Wow! This is a hot topic on my Facebook page today! No, I am not currently contemplating suicide. Though I have had a tough year with the family problems and the death of a couple of good friends, suicide to me is not an option at this time. Not for me! Though I would be lying if I ever said suicide didn't occasionally cross my mind. It has in the past. But I haven't done it yet to myself because I always believe things get better eventually. One door closes, GOD then opens another one. Plus I always think about my friends and family and how they would feel if something bad happened to me. In fact, it is my friends and family that keeps me going. I just wish they lived closer. Katrina is the closest and now she lives about 100 miles from me. Plus she is pregnant. So it's not like she can come over every weekend to visit. Now I know how Timmy felt in that scene in Never Tear Us Apart when Andrew was moving to the UK, Jon was in Hong Kong and Michael was in Denmark!
I also can appreciate how Michael felt in the last scene with him with his managers in the US, and his daughter in the UK. The difference is Michael was the only one that lost it and did the unthinkable. How long will it take before I finally lose it? Once you've lost it, there is no turning back. Sometimes you may recover, but sometimes like in Michael's case, you don't. A person cannot control it once they've lost it. You don't think about "how is my family going to feel?" I could be together one minute, lose it the next and jump off this balcony and allow myself to fall flat on my neck, then it'd be too late to recover. My neck would be broken and I'm as good as dead. Or in a moment of misery, I could take a knife and slash my wrists, or my own throat. When you've lost it, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. You don't think about your family, you don't think about calling anyone, you don't think about any of the aftermath of your decision, you usually do not think of getting help. You just think about ending it all. Believe me, I was there before. I know what it feels like. But my sis was there to stop me. Now, there's no one here in case that happens again.
But is suicide a cowardly act? I know in the Bible it is considered an abomination and it sends you to Hell. But is it a cowardly act? I don't know. I think it depends on the situation. Having been close to suicide, I know how it feels. Like I said before, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. So, I believe a person who is suicidal is not in their right mind. That would be like punishing an autistic person for not thinking like normal people do. Though I do know a lot of people will do that, even though it's not right. But that's just people being people. But I really think it depends on the situation whether suicide is an act of cowardice or not. For example, Michael's case. Let's say he really did mean to kill himself. I am sure it was due to a lot of things running through his mind, with this movie he was supposed to be in, the solo album, the tour INXS was on, the thought of having Paula's girls and his baby there in Australia with him. All those things going through his mind probably made his mind run a million miles an hour! Then the deal with Bob Geldof, he probably thought was one slap in the face too many and that's when he lost it. He could not think of his baby girl, he could not think of his responsibilities with the band, he could not think about how he'd be missed. All he could think was that he wanted out. And so that is what he did. It's not cowardice. He was just probably feeling overwhelmed.
Now, there are some cases where I believe suicide is indeed a cowardly act, and that is when someone commits a crime and doesn't want to go to jail for it. Case in point, when I was working at a factory back in 2000, there was this woman who worked there and was trying to get out of an abusive marriage. When she finally had the guts to leave, her husband killed her, right in front of the eyes of their kids! He then cut her head off, ripped open her chest and pulled her heart out and said "Your heart will always belong to me!" When the police were called, instead of going to jail, he killed himself. Now something like that was a cowardly act, because his wife did not ask to die. He stole her life from her. He didn't want to pay for his crime so he killed himself. That is when I believe it is a cowardly act to kill yourself. The woman's family was never able to get justice served for her murder. I say if you're going to do the crime, you'd better do the time. He chose his actions when he killed his wife. She didn't, he did. When he chose those actions, he accepted the consequences. He should have taken it like a regular person and served his time. Yes, I think it was cowardly of him to kill himself rather than face jail time.
I also can appreciate how Michael felt in the last scene with him with his managers in the US, and his daughter in the UK. The difference is Michael was the only one that lost it and did the unthinkable. How long will it take before I finally lose it? Once you've lost it, there is no turning back. Sometimes you may recover, but sometimes like in Michael's case, you don't. A person cannot control it once they've lost it. You don't think about "how is my family going to feel?" I could be together one minute, lose it the next and jump off this balcony and allow myself to fall flat on my neck, then it'd be too late to recover. My neck would be broken and I'm as good as dead. Or in a moment of misery, I could take a knife and slash my wrists, or my own throat. When you've lost it, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. You don't think about your family, you don't think about calling anyone, you don't think about any of the aftermath of your decision, you usually do not think of getting help. You just think about ending it all. Believe me, I was there before. I know what it feels like. But my sis was there to stop me. Now, there's no one here in case that happens again.
But is suicide a cowardly act? I know in the Bible it is considered an abomination and it sends you to Hell. But is it a cowardly act? I don't know. I think it depends on the situation. Having been close to suicide, I know how it feels. Like I said before, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. So, I believe a person who is suicidal is not in their right mind. That would be like punishing an autistic person for not thinking like normal people do. Though I do know a lot of people will do that, even though it's not right. But that's just people being people. But I really think it depends on the situation whether suicide is an act of cowardice or not. For example, Michael's case. Let's say he really did mean to kill himself. I am sure it was due to a lot of things running through his mind, with this movie he was supposed to be in, the solo album, the tour INXS was on, the thought of having Paula's girls and his baby there in Australia with him. All those things going through his mind probably made his mind run a million miles an hour! Then the deal with Bob Geldof, he probably thought was one slap in the face too many and that's when he lost it. He could not think of his baby girl, he could not think of his responsibilities with the band, he could not think about how he'd be missed. All he could think was that he wanted out. And so that is what he did. It's not cowardice. He was just probably feeling overwhelmed.
Now, there are some cases where I believe suicide is indeed a cowardly act, and that is when someone commits a crime and doesn't want to go to jail for it. Case in point, when I was working at a factory back in 2000, there was this woman who worked there and was trying to get out of an abusive marriage. When she finally had the guts to leave, her husband killed her, right in front of the eyes of their kids! He then cut her head off, ripped open her chest and pulled her heart out and said "Your heart will always belong to me!" When the police were called, instead of going to jail, he killed himself. Now something like that was a cowardly act, because his wife did not ask to die. He stole her life from her. He didn't want to pay for his crime so he killed himself. That is when I believe it is a cowardly act to kill yourself. The woman's family was never able to get justice served for her murder. I say if you're going to do the crime, you'd better do the time. He chose his actions when he killed his wife. She didn't, he did. When he chose those actions, he accepted the consequences. He should have taken it like a regular person and served his time. Yes, I think it was cowardly of him to kill himself rather than face jail time.
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