If Cancer Was A Person...

If cancer was a person, he would be the most hated and sought-after person on the planet.
If cancer was a person, he would be the biggest jerk the world has ever known.
If cancer was a person, I would love to meet him, just so I could kick his ass!
If cancer was a person, he would be harder to catch than Bin Ladin.
If cancer was a person, he would have been in so many bar fights that he'd be banned from all public places.
If cancer was a person, I can imagine what he'd look like; very handsome, yet very deadly.
If cancer was a person, he'd be a serial killer with more deaths under his belt than Gary Ridgeway.
If cancer was a person, he'd have 3 children; Benign, Malignant and Terminal. Benign would be the friendliest.
If cancer was a person, he wouldn't care who you are, he'd hate you no matter.
If cancer was a person, his favorite animal would be the lion, because they too kill for fun.
If cancer was a person, he would never walk alone. He'd be surrounded by like-minded people.
If cancer was a person, he would not quit fighting you until he won. Only the strongest would win.

The reason I write this is because cancer claimed my father this week. My sis and I got there on the 14th, went to see him that same day, he was still alive then. I believe whole-heartedly that he kept himself going just so he could be with me and my sis. He knew we were coming. He died the very next day, the day my sis and I were due to go home. I got the news from the neighbor, who is also a driver for Uber, and was there to drive me and my sis back to the bus station. But he and my father were very good friends. He too was saddened by his passing. He said he woke up at 6:30 that morning and saw the car (hearse) there, taking dad away. I really wanted to get the news from Kathy first, his family. I know they didn't plan that, so I don't hold it against them or anyone else. I knew they wanted to wait until we got home to give us the news because they didn't want us to think about it on the trip home. But that is OK. Yes, I did cry a lot on the way home, and when I got here. I still don't think I am done.

The hardest thing is going to be not talking to him or seeing him on the holidays. I'm really going to miss that. He always made the holidays so special. He always called and made sure we had a nice holiday dinner. He always went above and beyond the call of duty for me and my sis. That's the kind of person he was. Even when he was fighting this disease, he cared more about how me and my sis was doing than he did about his own health. Even after being diagnosed with cancer, he was going walking every day, for 5 miles or more. He was a man who never cared about how he was feeling. He never felt pain, he never got sick, the only time I ever saw him cry was at my grandma's funeral. I don't think I've ever heard him say "ouch" in my life! I've never even seen him call out in pain before. So, it was hard seeing him in a bed, being ravaged by cancer. But he never cried. He was never bitter. He never asked "why me?" He was not that kind of person. He even had an opportunity to go someplace that is especially studying merkel cell carcinoma to get it cured, and he would not take it. He stuck to the doctors he had there in Phoenix, and said whatever is going to happen will happen. He had complete faith in GOD. While my sis and I were there, we even read some passages from the Bible to him for fun. Kathy knew he enjoyed that. Dad was never bitter about this happening to him, that's for sure.

Ya know that first night after he died, I was thinking a lot about Kathy, and how she must have felt lonely not having him next to her in bed, and knowing he would never be in bed with her again. I wished I could comfort her in that time, or at least talk to her. I know she would have needed someone there. I'm sure though that her family was there. She's lucky to have them.

Who's Next? Dad? No!

I am writing this with an aching heart. I knew it had to happen someday. But knowing that does not change how bad I feel. As of this time and date, my father has only days to live. Earlier this year, he was struck down with a rare variety of skin cancer. Cancer is usually a scary word. This time it wasn't just a cancer, it was a rare variety of cancer. Very rare. Most people who get those kinds usually do not survive. I called him several times a month over the past year to see how he's doing. The man is strong and tough as nails. I don't know for sure if he was just putting up a front for me or what. But his attitude was always like "If I can get cured, great! If I can't, then it's GOD's choice." He went through radiation treatment with no problems, but the cancer kept coming back. He's gone through 2 rounds of chemo with no success. For a while there, it looked like he was going to make it. The radiation treatment worked for a while.But the cancer was just too vicious.

The day I left Astoria, Kathy sent us a message saying that dad had one more chance to make it, with a new kind of chemo treatment that is not FDA approved yet. But they were going to try it on him. By that time, the skin cancer had spread to his bones. That almost always means bad news. When I heard the news, I almost started crying. But I sat up and thought to myself "I cannot deal with this right now! I will cry when I get into my new apartment." I was still in the middle of packing my things into my moving truck. I didn't have time to bawl my eyes out. I had no idea then that it would take a whole month to get into my new apartment.

I called dad a couple times while I was in the shelter, and he still sounded ready and willing to go if the good LORD decided it was his time. I kept telling him I am not ready for him to go. He laughed and would say "Well, if the LORD wants to take me, I have to go." Well, this past week, dad has been rapidly going downhill. Seems the chemo he receives makes things worse. Not better. But I was so amazed how he just takes it all in stride! I like to think I would if I were in his position. But now, the cancer has spread to his liver and pancreas, and that is REALLY bad!! It's happening so fast now, I'm not so sure I know how to cope with it. Kathy says if we were to see him, he may not recognize us. He is experiencing the symptoms of dementia. That just does not sound like my father! He's always been clear and sound of mind. Well, I have to take the red-eye to Phoenix because I want to see him one last time. If he's going to go, he's going to go knowing I love him. Even after all the battles we had when I was younger. Even after the treatment I got from him that time I stayed at his place for the weekend when I lived in Ocean Shores. That all doesn't matter to me now. I just hope he is still living when I get there.

I always remember my father being so energetic. He was a runner, he loved the outdoors, he did camping all the time on weekends. He was always laughing. That's probably one thing I inherited from him. He was always singing. He would take a popular song, twist the words around and make it sound funny. He was no professional singer, he mostly sang for comedy relief. Also he had this funny dance he would do, he was always dancing. He always ate right, he never ate beef, he ate lots of veggies and fruits. Why this is happening to him, I'll never know. But it does prove that diet has no impact on getting some types of cancer. I don't want my father to go! It's totally breaking my heart! But at least I know he is not sad about it. He has faith. He's going to greet them in Heaven with a smile on his face and a song on his lips. I know he will. He only has days to live. In fact, he'll probably be dead by the time I get back home. If not before. But he says his life was a great one, and he is ready to meet our sweet LORD.

I Will Never Smoke Cigarettes

A lot of people who were in that homeless shelter were heavy smokers. In fact, I think I was the only person in there that did not smoke at all. I never even went to the smoking areas, only when I had to, because I am totally allergic to cigarette smoke. When I even smell cigarette smoke, my throat closes up and I cannot breathe. I tried smoking only once in my life and that was when I turned 18. My ma smoked then. She told me to just try it once and if I didn't like it I didn't have to do it again. I've always been the kind who doesn't want to hack something I've never tried, so I tried it. One cigarette and I don't even think I ever finished it. I did try it, and I did not like it. Again, the smoke made me sick.

Well I heard that smoking causes damage to your lungs. I have enough damn respiratory problems, I don't need cigarettes to add to it! Lulu said if I hang out with her long enough she's going to have me smoking and drinking in no time. I told her it'll never happen. Because I am allergic to cigarette smoke, it'll never happen. Well, she told me about her cousin who also said she was allergic to cigarette smoke, and would not take a cigarette that was offered to her. Then later on she said her cousin turned into a heavy smoker. Well, I told Lulu that I am not like that. The fact that I also cannot stand the smell of cigarettes is enough to also repel me from trying them again. Besides the fact that it messes up your lungs, and is a very expensive, time-consuming habit. No, it'll never happen with me. I'll never be a smoker nor a drinker.

Truth is, I am also allergic to chocolate. But I love chocolate so much I cannot give it up! Fortunately it's not the kind of allergy that closes up my windpipe. I just get a bad case of diarrhea when I eat chocolate. But I can handle that! The taste and smell of chocolate makes it worth the pain! But there is nothing good about smoking. I used to hear the smokers in the dorm coughing all night long. It was a bad cough too, a bad hacking cough that you could tell they were coughing up their lungs. No thanks! I don't need that!

I remember there was this big, goofy looking guy, nice guy though, and I came across him at the Safeway store one day while I was waiting for Lulu. We talked for a bit, and then the conversation came up about cigarettes and smoking;

He asked me, "You don't happen to have a cigarette on you do you?"
I answered, "No, I sure don't."
He asked me, "You don't smoke do you?"
I answered, "No, I sure don't."
He asked me, "Would you like to start?"
I answered, "No, I sure wouldn't."

At the end of the month everybody was trying to get cigarettes from everybody else. Their money was always gone because they had to buy packs of cigarettes throughout the month. I was perplexed and thought "If these people would save their money for an apartment instead of spending every penny on cigarettes, they would have places to live in!" That's one big reason I never started smoking, I couldn't afford it. Even if I could afford it, I have better things to spend my money on than cigarettes! For example, this trip to Australia. Another thing I need is a car. Then a puppy! No room is left for cigarettes. Even if I wasn't allergic to them.

The thing is, smoking takes so much out of you, your money, your health, your time. Took Lulu 5 hours to drive the 25 miles from Wheeler to Tillamook. Know why? Because she would stop every 15 to 20 minutes to have a cigarette! The cigarette always took her 10 minutes to smoke. Sometimes she would have one right after another. That's time wasted! Time I could have spent doing something fun. Yet, smoking gives you nothing good in return. Unless you love the idea of having a bad cough. Or you relish the thought of having lung cancer. Or you get orgasms at the putrid smell of burning nicotine. I do not. So, I said to Lulu, I'll never start smoking. And I never will. It'll never happen!

After nearly 10 years of not thinking about Michael Hutchence, I should have learned never to say never. I said I would never get back into him again. But I think it's very safe to say that if I haven't started smoking by now, I never will.

My Crazy Aunt Lulu

LOL! OK she wants me to call her that. She is one of the friends I made while I was living at the homeless shelter. She ran away from her other apartment because it was a slum, and she felt bad about running away every day. The problem was her former landlord did nothing with their last apartment, did not do any repairs or anything, and Lulu said so many things needed to be repaired. They went without a toilet for 2 weeks once because the landlord refused to fix it right away. And Lulu had been after the landlord for months to repair a broken stair on the staircase. Well, one day her husband was climbing down the stairs and he fell on the broken stair and fractured several of his vertebrae. He wound up in the hospital for a while, and Lulu refused to pay rent until something was done on that staircase. That was when the landlord kicked them out. Lulu wound up in the homeless shelter while her husband was in traction at the hospital.

You should all be aware, Lulu is not really "crazy", per se. Like me, she suffers from depression and she has a dog named Harry who is her therapy animal. She has a note from her doctor and everything saying she has to have Harry with her for emotional support. Ever since I had been there, Lulu had been fighting hard to get the people of that homeless shelter to let her bring her dog into the building. But they would just not let her bring him in. They let 2 other people who stayed there bring their dogs in, but for some reason they would not let Harry come into the building, and he would be out in their car howling and whimpering all night long. It just about killed Lulu to hear her dog sounding so lonely and sad. Lulu often cried "Why didn't I just pay the rent in that place? Then at least we'd have a home to go to where I can have my dog!" But honestly, I think I would have done the exact same thing. Now, Lulu is thinking of suing that landlord for causing her husband these injuries he is enduring now. She was told she could sue for at least $5 million.

One day, we had been out together and when we got back to the shelter, there was another woman in our dorm that had an adorable chihuahua. That chihuahua was also her therapy dog. I thought he was cute! Looked just like my Vegas! Short little nose and everything! But Lulu was angry that they let her in with her dog and Lulu could not bring her dog into the building. So she angrily confronted the supervisor. Then she decided she was going to leave that shelter. I wanted to go with her, I thought she needed moral support now. So, I was there to give it to her. Lulu said she was just going to find a hotel room somewhere and stay there until they could find an apartment. I thought "This should be kinda fun" and went with her. After we left the shelter, I actually started to get an uncomfortable feeling. Especially after Lulu mentioned finding a hotel that would let us stay until the first of the month. It's the wrong time of year for weekly rates. No hotel has them! Not until after Labor Day. But I stayed with her anyways for moral support.

Well, Lulu wanted to stop at the hospital where her husband was and visit him. So, we went to Wheeler, where he was staying. He talked her into going back to the shelter, and then Lulu began to feel bad getting me involved in this affair. But I was just there for moral support. Nothing else. I just thought a few nights away from the shelter would be kinda fun. Then we could sleep as late as we wanted to, and someone else would be making our beds for us. Something that neither I nor Lulu was very good at! Nor enjoyed doing at all. Lulu was so frustrated with herself that she was afraid I would hate her. I told her not to worry about that. I don't hate her. I just think she lost it there for a few minutes. Happens to everyone once in a while, especially in high-stress situations. So, she took me back to the shelter and went to stay with a friend of her's in Depoe Bay. I almost moved there!

I missed Lulu when she left. I made other friends, but no one could talk my ear off like Lulu did! It was something of a relief because it kept my mind off of the anxiety I felt living in that shelter for so long. But really, I truly believe living there changed me. I've come out a happier, stronger person than I was before. The depression and social anxiety is still there. That does not go away in a single month. But I feel better about myself now. And, I finally got into my new apartment. I still love it. I still cannot believe I am here!

Well, yesterday I was finally able to dispose of the last of the boxes, so now my unpacking is all done! I hate moving! More than anything in the world! In the past 5 years I have moved 5 times. From Ocean Shores, to Bozeman, MT. to Port Angeles, WA. to Reno, NV and to Astoria, OR and now here. I am tired of moving! I want to settle here for a good long while. I'm old! I don't think I can handle another move. Every time I move, I have to change my routine, I have to spend time getting used to the new house and new surroundings. I have to develop new habits. I can't do that anymore. I'm too old. Too old and too tired. So, I am going to be here for quite a long spell. The next time I move it will be only when I am ready to buy myself a house.

The Dark Side of My Plight

Well, I got into my apartment, and now I am almost done unpacking. I've even unpacked some things that I have had all packed up since we left Ocean Shores. The only things that I cannot unpack now are my knick-knacks. I have not really had those unpacked since we left Olympia! Well, I did briefly have them unpacked when I moved in with Patti. But my stay at her place only lasted 3 days, and I was not about to leave my knick-knacks with her! Soon, I do plan on getting a curio cabinet. Then, I can put my knick-knacks out to display. I don't even remember what all I have! I know I have a family of dragons in there. I also have a family of Ki-Rin, which are Chinese unicorns. I also have a lot of lighthouses, and some of Anna's Mount St. Helens figurines. I also have a lot of figurines I made myself of my Metazoic mammals.

I was kindof sitting back today, thinking. One of the things that sprung to mind was the struggles I went through in order to get into this place. The biggest problem was Noah. Every day I would call them and leave messages with my case manager. But for 2 long weeks, nothing would happen. One day, I decided to just bug the piss out of them. Squeaky wheels get the greasing! I called Noah and asked if my case manager was even there. Apparently she was, so I asked why she never picks up her phone. The person I spoke to said she cannot force my case manager to answer. But I was tired of calling and calling, sometimes up to 4 to 5 times a day, and never hearing back. Especially when her voicemail greeting says she will return my call within 24 hours, then days would go by and I would not get a return call.

So anyways, the secretary put me on hold for a minute. When she came back, she said that they never received the paperwork they were supposed to receive, so I had to call the manager of these apartments. I did and told them what the secretary told me. I got one of the managers of this complex and she said she had proof that she sent the paperwork in. So I had to call Noah again and tell them that the manager of this apartment told me that yes, she sent the paperwork and she had proof she did. I got the secretary again and I told her who I was. When I mentioned my name, the secretary kinda moaned a bit, I guess because she knew what I was going to say. I told her what the manager told me. The secretary said they need to just get this paperwork in instead of sitting there arguing about it. So, I had no choice but to call this apartment back again. But when I did, I got hung up on. I was in the shelter, and my roommate was in the room at that time. She left shortly after, and I walked right behind her so I could make sure the door was closed.

After she left, and I made sure the door was closed, and I'd be alone for at least a few minutes, I went back to my bunk where I had all my pics of Michael and Timmy lying around and I cried out loud! LOL! You've seen those movies where some frustrated person just collapses and cries loudly? That's what I did. I yelled to the heavens "Don't blame me!!!! I'm just a messenger! I didn't do anything! This whole thing is NOT my fault!!!" as if those people from both sides could actually hear me! LOL! I was tired, frustrated, and sick of living in a shelter! I'll tell you all now, if you have social anxiety, a homeless shelter is not a place you want to be! I'm most uncomfortable around children. I don't like hearing kids running around and yelling. I don't like the feel of them looking at me. And forget about privacy in that shelter! A few times I've been lucky and went hours without getting any outside interruptions. But most of the time, just when you think you're going to be alone for a while, someone pops in for whatever reason and you have to stop what you are doing and wait for that person to leave. Then it was only by sheer luck if they managed to remember to close the door behind them. Most of the time, they didn't though.

Well, I thought I should wait a while before I call these apartments again, give the managers here a chance to cool down. So, that is what I did. I waited about 15 minutes before attempting to call here again. This time, I got someone else, and she said she would send the paperwork again, and give Noah a call. So she did. But I still was not comfortable. So, I said to myself that maybe I should take that paperwork to Noah myself. I got Lulu to bring me to this complex to pick up the paperwork. I walked into the office and offered to take the paperwork to Astoria myself, but they told me that because I am a third party person, I cannot do it. The manager told me to keep calling Noah and tell them that I am going to start camping out in their office until something is done. I thought that was a great idea. So, from then on, that is what I did.

Even my ma and sis got involved in getting me this apartment, as did a few friends. We all called Noah, and told them something needs to be done. For a while there, I was scared to death I was not going to get this apartment. Ma called me one night and asked me if any progress is being made to get me into my new place and I said NO! I was no closer that day when she called than I was when I arrived at the shelter. Ma said "you're going to lose that apartment!" I said "That's exactly what I am afraid of! But I can't do much more than leave messages!" Ma asked me if I was calling Noah every day and I said yes. Several times a day, in fact. The day she called, I think I called my case-manager 5 times. No answer. So the following day, ma called the head supervisor and asked why nothing was being done to get me into my apartment. It was good to get family and friends together to get something rolling. I thank my friends and family for their help.

Well, after that something started going on, my case-manager kept in touch with me more. I kept asking her to please let me know when something is going on. 2 weeks later, I was finally able to move in. And I absolutely love it here. The only flaw is they put me smack-dab in front of the kid's play area. So I am still in the line of kids screaming and shouting! UGH!!! I'm not used to kids, so I don't exactly like being next to the play area. But this is a great apartment! I love it! It has everything I need, all the appliances I could ever want. I'm glad I finally got it.

The Sleeping Pill

UGH man!! I woke up this morning and my head was spinning. For a while there, I thought the sleeping pill I took had completely passed through. But I guess I was wrong! LOL! About a week ago, while I was living at the shelter, I could not sleep one night. There was this woman I shared a room with named Michelle who had some sleeping pills. She gave a couple to Lulu, and it put her to sleep very well. Well, that night, Michelle asked me if I wanted to try one of her sleeping pills, and I said OK, I'll try one. So she gave me one. She said they were simple, over-the-counter sleeping pills. Well, it did put me to sleep alright. No problem! But over the past week, I've noticed they have some very dreadful side-effects. I cannot stop sleeping! I find myself going to sleep at the most ridiculous times imaginable! For example, while talking I've fallen asleep right in the middle of a sentence. Almost like I am narcoleptic. And when I wake up, or turn my head to my right, not only does my head start spinning, but the whole damn house spins!

When the house starts to spin, I tend to go into what I can only describe as being seizures. My eyeballs shift to one side of my head, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot get them back for as long as 30 seconds. I become paralyzed, I can't move, can't open my eyes, and when I finally do come out of this "seizure", I feel nauseated and cannot catch my breath. I've taken over-the-counter sleeping pills before, and none have ever had that effect on me. EVER! So I have no idea what it was that Michelle gave me, but it can't have been just a simple, over-the-counter sleeping pill. It had to have been more than that! That is what is hindering my unpacking. But I have managed to get most everything unpacked. There are a few boxes I still have to go through, but I am almost all unpacked now. But again, it is being a very slow process now. This doggone sleeping pill is still doing it's job on me. I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened had I taken more than one of those pills, like Lulu did. I might be dead!

I'll tell you, I should have asked Michelle what brand those pills were, I'll have to be sure to avoid them in the future. But they are still doing a number on me. I still find myself occasionally falling asleep at random times. Even if I am up and active. Oh well, I don't even take sleeping pills anymore. Been years since I have needed help sleeping. So I don't think there is any danger of me getting those same pills. Even now, as I am typing this, I have to stop occasionally to fall asleep.

*************************After a 2-hour long nap****************************

Well, my move is progressing well. I was finally able to get most of the moving boxes out of this house. I did have some trouble finding out where the dumpster is. Yesterday I went out with a load of boxes to an area where there are several recycle bins, and one big, huge bin, which I assumed was the dumpster, but I had absolutely NO idea how to access it. It's closed on top, with no lid. No one ever told me before I moved in how to toss my trash. I did throw one box of trash on top of the dumpster, believing there was maybe an opening on top I could not see (that's how fricken short I am). But all it did was trap that box of trash on top of the bin. Now, I need to get it down! LOL! I'll have the maintenance guy do it on Monday. I saw a door on the big-ass bin, with a locked doorknob. But I still was not sure if that was the bin to throw my trash in. Logic told me it was. But how to access it to put my garbage in, I had no idea whatsoever!

Well, today I was back out taking more boxes there, and I saw a couple of teenage kids coming in with a load of trash. I decided to wait there to see what they do with their trash. They stopped by the big-ass dumpster and used a key to open the locked door, tossed in their bags of trash, closed it and left. I stood there thinking out loud to myself "So THAT'S where the trash goes!!!!!!" I knew that big-ass dumpster had to be the place, but I had no idea how to access it, because again I was never told! I remembered I was given only 2 keys when I moved in. One was for the apartment, the other was for the mailbox. So, I came back to my apartment to pick up some more boxes and get my keys, see if any of them would work on the dumpster. As I was going back to the big-ass dumpster, there was a Mexican man standing by his car, no doubt calling the manager to report that I was leaving boxes out in the trash/recycling area. Well!!! It's not like I wanted to leave them out!!!! Well, I tried one key the manager said was for the mailbox. Nothing. So, I tried the key to the apartment. Success! I was like "Thank GOD!" So now, I could put all the boxes that I had accumulated out there over the past 2 days in the big-ass dumpster.

On a sidenote, I know for sure that Mexican guy was calling the manager on me. He was standing, looking at the dumpster area, and when he saw me finally putting the boxes in the big-ass dumpster, he hung up his phone. I didn't hear any of his conversation, but I know for sure that's what he was doing. Kiss my ass, Jose! Nah! Just funnin'! LOL! He had a right to call the manager. But instead of doing that, he should have perhaps helped me by telling me where to dump my trash at. But I guess he just assumed I was told when I moved in and that I was just being obnoxious. Oh well!

My Queendom For A Home

Well, it's been a whole month since the last time I posted. I deliberately did not post this past month because I was in waiting. Waiting for something special. I finally found an apartment! I got out of the slum in Astoria and moved here to Tillamook. But it was not an easy transition. I usually would expect to be walking out of one apartment and stop in the next. But that did not happen. Problems with housing. I had to leave Astoria. I had given my 30 day notice to vacate already, and in the midst of that, the manager had already rented the apartment to someone else. Good luck to them is all I can say! Don't ever be stuck there without a car! I did and the last months I was there was pure hell. But you don't know what hell really is until you've heard about my past month.

Anyways, I had given my notice to vacate, and the manager had already rented the place to someone else by the first of last month. I asked him if I could have just a few more days, because my sis was coming to help me move my things out, so he granted me that. But for that few days I was there, I felt like an intruder. Lived there for a whole year and a half and already I felt like an intruder. I make a lousy squatter! I could never be homeless forever. Well, when I moved from Reno to Astoria, I was homeless for 3 months, but I had the van too, and made a bed in the back of that van, so I was OK. This time, I don't have the van. So where was I going to sleep once I got to Tillamook? Apparently, my apartment was not ready yet. My sis and I loaded my things with the help of my downstairs neighbor in Astoria, and we were on our way. It was late afternoon when we got here, and we were both kinda tired. So, we asked at the Goodwill store here if there is a shelter or some place I could stay at while I wait. I had hoped I would only be there no longer than a week.

Well, it just so happens, Tillamook had just gotten a shelter built about 6 months ago. So, my sis and I went there, and they would not let us in until we got a referral. So, we had to go and get one. We went to the local penitentiary for that. We got our referral and went back. With that shelter, after the first 4 days, you could stay for as long as you need to and not have to leave during the day. But you always had to be in bed, asleep at 10 PM. And it was always up at 7 AM, whether you were fully awake or not. I'm not used to that kind of schedule. I'm used to getting up around 9 or 10 AM and having my breakfast, getting a little bit tired an hour later, having a bit of a nap, then getting up again and going on with the rest of my day. There, you can't do that. Especially during the first 4 day waiting period.

Well, the people there were nice, for the most part. I even made some lasting friendships. I keep in contact with some of the people I met there. One of them, she calls herself Lulu, has even agreed to take me to Portland once a month for $30 to do my big shopping. I need someone to do that. And it's less than it would normally cost me to rent a car. I remember our first night there, my sis did this one girl's hair. She trimmed her hair for her, and straightened it using her straightening iron. This girl, whose name was Nicole, was a 20-year old who was rejected by her mom and dad, and lived with her grandparents until she became of age, then they kicked her out. She lived on the streets for a while. I remember Nicole and Lulu got into a fight once because Lulu bought a dress, and she wanted to hang it up. But Nicole's things was spread everywhere and so Lulu had to move Nicole's things a little bit so she could hang her dress up. I recall Lulu only moved Nicole's things maybe 4 inches, at the most. But when Nicole found out Lulu moved her things, she pitched a fit!! I mean a major fit! Suddenly she and Lulu were in a shouting match. Lulu was fed up with Nicole's attitude, so she went to tell the head man, Don.

While Lulu was gone, I tried to reason with Nicole. I told her "What's the big deal? She just moved your things maybe 4 inches, tops! It's not like she tossed your stuff off a cliff." But Nicole would not be reasoned with. She argued "I have my things a certain way for a reason, and I don't want it moved!" I told her she has too much stuff, and it's taking over the whole side of the dorm. All Lulu wanted to do was hang up her dress. Another of our dorm mates came in about that point and told Nicole about how we all have to share our space, so we have to get along. Nicole was thinking everyone was against her. But no one was against her, we just didn't like her attitude about this situation. But then again I guess she's no different than any other 20-year old. She had a guy friend, who was about 1 year older than she is, that she referred to as her "street dad". Then Don came into the dorm and started yelling at Nicole, telling her if she didn't start cleaning up her act, she was going to be kicked out of the shelter.

Well, I thought Nicole was a nice girl, most of the time. But there were some things about her I thought needed improvement. For example, she needed to lose the attitude of entitlement she obviously carried around. Having been raised by her grandparents, she probably never had any discipline. So, when she found out Lulu moved her things, she was most likely thinking "Hey! This is MY stuff! I never gave you permission to move my things." But yet, let me tell you, Nicole took many liberties herself. That's another thing I didn't like about her, her absolute lack of respect. My sis used her straightening iron to straighten Nicole's hair while she was at the shelter, but after my sis left, she didn't have access to a straightening iron of her own. Well, she found out our dorm mate, Thelma, had one. One time, when Thelma was going out for a date, she asked me to watch her straightening iron and make sure Nicole doesn't use it. I said I would. Then, another day, Nicole actually did ask Thelma if she could use her straightening iron, and Thelma specifically said no to Nicole. She didn't want anyone using her straightening iron. But she found out that Nicole went and used it anyways. Thelma was angry about that.

Well, Nicole wanted for a while to go to a concert in Portland to see her favorite band. I don't remember the name, some fag-gothic-make-up band I never heard of. The day before, she got one of the guys at the shelter to promise to take her. Well, he asked her for the money so he could fill his truck up with gasoline, and Nicole went to her purse to get him the money. But she only had $4. Well, he was not going to take her all the way to Portland on just $4, he told her he needed at least $25 to fill up with enough gas to go to Portland and back. He did tell her if she somehow could come up with $25 to let him know and he would take her. But Nicole was angry. I asked her "Did you really think you'd find someone in this shelter who would drive all the way to Portland for free?" These people were not in a shelter because they were rich. If they had money to spend on gas to go to Portland, they'd be staying in a hotel. Or they would have an apartment. So, I figured Nicole would give up and not go to the concert in Portland now.

Well, the next morning, I noticed Nicole had gotten up and was getting dressed. She told me she was going to head into town, and try to find someone who would give her a ride to Portland free of charge. I kinda chuckled and said to her "Good luck with that!" I couldn't say anything else. She left, kinda bitterly, but I didn't know how she would make something like that happen. Well, Lulu said Nicole was going to hitchhike. Nicole left that morning, and she never came back. No one at the shelter ever heard from her again. I know she didn't deliberately leave, because all her stuff was still there for a week after she left, and no attempts were made by her to come and get it back. Even her heirloom doll was still at the shelter, and she had told me once before that she had plans to give that doll to her own future daughter. So, I don't know where she is, but I do hope she is OK.

The most frustrating thing was every week, I would hope and pray that would be the week I could move into my new apartment. But that week would go by, and I would make constant attempts to contact my case worker, and nothing would be done. I could not get in touch with anyone. I would leave messages that always went unanswered. That went on for 2 solid weeks. I would lie on my bunk, sometimes crying, but mostly moping. I was terrified I was going to lose this apartment! Don was threatening to kick me out of the shelter now, because he said I snored. That is what he told me. But I have 3 roommates that sleep in the same room with me, and they never heard me snore. But Don sleeps a whole room and 3 walls away from me, and he said he heard me snore every night. I think he was bullshitting! I think he was also frustrated because I kept saying "Maybe by the end of this week, I'll be able to move into my apartment" and then that week would finish and I'd still be there. But it's not like I planned that. I was just doing the hopeful-thinking thing.

Well, thanks to my mom, my sis, some friends, and hard work and determination on my part as well, my case worker finally got the wheels in motion and got me into my apartment. I also want to thank my father and step mom for helping me financially as well. I also want to thank my friends, on and offline, for their prayers and for sticking by me through the good news and the bad. That really gave me strength throughout this whole ordeal! Without the help of all those people mentioned, I would still have to endure the hardship of living in a homeless shelter. Well, I should not put down the shelter. There is the one good thing about it. It's HERE. Things could be much worse. In Lincoln county there is no homeless shelter, or help there of any kind at all for the homeless. I don't have my van anymore, so it was a good thing the shelter was there. Now, I have this apartment, I love it! It's got everything I need. I never intend to leave it.

Well, Lulu has become somewhat of a best friend to me, she has helped me a lot in my quest. She even took me to the emergency room at the hospital once when I got an abscess from an old wound that opened up again. She has taken me to appointments when I needed a lift, she has helped me a lot in this venture. She has even told me where to go to get some help with things I did need help getting. I can never fully repay Lulu for the kindness she has shown me. But I have been praying to the heavens to reward her. Maybe she will get as lucky as me and find a very nice apartment to move into. I am praying for her.

Well, in my last post, from a month ago, I talked about a stupid Clintfag who acted like a child and kicked off all the friends she had that she thought liked Donald Trump. She should go stay in this shelter I stayed at. After being in there for a month, petty little things like what that Clintfag was all pissy about would mean absolutely nothing to me. You want to see people with real problems? Go live in this homeless shelter! It made my own problems seem rather small.

Hillary Or Bust

Oh GOD! I think one of my friends has lost it. Honestly, I don't know what this friend is thinking. Actually I hate both Hillary and Trump and I let her know this last night. I'm not voting for either one. They are both the sorriest-ass excuses I've ever seen in my life for presidential election. This is what we are down to in our choice to run this country, two of the worst people any one can ever hope for. We got Donald Trump who is a misogynist and a bully, and Hillary who wants to let hardcore muslims in this country that want to kill us and our pets! Remember that post I made about muslims stealing pets, skinning them and tying them to crosses in Malta? You want to bet they are going to do that shit here? I don't want anything happening to my babies! And if it does, and it's because of damn-fucking muslim shit, I'm going to blame Hillary!!! You can bet your britches she's going to get a scathing email from me!

Oh wait! She'd probably just delete that too. Fuck her!

Anyways, this friend said that if anyone of her friends vote for Trump, then she wants them to delete her. She didn't want to be their friend anymore. I still like this friend, and I told her I hate both Trump and Hillary. So I am not voting. It reminds me of the turmoil I had with the Yatesfags earlier this year. I told her how a lot of them deleted me because I don't like Paula Yates. The good thing about that is at least I never have to look at them again. The bad thing is, well, I don't think there was a bad thing about it. But I told her I did not tell them to delete themselves. They did that on their own accord. I did not tell them I wouldn't be their friend if they like Paula Yates. In fact, most of the people who deleted themselves from my friends, I never knew they were Yatesfags until after they deleted themselves. They never acted like fags until then.

But the fact of the matter is, I consider Paula Yates an irresponsible parent and a MURDERER!!!! She killed my Michael!!! I will forever hate her for that!!! But I do still have friends who are fans of her's. The point is is that that does not bother me. I can be friends with people who are fans of hers. I just cannot be friends with the fags. No way! And I'm sorry, but if this friend does not like Trump, and she wants people gone from her friends list who do not like Hillary Clinton, well that makes her a Clintfag. But I am going to wait and watch carefully before I decide if I want to delete her or not. I mean, I still like this person. Don't get me wrong. But if she does not like people who do not vote for Hillary Clinton, then this will never completely work out. Because if it's not "I don't like you if you like Trump!" or "If you don't vote for Hillary Clinton, then I don't want you as a friend!" then it'll be something else down the road. That is why I am so glad the fags deleted me from their friends. There's always going to be something, somewhere that's going to set them off and keep the friendship between us on the rocks.

I don't need friends like that. I had friends like that throughout my school years. I want more mature and stable friendships in my life now. Nothing else. Well, a lot of people dropped this friend, I saw their messages to her, some of them even said they were not voting for Trump, but deleting her because of the childish post stating that she wanted all Trump supporters off her Facebook. I have to agree. For someone to say "if you vote for someone I don't like, then delete me from your friends". I asked her "Don't you think that's just a little bit childish?" Now, I wouldn't be surprised if she deletes me from her friends. A lot of people do when you point out the truth to them.

I'll tell you, I don't know what this world is coming to. All this fag bullshit! People hating each other because they don't like the same things. Makes me want to hate people even more than I already did! UGH!!! I guess this proves we are nearing the end of our world as we know it. I heard some time ago that this will indeed happen. But once it is over, we will enter total world peace. I'm just hoping that time comes soon. I'm sick of meeting someone, getting to know them, getting to like them, building up that trust towards them, only to have them turn out to be radicals. I'd been friends with this woman since 2011. I invested a lot of emotional support into her. Sent loads of prayers, worried with her, chatted with her, everything. I don't want to just drop her. 5 years doesn't sound like very long, but for me to have a friend in that short amount of time that I trust implicitly, is very rare. I don't want to just say sionara to her.

****************************UPDATE 8/2/16******************************

Well this woman deleted me from her friends. I told you all I wouldn't be surprised if she did! LOL! But really, I am not as upset as I thought I'd be. Like I said, it just proves she's a Clintfag. I don't want anything to do with any fags. I never even said if I was voting for Trump or not, which I am NOT! I still hate that evil bastard! Katy deleted me saying "I hope I never have to see you again, I never knew you were that pathetic!" I kinda wonder what she means by "pathetic"? Does she mean "pathetic" because I am not a democrat? Or "pathetic" because I think she's acting like a child? Or "pathetic" because I hate Paula Yates? Well, I ain't a republican neither. I'm a libertarian. And I still think she's acting like a child! And I still can't stand Paula Yates!

Fags, An Abomination?

Ya know, I wonder if the WBC is partially right about this. They are always saying how "fags are an abomination in the eyes of GOD". I know that is about what it says in the Bible and the WBC stands on street corners and shouts those words out at the top of their lungs at everybody. I've been thinking, with all the feminazi, Yatesfag, pantherfag, and Black Lives Matter bullshit I'm beginning to believe the WBC is at least partly right. One thing those 4 groups have in common is they are all made up of fags. 100% fags! No decent person is a feminazi, nor a Yatesfag, nor a pantherfag, nor approves of that Black Lives Matter movement. Even the decent black people don't go for that, because it's doing nothing but magnifying racism in this country and it's giving black people a worse image than what they already had. I'm sorry to sound stereotypical here, but black people have already been seen as being pushy, violent and annoying. All except the conservatives. But with this Black Lives Matter movement going on now, they're proving those stereotypes are true. The conservative black people are the ones against BLM, and they have a good reason to be.

But anyways, this is about fags being an abomination in GOD's eyes. The problem is that the WBC has been saying "fags are what GOD calls gay people", well I think they're wrong! Maybe the Bible does not mean gays when it talks about "fags" being an abomination. Maybe, like me, the Bible is referring to people who are anti-choice, anti-freedom and anti-rights. GOD is apparently offended by war. Fags start wars. They don't know it but they do. So it only stands to reason that possibly it was people like that who GOD sees as an abomination. The WBC themselves are a bunch of fags. They're religious fags. Not even Christfags because I don't believe they believe in Christ. But they are indeed what I call religious fags because they are hot-headed in their beliefs, they preach angrily at people, and they try to get their point across by attempting to strike fear into the people who disprove them. Generally by telling those people they are going to Hell. Well, since the WBC are nothing but a bunch of fags, they're going to Hell too.

Its one thing, I think, to stand up for what you believe in. It's a totally different thing when you're hot-headed in your beliefs. It's those hot-heads that I refer to as "fags". Sometimes the "hot-heads" are not always preachy. Like with the Yatesfags, most of them did not get preachy with me, they just deleted themselves from my friends list, and the really hot-headed fags even blocked me from their facebook. It was subtle faggotry, but it still proves they are fags. For me to block someone on Facebook, they would have had to do something REALLY bad. Like kill a puppy or kitten or person. That to me is really bad. Even though I don't like kittens, I still don't want to see them drowned in a pool or something on purpose by some heartless individual. But a lot of the people who unfriended me also blocked me, and the only reason I could think of that they would do that is because they are fags, seeing as how I was never anything but good to most of them. So, they must have had some guilt on their conscience or something, and my blog brought that out in them. Shoot! Glad I could help! People need to feel guilt when they wrong others or do wrong to GOD.

So this must really be what the Bible means when it says "fags are an abomination". It doesn't mean gays. It means hot-headed nazis. A lot of things in the Bible I truly believe was misinterpreted. This must be one of them. Gays are only trying to make peace between themselves and heterosexuals. Fags don't care to make peace. They just want everyone to see everything their way. They want everyone to agree with them. They want to be told they are right. And when you don't do any of that, that's when they try to silence you. That's why I hate fags. That's probably why GOD hates fags too. And also probably why the WBC hates fags as well. Well, here's a newsflash: I won't be silenced! They are NEVER going to shut me up. I've said that many times before. People can block me on Facebook all they want to, but they will still never shut me up! I got more than one platform. Everything happens for a reason. The people who are out of my life now, are the ones GOD chose to keep out of my life. They were not meant to be in my life at this point in time. I'm finding out it's a good thing. I don't need drama-queens in my life right now. All I need now is positive thoughts. I have wonderful friends and family now who are giving me that too! :)

So here it is now, GOD I sacrifice all this nazi, fag, radical bullshit to you!

Speaking of friends, lately I have been making friends with people I never thought I would make friends with ever again. LOL! Well, I do tend to change my mind a lot. But lately I've been making friends with show breeders. But they are nice show breeders. Not like the old farts in that one e-mail group I was on before my Groucho died. I think these people are closer to my own age. How ironic. I lost a few people on Facebook that I thought were INXS fans, and I used to say INXS fans are the best friends of all. Well, the majority of them really are. It's the ones who are also Yatesfags that are not. You'll be able to sniff them out eventually. Most of them will argue with you once you say anything bad about Paula Yates. I still hate that woman!! LOL! But it's ironic that I've traded the Yatesfags now for show breeders. And I used to say I hated show breeders. Well, I can't say that anymore. Well, I still don't like the way I was treated by show breeders in the past. But again, they were just a bunch of hating old farts who were probably angry at the world for whatever reason. I think in the case of that one guy, John Cipollina, he really did not want me in that email group. I think he was the one ascender on my application before I joined that group.

In that group, you had to be voted in or out by the moderation team. Apparently there were 3 mods on that voting team and I know John Cipollina was one of them. I remember that. I also know there were people on that group that I had seen before in other groups, and they were other groups that also wanted to censor me too. So, I believe that someone said something to him about me, and he voted no when the mods wanted to vote me in. But the other 2 mods said OK. Thus I think John Cipollina was looking for trouble from me, which is why he never said 2 words to me until I filled out this survey that was passed on to the group, and those were very hostile, angry words. He acted like a total raging lunatic. All because I said I preferred European lines to American lines back then. Well, now I've seen some very nice American lines in show dogs. But I still thought AKC should do what the FCI does, which is not allow a dog to be registerable for breeding unless it has been health-checked and cleared. I still say John Cipollina's actions were completely uncalled for. I was never rude or hostile to him. So, how dare he bitch like he did! And how dare he treat me like shit and not expect to get it thrown back in his fat, ugly face! And by ugly I mean "hateful". I'm no better-looking really! LOL!

But these breeders I've been meeting lately, are NOTHING like that!! One of them I really love because she also likes rock n roll music. So, she is someone I can really relate to. Plus, she is going to help me start a wee bit of a business, which is awesome. I cannot do any business now because I've got something special coming up within the next week. But as soon as I am finished with that special thing, I'll be able to do anything I need to to start this business. This reminds me of the saying that goes "One door closes, another one opens". I'm glad I met these breeders. They are once again restoring my faith in show breeders again. I just still need to be extremely cautious about which ones I come to consider friends. Hope that none of them are radical breeder fags like John Cipollina.

Is Suicide Cowardly?

Wow! This is a hot topic on my Facebook page today! No, I am not currently contemplating suicide. Though I have had a tough year with the family problems and the death of a couple of good friends, suicide to me is not an option at this time. Not for me! Though I would be lying if I ever said suicide didn't occasionally cross my mind. It has in the past. But I haven't done it yet to myself because I always believe things get better eventually. One door closes, GOD then opens another one. Plus I always think about my friends and family and how they would feel if something bad happened to me. In fact, it is my friends and family that keeps me going. I just wish they lived closer. Katrina is the closest and now she lives about 100 miles from me. Plus she is pregnant. So it's not like she can come over every weekend to visit. Now I know how Timmy felt in that scene in Never Tear Us Apart when Andrew was moving to the UK, Jon was in Hong Kong and Michael was in Denmark!

I also can appreciate how Michael felt in the last scene with him with his managers in the US, and his daughter in the UK. The difference is Michael was the only one that lost it and did the unthinkable. How long will it take before I finally lose it? Once you've lost it, there is no turning back. Sometimes you may recover, but sometimes like in Michael's case, you don't. A person cannot control it once they've lost it. You don't think about "how is my family going to feel?" I could be together one minute, lose it the next and jump off this balcony and allow myself to fall flat on my neck, then it'd be too late to recover. My neck would be broken and I'm as good as dead. Or in a moment of misery, I could take a knife and slash my wrists, or my own throat. When you've lost it, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. You don't think about your family, you don't think about calling anyone, you don't think about any of the aftermath of your decision, you usually do not think of getting help. You just think about ending it all. Believe me, I was there before. I know what it feels like. But my sis was there to stop me. Now, there's no one here in case that happens again.

But is suicide a cowardly act? I know in the Bible it is considered an abomination and it sends you to Hell. But is it a cowardly act? I don't know. I think it depends on the situation. Having been close to suicide, I know how it feels. Like I said before, nothing is on your mind except ending your life. So, I believe a person who is suicidal is not in their right mind. That would be like punishing an autistic person for not thinking like normal people do. Though I do know a lot of people will do that, even though it's not right. But that's just people being people. But I really think it depends on the situation whether suicide is an act of cowardice or not. For example, Michael's case. Let's say he really did mean to kill himself. I am sure it was due to a lot of things running through his mind, with this movie he was supposed to be in, the solo album, the tour INXS was on, the thought of having Paula's girls and his baby there in Australia with him. All those things going through his mind probably made his mind run a million miles an hour! Then the deal with Bob Geldof, he probably thought was one slap in the face too many and that's when he lost it. He could not think of his baby girl, he could not think of his responsibilities with the band, he could not think about how he'd be missed. All he could think was that he wanted out. And so that is what he did. It's not cowardice. He was just probably feeling overwhelmed.

Now, there are some cases where I believe suicide is indeed a cowardly act, and that is when someone commits a crime and doesn't want to go to jail for it. Case in point, when I was working at a factory back in 2000, there was this woman who worked there and was trying to get out of an abusive marriage. When she finally had the guts to leave, her husband killed her, right in front of the eyes of their kids! He then cut her head off, ripped open her chest and pulled her heart out and said "Your heart will always belong to me!" When the police were called, instead of going to jail, he killed himself. Now something like that was a cowardly act, because his wife did not ask to die. He stole her life from her. He didn't want to pay for his crime so he killed himself. That is when I believe it is a cowardly act to kill yourself. The woman's family was never able to get justice served for her murder. I say if you're going to do the crime, you'd better do the time. He chose his actions when he killed his wife. She didn't, he did. When he chose those actions, he accepted the consequences. He should have taken it like a regular person and served his time. Yes, I think it was cowardly of him to kill himself rather than face jail time.

Movies These Days Are So Poorly Made

OK, so I got a lot of time on my hands now, I am waiting for my sis to come and help me pack my things. She's got some boxes she can bring. I do need some more boxes. Not a heck of a lot, but there are some things that still need to be packed that I haven't been able to pack yet. So that is why I am having a surge of ideas for blog posts now. I got more time on my hands now than I did earlier this month. I just finished watching a review of the new Ghostbusters movie by a guy on YouTube, who at first said he was not going to see the movie. Well, I guess he got somewhat curious and buckled down and went to see the movie and says he is sorry now he ever went to see it. He said he did not like it. I said I'm not surprised it sucked. Having seen some of today's movies, I am not at all surprised it sucked! He said even if the movie had had the original cast, it still would have sucked. He said he only laughed a couple of times during this movie. People these days do not know how to be funny anymore!! No one knows how to make a good movie anymore.

Like I said in an earlier post, people need to start turning to books for new ideas. If you cannot find a good book by a known author to make into a movie, then look to indie-authors. Like me. There are plenty of good books out there. Many of which would make great movies! But today's directors, OMG! What is wrong with them??? I'll tell you, we need to trash this CGI animation crap and just go back to the old fashioned ways. I think that may be partly what is making today's movies suck so much. I even keep on seeing these previews for Finding Dory. At first when I started hearing about this movie, I was like "You already did Finding Nemo! Do we really need to also do Finding Dory?" But kids will enjoy it. I doubt it'll ever become the classic that Finding Nemo was though. I'm actually sick and tired of CGI animated movies. It was cute in the beginning. Now, it's being WAY overdone! People today though, they feed off the success of former films and create these crappy sequels that are not really worth seeing. I have all 3 Jurassic Park movies, only the first one is really worth seeing.

It takes a very creative type person to come up with something original that will sell in movie theaters. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have people nowadays who are that good. I partially blame Bush's No Child Left Behind amendment. Kids nowadays who only have brains the size of a mushroom can pass their grade in school. Thus can graduate from college, even though they don't really have a handle on what they are doing. Seems the only movies that do well are those that are about gangs and shootings. Other movies today are just plain rip-offs of other successful movies. Nothing is funny anymore. This guy said this new Ghostbusters movie was trying so hard to be funny that it just wasn't funny. Seriously, we are in a crisis today. We need better directors! The last movie I saw in the theaters was Jackass Number Two. I liked it. But then movies like that are good! Not because they are reality-based. But because they always have new ideas. They do these stunts and give honest reactions. And whatever happens happens. It's all random. But Ghostbusters was already made, and it's original form was a success. I say leave it alone! Move on to other ideas.

I don't know what today's performers and directors are on, but this is getting ridiculous! Maybe they need to take some ideas off of YouTube or something. Of course I don't want to see a lot of stupid cat videos, but a mixture of different kinds of videos would be great. Or maybe get some of the funniest and most popular YouTubers together to come and make one big smash hit movie. Any ideas would be great! Better than what they're doing in Hollywood now! There hasn't been a single movie since Jackass Number Two that I have cared to see. Some movies I saw in the past I wish I could unsee. Like Madagascar. Though I loved the lemurs, that lion was so fricken annoying!! They kept calling that stupid lion "the king", which is about the only hilarious thing they did with that lion in the movie. But then I always laugh when anyone associates lions with being "the king" of anything. But I saw the movie, and I have it in my DVD collection because I liked the lemurs. It's about the only movie I've ever seen that has lemurs as part of the main characters, besides my own. It's just unfortunate that it has to be tarnished by the presence of some kind of panther.

I need to take a crash-course on movie production! Hollywood needs me! LOL! I already know a little about making movies. I know a little bit about how to be funny. I need to get a degree in movie production and I need to hurry!

Stupidest Reasons People Think Cats Are Better Than Dogs

Well, you all know I hate cats. And Katrina hates cats too. She actually has a pellet gun she uses to shoot at them with, since the one time several years ago, stray cats around her place nearly destroyed a $50,000 sports car she invested in. The neighbors didn't stop feeding them, so Katrina started shooting at them every time they would come on to her property. The pet food industry has determined that cats are the most numerous pets around today. I dunno, I have a hard time thinking of cats as "pets". They don't love us, they only love to be fed. They just hang around peoples' homes because it's free food for them. Once they become dissatisfied with the food, I suppose is when they run away. My stepmom is a cat person, more so than a dog person. But she has had 4 cats that have all just up and ran away. So, it obvious cats do not love her back.

Anyways, today I thought I would put down some of the dumbest reasons cat people have said cats are better than dogs. These are not just made up on my part. These are comments I've actually heard cat people use as an excuse to believe cats are better than dogs! Dogs at least love us, and they will do anything to make us happy. More than what can be said about cats!

Stupid comment #1: "Hello Kitty. Not Hello Doggie."

My response: Totally stupid! Unless your whole life revolves around this stupid anime craze. Mine does not, I'm not some delusional dim-wit twat!

Stupid comment #2: "Lions, tigers and leopards all prove cats are superior to dogs."

My response: Who cares?! You put either one in a room with a lion, tiger or leopard, they'd both get eaten!

Stupid comment #3: "Cats don't have owners. They have staff."

My response: OK, if you don't mind being controlled in your own house. Personally, I am controlled enough at work, I won't put up with it when I don't have to in my own house.

Stupid comment #4: "Cats are cleaner than dogs."

My response: Well, I will hand it to them that cats are cleaner. They lick their own butts, using their tongue as toilet paper. But what cats lack in dirtiness, they more than make up for in destructiveness. I've always known cats to be much more destructive than a similar-sized dog.

Stupid comment #5: "The ancient Egyptians worshiped cats."

My response: So what?! The ancient Egyptians worshiped lots of animals! Using that logic, scorpions are better than cats. Crocodiles are better than cats. Cobras are better than cats. Dung beetles are better than cats. Besides, the ancient Egyptians are also extinct. So, worshiping cats did not save them in the end.

Stupid comment #6: "Cats are sweeter than dogs."

My response: Yeah cats are "sweeter", they still don't love you. So don't allow yourself to be fooled by that so-called "sweetness". What they 'love' is your food. Not you. There's a reason I nicknamed dogs "sweets", and not cats. The only nickname I have for cats is "useless flea taxis".

Stupid comment #7: "Dogs are cowards. Cats are not."

My response: It's sad that the world has come to this. We know we are nearing the apocalypse when an animal that would give it's life for it's owner is cast-off over a useless beast that would only save it's self in tense situations! There is no animal that is farthest from being a coward than a dog. If you believe dogs are cowards, then I'd have to question what you think real bravery is.

Stupid comment #8: "Cats are smarter than dogs."

My response: Absolutely NOT true. Take it from someone who has studied animals all her life. The reason cats seem smarter is because they are loners, so they have to pretty much train themselves. Dogs are like schoolchildren. They aren't stupid, but they also are not below learning new things from their pack leaders. It takes just as much time to train a cat as it does to train a dog. Besides, Border collies--the world's smartest dogs--have the same intelligence as a 4 year old person.

Stupid comment #9: "Cats don't kill people like dogs do."

My response: Well, back in stupid comment #2, it was discussed that people think cats are better because of lions, tigers and leopards. But how many people have actually been killed by some kind of panther in the past? Truth is, if people had as much contact with panthers as we have with "killer dogs", there would be many more deaths linked to the panthers than there are to dogs. But again, put a person in a room with a hungry pit bull and a hungry tiger or lion, which one do you think would eat the person? Chances are, it'd be the panther. Not the dog. Dogs are only as good as the people behind them. If the dog is bad, don't think bad about the dog, think bad about the owner!

Well, those are some of the comments I've heard from people who think cats are better than dogs. Take it as you will. But personally, I will continue to admire dogs! Cavemen worshiped dogs, and the results of their existence is still around today, unlike the ancient Egyptians. In fact, there would not be human civilizations if it weren't for dogs. And even the ancient Egyptians knew that. That's why the Pharaoh Hound was bred. Did you know that the Pharaoh Hound was actually created before the ancient Egyptians discovered cats? Kinda says something doesn't it?! It says that ancient Egypt did not go under until they began worshiping cats.

What's She Thinking?

I thought this was a cute pic too. Now, I kinda wonder what Lily is thinking here. One of my friends said in this pic she looks sad. I kinda agree. Actually I think she looks kindof emotionless. But that could be just for the picture. And the fact she doesn't have make up on. It is a sad fact that all she has of her father is pictures. But I truly believe pictures capture the soul. Maybe here it shows Lily finally feeling the pain of losing her parents. Well, I am sure there was always some pain there, though she was just a baby when both her parents died. Now, she is old enough to understand what happened and piece it together.

There is no doubt in my mind that Michael loved Lily. Not a shred of doubt. I just wish he would have thought more of her to keep going and not do what he did. Paula, I don't know, I don't care. She was just plain irresponsible! She abandoned Lily! I won't forgive her for that! I don't like what Michael did, but he was the easier of the two for me to forgive. I loved that man more than life it's self. I never liked Paula. So, Michael to me was easy to forgive, even though he abandoned Lily too. And yes, I do think it was irresponsible of him! But Michael touched me in ways Paula never could. Michael was sweet, funny, his words filled my heart with laughter and joy, and his singing made me swoon. Read my story "Hutchess, A Picture Diary" and you will see how Michael (and Timmy both) saved my life. With all that in mind, I could not help but forgive Michael, and to this day, I am not angry at him anymore. Paula Yates was a very different story. Paula meant nothing to me at all. I was never a fan of hers. So all I see when I see Paula Yates is an ugly, irresponsible woman who deserved to die in shame!! She should have wised up for the sake of Lily. I'm angry at her for not being here for her!

Looking back on some of my past posts, I notice I've said some terrible things about Bob Geldof. LOL! Not that I like him at all now, but I have said now that I have more respect for him than I will ever have for Paula. Which really is not saying much, as I have absolutely NO respect for Paula any ways to Sunday!! I never did and I never will. But you know what's funny, I actually knew Paula was going to kill herself soon. I first learned who she was just after Michael died and it was announced to me that he has a daughter out there. I didn't ever blame Paula for Michael's death until after she died. I figured then it was guilt that made her kill herself. It was then I found out that Paula would not visit Michael in Australia and he wanted to see his baby.

Everyone who knew Michael, including myself, knew he was a man who loved life. That's why his death was so shocking to me. That's why I never thought he would do something so dumb as to kill himself! Yes, for a long time, I hated him for that, but loved him so deeply at the same time. It's hard to explain. But it is positive proof that love is indeed a stronger emotion than hate. I had this sort of love-hate feeling for Michael shortly after he died, and after I found out what killed him. More often it was the love that took over my feelings for Michael. Until 2005, when I "rediscovered" Timmy. LOL! That lasted for 9 years. Today I think I have completely forgiven Michael all the way, and I love him much more than I ever have before.

Oh! Speaking of which, UMG Productions now has a new feature! Thanks to Sellfy, now, buyers can name their own price on ebooks. All they really pay is a minimum fee, but they have the option to pay more if they want to. The minimum is mostly about $3.99, which is what I think any ebook should be worth. It is digital afterall. Printed material still costs the same though. But now it's up to the buyer if they want to pay more for an ebook.

Michael and His Girlfriend

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Ya know, I think this makes Paula Yates look better actually! The dog definitely has a cuter face than she does. I did this a few days ago, I thought it'd be good for laughs, and believe me, it did get a lot of laughs when I posted it! Of course you know the Yatesfags are going to hate this, but fuck them! Who cares what they like or don't like?! The only thing that bothers me is that this would be insulting to the dog. Well maybe not! It would be awesome to see Michael wrap his hands around a cute puppy! But then again, what dog would want to be Paula Yates? I know I wouldn't! I still can't stand that woman! The funniest thing is the Yatesfags think I am "jealous" of Paula. LOL!!! I still laugh about that too. What they don't know is that I got to kiss Michael. So, if there is one thing I am not, it's jealous. I'm not even jealous of people who were fans of Michael's and got to have pics taken with him. That seriously does not bother me at all. I don't know why, as other fans, who haven't met Michael, do envy those who met him. I kissed him but I never got a pic of myself with him. I guess because I know in my heart that if GOD had wanted me to get closer to Michael, HE would have made the arrangements. And since HE didn't, then it was not meant to be between us. Besides, I also know that big rock stars never fall in love with fans. They always fall in love with other celebrities. That's just a fact. And I was not famous at the time Michael was living.

Heck, I'm still not famous! LOL! I make movies, and yes I put them up on Youtube, but I don't do it to get famous. My videos do not get a lot of views actually. And even that does not bother me. I've never gotten more than 370 subscribers. My videos, on average, will get maybe 100 views in a year, yet I have almost 200 videos on my channel. And my videos get very few comments. But ya know, none of that bothers me at all. Because I am not on YouTube for the subscribers. I am not on YouTube for the views or the comments. I do not post videos every day, I only post videos when I can think of a subject. I am on YouTube because I enjoy making movies. That is all. Believe me, if views, subscribers, comments and ratings was all I was after, then I would have quit long ago. Or I would be saying at the end of each video "Subscribe to my channel", or "Click Like and comment below". Although I do encourage comments, they are not that important to my video production. I just make videos for the fun of it. Kinda like playing jacks.

Now, that is not to say I don't appreciate subscribers. I do love my subscribers. But I am saying that having subscribers is not the reason I am on YouTube in the first place. I have even removed some videos in the past, some that I felt were far too negative, as I am trying not to give negative people any publicity. I even did one episode of a semi-animated video called "Eva the Trollinator", featuring one of my characters. But I took it down because I didn't want to give the trolls any publicity. Though I may put videos like that up again in the future, they won't stay up for long. They're not designed to. Just long enough to give people a warning about the troll that will be discussed. But no, I won't keep videos like that up because I do not want to give trolls too much publicity. Besides, trolls tend to always delete their accounts and then create new ones. So, it wouldn't make sense to keep that video up. The last one I did was about some guy who called himself SMDTURBO, who most likely does not exist under that name anymore, and has deleted that account and maybe even created a new one, like all trolls always do. So, I took down that video.

I did notice when I did that video, I lost quite a few subscribers. But again, it doesn't bother me. That's their prerogative. Nobody "owns" subscribers. And for the life of me, I cannot understand why when some people unsubscribe to someone on YouTube, they always say "I was a loyal subscriber of yours for a lot of years, but now I am unsubscribing! Because you hurt my feelings!" I always say "Well, don't let the door hit you as you leave!" Again, they can come and go as they please. I will still continue to make videos as always. As soon as I am finished this month, or next month, I will be back to making videos as I have before. I will also commence posting blogs.

So anyways, what do you all think about having a statue of Michael Hutchence? I think it would be an awesome addition to the city Michael grew up in. One of my friends has now made it her legacy to have a statue of Michael in Sydney, and she has a lot of VIPs on her side. She has also created a group to promote this idea. I've been telling people in my group to get over there and tell their story of what Michael means to them. Every story counts. A couple of the mods on that group I suspect of being radicals, but that doesn't matter. I'm there for my friend, to support her in her quest to make this happen. Not to associate with the radicals. I hate Facebook though! UGH!!! Lately, I've noticed a problem when sometimes I post a comment, it disappears. Yet I know I made a comment! No matter what I try, I can never get that comment to show up again! This is getting annoying! Because sometimes I will get a notice saying "So-n-so has responded to your comment", and I cannot read it or respond! And I don't want "so-n-so" to think I am stuck up. But I cannot help it. It's obviously Facebook doing it! Like I said, if I could communicate with my family without it, I would give up Facebook altogether.

Well, I posted a few videos on the group. One of them is the full version of Michael's Rough Guide to Hong Kong. You can apparently get chapters 2 and 3 still on YouTube, but chapter 1 for some reason, was taken down. Thank GOD I got it when I did! I put it together and remade the whole video out of it. I even got contacted by Richard Lowenstein. He thanked me for posting it and asked me some things about it. I can't say any more. Anyways, go there and tell your story! Michael meant many things to many people. I know he saved my life once. Him and Timmy are both my heroes!! I will love them forever! I only hope this statue looks good! Not like that crappy one they have at that wax museum!

Speaking of which, I am thinking about having mini statues made of all the guys. The problem is it'll cost a lot, but in the end, it'll be worth it! I'm going to do it!! I just hope the little figures look the way I want them to look! I have a line-up of artists of my own to work on this project. I cannot contact them now, as I have other things on my mind at this time. But I want to do this! I always wanted little INXS figurines made! This would be perfect!

This Must Be It LOL!

Shoot! Now I think I understand why men love panthers so much. Look at this...

And this....

And this...

This must also be why some people perceive panthers as being "sexy" beasts. LOL! Mystery solved. I never understood it until now. Personally, I always thought panther noses were ugly. But then that's me. To me, EVERY part of a panther's body is ugly. I can't stand them. Maybe this is also why cats are sometimes called "pussies". Kinda gross when you think about it. I haven't called cats "pussies" since I was 6 years old. Long story there!

Well, I call small dogs "boobies". I also say boobies are more fun to play with. LOL! I hate cats. Cats are totally useless. And a woman is usually thought of as being sick if they continuously play with their pussy. Or like they have a yeast infection. But to play with boobies is fun! I tell my Booby to go get his toys and he gets them. He loves bubbles!!