because I did not like DonnaG, and she was kindof the mods' "pet" on those forums. Anyone who didn't like her was slammed mercilessly on that forum. So, I always made sure I slammed Donna on here just to show those mods that they do NOT control me. I control myself! I decide who I like and who I don't like. And I don't give a shit if they slam me or not!

I was on that Rockband forum for a while. I didn't like it at all. There was only 1 or 2 friendly people, everyone else was one of DonnaG's little robots. You couldn't make a post, the mods there had to be the ones to start the posts. The posters were only allowed to respond to those posts. That was why I quit that forum! I tried to start a post and couldn't. You had to have at least moderator status in order to begin a post. That's fucking STUPID!!! Why open a forum and not allow the members that were not mods start a post? It didn't make sense to me. So I left and never looked back.

Anyways, my respect level for Kirk has increased 1000-fold! He kicked cancer's ass!! I admire him for that! Especially after I heard his wife say he would have his good days, and his bad days. On his bad days, he would say "Today was a bad day, but tomorrow's another day." I gotta admire someone with strength like that!! He didn't let the bad days get to him. I never had cancer, and it doesn't run rampant in my family, but I always felt if it had ever happened to me, I don't want to cry or moan "why did this happen to me?" I want to be strong, like Kirk was, and just take one day at a time. And if GOD forbid, HE did decide to take me home, my only thought would be "Well, if GOD feels it is my time to head home, it's HIS decision, and HE needs me there more than I need to be down here." Only one person in my whole history ever died of cancer. It was my great-grandfather. I never knew him. He died of prostate cancer in 1960. As far as I can determine, he's the only one in our whole family to ever develop any form of cancer.

I've basically got good genes! There's no cancer in our family, there's no heart attacks in our family, although my grandma did have a weak heart. The doc thinks that was linked to her having only a vegan diet when she was younger. The worst thing in our family is obesity, from my mom's father's side of the family. But that can easily be overcome. I am working on that now as we speak! My father and sis has insomnia, but I think the only reason my sis has it is because she drinks coffee late in the afternoon, instead of in the morning like a normal person does.

Anyways, I worked hard to forgive Kirk because of my last meeting with him. Looking back on some of the posts I've made in the past on here, I was downright cruel to him!! Like in one post from 2010, I told Kirk to "go suck a stonefish"!! LOL!! Sorry Kirk! That was indeed mean of me to say that. I saw that and I thought "OMG!! I am nasty!!" Well, I was still feeling upset about my last meeting with him. But I worked hard on forgiving him. I wanted to make that my goal for this year. I'd say I accomplished it nicely. I wanted to be able to say I love INXS 100%, and mean it! Now, I can. Kirk may not want to forgive me for being so mean and hateful to him in the past, but that is OK too. I wouldn't blame him at all. I said some pretty fucked-up shit to him. Things that now, I wish I hadn't said. But I do admire him a great deal now, for the way he kicked cancer's ass!!

I remember back in 1998, I became a companion to a woman who was dying of cancer. She had cancer of the stomach that spread to her pancreas and liver, so she was going pretty fast. I became a companion to her. I remember what her bad days were like. By the end of June that year, she had succumb to the disease. But I remember her as being mostly a happy and cheerful person, even in her suffering and the constant threat of not waking up the next morning. I do miss her. But during her bad days, she looked weak, tired, pale and all she wanted to do was sleep. So, I know Kirk's journey must have been a difficult one. But he pulled through. That's the important thing. And I am back on the sidelines cheering him on, clapping my hands, and saying "Way to go boy!" And I mean it.