Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

"Well Baby, I Guess I'm A Fake Person!"

I was watching a video earlier today and it was about how to tell a fake person from a genuine person. Well, the definition of a fake person fits me almost to a T. Although I cannot stand seeing people in pain, but it doesn't bother me as much as seeing animals in pain. Especially someone's pet dogs. To see a dog in pain hurts me deeply. Cats, not so much. Cats aren't as loving as dogs are. In the case of cats, I feel more for the owners if their cat is in pain than I do for the cats themselves. I don't do a lot of things to get the attention of other people. Only after I realize I have their attention, then my idea is like "Well, as long as I have their attention, I might as well give them something to talk about!" I learned that by being on the internet and keeping blogs. A lot of people talk about my blogs. Some in a mocking way, others understand what I am saying. But either way, they are reading, and that is what is important to me. Even the people who mock my blog, at least they're paying attention, and perhaps they'll pass my word along to others who might understand what I am trying to say on here. Maybe not the first person they speak to, maybe not even the second. But someone will.

But anyways, the rest of it would fit. Though I don't try to convince anyone that I am a nice person. I usually used to say "Well, I try to be nice", because I always used to try. But now, things are different. I tell people right off the bat that I am not a nice person anymore. I've been let down too many times by people. The last time, right after my father died, was the last time. It was the final slap in the face by people. So, I am not nice anymore. Though I still have my friends that I adore. I will not make friends anymore with INXS fans. If I do, I've become much more standoffish. Now, I can take them or leave them, and I don't care. I even left a couple more INXS groups on Facebook because I felt I was in too many.

Well, I am fake because I know living in society, I have to comply with some social norms. My mom taught me to be polite and respectful to people, and I am. But if I didn't have to, then believe me, I wouldn't. If I wasn't so darned reliant on modern conveniences, I'd pack up my dog, my INXS pics and everything else I value and move to the woods somewhere off the grid. Somewhere where I have absolutely NO other contact with people. But I cannot do that. I do the majority of my shopping on the internet, I have no car right now, and I like having good, clean running water. I could never survive if I had to live like they do on Little House on the Prairie. I don't like the idea of an outhouse where flies are swarming around your crotch while you try to take a dump. LOL! I couldn't live like that, ever! So, I have no choice but to stay in populated areas. That's why I try to stay where there are modern conveniences, but still a smaller population of people. I'd move back to Ocean Shores if I only could! But I can't. Not unless I had my own piece of land there, and a house there to move into. But I'll probably never rent from there again, unless I could get back into my old apartment.

I have been thinking of investing in some land in Ocean Shores, and maybe putting a house on it. There is a problem. I see a lot of land for sale, and I've seen some sold, but no one has put homes on those pieces of land. Then about 10 years ago, I heard someone say they did buy land out there, but that they cannot have a house built on it, because of the presence of some endangered animal in the area. So, I am afraid, if I did buy land out there, would it be a very good investment? Would I really be able to have a house put on it eventually? I loved Ocean Shores. I miss Ocean Shores. Ocean Shores is not like the rest of Washington state! It's more like another country. My neighbors were the deer, pheasants, and even bears. There was plenty of wide open spaces, and me and my sis lived right near the ocean. I loved it there! I never wanted to leave!! I cannot tell you how many times, while we were on the way to Bozeman, I wanted to turn that moving van around and tell my sis "We're not moving to Bozeman! We're gonna go back and get our key back and stay in that apartment until we die!" And if I had known my sis really had no intention of going back to the university, that's exactly what I would have done! And we'd still be there today! And I wouldn't have had to move around so damn much over the past 6 years! That is what is making me so miserable!

Well, now I've had to live in a complex with other people around. I've made some friends. But I was so much happier in Ocean Shores. I tell all my friends that now. And Aberdeen is growing. They even have a Super Walmart there. They had everything there! Even a Whole Foods store! I wouldn't be surprised if now they have a Winco there too. Or if maybe they'll be getting one in the future. But the more I think about what I left behind in Ocean Shores, the more I cry to go back there.

I wanna go back!

I wanna go back!

I wanna go back!!!

I want my apartment back! I want everything back! I can't stand this any longer. I like this apartment, but the one thing I hate about it is the parcel inboxes do not work! And they've not worked in almost 2 years! They cannot get them fixed either because of the kind of locks needed are on backorder. Who knows when they will arrive?! Meanwhile I have to go to the damn post office every time I have a package come in, and since I don't have a car, I have to rely on Dial-a-ride (which requires money) or the kindness of strangers (if I can get it) to get my package. But it's a low-blow whenever I get that notice in my inbox that I have a package waiting for me at the post office, knowing it'll be a while before I can get there to pick it up!

No comments :