Panther Fanatics Are Going To Hell!

 

Panther fanatics are going to Hell! Now, I am not talking about if you just like panthers, and are OK with those of us who hate them. I'm talking about those who act like they cannot get along in a world that does not have panthers, and hates those of us who hate panthers. I encountered someone like that the other day on one of my videos, and I made a video about them. This person left a comment, but I did not read it, and wound up deleting it. But I went to her channel, and I noticed a lot of people called her "Tiger". So I knew she had to be a panther fanatic. Well, she is a disgusting, Hellbound sinner, who rejects GOD so she can worship panthers. When she dies, Hell will open it's gates wide for her and suck her in.

At the risk of being hated and called a hateful christian, I made this video, somewhat parodying Fred Phelps of the WBC, and making some corrections to his preaching. I truly believe it is panther fanatics that are dooming the world!

LOL! You know a week later and I hear this, I have to laugh myself! I sound just like that dickhead!!

Eat One, Kiss The Other

This is a question most vegans ask those of us who eat meat. Because we can keep dogs and cats as pets and eat pigs, chickens and cows. They ask us how we can love one and not love (thus eat) the other. It's their logic, not mine. LOL! The fact of the matter is, I love them all. It's just that dogs and cats we put higher up above those animals we eat, because they live with us, and especially in my case, they become a part of our family. My dogs are my kids. That's how I look at them. Pigs, cattle, and chickens I don't think of as family. I don't keep them as pets because I consume them. It doesn't mean I don't like them, it just means that to me, eating them will never measure up to what it would feel like eating a dog or cat. If I didn't like pigs, chickens or cattle, believe me, I would not be eating them! I hate spiders, I don't want to see one on my plate! I hate panthers, I shudder to think of one being on my plate. I just don't think of pigs, cattle or chickens the same way I think of dogs and cats. I'm not in Korea or China where they eat dogs and cats and keep chickens, cattle and pigs as pets.

The vegans can think what they want to, but my dogs are my family. I could never see a dog as prey. But I have learned over the years not to get close to cattle or pigs or chickens. The vegans can think that way if they want to, but I won't. No matter what they throw at me, those animals will always be prey animals, meant for consumption. Never to be thought of as "friends" or beings as "sentient" as we are. They won't change that. Nothing will change that! LOL! I could have a heart attack tomorrow and by Friday will be consuming meat again. To me, a meal is just not a meal without meat. And meat tastes good to me. Another thing that pisses the vegans off is that they think it is somewhat psychotic for those of us who eat meat to end a cow's life just for a few minutes of pleasure. Well, it isn't just that "few minutes of pleasure". The nutrients from the cow go back into our bodies, and it nourishes us as well. It's not just a few minutes of pleasure and then all over. When I eat a piece of meat, I'm full for the day. So, it doesn't just last a few minutes.

There are some animals that I just cannot think of as food. I will never eat any primates because I feel that is cannibalism. Even to eat lemurs I would feel that way. I'd never eat dogs because I have dogs in my family. I don't eat cats because some people (including my sis) keeps cats in their family. I'd think any carnivorous animals would be too greasy anyways. Because I keep dogs in my home and some people keep cats in their home, if I were to kill any dog or cat, even accidentally, I'd feel like a murderer. But nobody keeps pigs, chickens or cattle in their home. Unless they are crazy! You cannot even train a pig to use a litterbox. There are also some animals I keep as pets and consider friends that I also eat on. For example, fish. I keep fish (or I did, and I will again) mostly small tropicals. But I would also eat salmon and tuna given the opportunity. I know they are not the same, but they are in the same class of animals. They are all fish. Of course that is a lot like comparing a dog to a cow. Both are mammals, but not in the same family. Not even in the same order.

Well, last night my sis and I played a dirty trick on Kim Hedges. When we went out to the dog park last night to put the dogs out one more time, I was going to pick up the dogs' droppings when I noticed the sign I put up in the park had been put in the poo bucket. I was a little bit angry, because it was my sign, and I was the one who paid to have it laminated so people would be reminded to empty the bucket every now and then. When I saw that my first thought was Kim did it, because she is usually the last one to use the dog park at night before we do before we go to bed. So I took the sign out and I said "Two can play her little game!" So I came back up here, pretending to pick up my garbage to take out to the dumpster, and I went down to Kim's apartment and grabbed one of her decals that she keeps on her door, and I took it downstairs to the dog park. I put it in the poo bucket, smooshed it in good, and left it there, knowing Kim would be the first in there and would see it. I told my sis that if anyone asks her anything, just play dumb.

Well, I saw Kim leave with Yvette around 7AM like they always do, but she came back in around 15 minutes later. Usually she stays out there for 30-40 minutes. She came in early today. LOL! She must have been pissed! Well, I wanted to teach her a lesson about what it feels like to be disrespected. I was mad when I saw my sign was dumped in the poo bucket, a little bit anyway. But then I thought "Well, it's just a sign!" But still, it's the principle! Kim is so disrespectful anyway. I wanted to give her a bit of her own medicine. Well, my sis and I played dumb while at the dog park, and pretended that we did nothing and knew nothing. Apparently the sign was dumped back in the bucket again, even though I know I took it out last night. Kim and Yvette had to have done it! When we got in though, apparently Kim had complained to Deb because Deb cornered us, and asked us if we knew anything about the decal on Kim's door winding up in the poo bucket. Again, we played dumb and said no. At first. Then we got into the elevator, and Karen was with us. She looked at us straight in the eyes and asked "Did you girls do it?" I told Karen I would explain when we got upstairs.

Well, as usual, I hate telling lies. I began to get a nagging feeling in my belly, so I thought I'd better just get back to the office and tell Deb everything that happened. I told her about my sign ending up in the poo bucket and that I did it to teach Kim a lesson. Well, the whole thing was caught on camera, wow! LOL! So Deb said she will find out who put my sign in the poo bucket because that is bullshit. I just could not deny it. I could not "play dumb" because that is just not in my character. I prefer to be whole-heartedly honest and just take my punishment like an adult. Well, Deb found out the culprit was not Kim (it must have been Yvette then) so she told me to get Kim's decal out of the poo bucket and put it back on her door. She said if Kim ever finds out that we did it, we could be sued for destruction of personal property. At first I thought "Let her sue me. She has 2 weeks to do it. Then she'll have to try and find me on the coast." Not only that, but I could also countersue her for slandering me and my sis behind our backs. But then I thought about it, and I was afraid Kim might also try to sue this complex, and I cannot let that happen. Not because of me! So I went and got it out of the poo bucket, cleaned it up just a bit (enough to get most of the particles of crap off) and just put it back on Kim's door. I didn't reveal that I took it off, I just put it back. LOL!

Well, it obviously bothered her that we took it off, and so that is what I wanted. I wanted to piss her off some. My goal was to teach her what it feels like to be disrespected and I guess I did manage that. Of course one incident won't change Kim, I know that. She's never, in her entire life, been taught how to treat people right and she's 51 years old! She does not know right from wrong. She even does shit to people she supposedly respects. Like the woman that gave her Emma. Kim used to talk shit about that woman too, and about Karen too. I'm not the only one she has shat on. But it still felt somewhat good teaching her a bit of a lesson. If she's expecting any form of apology, she's going to have a long wait. I'm not doing it. I won't deny I took the decal off her door, but I won't apologize for doing it. Now, Kim and I are even, and I can start to work on forgiveness. I will never forget what she did to us, but I will try to work on forgiveness. My ma said we have to let it go, otherwise it will eat us up inside. I've forgiven many people before this one, I can do it again. But Kim does not have to know it. I once heard a saying that went "forgiveness is like releasing someone from prison and finding out the prisoner is yourself". After what I did last night, that really fits. I did feel like a prisoner of anger and rage. I need to get over it.

American Prejudice

Sometimes I look at how many Americans react to some stimuli and I think I can understand why a lot of outside countries don't like Americans. My 2 partners for Shine Corp. are from India and the difference between them and Americans is like night and day. It's unbelievable! Those people from India, Pakistan, the Philippenes, they are the MOST caring people you'd ever meet! Americans are quite the opposite! And I hear a lot of bad talk about people from those places! Mostly from other Americans. When I told my partner that I am on a low income and why, he was so nice, he wanted to help me out! Americans just gripe because they think you are lazy or uneducated. They don't do anything about it, they just gripe. That's the favorite pastimes of Americans I think, griping. Too busy thinking about themselves to spend any time thinking about how other people feel. Believe me, I don't get that from my friends in India, Pakistan nor the Philippenes! They are nice people.

Now, my partner in India is helping me out the most. And all I have to do is secretarial work. He promises to make me thousands of dollars by this time next year. We will see. But it is a mighty fine ambition! I'm loving this idea more and more. If it all works out, I may be able to move into my own home before too long! Then I can live wherever I want and have as many pets as I want. No restrictions. No extra deposits, nothing! Just me, my dogs and I. Maybe even some horses.

The Indians are willing to help, but the Americans all they want to do is complain. I see it all the time on the Bozeman Rants and Raves on Craigslist. They gripe about how low income people are "sponging off other Americans that have to work for what they have". HA! Well, poor folks work hard too. Just because they are poor does not mean they are being lazy. I work doing odd jobs for people. I work as hard as the guy who may make $25 per hour. I hate it when those people gripe about others who are not as "rich" as they are. But it happens all the time among Americans. But it's funny how it does not seem to matter to those I know in other countries.

So is this what it means to be an American? That's ridiculous. Makes me want to move to a remote island somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Possibly live out the remainder of my days there. My one big issue is how much Americans complain about people who are different from them. I've seen this to some extent in other countries too (UK and Australia are almost as bad in this department as Americans) but America, being as developed as it is, you'd think the people here would be more caring, kind and considerate. But no. They aren't. Seems the countries Americans consider enemies have been the ones I've found are the most compassionate.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate this country. What I hate are the people in it. How they have forgotten how to have compassion for one another. They have just as many beggers on their corners in India as we have in America. Maybe even more so. Yet my friends and partners from India want to help me to a more stable income. And they aren't even asking me to do much for it, except help them. The job they give me is so easy, a child can do it! My partners are not even one of those poor people you might think of when you think of someone living in a village in India. They come from a more wealthy part of the country. They went to college to learn how to do what they do. They live in houses, not huts. So, it's not like they are poor. They're just very compassionate. Nothing like wealthy Americans, who care more for money than they do people, and those who do not have as much money as they do, they look down on them as scum.

Well, I hope in all Heaven's honesty that my partner will be making me thousands of dollars a month by this time next year. It'd be great!! Even the extra $100 I'll be getting these next months will help me out considerably! Especially with a new rental that will probably be taking away more than 50% of my current income. I don't know, I've looked at several. I found some cool places in Aberdeen, Raymond, Coos Bay, Westminster Bay, and even Friday Harbor. I visited Friday Harbor once and I loved it! Even Karen said she would be pea-green with envy if I moved to Friday Harbor. I loved it there, and they have a lighthouse! I love lighthouses. It'd be awesome to see that shining into my window every night, and hear the moaning of the foghorn on unclear nights. I'd love it!

Panthers Are Dooming The World

I've said this before in one of my last posts about the Westboro Baptist Church, actually then I was joking! But there may actually be something in what I said! Panthers may actually be dooming the world! I'm not just saying that because I hate panthers either, but because I've done the math. Remember that Animal Planet program, Panther Diary (you may know it as "big cat" Diary). It first aired in 1996. Two years later, huge natural disasters (and ground-breaking manmade disasters) began to happen.Volcanos became more active all over the world, the death of Michael Hutchence (who named his daughter "Tiger" and then a year later, killed himself), and the first F6 tornados were recorded. All because of panther fanatics. The WBC likes to blame gay marriage and acceptance for that, but gays are NOT universally accepted. Panthers are loved by almost everyone, and their popularity seems to be even worse since that diary show came out on Animal Planet. Another thing to remember, in 1994 The Lion King was released by Disney and was extremely popular, probably more so than Bambi. A year later, ebola broke out in Africa, where the movie would have taken place. That same year, bubonic plague also broke out in India. All because of panther fanatics. Gay marriage is not accepted in those countries. Gays are probably unknown.

Panthers always seem to take the stage everywhere on every nature show, which is why I don't watch nature shows anymore. You cannot turn on any nature show and not see some kind of panther, which is one reason why I love lemurs. You can watch a documentary about lemurs and not see any panthers at all because there are none in Madagascar. There are fossas, which I think are cool, but they're not panthers. They're mongooses. I always loved mongooses ever since I was in middle school. I used to love panthers too (I had sinned!) until I kept seeing their faces every time I turned on the TV. It got old and boring after a while.

Look also at where all these disasters have been happening. The 9/11 attacks in NYC and Washington DC. NYC is full of cat and panther lovers. Fewer people actually own dogs. Gay marriage was not accepted when the attacks occured, and gays were barely accepted into society then. Bin Ladin probably had never even heard of gay marriage at that time! But by then, that Panther Diary show had been on the air on Animal Planet for 5 years. I think GOD was angry that the world was becoming fanatical about panthers. And the 2004 tsunami in Indonesia, an area of tiger worshippers. Maybe tiger-worshipping was the cause of the tsunami. GOD is angry because tigers are loved there more than HIM. In fact, panthers seem to even be more popular than GOD everywhere, and I think that makes GOD angry. I'm sure most of the atheists I've encountered are also panther-loving fanatics. All the victims of these disasters, I'm not sure all of them were accepting of gays or gay marriage. But I am pretty positive that the majority of them were panther lovers, and possibly fanatics.

Last year, that movie about panthers, called "African Cats" came out in theaters on Earth Day. Shortly after the previews for that movie first came out, the Japanese tsunami hit Japan. Now there is a "World panther day", and in consequence, this year, the whole USA is in the worst drought in 30 years. All because of panther fanatics. One thing I've noticed, if you hate panthers, as I do, you are shunned and scorned by the fanatics. The Bible says to love one another, but panther fanatics hate people who hate panthers. I've never known any animal that has such power to turn one person against another the way panthers do. Remember when I said on here that TwistidAsh threatened to "punch me in the face" because I hate panthers? That's just an example of what panther fanatics are like. I'd still love to see her try to punch me in the face. LOL! GOD would punish her for sure! If I am right about this, and I am pretty sure I am! Besides me kicking her in the face after pinning her to the ground, GOD might give her an early heart attack. Who knows? But it's just a sample. I get into fights with panther-fanatics all the time because I hate panthers. I've even lost buddies over it, over and over again.

You know why panthers are so "beautiful" (in the eyes of other people)? GOD did not give them their spots and stripes. Satan did. He did that to appeal these evil beasts to the eyes of the public. Those of us who worship GOD hate panthers, because GOD hates panthers. That is why HE has tried to make them die off, because HE hates them. But humans will always be around to interfere with GOD's plans. Giving to panther-related charities, trying to "save" panthers from extinction, and rehabilitating captive panthers. I think that is why GOD is so angry now. It has nothing to do with the acceptance of gay marriage, or gays being accepted into society, because they are not all accepted, and acceptance of gays only just began a few years ago. All these disasters have been happening for much longer than gays have been accepted. So the Westboro Baptist Church is all wrong. It's not gay people that should be persecuted. It's panther-fanatics! I'm glad I stopped liking panthers early in my life! I may be fat, but I am still alive and healthy.

Yes, I know what you are thinking "Lemurs are dying out too". But there is a difference as to why lemurs are dying off and why panthers are dying off. Lemurs are being killed by humans. Panthers are naturally being eliminated. Many varieties of panthers have low sperm count. Humans did not cause that. That is GOD's doing. That is why panthers are dying off in the wild. They would be dying off whether humans were here or not.

GOD does not mind gay people. Don't listen to Westboro Baptist Church.
GOD hates panthers. GOD hates panther worshippers and fanatics.
Panthers were created by Satan, not GOD. It's a sin to be a panther fanatic.

I Should Have Guessed!!!

For the last 2 days, my "Diets Don't Work" video has been getting more views and comments than it has since I put it up! Most of the comments have been far too negative to post, and again, I don't want to give the trolls any attention. I'm still training myself for that! LOL! Well, this morning I got another negative comment on there, I saw the word "disgusting" and decided it was too negative to post. I didn't really read the comment, I just deleted it. I thought that video has been getting a lot of hits lately, and out of curiosity, I went to the latest commenter's channel. I looked at some of the comments posted on his channel and noticed a lot of them mentioned veganism, and that set off the biggest red flag!!! I knew it!! Or I should have known it!! This person is a vegan! That was one of those "A-HA!" moments. I should have guessed all the negative people posting on that video had to be fanatical vegans! I should have guessed last night when someone posted a comment saying "The reason you are fat is because you eat shit food". His comment wasn't too negative, so I accepted it. I accept criticism, I don't accept negativity. I'm still trying to teach myself to avoid drama. I'm going to be living on my own, without my sis or Karen to confide in (too much). I want to learn to avoid drama and negativity, and so YouTube is a great way to teach myself about all this.

I should have seen ahead of time that the damn vegan fanatics would be trying this. I think it started back when one of my vegan buddies posted a pic on Facebook of a sign by JD's Restaurant that read "You don't need teef to eat our beef". I thought it was funny! Me being a redneck and all. I'm sure it was a play on words to make it rhyme and all. But the fanatical vegans were like "Teef? What the fuck is teef?" And saying the person who posted that sign was stupid. In essence, they were taking it FAR too seriously! For all they know, the person who posted that sign may have been a college scholar! I wrote that I think the sign is funny, and it's a shame some people have no sense of humor. I'm glad they are not my friends or family! I hate to be around people who are that serious. Serious people always look at me like I am a moron because I've never been that serious myself. I like playing around. I love to have fun, laugh and joke with people. Life is too short to take everything so seriously, although I think vegans think they are immortal.

Well, I usually just tell vegans to go fuck themselves, I'm used to them now. I'm used to their ways. But since they have decided now to invade that video, I've decided to close comments on there. Any video the vegans decide to invade will also have the comment feature removed. I'll not have them clutter up my channel with their negativity. If they want to debate like human beings, that's fine. But I'll not have them posting asinine comments, threatening my family, or spewing bullshit all over my videos. I watched a video yesterday, from a guy that HATES Onision, a militant vegan. I hate Onision for that same reason. Well, the guy said he finished a nice, juicy steak and said "My food shits on your food!" So perhaps it was vegans that inspired the term "bullshit". You are what you eat! LOL! We eat cows, cows (and bulls) shit on grass, vegans eat grass. LOL! To put it in simple terms. So thus anything that comes out of a vegan's mouth has to be nothing but bullshit.

But there are friendly vegans and vegetarians too. I have to give them props for that. But for every one friendly vegan/vegetarian, there are 20 that are not at all friendly and spew bullshit and negativity. Those are the ones that make vegans look bad, and those are the ones that keep me away from becoming a vegan in the first place. They just make the lifestyle look so unattractive. I don't want to become that. So I don't go vegan. They're always saying how much better-looking vegans are than those who eat meat, but it does no good to be attractive on the outside if you're so ugly on the inside. By that I mean being so ugly and hateful to other people. I try to always be nice, even though in some of my rants I can sound like a bitch. LOL! Sometimes in fact I think I am too nice for my own good! People tend to take advantage of nice people. That's why there's a saying that goes "Nice guys finish last". The same goes for gals. But I sooner listen to someone who is friendly than someone who is nasty. And in fact I am still trying to learn to ignore the nasty people who comment on my videos. It's a good start anyway.

Roommate Or Not Roommate?

About a week ago, I put an ad on the Oregon Coast Craigslist, looking for a place to live. I was hoping I could get a response from someone renting out a small beach cottage, or some small basement apartment. Well, I think I did find something. I finally got a response to that ad this morning. She's willing to let me keep both my dogs and she says her apartment has a very nice view of the ocean and the bay. I think it would be awesome. It also has it's own private enterance, which is really nice! So it's private all the way. I like that idea. She sent me an apparent link, but when I clicked the link, it just took me back to my own ad. So I am still waiting to see the place. The way this person described it makes it sound like a roommate deal. Like she's looking for a roommate. I've never thought about living as a roommate myself. I generally like to keep to myself. But I guess it wouldn't be so bad, as long as I have my own entry way, and I can just open the door and let the dogs run out and do their thing, and as long as she lets me live my own way and does not try to tell me how to live. If I want that, I'd go live with my father! LOL! I have limits to my tolerance of being controlled. I realize it's this person's property, but the space I am paying for is MINE! That is why I refuse to live with my father until I can find a place. He likes to control people and I hate being controlled. My father wanted to tell me when to go to bed, when to get up, what to eat and when to eat it, and I don't like being told all that! He didn't even like me staying up at night to watch TV.

I am still trying to decide. I'd love to just move into a new place from here. It'd be great!! Then I don't have to leave my dogs with anyone. Not that I don't trust Nancy, but she has cats. My dogs are not used to cats. Leastwise Vegas isn't. I don't know about Minnie. I do know once Sharon's cat (my neighbor here) was out in the hallway, and I was walking to my apartment with Vegas and Minnie on their leashes, and Minnie wanted to just go after that cat! If I hadn't had her on her leash, she would have been gone! She'd have chased that cat all over the building. There's a reason why I don't have cats, and that's mostly because I am not a fan of having cats in the house. They're dirty animals! They carry fleas and are one of the biggest carriers of ringworm. Apparently it's in their urine, according to the vets I spoke to when I used to have cats. I remember one time someone laughed at and made fun of me because I brought that up on the Pluba forum, but I was only repeating what the vets told me. Made sense too, because you never hear of ringworm in dogs, and when I had cats, I did contract a small case of ringworm on my lower leg. I managed to get rid of it, but every day those cats lived with me, I feared a relapse. Though it never happened again. So I don't know. I still don't want to take a chance. And cats like to step into their litter box, and then put their dirty, stinky feet on your clean kitchen counters. That was another thing I hated about having cats. And you cannot really train cats not to do something like you can dogs.

So who says cats are not disgusting?! Those are the main reasons I don't have cats and I don't want any either. I am downsizing everything, so I am trying to sell all my big items. I sold my fishtank to Deb. She wanted dibbs on it first. So I said "OK, if I decide to sell it, you will be the first to know." So I decided to sell it. Well, now Deb is griping because when she put her own fish in that tank, they started dying. Last Wednesday, Deb was talking about how her fish were not doing so well, and scratching themselves on the rocks in the bottom of the tank. Well, that sounds like the first sign of a disease called "Ick". I told Deb the tank came with some Ick cure, and it's in the drawer set that came with the tank. When fish are scratching themselves on the rocks, they are itching, that's the first sign you see with ick. Then, it's still early enough to treat them and get them cured. Deb had the cure right under her nose and didn't see it! And every time Deb or Mike sees me, they talk about the problems they have had with that tank since I sold it to them, as if that's my fault. Not my fault Deb won't use the ick cure I gave her! It came with the tank. She essentially didn't need to go and buy anything. She just needed to open her eyes and look. I basically just ignore them when they start talking about the tank. At first Karen said "Well maybe Deb didn't suspect it was ick" and I said "In a stressful situation, that would have been the first thing I would suspect." My fish did fine in that tank, and are still doing well with their new owners. No cases of ick since I got that medicine.

Well, now I am trying to sell my chair. I got one person, he sounded like a teenager, who seemed interested in the chair yesterday. When I called him at the number he gave me, he said he would be right over in an hour, and then never showed up. I hate when people do that! But then that's life. And he sounded like a teenager! Teenagers are never reliable! My sis said to just leave the ad online until it gets sold. Well, hopefully today's prospect is more serious. I set a time for her to show up here, and hopefully I will be seeing her today. I love my chair, but it's too big for a one bedroom apartment. So we will see.

Flipping Around In Phillipsburg

Well, my sis and I had our last road trip together, we went to Phillipsburg. At first I wanted to go to Virginia City, which is a small ghost town here in Montana. I remember ol' Kim talking about it several times, and making it sound so interesting. But when I actually looked into the place, it did not seem too spectacular anymore. I shoulda known Kim was full of shit! It would not be the first time either. So I said let's just go to Phillipsburg. There's more to see there. Lots of gem stores, and mining places, and one of the best candy stores in this state. It's called the Sweet Palace. They have the best hand-dipped chocolates! So I brought some home, but by the time I got home, I found I had a gooey mess in the box! I'll still eat them anyway. LOL! It was mostly my truffles that got melted and ran all over. I can always get them again. hehe! On the way there, we stopped in Anaconda to have dinner, and the place we found was like a casino. Gordon Ramsay would have had a fit in there! The carpet needed changing real bad, the walls and doors were disgustingly covered in layers of previous customers' grease and jelly, there was dirt everywhere, and even the "clean" tables still had grunge on them from other customers. My sis and I had a terrible time trying to find a place to sit.

That place really desperately needed a make-over! The food was not even that great. The mashed potatos had been microwaved and had rubbery edges. Then the second set of mashed potatos (after I sent back the first set) was cold in the middle. The best thing about the meal was the chicken strips, and how can you mess that up? When I got home and described our outing with Karen (who was raised in Anaconda), her response was "Was it also a truck stop?" I said no. And she said "There's your trouble there. The casinos that are also truck stops are the ones with the best food." Usually casinos back home have great food! But this one didn't. I guess it was because it wasn't a truck stop. If I ever come through Montana again, I'll have to remember that. Though I don't see myself coming back here in the forseeable future. I just don't like Montana! My sis and I have already begun packing my things into boxes.

Recently, Andy had a falling-out with Karen, because he was being a real jerk to her the day before. Not that it would have been the first time, but he screamed at her to shut her dog up, and I guess he threatened her dog with bodily harm as well. Karen told Andy that if he ever harms her dogs again, he's going to be fucked! Andy apparently told Karen that after he screamed at her the day before, he went to the office and filled out his own 30-days notice that he's leaving too. It's probably nothing more than a copy-cat resignation because he knows I am leaving, but Karen has hopes that he really is leaving. I hope so too, because I am afraid he will hurt Anna or Karen someday. I just hope he does not plan to follow me where I am going! Karen said most likely, he will have the office rip up the paperwork. I'm not too sure he's brave enough to leave here. And while Andy was standing there talking to Karen, I saw him rubbing his dog's genitals! Now that was sick!!

The difference between Andy's lease termination papers and mine is, and Andy may not even be aware of it, that Lois is not the only reason I am leaving. I've been trying to get back to the coast since I got here. In fact, I didn't even want to leave the coast in the first place! I knew I was not exactly going to love Montana! I'm a beach person. There are no beaches here. I'm a virtual prisoner here. The only reason Andy would be leaving is because he and Karen had a falling-out, and he started it to begin with! Just like he starts every battle that goes on in this place. Even my sis is talking about leaving this place. She's anxious to go to Missoula and live there. I told her to keep trying to find a place, and she said she is. I told her she may have to lower her standards some, but find a good starter home and move there. So she's trying. Anna and I tried to find an RV to live in for a while, and we thought we had one.

Well, that started out when I was looking for an RV and I was going to live in it for a while. I got one response from someone named Crystal. I posted an ad on Craigslist, asking if anyone had an RV for sale and if they would accept a small down-payment and monthly payments until the RV was all paid off. In the ad, I mentioned that I was on a fixed income, and could not afford much, and I was very interested. Well, Crystal was the only one to respond, the RV was old, but had a new engine, and everything worked the way it was supposed to. I was interested, then I thought about my sis. She wants to continue nursing school, and there is a good 2-week course in Billings for a CNA certification. So I thought I could give the RV to her and she can live in an RV park in Billings for a while while she completes the course, and then she can move on to an RV park in Missoula and practice her career there and get settled. So I told Crystal about my sis and gave her e-mail address to her. Apparently she contacted Anna and they talked for a while. Anna too is on a fixed budget, and cannot afford much. But she was really interested in the RV.

The RV was old, it wasn't like it was a new model, and Crystal was asking just over $4000 for it, and she said she was willing to accept offers. So Anna wrote to her and discussed the payment plan, as was originally mentioned in the ad. She offered Crystal $500 down and $250 a month. Crystal was not too happy with that offer, and all of a sudden, she began to mention something about how she was not really willing to do monthly payments because she's afraid of scammers. Um, DUH!! The ad said we are on a fixed budget!! And it said we are looking for someone who will allow us to make monthly payments. Why respond to the ad if you're just going to back down?? Why get someone's hopes up like that only to drop the deal because you are not impressed with the offer?? Especially since the ad clearly stated that we are on a low income! Anna is NOT a scammer! But if you ask me, Crystal is a scammer! I don't think she ever intended to sell us that RV. I find it kinda interesting how she never mentioned she was afraid of scammers until the last minute. If we were someone writing and saying we are overseas, or something like in Nigeria, I'd think Crystal had a point. But we are local, we were willing to come up to see the RV in person, the problem was Crystal could not think of a good time for us to come up. And we had the cash in hand for the down payment. She backed out of the deal, we didn't. And in today's economy, I'd say a $500 down payment is very fair. Most car dealers are willing to accept that for a car worth $4000.

Why You're Not Awesome

Trolls! Gotta love them! LOL! I get them all the time. Well, this was a troll that started off friendly, and then became a jerk. He calls himself WhyImAwesome. I had seen him post before to me, but I could not remember where. But it was recent. Well, a couple days ago, he posted something about me hating panthers so much and added "WHO THE HELL CARES??" I agreed with him, but then I said that apparently it matters a lot to panther fanatics. Then the next day he says "Like I said, you hate panthers so much, WHO THE FUCK CARES????!!!" and then added that he was going to make a video picturing dead lemurs and put it up and called it "TIMMY LOGIC". I smiled and told him "You're not my Timmy." and added IF he can find dead lemur pics, he can try it. I actually looked for some, just to see if they are out there, and I only found 2. One you cannot even recognize as lemurs. The dead panthers video was easy to make because panthers are so highly thought-of (undeservingly) MANY pics of dead panthers have been posted. But people are only just now becoming aware of how endangered lemurs are, so pics of dead lemurs are rare by comparison.

Well, he can try to post a video like that. I wouldn't pay no nevermind to it anyway! LOL! Probably would never even watch it. But me being the way I am, I went to this person's channel and saw other posts he's made in other peoples' videos, and it seems that he likes to go all over the site and stir up shit with others. That is the very definition of a troll. And on top of his channel, he says to "love one another". HAHAHA! What a hypocrite! Trolls love no one but themselves. Funny thing was, I didn't have this person blocked, and if he's a troll, I should have. I remembered he had posted on one of my videos somewhere, but I could not remember where. So I looked. I did find his first posts to me on one of my videos and he said he wanted to discuss something with me and wanted to PM me. So I told him to go ahead, but I am still not sure if anyone outside of friends can PM me. He said he couldn't. So he decided to send me a friend request, which I accepted. But then I never heard from him again, until 2 days ago. I guess what he had to say was not at all important.

Well, I bring all this up because I have decided to stop accepting any negative comments on my videos. One person, who read what I wrote to another troll, told me I should stop giving the morons more attention than they deserve. I thought about what he said and I knew he was right! So I said that from now on I was no longer going to accept any negative comments on that video. But come to think of it, I should do the same for EVERY video I put up. Katrina has always told me the same thing. The thing is, I have to really train myself to not accept negative comments! I'm too kind-hearted for my own good. I like to accept comments from everybody, even the trolls and haters. I am a firm believer in free speech, and I like to give everyone a chance to voice their opinions. So, deleting the negative comments is going to be something I'll really have to force myself to do from now on. I had some practice yesterday. Another fanatical vegan posted on my Fat People Falling video, pissing and moaning about veganism again. Like that video has anything to do with veganism!! LOL! At first I accepted his comment, but then I deleted it, like I should have in the beginning. Another person posted a negative comment on my snake video, but I didn't even really read it because it started with "eeeeewwwwwwww", so I knew it was going to be negative. I didn't get past the first word, I just deleted his comment, unread. It actually was hard for me to do that!! LOL!

Let me tell you all, I could not even believe how hard it was to delete those negative comments! One would think that would be the easiest thing in the world to do! But I almost could not do it, I felt like I was taking away another person's rights. Made me feel like a hypocrite myself! That is why I have to carefully train myself to not accept those kind of comments. But I made this promise, not just to myself, but also to my friends, family, subscribers and positive viewers. It might take some therapy though! Sometimes it might take a little reminder. But I hope to be able to overcome this habit! LOL!

Well, my ma was able to get a friend to watch Vegas and Minnie while I look for a new place. Now I am just waiting for the money to come around so I can move. It won't be until next month. And it may be the month after before I can actually move. Though my ma told me about a law that says that my security deposit has to be returned (in whole or part) within 14 days after my residency here is terminated, otherwise the landlord is obligated to return the entire amount of security and pet deposits. As long as my dogs did no damage to the apartment, and they didn't. The carpets need a little cleaning, but they are still intact.

Free Pet Scandal

This is pretty sad. There have been warnings posted on Craigslist that say something to the effect of someone has been answering ads for free pets and taking the animals out into the woods to be used for target practice. Most of their victims have been cats. Of all the "free cat" ads they've answered, only 2 got away. The first time I heard about this was on Facebook, and Craigslist did have the warnings up about this. Who knows how many people actually do this when they pick up a "free pet" and offer to give it a good home. This is just so sad! If it were actually true. But in my research, I found that it has proven to be a hoax. Take a look at this article and video: http://www.katu.com/news/local/Is-someone-using-Craigslist-to-get-pets-for-target-practice-161727915.html?tab=video&c=y
Someone in the comments section mentioned that this is probably more propaganda by PETA to discourage people from giving pets away for free. PETA has a natural knack for going about things in this kind of creepy way! Almost every commercial PETA has ever made has been banned because of the way they talk about these kind of things. I won't even watch a PETA commercial! They had like one out a couple years ago. It was probably the most "normal" commercial they've ever had, which is why there is only one, and it hasn't been played in 2 years. But I don't think there is a way you can put "normal" and "PETA" in the same sentence. Unless you're saying "PETA is normally insane". I would not be surprised if this is all just a rumor started by PETArds. The warning said that a witness saw these people doing this from quite a ways away. Well, if this witness was standing so far away, how could she hear the perpetrators say they got the animals from Craigslist? And it also said that 2 cats got away, how would this witness know this? Unless the cats ran to her. There is just too much information there for someone who was watching this from afar. And why didn't the witness call the police in the beginning?

It just smells fishy. Something is wrong there. There is a right way and a wrong way to do these kind of things. PETA just doesn't know the right way. They use scare-tactics that make them look totally inane. And if history is any indication, scare-tactics never work! It only makes people rebel against the one using those techniques. That's how people are. That's why I get trolls and bullies online, but I never threaten them. Last night though, I called a couple of trolls names on my videos, and I normally don't do that. I usually like to let them do all the name-calling, make themselves look like immature jerks, not me. But last night I was in a bad mood. I had so much on my mind yesterday it wasn't funny. Now that I am moving back to the coast, I'm stressing myself out trying to make all the preparations. I'm going to go out tomorrow and try to find myself some moving boxes, so I can begin the packing process. AGAIN! I also have to give this landlord 30 days notice before I leave. I know how she's going to react! Karen warned me about that.

I have my eyes on an apartment complex (yes I know! I said I would never move into another complex! But this is just temporary) and they have 2 and 3 bedroom apartments. No one bedroom though. But the 2 bedroom apartments are in my price range! I could use the extra bedroom for an office/writing area. I told my sis I'm going to get a futon to put in there, that way it can double as a bed when she comes to visit, and I don't have to put a real bed in there. Which is great news! I can use the extra space to put my computer in there. I'll still need to save for a car. My sis has agreed to still help me out in that. I figure if she puts in $100 and I put in $100, by the end of next year, I should have plenty of money to get a nice car. One that I can be happy with. In the meantime, I'll have to probably get myself one of those push carts and walk to the nearest grocery store and carry my groceries in that. Apparently this place is close to a grocery store, and at least I will be saving some money by not having to buy gas. That money I can put towards getting my car. We'll see what happens.

Bear, Dog or Horse?

Last night my sis and I met at the dog park to put our dogs out one more time. We were out there for quite a while mostly all we did was talk. Just as we do every night. Well, the chatter started to die down and I happened to be looking at the gate. We don't normally close the gate because our dogs are usually good about staying with us. They're used to staying close to home from when we used to live in Ocean Shores. Even when the dogs are after something, they've never left the fenced area, even with the gate open. Well, as usual, I didn't close the gate last night. I happened to be looking in that direction, and all of a sudden this big, black head poked in the gate. My initial thought was "Oh my GOD it's a bear! We're all gonna get mauled!" Sure looked like a bear's head! Then this thing came into the dog park and I thought "That's not a bear! That's a horse!" Sure looked like a horse! Actually it was a big, black great dane. It started to play with our dogs, and our dogs did not want to play with it! They just went ballistic and started barking. I was still scared to death! That dog was so big, it stunned the shit out of me! The biggest dog I'm used to seeing is an australian shepherd, and even they don't get that big!

I kept looking at the gate, thinking that dog's owner was nearby and would come and get it. So I started shouting "Hello? Did somebody out there lose a horse?!" No answer. Meanwhile the dog was getting a bit too rough with Odessa, and poor 'dessa was trying to get away from it. I urged my sis to go get Odessa, so she shooed the big dog off her and grabbed Odessa and put her in her buggy. I grabbed my babies as well and put them in their cart and we took off. I told my sis to just leave the gate open and that dog would find it's own way home. Or the owner would come and get it. The dog followed us out of the dog park and we kept shooing it away. I hope it did find it's way home. I knew it didn't belong to anyone in this complex. I don't recall seeing any dog like that here. He was twice as big as the biggest dog in this building, which I guess would be Mike Murphy's big mutt.

Well, this morning I told Karen about our visitor last night. When I told her it was a horse, she thought I meant a real horse. I told her it was actually a big great dane dog, but it was big enough to be a horse! Karen knew that dog, and the owner. She told me she's actually helped the owner catch that dog once before when it got away. Well, at least someone here knows that dog! It stunned me though. I'm used to little dogs, not big ones that look like horses! I was relieved though it was not a bear!

Well, we had some unpleasant excitement last night too. Someone broke into one of our neighbor's cars. We walked past the car in the parking lot, belonging to this woman named Peggy, and the driver's side window was smashed in. Karen noticed it first and we stopped to talk to her. Apparently Sharon was the one who called the police. The robber got away with her pill box, and an old cell phone. He was probably thinking the pill box contained drugs, but it didn't. Peggy uses it as a mini sewing kit. And the cell phone is such an old model, you cannot get service for it anymore. Thankfully nothing valuable was taken. But I felt bad this happened to Peggy's car! She's such a nice person. She was still as cheerful as always. She has full coverage, so since it was a robbery, they should take care of the window that is busted out. But it's still scary. No other car was touched, just her's. Why I have no idea. She said she had a bag of books sitting on the passenger seat and the robber probably thought there was money in there. This is also very sad! I'm glad the police caught the guy in the field, where that great dane came in from, but I still feel bad this happened to Peggy, of all people here! Makes me even more determined to get back home. This kind of thing never happened in Ocean Shores! But it's a sad testament to today's broken economy.

Neither Anna nor I saw anything on our way back in. So, the robber must have come along some time after we were gone. Thank GOD Sharon was awake at that moment, and saw enough to phone the cops. I kinda wonder if the robber met up with our "horse"? LOL!

Being Unreasonable

I am kinda pissed off at my landlord. She is being an unreasonable bitch. Of course I heard she is always like this to everyone that moves away. Well, I am trying to sell as much of my fish as I possibly can because once I leave here, I will need to put my aquarium in storage. I hate to let my fish go, but I have no choice. I've decided to move in with Ma and John, it's either that or move into my father's home with him and Kathy. And the last time I spent a weekend with my father, we clashed horns. Actually he did the clashing, I tried to get along. My father's problem is he likes to be in control, and I hate being controlled. I cannot live like that. So I cannot move in with him. So it's either with ma, or the street. I have friends, but they all have kids. I'd rather move into a pen of messy oinkers than live with kids. But this is my one chance for a while to get back to the coast. Everyone knows I want to go back there, I've been mentioning it since I moved here. I was reminiscing today, you know the one thing that was heartbreaking as we were moving up here, Ocean Shores was cloudy that day, and it was nice and cool there. Then we got past Moses Lake, and it was HOT and sunny and I was sweating! I was thinking "so this is a preview of months to come?" I knew at that instant that I was not going to enjoy living in Montana. Ever since we got here, I've been thinking of ways to get back to the coast. Everyone here, that has spoken to me for any length of time, knows I want to go back. Even Lois, my landlord.

Well, now Lois is being an unreasonable bitch. She used to say how uncivil she could be sometimes, but she's never shown me that side until now. She saw the sign I put out trying to sell all my fish, and when Karen dropped Brandie off at her place, Lois said in a sarcastic tone, "I see Dee is selling all her fish because she is moving." Karen replied that yes, I am finally moving back to Ocean Shores. Actually the coast, I'm not sure if I am moving back to Ocean Shores, but that's not important now. Lois's response was "That's good. She'd better remember to give me 30 days notice and that apartment had better be sparkling clean when she leaves!" While they were talking, Karen happened to mention that I am going to have to leave Minnie and Vegas with my sis for a couple months while I look for another place, and raise some money to move in. Lois looked Karen straight in the eyes and said "No! She's NOT!" Karen tried to reason with Lois saying that I'll have to stay with my ma, and her place does not allow pets. But Lois continued "No! She's NOT!" I cannot leave my dogs with friends, again because they either all have kids, or bigger dogs. Ma likes Vegas, but it's John I'm worried about. He may not like the idea of having me stay there with them. I don't even know for sure if ma's place will allow me to have pets. But John does not take too kindly to pets in the house. So I am worried. What can I do with my dogs?

I think the best thing to do is put this in GOD's hands. I do need time to look for a place and raise some money for a security deposit. I'll have to wait until I can have my meeting with Lois to see what I can do about this. Maybe I can reason with her myself. Maybe? Perhaps it'll sound better coming straight from me as opposed to coming from Karen. Lois is not usually a bad person, she's usually very reasonable. Today, she just found out that I am serious about leaving and I guess she's in a bad mood because of it. But she knew it had to happen sooner or later. I'm a prisoner here. The coast is where I belong. I thought Lois understood that. But I guess all she can think about is she's going to have to pay for another empty apartment. All I can think of is being happy again. But I don't know what is going to happen now if I cannot leave my dogs with my sis. Like I said, I'll just have to put it in GOD's hands. I'll have to do some tall praying for a solution.

Kim Has The Fattest Ass

This is the woman in this building I was telling you all about that talked shit about me and my sis behind our backs. We used to be friends, and meet up every morning in the dog park. Now, we hate her guts completely! I refer to her as "the cockroach", I often say it loud enough when I pass by her that she can hear it! I'm no pussy! I'm not going to say something behind her back that I wouldn't say to her face!! Well, as you all may have heard me say, she is in a wheelchair because back in 2000, she had a stroke, and she refuses to train herself to walk again. She can do it, but she does not want to. She likes other people feeling sorry for her, and basically being her "slaves". Karen won't help her anymore at all. I sure as Hell won't help her! Kim is just going to have to learn to help herself. Well, she's conned Yvette into becoming her "slave". If Yvette is smart, she'll stop being Kim's new "slave" and avoid her at all costs! There is little doubt in my mind Kim has talked shit about Yvette behind her back too, and hasn't told her. Kim takes pains to avoid me, Anna and Karen now, even going so far as to talk to people who already hated her guts too. Like this one guy named Sal.

Karen was going to the dumpster to toss some trash, and Kim was out by the front doors with Monica who is Kim's caregiver and a nice person, and Alice, who is another resident. After Karen had dumped her trash, and came back around the three of them were still out there, and Karen said hello to Monica and Alice, but not a word to Kim. LOL! Kim tried very hard to avoid looking at Karen too. Well Sal drove up in front of them to drop off some groceries while he went to park his car. Kim shouted "Hiiiiiii Sal!!" Well Sal always HATED Kim!! With a passion. He did not say hi back, but just looked at her like she was crazy, and she is! LOL! He drove off without a single word to her. Kim was desperate though to have someone talk to her, knowing damn well it wouldn't be Karen. LOL! Kim is so dumb!

Well, Karen told me something yesterday I thought was hysterical! Karen said that Kim used to go to these therapy sessions where they were rehabilitating people who lost the ability to walk by riding horses. Kim loved that, but she started to put on weight, and got up over 250 pounds. So those people told Kim that she could not come back until she lost weight. Well, Karen said that Kim did not lose weight, that was when she started gaining weight. When Kim weighed 250 pounds, she was a lot smaller in the hips than she is now. So Karen estimated that Kim weighs more than 300 pounds now. I was like WOA!! That's almost hysterical! And she was calling me and my sis "cows" and "fat". Well, if Kim does weigh more than 300 pounds now, then she weighs more than me or my sis!! That's enough to laugh the rest of the way home! I used to weigh 300 pounds, but a couple weeks ago I was at the doctor's and got weighed, and I am almost 50 pounds lighter now. I've been at 250 now since I moved here. I look bigger than that because I am short. But I guess I'm skinnier than Kim is! That makes me laugh! Well, anyone who knows Kim can see she has a much bigger ass than I have, or Anna has! Karen describes her as looking like an overstuffed pear with the head of a rat (because of her crooked front teeth). Actually, I think rats are cute, so I call Kim a cockroach. There is nothing at all cute about a cockroach! Kim is a fat cockroach. To me, she looks like a cockroach that has been living "high off the hog", LOL! Pun intended. I hate that woman now! More than anyone else here. The reason I hate her so much is because she led me and my sis on for a whole year, making us believe she was our friend, when really she wasn't. I don't like people that play on others that way. I take friendship very seriously! Especially after a year! I'd rather Kim had shown me and my sis hatred all that time, than be nice to us, and lead us on like she did!

If I don't like someone, they're gonna know it right away! I don't believe in leading people on, and making them believe I like them when I really don't. I may not always speak to someone when I first meet them, because I am looking to see if they are friendly people or not. But I don't lead anyone on and make them believe I like them when I really don't. And if someone is nice, and has good manners, I generally like them. But once I find out someone I liked has betrayed me behind my back, that person is dead as far as I'm concerned. I can hate someone with every ounce of my blackened heart!! And that is how I feel about Kim now. There isn't a person I hate more than her now in this whole building! She even made me look at Sharon in a different light. I was mad at Sharon for a long time because of that time last year that she threw me and my dogs out of the dog park because she didn't want to hear Vegas barking. But after hearing what Kim was saying behind my back, anyone in this building looks better than her now.

There are still some people here I wouldn't give the time of day to, like my neighbor Marie. But I always say she's better than Kim! She mostly just tunes me and my sis out when she is at the dog park. She even tunes out our dogs. I tell my sis that I wish she would be as good at tuning us out in the apartment as she is at tuning us out in the dog park. Marie bitches about every little thing I do in my apartment. She even told the people in the office that I slam doors and my cupboards. I could not figure that one out until one day I was cooking, and I heard Marie pounding on the wall when I was tapping my cooking spoon on the side of a pot. Then I figured out what she was hearing. What she thought was me slamming my cupboards was actually just me trying to get eccess off my cooking spoon. Well, Marie is one of those types that is not happy at all unless she is bitching about something. I mean, she does some crazy shit in her apartment too, and I never complain about her. I figure that's just living and I move on. I don't bitch to anyone, about anyone, or anything. I wish she would ignore me in the apartment like she does in the dog park! That would make living here so much more comfortable! LOL! But no, I had to live next door to the bitch of the bitches! But, she's still better than Kim!

30-Days Notice

This morning on my way back from the dog park, Deb cornered me with a grin on her face. She said that Lois said that the next time I let my dogs walk from my apartment to the elevator I was going to be put on 30 days notice and Lois is going to throw me out of here. I just said "oh. OK." Inside I was thinking "Big deal?! So I let my dogs walk 20 feet from my apartment door to the elevator!?" I do that all the time. The only time there was a problem was on Monday, when Minnie accidentally took a dump in the hallway. Well, Lois must have seen that on camera and got angry. That was on Monday! This is Friday. Well, Lois had recently gotten the carpets cleaned, and I guess when Minnie had that accident, it set Lois off. But she acts as though my dogs are the only ones that have broken the pet rules in this building! Lois's own dog, Brandie, picks fights with other dogs, and that is against the rules in this apartment building. Deb lets Ziggy, her own dog, run around loose. The leash is attached to his collar, but that does not always mean someone is controlling Ziggy. And Ziggy gets away from Deb far more than either Vegas or Minnie gets away from me. Compared to their dogs, my dogs are angels. And all I do is just let them walk the 20 feet from my door to the elevator. They do no harm, nothing, and they never get away from me. There is something else, deep rooted, into this dilemma. I wonder if it's personal. Maybe Lois decided she just does not like me anymore. I don't understand why. I'm quiet, mostly I keep to myself, I've never given Lois any back-talk; although now I might. I think she needs to learn that my dogs are no worse than anyone else's.

You know the funny thing about all this? Frankly I don't really even care if I get thrown out! I want to go back to the coast, and I'll go through Hell to get back there! I don't like it here (Bozeman) anymore. But I didn't want to leave on this note! The one and only thing I am worried about is that this bullshit that Lois gripes about may prevent me from being able to get another rental place. I need that! At least for now. Until I can save enough to get myself an RV so I can travel around. Unless I can get someone to let me buy an RV from them and pay in installments. Even then, I might run into some turbulence. But I can go around and give it a try. Anything is better than this arrangement. If my dogs running 20 feet across a hallway bugs my landlord SOOOOOOO much, and her dog getting into fights does NOT bother her at all, there is something wrong here. Lois had the chance to get Brandie rehabilitated, and she did not take it. Why? Seems there is more here than what is meeting the eyes. Now, I kinda hope Brandie gets taken away from Lois. I didn't want to see that before, but it seems Lois just does not care. But it bothers her so damn much when 2 tiny dogs, that harms no one, walks 20 feet across the hallway. Sounds like there's a clique here and neither me nor Anna are members of. This is why I fucking HATE cliques!!!!

I want out of here NOW! I'm ready!! I'll live out in the street if I have to, or on the road! But I want out of here!! Maybe GOD has another plan for me. I think HE is testing me. I want out, but I also want to be able to have a place to go to when I do leave. We'll see!

Bullying To Death

This is a sad movie. I feel everything for this young man, I felt what he felt, and believe me, I know the feeling of being bullied. I was bullied from the time I was in 3rd grade on. All the way up to high school. My last year in high school though was different. But as a child I had all kinds of people bullying me. Most of the time for no reason at all. I was smaller than other kids my age, and a lot skinnier (believe it or not) so fighting back for me was not an option. But in the third grade, I had to change schools, and I went from a school I loved to a school I hated. The school I went to previously, I only had problems with one person, a girl named Deanna, and after I kicked her butt, she pretty much left me alone. But I had TONS of friends in that school, I also had my Brownie and Girl Scout troop meetings and I so enjoyed those! So I socialized a lot in that school. And then when I moved to another school, that all changed. The kids at this other school were different. Most of the kids at my previous school had rural backgrounds. The kids in this new school were city kids, and much harder for a small town, country girl to learn to get along with. So I had an unusual amount of trouble learning to get along with them. I could not make friends there to save my life.

I particularly remember one girl named Melody, who always enforced that fear of being hated and bullied on me. Fortunately she didn't live there for very long, but the time she was there was the LONGEST few months I've ever experienced in my life!! She moved there after I started 4th grade, and she moved out long before my 4th grade year was over. I praised GOD she was gone, and hoped I would never see her again. If Melody had stayed there any longer, I might be a racist today (she was African-American). She used to beat me up, because I was younger than her, shorter and skinnier, but she was scared nearly to death of my sis, who was older, and bigger than her. I remember for a long time after my incidents with her, I was scared of black people. I never said anything against them, but deep inside me I always used to have this fear of black people. Except for the ones I knew and were friends with. Those were the kids who used to bully me the most.

My younger years were not the only time I had problems with bullies. I remember having problems in 6th grade too, but only with a group of boys who, for the most part, I ignored until they got in my face. One of the boys was named Paul R. I think he thought I was gay! And I think he used to go around telling everyone I was. Funny thing, the kids in my class (there were 2 6th grade classrooms) always told Paul to shut up, and leave me alone. But the kids in the other 6th grade class would go along with him. But Paul R. was not the biggest bully in that school. Another boy named Monte T. held that title. He always bullied EVERYONE. I don't think there was a kid in that school that did not ever feel his wrath. Monte though was mostly all talk. I'd never seen him strike anyone. He held his fists up, but that was it. In that school, it seemed most of the kids were all talk and name-calling. Even Paul R. nor his little "gang" ever laid a hand on me. The attacks were always verbal and visual. I had more friends in this school than I ever had in my 3rd and 4th grade school, but there were still kids who just hated me for no reason that I could think of. So the only deduction I could contemplate was that Paul R. went around and told everyone I was gay. And I wasn't! I had a crush on a guy! How can a girl who is gay have that??

One boy I also remember he was also in the 6th grade, but he was in the other 6th grade classroom that I was not in. His name was Brian. I only saw him once a day, for an hour a day in band class. He sat behind me and played the saxophone. He was also the 6th grade class president. And he absolutely, without a hint of doubt in my mind, HATED my guts!!! He never struck me, again, his attacks were always verbal, but I could sense a very strong, negative energy come from him. He hated me that much! LOL! I remember one day I was late for band class because my bus driver was late picking me up from home. I was so late that I left my music book in the classroom because I had to run to band class as fast as I could, so I wouldn't be too late. It wasn't until I got there that I remembered my music book was still in my desk in the classroom, so I asked the music teacher if I could go get my book. Basically just minding my own business. Well, Brian shouted from behind me "How could she remember her book yesterday, and not remember it today??" Another kid in the back of the room shouted "That's because she's stupid!" Brian scoffed "I know it!" I just pretended like I didn't hear them and went to pick up my book. The band teacher was clearly disturbed by these kids' behavior, I could tell. Far as I know though he didn't actually say anything. When I came back and asked the teacher to tell me again "what page are we on?" Brian mimicked me in falsetto "What page are we on?!" Like kids always do! Thankfully the teacher ignored him and answered my question so I could catch up.

I'd never even given Brian a hint of thought until that incident, then I hated him as much as he hated me, if not MORE so! Because I never did anything to him to deserve that treatment from him. I never thought to put 2 and 2 together, or I might have figured out he had probably been talking to Paul R, and believed him that I was conceivably gay. Some of my friends, who did know Brian, said that he was usually nice to everybody. Well, I didn't know what his problem was with me. Maybe he was angry that I never spoke to him before, and this was his way of getting my attention. Or maybe he did think I was gay because he didn't know any better. I'd never told him different, or anyone else for that matter. But if he had actually gotten the chance to know me, instead of listening to the assumptions of another begrudging student, he would have known I was as straight as any girl can get. Funny thing, just before I left that town and moved to Olympia, I think I saw Brian again. I was with my ma and grandma at a restaurant called the OCB. I was up getting my dinner and someone called me from behind and said "Hey! How's it goin?" I looked at him and he looked at me, and it didn't register at first. He thought I was someone else. He said "sorry, you looked familiar. I thought I knew you." I said to him "No problem. Don't worry about it." He said "thank you. How are you anyway?" I said to him "I'm good. How are you?" He answered "I'm just good thank you!" He was so congenial then. It wasn't until I got my food and sat down with my family that it hit me "I think I know that guy!" I figured out it had to have been Brian! The one who hated me so much in 6th grade. I remembered his eyes. They were kinda mean-looking, like a cat's eyes. And his eyebrows were thick and well-arched. I didn't approach him again because I hated him! After I graduated I was grateful that I never had to look at him or any other bully again. It was a shock to see he still lived in town! He seemed nice that day, but that can be deceiving! Behind my back, he was probably telling whomever he was with that I was a stupid, gay kid. Or whatever it was he always thought of me. LOL! But he was one of those people I'd just as soon try to forget about.

Well, since he was always so nice to everyone except me, and I could not understand why, I came to the conclusion that you're just never going to please everyone. Some people are going to like you, while others are not. I guess that's just life. I never tried to be liked. I'm not a people-person. I used to be when I was younger. But things changed as experiences happened and I sort of developed a hatred of people onsight. I have to get to know someone, and my senses have to align perfectly with how my heart feels about that person, then I try to make friends with that person. IF they seem good. But sometimes even my senses are deceived, like with Kim Hedges in this building. For a year she led me and my sis on. We thought she was an OK person. I had no idea she has a tendency to shit on people for no reason. Especially new people. If I had been told that about her when we moved here, I could have been a bit more watchful. But I wasn't, and I let my guard down. Probably because we were in a new, strange place we'd never been before, and I was more desperate to make friends right away. But this to me, is the very definition of bullying. And there is really little wonder why people kill themselves over it. Being bullied sucks. It's ruined me as a person. I trust no one and nothing. Though that may sound a little too cliche, it's true.

I am surprised I never committed suicide, or became a racist myself because those incidents in my life were so significant, and deeply entrenched they almost became second nature to me. Perhaps that is why I never killed myself, because I always think things will get better. Though I never thought I would learn to trust African-American people. I wouldn't have if it hadn't been for my first boyfriend, Paul W. He treated me better than any guy (or girl for that matter) that I had ever known in my life up to that point. He changed my mind completely. He taught me in a sense not to judge an entire race of people just by the actions of a few bad apples. But that's what bullying can do to a person's morale. Especially when the majority of those bullies were of that race. Unfortunately I didn't meet Paul until his very last semester in high school. And then after school was over, and he graduated, he had to move. He was in the army. Those who may have relatives in the military know what it's like. He wanted me to move with him, but I couldn't. I was still in school for one thing. Another thing, he wanted me to move to North Carolina, and I didn't know anyone there, besides him. Sometimes I wish I had taken him up on his offer. But it gets so hot there!

Well anyway, here's the movie. It starts off with the kid just having lunch and smiling, giggling, watching the world go round. Then the bullying starts, and it's an almost parallel story to my own days in school. One kid gets bullied, the other kids think it's funny and cute. No one does anything about it, and it leads the bullied kid to depression, and especially recently, to suicide. It brought tears to my eyes when I saw this movie because I know what this boy went through. That was my daily existence for many years. I never committed suicide, or even attempted it. Though I would be lying if I said it never crossed my mind. People should not bully one another. It's wrong! Some young kids may think it's funny, but really! Put yourself in the bullied kid's spot. It can be harmful to them. Imagine how you would feel every day wondering what is going to happen that day. Are you going to be jumped? Or will a day finally go by that you can just do what you need to without being ambushed? And what kind of gossip will the bullies pass along about you today? And who will it be about? And what will that person say I said? I think the only reason I never had rumors of shit-talking by me being passed around school was because I only spoke to a few people, and I rarely said much. But it did happen to another friend of mine, who had lots of friends. Someone went around the school and said she said something bad about everyone, and no one was speaking to her, and she got beat up quite a bit from that day till the end of the school year. I felt bad for her, but that's the price one pays for being popular. Anyway, this is the movie. It doesn't have much talking, but the message is deep.

Is This Who INXS Really Is???

It kinda makes you go "hmmm". One of my Facebook buddies posted an article yesterday of an interview that was done with JD Fortune. He has his own band now, and calls it "Fortune". But in this interview, he makes INXS sound like a bunch of assholes. Well, I always knew people in the music industry are assholes, I've known that for years. But it was concrete truth after I "met" dustingrey on YouTube. But not only was he an asshole, he was an ugly person inside and outside too. I got the feeling he had been badly abused all his life, and perhaps music, and being an asshole, was his way of "escaping" reality. But INXS I don't believe was anything like that. From all I've heard they had very loving parents growing up. They had good friends, and they were always kind to their fans. They do drink a lot, but then so do all Australians. Believe me, I know! I don't know about doing drugs. I do know the Farriss brothers are a religious family. I heard Timmy even used to teach the Bible in school to his peers. But it seems somewhere along the way, INXS lost their touch. I've met these guys and for the most part, they were nice people. Almost hard to believe there is an ounce of truth in anything JD says in this article. But I will quote some of the passages I found most interesting on this subject.

First of all, you can see the article here: http://www.theaquarian.com/2012/07/04/interview-with-jd-fortune-fortunes-phases/

Here are some things he said about his experiences with the band that caught my eyes. When the reporter mentioned INXS, JD's response to that was

"Who’s that? (Laughs)"

Then the interviewer talks about how things didn't work out between JD and INXS, and he wasn't "spinning his wheels". JD's response to that was

"There’s a certain freedom that I feel that I never felt with INXS. There was a certain lack of respect I think, too. [Pauses] Instead of saying anything bad about INXS, let me tell you what the difference is here: In this band (Fortune) I’d come down with bronchitis during a recording session and basically we were a family and everybody was asking me how I was feeling. Prior to that my experience would have been, “Yeah whatever, mate. We all get sick so suck it up.”"


He's basically saying INXS would not care about how he felt, they just wanted to get on with the show. When the interviewer asked JD where he is now with his creativity and personally speaking. JD speaks of Switch like he knew it's his last album:

"There’s a certain freedom that any artist will tell you comes when you get to play what’s inside of you. Although I did write INXS’ last platinum hit, “Pretty Vegas,” I felt in my heart that they weren’t going to give me another opportunity to write, especially because the best they did was to put out four records of previous hits, you know what I mean?
The next four albums they did after the Switch record were releases of four albums of stuff people already had. To me, that’s a bit narrow in vision, near-sighted. I was trying to get my songs together and work them into some of the band’s stuff because they had some world class writers like Andrew Ferris. But I think what had happened was unbeknownst to me Andrew was writing with the current guy that’s in the band (I don’t know his name). So when I was writing stuff he’d just keep putting me off, saying “Yeah, next week, yeah yeah.” And then it just never happened."

So it sounds like Andrew (and perhaps the rest of INXS) did not want to really progress. And I have to confess, I hated Original Sin!! It's not just about the cover design either, though the cover design was a bit of an augury of what the entire album was going to be like. To me, a tiger represents laziness, and that is exactly what INXS was being with that album. And for the most part the songs sucked! Kick used to be one of my life's theme songs, but that Nikka Costa murdered that song!! I hated what she did to it! She took an awesome song that used to have a lot of rhythm and beat to it, and turned it into this modern R&B/rap crap.

The thing that makes this whole thing so ironic is that JD is not the only of INXS's former lead singers to say all this shit. Seems INXS has had more than one lead singer since Michael died, and ALL of them have said pretty much the same thing about the band that JD has. Shoot! I even felt the same kind of energy come from some of Michael's last words! I once read that Michael said in an interview "I don't want to be the captain of a sinking ship!" He was speaking metaphorically about INXS. I wanted to support INXS in their last album, but I just couldn't. In my eyes, they were being lazy and I don't want to support laziness. Not from a band I always considered to be my favorite. But why INXS are always looking for new lead singers is beyond my realm of knowledge. Seems every time they have a chance to progress forward, they always wind up falling on their asses. They're like a toddler that never learns to walk. Just crawls for the rest of it's life. I feel for Ciaran Gribbin, because I have the feeling INXS are going to be the same with him that they have been with the other singers they've hired since Michael passed away. And I always try to give them the benefit of the doubt because I love these guys. And I want so badly to support them in ALL their decisions. But it's becoming perceptively harder as new albums come out, but no progress is being made on their part. I don't even know if they are still a rock band, or if they've become R&B modern or not.

I haven't even seen Rockstar: INXS in a long time! I have all the episodes now, but I just haven't seen it in years. The last time I saw that series was when my sis was working in Yellowstone. I tried to watch the series again, but it's just too painful to watch. That was actually the best summer of my life, because I thought back then that I was witnessing a bit of rock n roll history being made! I thought "This is it! INXS is finally going to be a complete band again!" I was telling people to give INXS and JD a chance, because it just might work out. I put my neck on the chopping block several times for them, and made some narrow escapes. All along thinking that this new relationship would somehow work. Even though JD Fortune was nearly 20 years younger than the oldest INXS band members. I didn't care much for JD Fortune when I first saw him on Rockstar, but he was who INXS chose, and so I supported INXS in their decision and gave JD a chance. I won't say I was disappointed, and I'd be lying if I said I agreed whole-heartedly with the choice INXS made. But I loved these guys and I wanted to see what JD could do with them. But it seems INXS does not want to do anything new or different. They had their chance to move on with JD. Ciaran is a great singer, but INXS will probably do nothing new with him either.

So is this who INXS really is? Are they really assholes like dustingrey? I mean, they were always nice when I met them, but deep inside, are they really nothing but a bunch of jerks and assholes in sensible shoes? Maybe it's a good thing I didn't support them in their new album. Maybe they are just a band going nowhere. Now, I don't know what to think of INXS or the entire music industry. INXS in it's heyday, played for royalty and hob-nobbed with celebrities. That's something a small-time, wannabe rockstar like dustingrey never did!! And most likely, never will do. He doesn't have enough talent for that, and he would be a real jerk to the fans. No one wants a musician like that around. But INXS were always described by fans who met them as being very down-to-earth, kind, gentle, caring, fun-loving people, which really is rare in the music business. It's almost unbelievable what they have become, according to JD's interview.

When the Original Sin album came out, I hated the design! Not only because I thought it looked evil, but I just plain hate tigers! But now that I look back on it, that tiger was the perfect metaphor for that album: lazy, stupid, and fleeting (INXS) toward extinction.