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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

My Queendom For A Home

Well, it's been a whole month since the last time I posted. I deliberately did not post this past month because I was in waiting. Waiting for something special. I finally found an apartment! I got out of the slum in Astoria and moved here to Tillamook. But it was not an easy transition. I usually would expect to be walking out of one apartment and stop in the next. But that did not happen. Problems with housing. I had to leave Astoria. I had given my 30 day notice to vacate already, and in the midst of that, the manager had already rented the apartment to someone else. Good luck to them is all I can say! Don't ever be stuck there without a car! I did and the last months I was there was pure hell. But you don't know what hell really is until you've heard about my past month.

Anyways, I had given my notice to vacate, and the manager had already rented the place to someone else by the first of last month. I asked him if I could have just a few more days, because my sis was coming to help me move my things out, so he granted me that. But for that few days I was there, I felt like an intruder. Lived there for a whole year and a half and already I felt like an intruder. I make a lousy squatter! I could never be homeless forever. Well, when I moved from Reno to Astoria, I was homeless for 3 months, but I had the van too, and made a bed in the back of that van, so I was OK. This time, I don't have the van. So where was I going to sleep once I got to Tillamook? Apparently, my apartment was not ready yet. My sis and I loaded my things with the help of my downstairs neighbor in Astoria, and we were on our way. It was late afternoon when we got here, and we were both kinda tired. So, we asked at the Goodwill store here if there is a shelter or some place I could stay at while I wait. I had hoped I would only be there no longer than a week.

Well, it just so happens, Tillamook had just gotten a shelter built about 6 months ago. So, my sis and I went there, and they would not let us in until we got a referral. So, we had to go and get one. We went to the local penitentiary for that. We got our referral and went back. With that shelter, after the first 4 days, you could stay for as long as you need to and not have to leave during the day. But you always had to be in bed, asleep at 10 PM. And it was always up at 7 AM, whether you were fully awake or not. I'm not used to that kind of schedule. I'm used to getting up around 9 or 10 AM and having my breakfast, getting a little bit tired an hour later, having a bit of a nap, then getting up again and going on with the rest of my day. There, you can't do that. Especially during the first 4 day waiting period.

Well, the people there were nice, for the most part. I even made some lasting friendships. I keep in contact with some of the people I met there. One of them, she calls herself Lulu, has even agreed to take me to Portland once a month for $30 to do my big shopping. I need someone to do that. And it's less than it would normally cost me to rent a car. I remember our first night there, my sis did this one girl's hair. She trimmed her hair for her, and straightened it using her straightening iron. This girl, whose name was Nicole, was a 20-year old who was rejected by her mom and dad, and lived with her grandparents until she became of age, then they kicked her out. She lived on the streets for a while. I remember Nicole and Lulu got into a fight once because Lulu bought a dress, and she wanted to hang it up. But Nicole's things was spread everywhere and so Lulu had to move Nicole's things a little bit so she could hang her dress up. I recall Lulu only moved Nicole's things maybe 4 inches, at the most. But when Nicole found out Lulu moved her things, she pitched a fit!! I mean a major fit! Suddenly she and Lulu were in a shouting match. Lulu was fed up with Nicole's attitude, so she went to tell the head man, Don.

While Lulu was gone, I tried to reason with Nicole. I told her "What's the big deal? She just moved your things maybe 4 inches, tops! It's not like she tossed your stuff off a cliff." But Nicole would not be reasoned with. She argued "I have my things a certain way for a reason, and I don't want it moved!" I told her she has too much stuff, and it's taking over the whole side of the dorm. All Lulu wanted to do was hang up her dress. Another of our dorm mates came in about that point and told Nicole about how we all have to share our space, so we have to get along. Nicole was thinking everyone was against her. But no one was against her, we just didn't like her attitude about this situation. But then again I guess she's no different than any other 20-year old. She had a guy friend, who was about 1 year older than she is, that she referred to as her "street dad". Then Don came into the dorm and started yelling at Nicole, telling her if she didn't start cleaning up her act, she was going to be kicked out of the shelter.

Well, I thought Nicole was a nice girl, most of the time. But there were some things about her I thought needed improvement. For example, she needed to lose the attitude of entitlement she obviously carried around. Having been raised by her grandparents, she probably never had any discipline. So, when she found out Lulu moved her things, she was most likely thinking "Hey! This is MY stuff! I never gave you permission to move my things." But yet, let me tell you, Nicole took many liberties herself. That's another thing I didn't like about her, her absolute lack of respect. My sis used her straightening iron to straighten Nicole's hair while she was at the shelter, but after my sis left, she didn't have access to a straightening iron of her own. Well, she found out our dorm mate, Thelma, had one. One time, when Thelma was going out for a date, she asked me to watch her straightening iron and make sure Nicole doesn't use it. I said I would. Then, another day, Nicole actually did ask Thelma if she could use her straightening iron, and Thelma specifically said no to Nicole. She didn't want anyone using her straightening iron. But she found out that Nicole went and used it anyways. Thelma was angry about that.

Well, Nicole wanted for a while to go to a concert in Portland to see her favorite band. I don't remember the name, some fag-gothic-make-up band I never heard of. The day before, she got one of the guys at the shelter to promise to take her. Well, he asked her for the money so he could fill his truck up with gasoline, and Nicole went to her purse to get him the money. But she only had $4. Well, he was not going to take her all the way to Portland on just $4, he told her he needed at least $25 to fill up with enough gas to go to Portland and back. He did tell her if she somehow could come up with $25 to let him know and he would take her. But Nicole was angry. I asked her "Did you really think you'd find someone in this shelter who would drive all the way to Portland for free?" These people were not in a shelter because they were rich. If they had money to spend on gas to go to Portland, they'd be staying in a hotel. Or they would have an apartment. So, I figured Nicole would give up and not go to the concert in Portland now.

Well, the next morning, I noticed Nicole had gotten up and was getting dressed. She told me she was going to head into town, and try to find someone who would give her a ride to Portland free of charge. I kinda chuckled and said to her "Good luck with that!" I couldn't say anything else. She left, kinda bitterly, but I didn't know how she would make something like that happen. Well, Lulu said Nicole was going to hitchhike. Nicole left that morning, and she never came back. No one at the shelter ever heard from her again. I know she didn't deliberately leave, because all her stuff was still there for a week after she left, and no attempts were made by her to come and get it back. Even her heirloom doll was still at the shelter, and she had told me once before that she had plans to give that doll to her own future daughter. So, I don't know where she is, but I do hope she is OK.

The most frustrating thing was every week, I would hope and pray that would be the week I could move into my new apartment. But that week would go by, and I would make constant attempts to contact my case worker, and nothing would be done. I could not get in touch with anyone. I would leave messages that always went unanswered. That went on for 2 solid weeks. I would lie on my bunk, sometimes crying, but mostly moping. I was terrified I was going to lose this apartment! Don was threatening to kick me out of the shelter now, because he said I snored. That is what he told me. But I have 3 roommates that sleep in the same room with me, and they never heard me snore. But Don sleeps a whole room and 3 walls away from me, and he said he heard me snore every night. I think he was bullshitting! I think he was also frustrated because I kept saying "Maybe by the end of this week, I'll be able to move into my apartment" and then that week would finish and I'd still be there. But it's not like I planned that. I was just doing the hopeful-thinking thing.

Well, thanks to my mom, my sis, some friends, and hard work and determination on my part as well, my case worker finally got the wheels in motion and got me into my apartment. I also want to thank my father and step mom for helping me financially as well. I also want to thank my friends, on and offline, for their prayers and for sticking by me through the good news and the bad. That really gave me strength throughout this whole ordeal! Without the help of all those people mentioned, I would still have to endure the hardship of living in a homeless shelter. Well, I should not put down the shelter. There is the one good thing about it. It's HERE. Things could be much worse. In Lincoln county there is no homeless shelter, or help there of any kind at all for the homeless. I don't have my van anymore, so it was a good thing the shelter was there. Now, I have this apartment, I love it! It's got everything I need. I never intend to leave it.

Well, Lulu has become somewhat of a best friend to me, she has helped me a lot in my quest. She even took me to the emergency room at the hospital once when I got an abscess from an old wound that opened up again. She has taken me to appointments when I needed a lift, she has helped me a lot in this venture. She has even told me where to go to get some help with things I did need help getting. I can never fully repay Lulu for the kindness she has shown me. But I have been praying to the heavens to reward her. Maybe she will get as lucky as me and find a very nice apartment to move into. I am praying for her.

Well, in my last post, from a month ago, I talked about a stupid Clintfag who acted like a child and kicked off all the friends she had that she thought liked Donald Trump. She should go stay in this shelter I stayed at. After being in there for a month, petty little things like what that Clintfag was all pissy about would mean absolutely nothing to me. You want to see people with real problems? Go live in this homeless shelter! It made my own problems seem rather small.
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