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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

"Today Was A Bad Day, But Tomorrow's Another Day"

There was always that aire of doubt in my mind if I truly loved this band, because of my former feelings about Kirk. My meetings with him have been disappointing, to say the least. The last time I had a chance to talk to him, I paid $300 for the privilege. I know, it was my sisters' money, but still! It was for a birthday gift for me. I stood in front of Kirk like an idiot, smiled and said hello, and he never spoke back to me. For many years, I thought it was personal, like he didn't like fans who were overweight, like me. What else could I think? He spoke to everyone else around me (fans who were not as fat as me), but just totally snubbed me. It made me feel very sad, because up until then, I loved Kirk. I never said anything bad about him, and he was right up there with Timmy as one of my favorite band members. A couple of times, someone came in this blog, pretending to be Kirk. While it would have felt good if it had actually been him, I knew it wasn't. Well, admittedly at first, I did think it was, but I knew nothing about him then. But then one of my friends, who used to come in here, pointed out a few features that she said were very un-Kirk-like. hehe. Well, she told me she had communicated with him many times on Myspace, so she knew a lot more about him than I did, and she said the comments did not resemble his writing at all.

Later on, a not-so-friendly reader (probably DonnaG, or one of her cronies) came in and said pretty much the same thing my friend did, but that person's timing was considerably late. LOL! My friend had already told me the news by the time she chimed in. But it did act in a way to confirm what my friend said and my own suspicions. So the next time someone came in and did the same thing, a year later (I think the posts are still there), I was better prepared. Though the posts did seem to come from someone in Australia, I highly doubt they were made by Kirk. I suspected it may have been posted by someone from the Rockband Lounge forums. They hated me there because I did not like DonnaG, and she was kindof the mods' "pet" on those forums. Anyone who didn't like her was slammed mercilessly on that forum. So, I always made sure I slammed Donna on here just to show those mods that they do NOT control me. I control myself! I decide who I like and who I don't like. And I don't give a shit if they slam me or not!

I was on that Rockband forum for a while. I didn't like it at all. There was only 1 or 2 friendly people, everyone else was one of DonnaG's little robots. You couldn't make a post, the mods there had to be the ones to start the posts. The posters were only allowed to respond to those posts. That was why I quit that forum! I tried to start a post and couldn't. You had to have at least moderator status in order to begin a post. That's fucking STUPID!!! Why open a forum and not allow the members that were not mods start a post? It didn't make sense to me. So I left and never looked back.

Anyways, my respect level for Kirk has increased 1000-fold! He kicked cancer's ass!! I admire him for that! Especially after I heard his wife say he would have his good days, and his bad days. On his bad days, he would say "Today was a bad day, but tomorrow's another day." I gotta admire someone with strength like that!! He didn't let the bad days get to him. I never had cancer, and it doesn't run rampant in my family, but I always felt if it had ever happened to me, I don't want to cry or moan "why did this happen to me?" I want to be strong, like Kirk was, and just take one day at a time. And if GOD forbid, HE did decide to take me home, my only thought would be "Well, if GOD feels it is my time to head home, it's HIS decision, and HE needs me there more than I need to be down here." Only one person in my whole history ever died of cancer. It was my great-grandfather. I never knew him. He died of prostate cancer in 1960. As far as I can determine, he's the only one in our whole family to ever develop any form of cancer.

I've basically got good genes! There's no cancer in our family, there's no heart attacks in our family, although my grandma did have a weak heart. The doc thinks that was linked to her having only a vegan diet when she was younger. The worst thing in our family is obesity, from my mom's father's side of the family. But that can easily be overcome. I am working on that now as we speak! My father and sis has insomnia, but I think the only reason my sis has it is because she drinks coffee late in the afternoon, instead of in the morning like a normal person does.

Anyways, I worked hard to forgive Kirk because of my last meeting with him. Looking back on some of the posts I've made in the past on here, I was downright cruel to him!! Like in one post from 2010, I told Kirk to "go suck a stonefish"!! LOL!! Sorry Kirk! That was indeed mean of me to say that. I saw that and I thought "OMG!! I am nasty!!" Well, I was still feeling upset about my last meeting with him. But I worked hard on forgiving him. I wanted to make that my goal for this year. I'd say I accomplished it nicely. I wanted to be able to say I love INXS 100%, and mean it! Now, I can. Kirk may not want to forgive me for being so mean and hateful to him in the past, but that is OK too. I wouldn't blame him at all. I said some pretty fucked-up shit to him. Things that now, I wish I hadn't said. But I do admire him a great deal now, for the way he kicked cancer's ass!!

I remember back in 1998, I became a companion to a woman who was dying of cancer. She had cancer of the stomach that spread to her pancreas and liver, so she was going pretty fast. I became a companion to her. I remember what her bad days were like. By the end of June that year, she had succumb to the disease. But I remember her as being mostly a happy and cheerful person, even in her suffering and the constant threat of not waking up the next morning. I do miss her. But during her bad days, she looked weak, tired, pale and all she wanted to do was sleep. So, I know Kirk's journey must have been a difficult one. But he pulled through. That's the important thing. And I am back on the sidelines cheering him on, clapping my hands, and saying "Way to go boy!" And I mean it.
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