Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

You Know What I Believe?

Before I left Montana, I asked GOD to guide me in my journey. From leaving the steps of the old apartment to the roadtrip to staying here with my ma and stepfather. GOD spoke to me last night after I had written that update on this blog. HE told me that it is not my time yet. When I am meant to find a place, I am sure HE will lead me there. I figured it is just as well, I don't even have any money to put down as a security deposit. And it would not be fair for me to ask the landlord to hold the place while I wait to get the money. I know I didn't let myself rely too heavily on yesterday's lead, but I was still a little bit upset thinking about it being a beachfront cottage and all, and how happy I would have been there. But that was when GOD spoke to me last night. Maybe HE has something bigger and better in store for me. Who knows? But between now and when I get my security deposit back from the old apartment, I am going to be doing some heavy praying. Or at least until the next time I get paid. Even beyond that! LOL! I need a place NOW! But if GOD says I am not ready then I am not ready. I put all my faith in HIM.

When HE spoke to me last night, it actually lifted that feeling of despair I was feeling once I got that e-mail from that person. I almost wanted to write back to her and ask her if she gave the new renters the right phone number, where she gave me the wrong one. LOL! But I didn't. It really does not matter at this point. I think the good LORD has other plans for me. So, I will just wait and see where HE leads me. I just have this feeling inside me that the place HE chooses is going to be a lot better. Though I cannot imagine what could be any better than a remote beach cottage! It's what I wanted.

Before I moved to Bozeman, I thought the change I would get there would be the best possible thing that could ever happen to me. Now that I have given it a try, I realize I was wrong. I was just not happy in Bozeman. And it has really nothing at all to do with the people. Though there were too many people there for my personal taste. It was more of a climate thing. I had trouble getting used to the hot summers again and exceedingly cold winters. Though I have to tell you Montana just has the biggest bunch of assholes per capita. I've never seen a group so obsessed with what other people think of their state. And good people like Bree die early. She was taken far too early, I miss her. She always gave me such good advice about GOD. I miss that. She was a loving, caring, godly person. I know she is up there now. She was actually the first friend I made in Montana, and I guess I was expecting everyone to be like her. I met some nice people there, don't get me wrong. But they were very few in numbers, compared to how many assholes were there. I know every place has assholes. There are a lot of those here (most of them are immigrants originally from California; and I don't just mean people from other countries). It just seems that Montana had more than it's share of assholes. Maybe it's because I relate to people here better.

I don't know, I'm just not a people-person. I would be happiest if I never had to look at another person again as long as I live. LOL! People are just too judgmental, and really no one has a right to judge anyone but GOD. But that's human nature, to judge someone before getting to know them. Its not something that is unusual to our species either. Every animal fears things they know nothing about, or things that are different from themselves. It's actually a survival mechanism. Though I don't see how a fat chick like myself could possibly hurt anyone, except maybe to sit on them. LOL!

I was chatting with Anna this morning, and she said I should just forget this apartment business and buy myself an RV. I saw some nice ones in Missoula! But in Oregon, they are practically being given away. I always dreamed of buying an RV and just living on the road. That way, not only can I move away if I get tired of the neighbors, but I can take my home with me and not have to pack anything. I'd love that! The downfall is I'd have to get rid of all my furniture, but RVs usually come with their own furniture that is bolted down. Another downfall is I cannot have a fishtank in an RV. That would be impossible. I'm not even sure I could ever get my snakes back again. They are staying with a friend now because I could not bring them to Montana. I'd love to have them back, but I cannot as long as I am living with ma and John. And I am not sure they'd take well to living in an RV either. But I would love to live in an RV, and just go from one RV park to another all year round. I love to travel, that would be my dream lifestyle.

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