Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Memorial For Irma

Well, there was a memorial service for Irma in Bozeman, and almost everyone who lives in that complex went there. Anna went there. I was only there in spirit. When I saw the service, it brought tears to my eyes. She was a great person, and apparently her children confirmed that. There was singing, and it sounded good! Apparently Irma was also friends with this singing group that showed up and sang at the service. They sang Go Tell It On The Mountain. I even saw Anna at the end of the memorial. She showed up on film. I still wish it wasn't Irma that died. I wish it had been Andy. Well, with some luck, he will be next. I'm gonna go back to Bozeman when that happens, and spit and piss on his grave. I'll even let Minnie and Vegas take a dump on his grave, and I'll bury the droppings in the dirt on his grave too. LOL!! Ya know that's not what Jesus would do. UGH!!! Jesus would forgive. I am working on it. But I am kinda pissed off that it wasn't Andy who died. Instead it was someone who was probably the nicest person in that building!!

Well, I was shocked to hear that Roger, of all people, was also at the memorial! I didn't think he liked Irma at all. After hearing the ceremony, one thing was on my mind. What happened to Irma's cat? Irma's dilemma happened so fast, she did not have time to arrange who would get her cat. She fell suddenly, and was unconscious for days, it happened so fast! Well, I found out that Betty Warwood got the cat. That poor kitty!! Betty W. was one of those that everyone else turned to to take care of their pets. Far as I know she didn't have any pets of her own, I would never trust her with my dogs! I don't like Betty anyway! She acts like just because she's been there the longest that she thinks her shit doesn't stink. And as far as I could determine, she does not like anyone younger than 50 years old. She was loud too. Had a big mouth! I tried to be nice to her once. I walked out of my apartment, and I heard Betty say hello. I thought she was talking to me. So I said hello back. She said "How are you?" And I answered, "I am fine. How are you?" She didn't answer, and I looked at her, awaiting an answer. She just looked at me like "How dare you speak to me!" Then I noticed Jim, the maintenance guy, poked out of the control room, and then I figured out that was who Betty was talking to!! Well, she should have told me she was talking to Jim! I didn't see him there when I walked out. I did think it was strange Betty was all of a sudden so friendly with me! LOL! She never had been before. So, after being snubbed by her, I thought "OK, if it's snubbing she wants, snubbing she will get!" So I never spoke to her again. Not even when she spoke to me. Most of the time, I just acted like she wasn't even there. Now, she has Irma's kitty and I feel sorry for the cat!

Well, ma and I had fun last weekend, but I do really miss her now. We were like girlfriends going around. We even talked a lot. One subject that came up quite frequently was Patti, the loony that I shared a house with for 4 days. 4 LONG days!! Well, actually to be fair, the first 2 days with her were not that bad. She really did seem like a match made in Heaven. I thought we would get along great! But as I got to know her over time, I found her to be the kind of person I did not want to live with. I will always believe that Patti was much more of an alcoholic than she led us to believe. She was a very good manipulator, which is probably how she got a job as a caregiver. I can't think of any other way she would have qualified for a job like that. It sure wasn't patience that won her a job like that. I never met a more impatient person in my life!! Ma is not an easy person to fool, and she said Patti had her fooled. I believe it. I'm very jaded myself. But I don't know if maybe it was desperation on my behalf because I wanted my dogs back so much I just put all my caution aside, or if Patti was maybe just putting up a friendly front to get me trapped in there. I think it was a bit of both.

Well, one thing is for sure, I told ma that I am very interested to know what exactly Patti said to ma about me when she asked her to come and get me. Because at first ma was angry that I didn't try to stick around and make it work. But knowing Patti the way I did, it would never have worked between us. Even my own sis was quick to blame me. I asked her "Why do you automatically assume it was something I did?" This time, I can honestly say I was not to blame. This was all Patti's fault, not mine. She expected me to know things on my arrival there that I never experienced before. And because I did not take to them right away, she felt that was plenty of reason to kick me out, after only living there for 3 days. But just as I suspected, ma told me Patti was making it all sound like it was my fault, and not her's. Ma told me she didn't ever want me to feel like that was my fault. I told ma I never did. Not even for one nanosecond. I never felt was my fault at all, because I didn't do anything wrong. Patti did not ever make out a contract, so nothing was in writing that I had to do any household chores. Patti's brother said he wanted a contract written up, but Patti refused to do it. So I was under no obligation at all. When I did the chores, it was completely voluntary. I cleaned that house FAR more than Patti did. In fact, the whole time I lived there, Patti did no chores at all, just demanded them from me. If I were her child, it would have been very different. She would have had a right to expect those chores from me. But I am not her child (thank GOD for that!) and I did the chores on my own. And the one time I refused to do them, Patti went bonkers and threw me out.

Words that describe Patti are irresponsible, crazy, overbearing, wacky, hypocritical, alcoholic, and selfish. Patti would NEVER take responsibility for her own actions. I figured that out when she told me to put some package of chicken we bought in the refrigerator, then not 5 minutes later, she saw the chicken in the refrigerator and yelled at me for putting it in there, and when I reminded her that she told me to put it in there, instead of saying "Oh I'm sorry, I DID say that, didn't I?" she said "What's wrong with you? You cannot think for yourself? You don't have your own mind?" She tried to make me feel like it was my fault, but I knew it wasn't. If I had used my own mind, then Patti would have yelled at me because I didn't do what she said. I didn't know her as a person, very well. But I do know her type. The fact that she did not take responsibility told me a lot about her as a person. She is the very reason why I hate drunkards. Supposedly my next door neighbor back in Bozeman, whose name was Marie, was the same way with her kids. From what I heard, she was always drunk when they were growing up. Now, they hate her for it. After living with Patti for 4 days, I can understand what those kids' lives must have been like living with Marie.

Patti never had children, that's a damn good thing. She obviously did not have the patience to have kids. Ma said when Patti called her, she would not even really tell her what happened, and she did not want to work it out. All Patti would really say is "I want you to come and get her!" Ma tried to get as much as she could out of Patti. Patti told her a few things, like the incident with the toilet and the fact that I did not do the dishes. I have to laugh at those. Because they were explained to Patti and she still did not get it! Those were the only reasons she wanted me out of there. I said to ma "No. Those were not the only reasons she wanted me out of there!" I will always believe, and no one will ever convince me otherwise, that the real reason Patti wanted me out of there was because she missed her alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. Yes, I truly believe Patti was a drug addict as well. Patti was nasty to me FAR before the toilet incident and the deal with the dishes. The way she acted was a lot like the symptoms a person gets that is going through withdrawl. Like when they quit smoking cold-turkey. That is what Patti's attitude reminded me of.

The only thing about that whole deal that I blame on myself is that I did not stick up for myself to Patti. I basically let her walk all over me, on PURPOSE!! I was trying too hard to make that arrangement work out that I sullied my own standards. But after 3 days, I am just at the tip of getting to know someone. I did not want Patti to see my anger yet. I am the kind of person that I don't really know how to control my anger, once it gets started. So, I kept that side from Patti because I did not want to scare her, or something. I wanted to let her get to know my tender side before blowing up at her. That is the only thing I blame myself for, nothing else. Everything else was Patti's fault, and I know that. But to this day, I still regret that I did not stand up to Patti like I should have. And like I normally would have! Patti got lucky. LOL! If I were not as determined as I was to make that work, Patti's ass would have been put in its place many times before I left there, I can guarantee you all that!

I think I am back to normal now though. Living here has helped me in getting over what happened, and talking with ma too. Ma was more angry that I left Bozeman and didn't have a place to move to. Well, I had to get out of Bozeman! I didn't like it there. I never wanted to move to Bozeman in the first place. So I never felt a sense of belonging. I had some friends there, yes. But Bozeman never felt like home to me. I missed Ocean Shores the whole time I was there!
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