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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Worst Night Of This Quest!

UGH!! Now I know exactly what it is like to be around radical Christians. I always try to avoid them, especially after seeing the actions by the WBC. But I needed a place to stay for a night the other night. I was fresh out of the hotel, and I wanted to try and find a shelter in Astoria, where I am possibly going to be moving. So I got a list of shelters in the area. The one I normally went to has had their women's dorm down for a month, so I have not been able to go back there. So there was only one listing for a shelter in Astoria. They call it the Hope House, or Rescue Mission. They were indeed nice enough there, but their rules totally SUCK!!! I was only going to be there for a few days, I've never done drugs in my life, never drank booze, never did any of that BS. I don't even smoke cigarettes. I am perfectly pure. I do like to have my INXS pics near me for comfort, but they said that would be OK. They said there would be no problem in that.

Well, one of the rules they had that I did not like, once you are in the home, you cannot leave by yourself. The house attendant had to go with you, like your a helpless baby or something. And they did not have much food there at that home and they would not let me go to the Safeway store to get any. Not even with the attendant. I told the manager that SUCKS!! I didn't care if that offended her! I didn't exactly appreciate having my basic rights taken away!! I asked if they had wifi there and they said yes, but I would not be able to use my own computer for 10 days, and they were also going to take my phone away. When you enter this shelter, they give you a 10 day blackout period. During which, you are not allowed to use any electronics. But the house attendant said I could still keep my pics. But something did not smell right about this house or these rules. I kept getting bad vibes. But I kept trying to ignore them. I said to myself "At least my ma will be happy I am in a shelter." But as I got to know each rule, I slowly began to realize I was not happy there. They control EVERYTHING, when you eat, when you sleep, when you get up, what movies you watch. I could not watch my favorite movie because it's not PG rated (by American standards)!! They control what you eat, what you read. I am a very picky eater. I don't eat just anything placed in front of me. And if I don't like what I see, I'll literally starve myself before I put it in my mouth!! And they were very religious, and it was mandatory that you go to church and participate in bible study every morning and evening. Which I understand. But I had no idea of the level their beliefs go to.

Well yesterday, the head manager came down. Her name is Amy. She's a nice enough person too. But she wanted to see my INXS pics, so I showed them to her. I knew, early on, it was going to lead to me getting kicked out of that place, because they were not religious pics or pics of family. I consider them pics of friends though. LOL!! But Amy started asking me if I've ever lied before. I said "Who hasn't?" I just don't make a habit of it. Sometimes I stretch the truth too, and I tend to color and shade the stories I tell, which I guess by Bible standards is lying. But by my culture standards, southern girls do it all the time. No point in telling a story that just gets you a simple glance from people. No, I'm going to make that person fall back in their chair and say "WOW!! You did that??!!" So I'm going to color my stories a little as I tell them. She asked me if I've ever stolen before and I said NO. Then she was like "Oh come on! You never stole anything, not even as a child from your siblings or something?" I said "Well yeah when I was a kid I stole from my sis all the time, and she always stole from me too." So now, by Bible standards, I am a thief and a liar. Then Amy asked me if I've ever hated anyone, and I told her I always try not to. There are people I don't care for, but I can't say I hate anyone. Which she said is good. She asked me if I've ever murdered anyone, and I said "NO. I never have even killed an animal." So she said if you hate anyone, according to the Bible, you've murdered them in your heart. So, I never murdered anyone. Not even by Bible standards.

Then she asked me if I've ever committed adultery, and I said no. Then she started bringing up INXS, Michael and Timmy. Because I do idolize them, by Bible standards if I even look at them with lust, I've committed adultery. I said to Amy, "But I am not even married! What does it matter?" I always thought you had to be married to commit adultery. I always thought to commit adultery means you love one man, the man you marry, yet you look at another man with lust. That, I always thought, was committing adultery. But apparently you don't have to be married for it to mean adultery. OMG! How is a woman supposed to know which man she wants to be with if she doesn't look at one with lust?? We can't just pick men out of the sky to love and be with forever. We should know we love that man before we say "I want to be with this man forever!" and get to know him and then marry him. But apparently, that is a sin by Bible standards. But what if this man you fell in love with at first sight turns out to be Mr. wrong?? That's a stupid rule!!! Then there was the pics themselves. Apparently it is a sin too to look at pics of men you love with lust. The 10 commandments list it as "Adoring graven images", and it is against Bible standards. Unfortunately all I have of INXS now is pics. So, if I want to see them, that's all I have to look at. And I do want to see them.

Well, after bringing all this mess up, Amy challenged me to put my pics up for one day and think about other things. Well, being in a strange place, without my dogs, and surrounded by strange people, I was not sure I wanted to do that. I told this to Amy, and another manager named Reesa. I had to think about it. Amy told me to think about it, and for Reesa to make the decision. I knew Reesa was not going to let me think about it much at all. She's young and eager, and she wanted the answer right away, and she wanted an answer that coincided with Bible standards. Well, she had a 2 year old boy that I didn't exactly like having at that house!! I don't like kids that young. But I didn't say she shouldn't bring him around! It's not for me to say. That's common decency. So I did not exactly appreciate somebody telling me I had to have my pics put away! Even just for one day! I don't go to a shelter to have my basic rights taken away! I go to a shelter to have a place to sleep besides the van. Of course for the first 3 nights, they make you sleep on the sofa, not on a bed. And the sofa I was on was more uncomfortable than the sofa I had to sit on at Donna's. The edge of the sofa jutted up into my ass at night, and my ass hurt the next morning! Not to mention, the other girl in the house was a former transvestite and drug addict. She kept talking, yelling and whining all night. I didn't get hardly any sleep that night.

Well, after a while of me contemplating what to do, Reesa came and told me that my keeping my pictures is committing adultery and idolizing the men of INXS, so she said I had to leave the house! I did not put up a fuss at all!! By this time, I welcomed being pushed out! Yes, I would rather sleep in my van than have my INXS guys taken out of my sight! The van is still quite comfortable! I'm glad too. I was so glad to leave there and see the light of day again!!! And that was the WORST damn shelter I've been in yet!!! Well, this weekend I am here in Portland. Going to see if there is a decent shelter here that does not have such strict rules. But that was as close as I ever want to be again to a radical Christian group!!! I'd never go back there, even if they invited me!
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