10 Best Musicians Ever!

OK, in keeping with a new tradition, I have decided to make this post, discussing musicians that I think are the best ever. I love music. Not as much as I love animals, but I do love music. You all know that by now! I write about my love of music almost every day on this blog! Every thing I do is for my love of music. I used to prefer classical music when I was in middle school. But as I got older, I learned to like rock n roll music. I never would have learned had I not taken the bus to the voc school every day. I first heard rock n roll and fell in love with it in 1987, when I first started going to the voc school on a pre-vocational program. I heard it and loved it. I heard many different songs that sounded great! Need U Tonight being one of them. Anyways, here is my opinion of the best musicians ever!

1. INXS
Of course you predicted it! INXS had to be my #1 pick!! Need U Tonight was the first song I remember hearing from INXS, and it actually quickly became my favorite song of 1987. You could say it was INXS that got me started on rock n roll music, too. INXS are possibly the only band (besides #2) that combines great music with beautiful men! Some of the sexiest men in musical history are in this band. Michael is the best-looking singer I've ever seen in my life! While Timmy is the best-looking guitarist I've ever seen! My love for INXS cannot be measured in just the number of songs, but in the number of whole albums! They are the only band that, IMO, is that good! My favorite albums are Full Moon, Dirty Hearts, Kick and X.

2. Roxette
I know I've mentioned it, but Roxette has always been another one of my favorite bands, after INXS. I always thought Per Gessle was adorable! Never thought much about Marie Fredricksson, but she is a great singer. Per Gessle, like Michael Hutchence, had his own set of moves, which I thought were cute! I loved their album, Look Sharp, but their Joyride album only yielded a few good songs, including the title track and Fading Like A Flower.

3. Bee Gees
I've been a fan of the Bee Gees ever since I was a child. I used to have a wild, kiddie crush on Barry, who is IMO the best-looking band member. In 1979, ma got us a copy of the Saturday Night Fever album and my sis and I used to play that album over and over again! I loved Barry's voice! Plus we had Tragedy and Night on Broadway, which were also very good songs by them.

4. U2
OK, now we've passed the bands that I love for both music and cute men, and move on to bands/singers where the men are ugly as shit, but the music is good. U2 is such a band. Though I don't like any of their 90s stuff, their 80s stuff was pretty good. On my MP3 player, you will hear songs like Numb (the live version), Pride (In The Name of Love), and Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.

5. Rod Stewart
He may not be the best looking man in music, but he does have quite a few very good songs. I have several songs of his on my MP3 player. His voice is very soothing and nice, and his songs have very good rhythm as well. Among the songs of his that I have are Do You Think I'm Sexy (my answer is no, but I like your voice), This Old Heart Of Mine, Downtown Train, Rhythm of My Heart, and one that he collaborated on called All For One. He has one of those kinds of voices that when you hear one of his songs, it brings back good memories. I know several of his songs have that effect on me! LOL!

6. Michael Jackson
Well, he was somewhat decent-looking before he went batshit crazy with the surgeries. And one must also remember he was a child-molester too. But one thing I cannot deny is he did have a good voice, and he's produced some great songs in the past. On my MP3 player, I have several songs of his. Such as Bad and Black or White. I also liked his work on Free Willy, but unfortunately not enough to put it on my MP3 player. I did also make a DVD of my most favorite videos ever, and that video includes Thriller. I like the video more than the song though. Though my sis Katrina does like the song Thriller. She likes the blood and guts though. LOL! It's the Beavis and Butthead in her.

7. ABBA
I think it's pretty safe to say that the Swedes make some of the greatest rock music in the world! ABBA is no exception. Though the men are not that good-looking, not even halfway decent, they do have remarkable songs, several of which I have on my MP3 player. Among the songs I like are Chiquitita, Take A Chance On Me, Dancing Queen and Knowing Me, Knowing You. Though this group seemed to die out with the fall of disco, I still think they're pretty good.

8. Erasure
I first learned of this group when my sis was into them in the late 80s. The men are by no means attractive, but they have some very good songs out there. Some of the ones I have on my MP3 player are A Little Respect (I prefer the Big Train remix version), Blue Savannah, Oh L'amour and Stars. They have a great voice, and I like how their music combines regular rock n roll with a bit of techno-pop.

9. Aerosmith
Steven Tyler is pretty well-known for having a disproportionately large mouth! LOL! I guess that's part of his charm. It's certainly what helps him make those long and loud screams he always does in his songs. My sis Anna does not like this group, but Katrina and I think their songs are pretty darn good. I have several on my MP3 player. Among the songs I have of their's is Ragdoll, Dream On, Janie's Got A Gun and I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. The men are not attractive though, I only like this group for the music. Nothing else.

10. Billy Joel
Well, I guess he was somewhat nice looking as a younger man. Although today he looks like the 80s called him and wanted their hair back, and he actually sent it to them! He has created quite a few good songs in his days. Many of which can be found on my MP3 player. Some of my favorites he's created was Downeaster Alexa, We Didn't Start The Fire, For The Longest Time, Uptown Girl, Don't Ask Me Why and Its Still Rock N Roll To Me. There is another from 1993 called The River Of Dreams that I used to like. Unfortunately not enough to put it on my MP3 player.

Sexy Chihuahuas!

Well, I gotta confess, I love chihuahuas! I used to not like them so much when I was younger, but as I got older and got to know them as a breed, I learned to love them. They are fascinating dogs! It thrills me to see band members of INXS, or their children, that own chihuahuas. They are such fun dogs!!

One of my friends this morning showed me this pic of April Rose Pengilly, the daughter of Kirk Pengilly, with her chihuahuas...

This one's name is Lily.

This one's name is Pixie.

Not only that, but she is wearing a chihuahua t-shirt!! I've seen that shirt, I always wanted it! As soon as I can lose some weight, I'm going to get it! If I were to wear it now, the poor chihuahua on the shirt would look more like a pit bull. Anyways, April is a pretty girl! And she has beautiful dogs! Lily is a gorgeous chihuahua!! Well, heck they're BOTH beautiful chihuahuas!! I just cannot imagine my own life without having a chihuahua. Though mine is now living with my sis in Montana. I miss him a lot, but at least I know he's still in the family. But I cannot be without a chihuahua, I just can't! My life would feel so empty. I don't have kids, so the next best thing for me is to have a chihuahua. Another INXS child (sort of) who owns a chihuahua is Pixie Geldof, who is the daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, and considered Michael Hutchence her father at one point. She too has a beautiful chihuahua named Buster.

Pixie with Buster.

That is a gorgeous dog! Kinda reminds me of Odessa! I miss Odessa. I didn't even get to see her before she died. But Buster there has the same poofy coat that Odessa had! That's why we called Odessa "the poody". It's a cutesy way of saying "poofy". I love chihuahuas because they are the best cuddlers in the dog world. That is originally what these dogs were bred for. But the fact that they genuinely love us is what makes that cuddling so special, especially after a hard day! It also helps that chihuahuas have adorable baby faces too!

Why So Negative?

You all want to know why I am always posting about other people? I'll tell you why. I have finally decided to reveal my secret. Well, maybe not so much a secret. But anyways, the reason is because I get more views that way. A lot of people have told me these blogs do not solve anything, and I have been accused of causing negativity on more than one occasion. But really, that does not matter to me. Its like people on YouTube who put sexy girl nipples in their video's thumbnail pic, but the video has absolutely nothing to do with sexy girls or nipples showing. It's simply clickbait. I admit it! I get paid each time someone clicks on my blog! Whether or not they show up on my online "spies". Its the views that count. And while a lot of people hate to admit it, negativity is what draws people into my blog. I've noticed that since I've gotten back from the shelter, I chose to be a lot less negative, except for a couple of posts, one was just an informant post, not meaning to point fingers, just informing everyone. The other was about the admins on this new group and why I have one on ignore, and why the other has me on ignore. LOL! I did not write that post with the intent to solve anything. If I choose to have someone on ignore, or if they choose to have me on ignore, then that is each of our rights. But since I've decided to stop posting a lot of negativity, I noticed my views have gone way down. And my cooking blog, which is about nothing but cooking--no negativity at all, has gotten almost no views at all. So, negativity is really what draws in the crowd! Thus the views. Thus more money in the bank for me!

I have chosen to take those posts down because first of all, I am trying to go in a different direction in my life. And second, someone told me one of the people I wrote about was suicidal, and the last thing I want lingering on my conscience is someone killing themselves because of this blog. Even if what I said about them was the truth as I saw it. I am always the kind of person who calls it like she sees it, and that is what I write about on here. I want to make money through my blog, but not that way. Believe it or not, I do have something left of a conscience! Sometimes I believe I am too compassionate for my own good! I've had people tell me I would not like it if my name was dragged through the mud and everyone believed it. Well, personally I don't care. I've said it on this blog before, back when Yvette was slamming me on her blog, I don't care what she says about me. As long as she's not saying I'm killing puppies or something to that affect, I don't care what she says about me. I don't even exempt myself from ridicule. Why should everyone else? But I think if a person is going to slam someone, then backup what you say about that person. I don't say anything about anyone unless I have proof. If I don't have proof, or only little bits of proof, I say I'm not 100% sure.

One of my friends was talking about Kim Kardashian getting robbed and tied up. I say "Who gives a shit?!?!" To me, that is nothing more than a publicity stunt. As one of my other friends put it, there's something fishy there. The Kardashians always have some cameras following them everywhere, and bodyguards too. How odd that the one time she doesn't have any body guards around, someone was just waiting outside for her to pass by so they could rob her specifically. I think it was done for the same reason as I write these kinds of negative posts, to pique peoples' interest again. People are getting bored with news about Kim's ass, or her kids--born in a talentless family and will probably all be talentless themselves!--so what happens? A big announcement comes over the news saying Kim Kardashian has been robbed to get peoples' interest in the family renewed again! I'm pretty damn sure that is what happened. It's all nothing but a stupid publicity stunt!

Cute, Cuddly, Deadly

I was reading an article about the most murderous mammals on the planet, and you would be very surprised at what it is! Its an animal that I have always loved, ever since I was in middle school, but one that the world has only come to know recently. I thought that this would make an interesting subject. Well, I just love doing these animal posts! I love animals, and I think I should do more posts like this very often. It sure draws away the negativity. Besides, I'm tired of focusing on nothing but negativity in my life. After living in that homeless shelter for a month, my perception has changed. Don't get me wrong! There are still groups of people I don't like, like radicals and irresponsible people are 2 groups of people I won't abide. But fuck them up their asses! Time to move on. I think it's what my pa would want anyways. He didn't even like me keeping blogs. LOL! But I am not going to delete my blog. I'm not even going to delete posts I made in the past. To me, that would be like denying I ever made those posts, so I won't do it. So, the only rational thing to do is to turn the subject matter around.

Anyways, here are some of the cutest, yet deadliest, animals on the planet. Not just mammals. I decided to include all groups of animals on here. All of them deadly in different ways; either for defense, or to capture prey, or are cannibalistic.

Slow Loris

Just look at that adorable face! It's a face you would not expect to be trouble. But this animal packs a hell of a punch!! They feed on toxic leaves, and thus sweat the toxins that accumulate from their food out into their flesh, making themselves distasteful to predators. These same toxins also get into their salivary glands, giving these primates a somewhat toxic bite. The bite can cause hours of pain for the victim, sometimes swelling, blisters, but rarely death.

Golden Dart Frog

There are many species of dart frogs, all in the family Dendrobatidae and all of them toxic. But perhaps the most toxic of all these frogs is the Golden dart frog (Phyllobates horribilis). Though it is small and unassuming, merely handling this frog is potentially dangerous, as the toxins on their skin quickly penetrates the flesh of the handler, and works fast! Within about an hour, the handler suffers sweats, nausea, fever, can go into seizures and respiratory failure and then die.

Blue-Ringed Octopus

I think these guys are cute anyways. But the beautiful bright colors are an indication that this animal is toxic. They harbor one of the deadliest toxins known to man, which is delivered through their bite. Symptoms begin to show up within minutes of being bitten, they include numbness, weakness, difficulty in breathing, swallowing, talking, vision impairment, nausea, and vomiting. In severe cases, death occurs as the muscles in the diaphram fail. There is some debate as to whether the toxins are passed by biting or by contact with this animal's skin, as some people have fallen ill even without being bitten.

Puffer Fish

We all know them, we all love them. They are as cute as a button! But Puffer fish are among the most deadly animals in the ocean. They do not have a venomous bite, but if they are eaten, a person ingesting them can drop dead within minutes. The poison is concentrated in the liver. People often eat these fish, but they must be prepared by a knowledgeable chef, who studied for several years exactly how to prepare this dish.

Suricates

Often simply referred to as "meerkats", meet the #1 deadliest mammal on the planet. That's right! It's these little guys! They are not venomous or toxic in any way, but they are nasty-tempered little buggers. They are very territorial. Any intruders risk getting killed and even eaten by the established troup in the area. If a dominant male dies, and the female finds a new male, and has kits, that new male will eat the kits without hesitation, and may even kill and eat any subordinate males in the troup. These are definitely adorable animals, if you are not a rival suricate!

Grasshopper Mouse

These tiny rodents live in the southwestern USA and are reminiscent of miniature wolves. They are highly aggressive, predatory mice that will kill and eat any creature it can overpower. Often that includes small reptiles, tarantulas, scorpions, and even other small mammals. They are most active at night, and even are known to howl like miniature wolves, to communicate with others of their own kind. They are cute though, as mice go, and have actually been kept as very interesting pets.

Short-tailed Shrew

There are several varieties of these short-tailed shrews living all across the USA. They are small, though larger than most shrews in the New World, and deadly. They are deadly because they have a venomous bite. They are actually one of the few mammals that are venomous in any way. They use their venom to subdue prey. With it, they can tackle prey larger than themselves, which would even include such animals as mice. If a person is bitten, it would cause little more than skin irritation and a rash.

Pitohui

One of very few toxic birds, like the slow loris, this bird transfers toxins through the skin. The toxins are obtained from the foods they feed on, such as ants, and even some toxic berries and leaves. The colors on it's body are like warning signs. Any human that comes in contact with this bird, or is bitten by this bird, will develop skin irritation, rash, and sometimes even a burning sensation. Death would only occur if the person has an allergic reaction to the toxins.

Well, those are some of the most unusually toxic animals I can think of. Nature is wonderful, but sometimes she can be damn scary!!!

Death In Kid's Shows

Is it appropriate to have death scenes in kid's shows? Maybe. We were all exposed to them as children, sometimes without even knowing it. You know the popular little girl's rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie"? I used to play that with my friends when I was a kid, we'd all hold hands, forming a circle, and run around in that circle while singing that song, and then at the end where it says "We all fall down" we'd all hit the pavement. Well, most people don't know it, but that song was actually based on the deaths during the days of the European black plague period. The "ring around the rosie" was the boils that developed on the skin of infected victims. "Pocket full of posies" was how they used to mask the fowl odor coming from those boils. "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down" was when the victim died, they would be burned to ashes.

I guess having death represented in kid's shows is not so much a bad thing. Death is a reality after all. Though it is sad when it happens. But who knows what happens afterwords? Is it really a bad thing? I used to think it was the worst thing that could happen to a person. I guess if you're dying of a disease or something, and you'd been suffering, it's not so bad. At least in death you would be out of pain. I know my pa is now out of pain. But he was ready to go. I miss him. But I know he is in Heaven now, and happy to be with our LORD. Now, being murdered is something else. Like my Michael. Murder victims did not choose to die, most of them were not ready. It just happened because they came upon a maniac at that time in their lives. A lot of deaths have been portrayed in kid's movies and TV shows. Some were sad, some we watched and said "they deserved it!" Some we may have even been indifferent to. These are some that I remember and I have opinions of...

Bambi (1942)

Probably the saddest death I can remember in cartoon history. I remember seeing this when I was in 2nd grade and thinking it was so sad, it actually got me started crying! Not only that, but I had terrible nightmares after watching this the first time. I heard the real reason Disney had Bambi's mother get killed off in this movie was because he was still sad over the death of his own mother years before. His own mom was killed in an unfortunate explosion. Anyways, here is the scene.

Sesame Street - Goodbye Mr. Hooper (1983)

I still remember when this was first aired. It was Thanksgiving Day of 1983. I remember that because we were kids and we didn't go to school that day. Instead, we went to grandma's for Thanksgiving dinner. Grandma had just moved to our state from Louisiana, so it was the first time we spent the holidays with her. I'd heard for months prior to this that Mr. Hooper had died and they were going to announce it on Sesame Street, but I didn't know when or how. I guess they chose to air this episode on Thanksgiving Day because they knew all the kids would be home and able to watch the show. When each person (and bird) talks, you can hear their voice breaking. It's a very sad episode.

In addition, there have been several times Mr. Hooper has been mentioned and remembered throughout the years. Such as this episode from 1997.

The Land Before Time (1988)

I saw this movie when I was a little bit older and more able to understand the concept of death. I think I was 19 when I saw this movie for the first time, I had it on video. I had just gotten into dinosaurs because of Jurassic Park and my sis told me about this movie, so I wanted to see it. It was so sad seeing Littlefoot, the Apatosaur cub (whatever you'd call a baby dinosaur), lying next to his dying mother. It kinda gives a bit of the same vibe as Bambi's mom's death scene; it's raining and he's alone searching for his mom, the only difference is there is no father involved, and the movie actually has him by his mother's side as she's dying. Here's the scene.

Jurassic Park (1993)

Speaking of dinosaurs, I don't know if this qualifies as a "kid's show", but I do remember seeing an awful lot of children attending this movie when it was in the theaters. Kids love dinosaurs, after all. But I am not sure how many of them still loved dinosaurs after seeing a scene like this. This was the first killing made in that movie, and it was the scene where the Tyrannosaur attacks that lawyer after he ran into the bathroom, leaving the kids in the car unattended. Who among us saw this and said "that guy got what he deserved"? Or who saw this and said "Aww, he turned out to be a good guy in the end. He didn't deserve to die that way"? Anyways, here is the scene.

The Little Mermaid (1989)

Disney movies are full of death scenes. Some are not deserved, like Bambi losing his mom. But some are very satisfactory, like the death of Ursula in The Little Mermaid. Ursula takes on the original image of someone who really wants to help Ariel get her prince. But for what? She makes her pay with her voice! When that is why Eric, the prince, wanted to find her in the first place. She should have gone to her father first. Yeah he got mad at her the first time she brought it up, and he was kindof an asshole about it. But he eventually gave in once he realized she was seriously in love with Eric. Anyways, here is her death scene.

Tarzan (1999)

This one would piss off the catfags and pantherfags, but this movie has several death scenes. In the opening scene of the movie, there's this family of gorillas with a baby, and the baby meets Sabor, the leopard, who kills the baby. It's a scene that just breaks your heart! The baby gorilla did not deserve to die that way. Although that is nature's way, still it was a very sad scene!

But this is also how Tarzan came into the lives of these gorillas. And years later, he meets up with the leopard that terrorized his gorilla family, and kills him. This scene would piss off the pantherfags! LOL! But I say Sabor got exactly what he deserved! It was a good fight to the finish!

Well, that's my take on some death scenes in kid's shows. What do you think about scenes like these being in kid's shows? Do you think kids should be exposed to it? I dunno, with the way the world is, being too politically correct, I think it's a good idea to let kids know how the world really works! With all the political correctness people want to push on society today, kids will grow up thinking everything in life has to be fair. But it's just not. That's why I do not believe in political correctness. If we're going to be anything with our children, we might as well be honest. Life isn't fair! Never has been and never will be. We must learn to deal with it. Or else we will have many more generations full of nothing but wussies and fags.

How I Became an Animal Lover

I've always been an animal lover! Ever since I was a kid. I have always been much more at ease around animals than I've ever been around other people. Animals are great for comfort. They don't judge us, and our pets love us unconditionally. They never back-talk or connive us. Wild animals, for the most part, if we leave them alone, they'll leave us alone. People could learn a lot from animals. I know I go through my life like a wild animal. For the most part, I try to stay away from other people and go on about my daily routine. If I know someone, and I like them well enough, I'll say hello, sometimes talk to them. But sometimes too, I just want to be alone, with no other people around. I guess you could say I am a solitary creature, who communicates very little with others of my own kind outside my own family group. To this day, I still prefer the company of animals to people. And the more I learn about people, the less I like that race.

I've been an animal lover pretty much for as long as I can remember. No one else in my family ever loved animals the way I do. My ma even once joked that I must have been an animal in my former life, because I am the only one in my family that loves animals so much. If such a thing is possible, I may have been. I carried a lot of wild animal instincts into this life. If I was an animal in a former life, I wonder what kind of animal I was? Maybe a deer, or a gazelle, because I am a timid person. I'm generally quiet, and I don't even like to fight with anyone, not even if they attack me. Mostly I prefer to walk away from trouble as opposed to standing and fighting. Or maybe a dik-dik, or something small like that, because I like to stay concealed as well. Usually when I am in a big room with a lot of people, I like to seek out the most remote, out-of-the-way spot to have a seat in, where I won't be too noticed, but I can still observe everything. That's the way I've always been.

I think I've always had good memories of animals. My parents did everything they could to hinder that, but never succeeded. My first recollection of my love for animals was when I was in nursery school. We had a teacher that brought in this very tiny toy poodle and let each of us kids hold it. I remember it was so tiny and so cute, and it seemed to be smiling at me! I wanted to take it home with me. Holding that little dog made me feel a happiness that I never felt in my life. I wasn't even a dog-lover! I had friends that had dogs and I always hated them! But they were bigger dogs. This little poodle was so tiny and cute, nothing like the big monsters my friends had that would knock me down.

A couple years later, we moved to a rural area, and I had more friends that lived on farms. I remember the first friend I ever made in that area was a boy who lived on a farm very close to us. I used to walk over to his house every day. Well, one day I visited his place and he had baby chickens and baby ducks, and I could not resist them! They were the ultimate in cuteness!! I remember holding them and what I felt when I held them was different than before. I felt what I can only describe as being 100% pure love! A love like I'd never felt before. As I was holding these little darlings, I felt like the world around me had disappeared. All my attention was focused on these babies. Even when my friend was asking me to play something else with him. I didn't want to leave, I so enjoyed it there. Of course a lot of that dissipated when we got chickens and ducks of our own, and I would see babies like that every year. But even then, it was still a lot of fun when we had babies.

When I got older, and I started breeding australian shepherds, I got the same feeling. Whenever me or my boyfriend who helped me, had fresh new pups out of the oven, it was a happy, loving feeling to be holding them and loving them. Feeling them squirm in my hands, hearing their sweet little whimpers. Again, it was a love like I'd never felt before in my life! I was always excited when one of our pregnant females was expecting and I would wake up in the morning and we'd have baby pups in the nest. Same feeling several years later when we started breeding chihuahuas. Only these were half the size of the shepherd pups, and their little whimpers were cuter and sweeter. It was so easy to feel an intense love for these little babies. I always got emotionally attached to each and every pup, which came in handy when I was trying to find the best homes I could find for them. I always got compliments about how affectionate and intelligent my pups were. Well, I knew what I was doing! They went to their new homes pre-cuddled.

Well, I used to love cats when I was a kid, and yes, I knew several kittens that I had fallen in love with. A cat was even my first pet I can recall as a child. I used to have kids all the time trying to convince me that dogs were better than cats. But I just would not bite. Nowadays, I'd believe them! LOL! The reason I don't have cats anymore is because they don't last long in my house. The longest time period I've ever had a cat was 2 years, and I wound up sending him to a new home anyways. Partly because of my father. And partly because I was tired of him destroying things, and you could not train him. These days it's all I can do to keep the cats around here off of my patio. When I see them, I yell at them to get out of my yard. Lately, this ugly gray tabby cat has taken a liking to my porch. I don't like gray tabbies! Yesterday, when he came onto my porch, I opened the sliding door and shouted out at him "Go home, ugly cat!!" I don't know who it's owner is, and frankly I don't care! And I don't care if they heard me calling their cat ugly either. If it hadn't been a gray tabby, I wouldn't be calling it ugly in the first place! Get something better, then try me.

LOL! Reminds me of my dad! He used to hate chihuahuas, before I started breeding them. We had a neighbor that had a chihuahua when I was a kid, and that dog typically got out of it's yard. One day it did and me and my friend Tara were riding to my place on our bicycles, and saw that dog again. It had what Tara thought was a sore on the side of it's body. So, she picked it up and we rode back to my place. My father did not exactly like having that dog on his property. He shouted to us to "Get that ugly dog out of here!" I tell you, he HATED chihuahuas back then!! LOL! But he eased up on them when I started breeding them, and he realized what beautiful animals they really are when well bred. I dunno though, nowadays breeders are going more and more for the extreme flat noses in chihuahuas and I personally don't like that! They're beginning to look like pugs, not chihuahuas. I like their noses to have a little bit of length. Not a lot, but indeed a little bit. But they are still beautiful when well-bred.

Cooking With Dee TimmyHutchFan

Back in 2005 I kept another blog on MSN, it was among the first blogs available online. Of course I don't think those blogs are around anymore. But it really does not matter, because I took down that blog and turned it into a book. Well, when I was on that blog site, I had a special section of that blog where I would post recipes and cooking tips. I love to cook, my specialty is actually baking. I thought I could do that again. Either I would create a blog or a forum where I could post recipes, or get people to share recipes and cooking tips. This is a cool idea I decided to revitalize today. So, I am creating another blog just for that. It's still in the opening stage, but it can be found at http://cookingdee.blogspot.com/

I promise, there is no negativity in this blog! Just cooking tips and recipes I would like to share.

Get Out And Vote

I hear that a lot these days. This year's candidates are just not favorable. I'm not a republican or a democrat. I'm just me. Well, I don't want to vote. But everyone tells me to get out there and vote anyways. I don't want to vote this year! One person once told me that a non-vote is like a vote for someone you hate. The problem is, I hate BOTH of this season's candidates. I don't want either one to win. I remember back in 2008 when Hilary was running for office (or considering it), I thought it would be interesting to see what a woman would do for this country. Looking back on it now, that was very narrow-minded of me to think that. But that was 2008!! I was younger then! Back in 2008, I also scowled at my Hutchie-boo!!! I was not exactly sound of mind back then!! These days, I cannot live without seeing my Michael.

Well, that is the reason I don't want to vote. I have people telling me, "Get out and vote anyways". But I just can't! How am I supposed to vote when I don't have anyone I want to vote for? I'm not going to vote for Trump. I sure as Hell am not going to vote for Hilary!! Trump is a dictator and a bully. Hilary wants to let people in this country that are going to kill us. Trump lost brownie points with me when he showed such blatant disrespect to people like Rosie O'donnell. She's just one person he has disrespected. He seems to be a bit of a misogynist. He disrespects anyone who opposes him. Hmm, seems I am losing brownie points here with myself! LOL! Typing this, I realize Trump and I seem to have a few things in common. I'm no misogynist, I'm a misanthropist. I have disrespected people in the past who have opposed me. But since living in that shelter, I have actually been trying to work on that. Funny that!

Trump apparently met Obama and had nice things to say about him. Hilary urged everyone to vote for Obama when he was elected back in 2008. So, I guess Trump isn't too disrespectful. Just very disrespectful to women. He called Rosie O'donnell a fat pig. And wasn't his daughter the one who went to Africa and killed a giraffe? I think there is a picture circulating the internet of her sitting next to a giraffe she shot, and it was a trophy hunt. I like giraffes. So that really pisses me off. I also totally disagree with trophy hunts, so I'm double pissed off at her! And the fact that Trump allows that, if he agrees with that then that is scary, to say the least! If his children are any indication of how Trump intends to run this country, then we will all be treated like objects by him. He will see us as nothing but trophies to be touted around and bragged about.

As for Hilary, she wants to let in muslims. Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are some good muslims out there who are not fanatical. But as I have said in the past, how are we going to know which ones are the fanatics and which ones are not? Unfortunately it's the fanatics that ruin the image of all muslims. Just like fanatics everywhere! We may not know who the fanatics are and who aren't until it's too late. Hundreds of people may have to be killed in order to learn how to pinpoint which ones the fanatics are. There is not always any outward signs, as I've stated in a previous post. Sometimes the people who seem to be the friendliest, turn out to be radicals. That's something I learned this past year watching other INXS fans. I used to think INXS fans were the best fans. But you still have to watch out for radicals! They can seem like the friendliest people you could ever meet. But they will not hesitate to turn on you when they feel you've strayed away from their beliefs. Same with radical muslims. That's what scares me.

Anyways, that is why I will not vote this year. I don't want either candidate to win! Either one of them will ruin our country for us. And that's all they will do. I admit Trump does have balls. But he also needs some lessons in decency. What would he do for people like the homeless? How about Hilary? What is she going to do? What are they going to do to help disabled veterans? How are they going to fix the injured budget? I heard the Social Security fund will go bankrupt by 2030, how are these candidates planning to stop that?!! 2030 seems like a long ways away, but it really is not! It's just around the corner! With the way the years are just zooming by, it's going to be here a lot sooner than you think! I still remember it becoming the year 2000. From that perspective, 2016 seemed like a long time away. But it's here now, and it seemed to come overnight. If I am still around then, and the Social Security budget goes bankrupt, I don't want to worry about where my money is going to come from.

I Amaze Myself!

I could not believe it! I got up today, with the desire to go for a walk. So, I got myself dressed up and put my tennis shoes on and said I was going to walk as far as I can take it, then turn around and come back home. The other day, I found the bread store, which I always go to for some things, not just bread. But I always see some huge silos in the background, and I said I was going to walk to those today. So I did. But when I reached them, I figured I hadn't walked far enough, so I continued on. I walked until I came to the fork in the road. I was not so sure I should move on, I only just moved here and frankly, I don't know this town that well. But I wanted to keep going, so I went. Before I knew it, I had reached the edge of town! I mean downtown! I had walked approximately 2 miles, maybe 2 and a half! I was amazed!! It was almost nothing!

Well, I gotta confess, I didn't walk much since I moved here. But it's cool anyways to know I can do it if I want to! I can walk all the way from my apartment to the edge of town. I want to do it again tomorrow! Maybe make that a regular route for me to walk every day. I even stopped to look in a furniture store that was there that I wanted to investigate. I do need more furniture, and I got some cute ideas looking in there. They have curio cabinets, but they are not very big ones. There is another furniture store there too that I also want to look at. Maybe I'll find a bigger and better curio cabinet. Never hurts to look! I even saw a grandfather clock that I want! I always wanted one! Maybe someday I will get one.

I wasn't even tired when I got back home. Not bad for a fat chick! I'm so versatile, I even amaze myself! I do need to get back on track losing weight again! I hate some of our genes in the family. If we skip one day of our lifestyle change, we can put on 5 pounds!! I need a dog! Very bad! I need something I can go back on walks with. But right now, my goal is to save my money to get myself to Australia next year. I need to go and see that statue of Michael being unveiled. I love that man so much, each day I seem to love him more and more. I cannot wait to make this movie devoted to him!

I managed to lose over 60 pounds when I was in Reno, because I was going to the gym every day, twice a day. I need to start doing that again. The move here to OR is what threw me offtrack. Living in the van with rain constantly going outside, it was kindof depressing. So, it was hard for me to keep up with my change of lifestyle. But I think I am finally ready to get back on track. Too bad I am out of those pills! But eh! Who needs them!? I did without them and did fine when I was in Reno. I just worked hard all summer there. I can do it again. This is why it does not bother me when people call me "fat" or something to that effect. Well hell I am fat! LOL! Let's be honest here! But these kids are always trying to bring that up about me when they get pissed off at me, and I'm like "So what?!" They want to call me names? I say go for it! Do your worst while you still can. I'm getting back on my change of lifestyle! I'm not going to be fat for much longer after that!

Well, that's a teenager for you! I'll tell you, I would not be a kid in today's world if my life depended on it. I love my generation. I'm happy being in my 40s now! Kids today have lousy role-models! I have wonderful role-models, like my favorite men of INXS. Speaking of which, some kid this morning, who is a video-gamer, was telling me to kill myself by drinking chlorine, or something of that effect. He said if I don't do it, he'll kill 2 dogs a week. I told him if he does that, I will kill 4 cats for every dog he harasses. LOL!! Of course I wouldn't really, I just like to tease catfags like him. He asked me what Timmy-Hutch-Fan means and I told him that if I have to tell him, it'll cost him 2 dead cats. LOL!! That shut him up for the most part. That is until he saw my videos, then he comes back with the usual 1st grade-level insults about me being fat and I am a male grandma, and other such horseshit. I just said "thank you for watching my videos" and smiled.

I can say I have been literally called every name in the book. I've even had people saying I look like a man. Well, it's been said before. LOL! I don't care, as long as they watch my videos, I couldn't care less how I look to these kids. I get paid each time they view my videos, so I don't care if they say shit about me. I mean that in all sincerity. Other peoples' opinions of me do not mean shit to me. I'm working on a change in how I look and how I am. I noticed an amazing thing today. I actually looked at myself in the mirror tonight and I saw underneath the fat. I said "My word! I do have a pretty face! If only I would lose weight!" Well, I used to be told I was pretty when I was thinner. Maybe I can do that again. Who knows?

The Grieving Process

It's been more than a week now since my pa passed away, and I still mourn him. But I have stopped crying every 10 minutes. Finally! When I was stuck in Portland, I was crying at random times. I was out walking, looking for the YWCA and I kept having to stop because I would start crying and could not stop. I did not expect anyone on the streets to understand how and why I felt the way I did. But really, no one stopped to ask. To them, I was just a homeless person who was perhaps crying because "society let me down". But that was not the case. Funny how people assume things based on how things look on the surface. I'm not saying people looked at me and assumed anything or not, or even cared. Just that is probably what they would have thought if they did know what was going on behind the shades I was wearing.

That was the beginning of my process of grieving. I still cry sometimes, just not every 10 minutes anymore. Having to take the bus home kinda hindered a lot of that, but sometimes I would cut loose and let the tears fall freely. I did a lot of crying once I was back in my home, lying on my own bed with my favorite pic of Michael and Timmy. Michael and Timmy kindof acted as a teddy bear to me. They were something to hold close to me in comfort. I have plush animals, but they are more for decoration than for cuddling. Besides that, Michael and Timmy are so beautiful, they are comforting to look at. But I lied there and cried and cried and cried until I couldn't no more. I think I stopped about 2 days after I got home. This past week has been spent mostly just drying my tears, and working on getting out of that circle of grief. Been doing some things to get my mind off of what happened.

Usually, when someone I love dies, I go into shock. Crying is not always immediate. I go through a period of shock, which can last for a few hours to a few weeks. When Michael died back in 1997, I was in shock the first few hours after I heard the news. I didn't cry yet, I was just in shock. It wasn't until I got into my portal (the bathroom) and was getting ready to take a shower that I started to cry. When my grandma died in 2001, I was in shock for 4 days, until the funeral. Then, I really cried a lot. It seems the longer the shock lasts, the more severe it is when I do start crying. I cried when Michael died and I haven't yet stopped. When I watch that INXS movie, I am always reminded that he is no longer here and sometimes I start crying. Sometimes however, I don't. I can turn it off if I want to, and usually try to, because I love watching that ending! Michael's singing of Never Tear Us Apart at Wembley is an awesome performance. Too good to miss due to sad feelings.

When grandma died, shortly after, I even went through a period where I was hostile to everyone. I wonder if that's going to happen now. I went through the same thing when I lost Groucho, my dog, in 2006. I had a period of anger and resentment towards everyone! Groucho's case was more severe than grandma's. Someone killed her, and I started to suspect everyone of that. I pointed fingers at everyone. No one was safe from me blaming them. Groucho was poisoned. At first, antifreeze was the suspect. But I did not keep antifreeze, and even if I did, the garage was closed off from the yard. The only way any antifreeze could have gotten in the yard was if someone else had some and poured it into our yard and Groucho got ahold of it. I remember just before she died, she did puke up a lot of grass. She was pregnant at the time she died, so I not only lost her, but her babies too. Losing her was a serious blow to the future of our kennel too.

Right this minute, I think I am in that quiet stage just after crying, where you feel at peace. It helps a little knowing dad was never sad or bitter about getting sick, and even still went for 5 mile long walks even after his diagnosis. I still miss him terribly. I still think about him. The hardest thing for me though is to delete his phone number from my cell phone. I know eventually I will do it. But right now, I just cannot bring myself to do it. I need to come to terms with the fact he is no longer with us. That may take a while. Ma told me it was 6 months before she could delete grandma's number off her cell phone after she died. I remember when I was sitting in the lobby at the restaurant, I looked at my cell phone and saw dad's number in my contacts. I tried to delete it, but I couldn't. I felt awful! To this day, I still cannot bring myself to delete it.

What I hate is when it's been a few months after a tragic event like this happens, and people are saying "It's been --- months/years/days since {so-n-so} died. Get over it!" I hate it when people say that! There is no limit to how long a person can grieve. Sometimes it can take years to get over something like that. I remember when I used to work at the humane society, bathing puppies. I met a woman whose mom had not had a dog for over 20 years. The reason was she'd had a dachshund that she loved so much, and when it died her mom was so stricken with grief that she didn't want another pet. That was over 20 years before! I was 18 at the time. That woman's mom had been grieving for more years than I'd been alive! But again, some people carry grief for a lot longer than others. Don't ever let anyone tell you how long you can carry that grief. Carry it as long as you feel it's necessary. The fact that my father was OK with dying (he said "everyone has to go sometime" when I first heard what was happening to him) helps me heal a little. But the fact that I have to go on with him not here is what hurts me. I guess I am crying more for myself. Not him.

Best Reasons Cats Are Better Than Dogs

OK, just to be fair to the cat people, I decided to put this up here. I do have some friends who are cat owners and lovers, I personally do not like cats for various reasons. But I do like a few breeds, such as siamese cats and several other breeds, and I do like my cat-fancying friends, so this post is for them. These are the best reasons I can think of that makes cats better than dogs. I don't want to be totally prejudiced on this blog. So, here goes...

1. Cats are quiet.
They don't bark, or run around all day, they just curl up on your sofa and sleep, meow, eat and shit.

2. They're economical.
It does not cost much to feed a cat. They are light eaters compared to some dogs.

3. They're clean.
They clean themselves using their tongue, which is bristly. Unlike the smooth tongue of a dog. Cat tongues act like our hairbrushes to clean their fur.

4. They don't require much attention.
You don't have to walk them, or play with them--in fact they'd prefer you don't, and you can leave them alone in the house for hours and they will take care of themselves.

5. They are small in size.
The largest breed of house cat is the Norwegian Forest Cat, and its only 4 feet long, including the tail. Still smaller than the larger dogs. So they don't require a lot of room.

Geezz! That's all I can think of. No other reason in the world to have cats in the house. The only person in my family that likes cats is my ma, but she would never have one. She doesn't like having pets at all. Not even a fishtank. I think that is why I was born into this family, to make them realize the fun of having a pet. Having a pet of any kind is very therapeutic. My ma was raised by a woman who did not believe pets were any more than objects to be kept outside and not a part of the family. But for me, cats are a lot less "family" than dogs. These are the reasons I do not like cats:

1. They are destructive.
Much more destructive than smaller dogs.

2. They're boring!
All they do is eat, sleep and shit all day.

3. I don't like their dirty asses on my kitchen counters.
Unlike dogs, cats climb on your kitchen counters, and get into everything!

4. They don't really love us.
Everyone knows, and it has been proven, that cats actually want to kill their owners. If they were big enough, they would do it.

5. They are not trainable.
There is a certain way you have to train cats, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

6. They carry diseases.
Rabies, toxoplasmosis, bartonella (also known as cat-scratch fever), necrotizing fasciitis are among the many diseases cats are known to carry. The risk of rabies can be controlled with annual vaccines, but the rest of the diseases have no cure or prevention and are almost exclusive to cats and are just as deadly as rabies.

7. They kill wildlife.
A lot of birds and small animals have become extinct because of cats. And I love birds!

8. You've seen one cat, you've seen them all.
They all look the same! They all have the same colors, patterns, they all have the same physical appearance. They may have some slightly different variations of said patterns, but pretty much they all look the same. There's not even much variety among each breed. Few exceptions.

Creepy Performance

There is a big thing trending on Facebook, a man named Corey Feldman, whose performance of his new song "Go For It" on The Today Show is receiving quite a lot of bad attention and it really is causing him some damage. I heard from one report that now Feldman is afraid to even leave his house. I say "What the fuck is the big deal???" Not that I personally care anything about Corey Feldman. I have a favorite band, and I am happy just following them. I don't go for any of these emo groups around today. But why is everybody getting so uptight about this guy's performance? Because he spazzed out during his performance? People are calling Corey Feldman a "weirdo" and a "freak". Well, everybody has their own style. If you don't like Corey Feldman's, then just don't watch. Simple as that. If he's too weird for you, then turn your head. But like I said, everyone has their own style. Sometimes, during the Rockstar: INXS series, I used to think Marty Casey spazzed out a little too much, but that's his style, and a lot of people liked it. I used to see Marty fans all the time, that no matter what, they still liked him.

As for Corey Feldman himself, I say get over it! You put yourself out there, you open yourself up to criticism. I do. Believe me, on a good day, I'll get called a freak or a weirdo. On a bad day, I get called much worse!! LOL! Sometimes I provoke it, I go on YouTube and provoke the fags and yuppies just for fun. It helps me build up that thick skin I've become famous for. It helps too! I once heard that before you can become famous you have to become infamous. Some people actually like the "freaky" dances this guy did. But once you put yourself out there, you open yourself to criticism. Simple as that. You've got to learn to take it with a grain of salt. I also learned not to defend myself because again, I put myself out there. And the viewers have a right to express their opinion of me. About half of what they say is true anyways. Most people who watch my videos say I am fat, and that is true, I am fat. Not being negative, just being honest. I've known it long enough to know that it's true. I can admit it to myself.

Ya know, that's why I put the "LOL" in my responses to fags, and I'll tell you, it drives them CRAZY!!!! LOL! But I laugh because they try so hard to insult me with "you're fat" or "your a moron" or "I'd love to beat the crap out of you!" And yes, I spelled "your a moron" incorrectly because ironically enough, that is how they spell it! LOL! It's funny! One guy this morning said to me "I would love to meet you in person just so I could beat the shit out of you you cowardly cunt!" I said to him "I would love to meet you in person, because I would love to see you try it!" My BIL taught me karate. Though I am extremely rusty, but some things I can still do. But face it, even if he were to meet me in person, I highly doubt he'd have the guts to touch me. He's just a troll. Trolls are nothing but cowards themselves.

But as for Corey Feldman, I say if you don't like what people are now saying about you, either change your style, or learn to take it with a grain of salt. Or just take yourself out of the media. You were not meant to become a celebrity. Some people will like his performance, some won't. That's just the way it is. That's the way people are. Apparently he took down his performance from Facebook. It's kindof a shame, because there are those who did like his performance I am sure. Not everyone hated it. Or thought it was weird. Know how I know? Lots of people still like Justin Beiber and Hillary Duff. If they haven't scared away all their fans, then there are some people out there who will like anything.

Anyways, here is the "offending" performance...

Best Reasons Dogs Are Better Than Cats

A while ago, I wrote a post about the stupidest reasons people think cats are better than dogs. Well, let's face it, anyone who thinks cats are better than dogs I would say has got to be pretty shallow. Probably people who have never had a dog in their lives. Because there are so many reasons why dogs are better than cats. It's hard for a lot of people to believe now because dogs nowadays get a lot of bad press. All you ever really hear about dogs in the media is how they attack, maim, or kill people. Most of those are caused by either bad breeding practices or by bad owners. That is why I emphasize getting a dog from a responsible breeder, and socialize it well! I never had a dog that has ever attacked or killed anyone. Well anyways, here are the reasons...

1. Dogs genuinely love us.
Unlike cats, dogs love us. More than they love themselves (in the words of Johnny Depp, who is a dog-lover). Cat owners think their cats love them, but what cats love is your food. Not you.

2. A dog will die for it's owner.
Dogs love us enough that they know their job is to protect us. They alert us when someone is at our door, and if need be, they will attack an intruder they think is there to harm us. Cats save themselves rather than think about us when an intruder is out to harm us.

3. Dogs have different personalities.
Cat people think dogs have no personalities, or that their personalities are boring. Truth is, dogs have plenty of personal characteristics. Which is why it bothers me when someone compares a specific individual of a breed they had with one that someone else gets. Each dog is different, even if they are the same breed.

4. There are so many varieties!
Over 400 breeds of dogs, compared to the 200 or so official cat breeds. Whereas if you've seen one cat, you've seen them all; dogs come in a wide range of breeds with different shapes, sizes and colors.

5. Dogs are more fun to play with.
I say this all the time, and it's the reason I prefer dogs over cats. Dogs keep us active because they are always active. Cats tire easily and sleep most of the day. That's why I say cat owners are the laziest people.

6. Dogs are far less destructive than cats.
Even cat fanciers say their cats fuck them over all the time. Cats can tear up your house a lot quicker than a similar-sized dog. Cats can get on the counters, where most dogs cannot reach, knock things down, tear up your furniture and wallpaper (and walls for that matter) when they use your home as a claw-sharpener. Dogs don't do that because they don't need to. This is also why cats never last more than a year in my household.

7. Dogs can be trained to either go outside to eliminate or use a litter box.
Yes, unbelievable as it may sound, a dog can also be trained to use a litter box or a puppy pad. Dogs are very versatile.

8. Dogs are better pest control.
I recently made a video, and put it up on YouTube of a cat toying with a mouse. I was unimpressed with it's torture session, because a dog would have had that mouse killed (along with several other mice) within the first 5 seconds of that video. That video is more than 5 minutes long and the mouse was still alive when I stopped filming. I said I was going to kick that cat's butt if that mouse got in my apartment!

9. Dogs are a much more ancient family than cats.
The Canidae family has actually been around since just after the extinction of the dinosaurs, about 50 million years. There are early cats, but they are not felines. We know them as civets and mongooses (family: Viverridae), which are almost as old as the canines. The actual Felidae family did not begin until about 30-35 million years ago. Yet canines are still going while felines are becoming extinct in the wild. And it's not all due to humans. It's because as a species, they are weak.

10. Dogs are smarter than cats.
Although the hardcore catfags refuse to admit it, or believe it, dogs are indeed more intelligent than cats. The world's smartest dogs, the border collie and the poodle, actually have the intelligence of a 4-year old child. Cats, on the other hand, have the intelligence of a 1-year old child, at best. Cats can't do anything right! LOL!

Yes that's right! Dogs rule! Cats... are just dumb! And yes I have had cats before. I wouldn't say they are dumb without having had one before. Its just that's the observation I've made over the years of having cats. This is why I prefer dogs over cats.

The Trip Home

After that incident with Lulu, I've decided I have got to stop being so compassionate with people. Some will take a nasty advantage of you if you're too compassionate. That's always been my handicap, I'm way too compassionate with people! But it really was not one-sided, Lulu helped me a lot when I lived in the shelter. Like one time she took me to the hospital. But Darrell even had to get involved in that. He went because he was feeling pain, but the doctors have never been able to find anything wrong with him. He did that several times, hoping the doctors would tell him something was wrong with him, but they could never find anything, which is exactly why I believe Darrell broke his ankle on purpose the day I was supposed to be taken to Salem to catch a bus to Phoenix. I truly believe he did that just for the attention, and I'll always believe that. He was upset because something was going to be done that day that didn't concern him, so he fell and broke his ankle on purpose. But his little scheme nearly cost me my last visit with my father. My stepmother paid $400 for the ticket so I could go visit them, and believe me, I'd have made Lulu pay my stepmother back for that! They would have found themselves taken to court! And they would have owed my mother $50 on top of that too! But it wouldn't be about the money for me. I'll never get that chance again to see my father, and if he'd have died without seeing me, I would have been the most broken 40-year old woman you've ever seen in your life!!

Well, I did get to see my father, thank GOD! At least I did get that chance to say a final goodbye. I told him that I am in an apartment that I love! Even though the people here are not very friendly. You know what's funny? They even admitted to me they're not very friendly here! When Lulu did not show up in time, ma told me to go around the complex here and see if I could get someone from around here to take me to Salem. I got so desperate that I did just that! No one wanted to though, and a couple of guys that I ran into, was an old man with a younger man, even said the people in this complex are not that friendly. Somehow I kinda sensed that when that Mexican guy saw me taking empty boxes to the dumpster that one day, and instead of telling me what to do with them, he was calling the manager on me. But I thought he was just one unfriendly person. But according to those guys I spoke to, apparently everyone here is unfriendly. But I don't care, I'm a loner anyways. Most of the time, I keep to my own apartment. I was just desperate to find another person to take me to Salem and I did what I thought I had to. My ma says I need to get involved in a church, and I might just do that. I do need to make some reliable friends! My sis has there in Bozeman. My sis also said making friends here might be very hard because people in this state are all liberals. But I think there has to be someone in this state that isn't a liberal!!

Well, now I want to tell you all about the trip home. My father passed away the day my sis and I left Phoenix, and I kept thinking about that on the way. I told Anna not to say anything, because I wanted Kathy to have her moment to tell us. But the driver already told her that he told us that dad was gone. Dad did have a very good life, and I know he is in Heaven now. Contrary to what the WBC would say. Oh well who gives a SHIT what they have to say?!?! Fuck them!!! My father was in a comatose like state when my sis and I got there, he could not talk, but the doctor said he could hear. The only sounds dad emitted were like long moans and groans. He still sounded like dad, but he could not form words or sentences. My sis and I even told funny stories while we were there with him, stories that I remember about him from when I was a kid. Dad was always doing things to make us laugh. I remember one day when he was in the police academy, he came home early. I was sitting in the family room watching TV, and dad showed me this pair of pants he was wearing that day, and the seat had been ripped open. He said to me "You know what happened to these pants?" I looked and his pants had the biggest rip I'd ever seen and I asked what happened. Dad told me that happened in class when he farted. He had to walk out of class with his back against the wall! LOL! It made me laugh just to imagine him farting with such force that it split a seam!

Dad was quite a character. Everybody that knew him loved him. I'll always remember him as being a man who loves dogs and people. He used to hate chihuahuas until I started breeding them. Then he realized what beautiful animals a well-bred chihuahua is with a LOT of personality! I did think about dad a lot on the way home. But riding through Arizona was pretty cool too. I saw cactus. Wild cactus! I've never seen a wild cactus before! I'd seen them in nurseries, botanical gardens, etc, I even remember Taco Time in Lakewood used to have a huge saguaro cactus on display. But I've never seen one in the wild! It was so cool to see them on the way home! I normally hate sitting in the bus stations, but the one in LA was not so bad. I had to switch buses in LA. They have an eatery there with a bar and stools. I found a bit of an isolated corner of the bar and claimed one of those seats. It beat sitting on those hard, wire benches. I sat there for a while and cried my eyes out. I kept saying to myself how I am going to miss that old fart! LOL.. I was still calling dad an old fart. I always did. I love him, but sometimes he could be an old fart. That was part of his charm.

My next stop was Sacramento, which we got to easily. It was morning when I got there. From there, I got to Salem. From Salem, I caught a bus to Portland, where I knew I could catch a bus that would take me back to Tillamook. Unfortunately, by the time I got to Portland, the bus to Tillamook had left and it was the last bus heading west that day. So, I had to wait 15 hours for the next bus to Tillamook. I decided to phone ma to tell her that I made it back to OR in good shape. She said I should phone Lulu and have her come and get me to take me home. I said I never want to be reliant on Lulu ever again for anything! They'll take my money and use it to buy cigarettes! I'm tired of supporting her nasty smoking habit! Ma wanted me to find a YWCA there in Portland. I didn't know if I could. So, I asked one of the station attendants if there was one in town. She said she'd look it up. She found one that was about 10 blocks away. She gave me the number and I called. All I got was an answering machine. So, I left a message. But I also decided to walk over there to take a look at it and see what was there. So I did. All 10 blocks!! LOL! Well, I didn't mind really, I needed to walk, stretch my legs. When I got there, I managed to find the YWCA, but it was closed. They must never be there, because to this day, I still have not heard back from anyone there, and I gave them my cell phone number. That was on Thursday I called them.

On the way back to the bus station, I got hungry, so I decided to stop and have a bite before heading back to the bus station. I found a nice little cafe and went inside. It was a fine-dining cafe. I looked over their menu, and ordered myself a Kobe burger! Don't knock it those things are AWESOME!!! I remember getting that when dad used to come visit my sis and I in Ocean Shores at a little cafe there. It was delicious as heck! So, that is what I got. While I was there, I also did some more crying in between bites. I don't like crying while I eat, but having that burger reminded me of the times dad came to Ocean Shores to spend the day with me and my sis. Brought back memories. On top of being so doggone delicious! I couldn't finish the whole thing, so I packed some away in a doggie bag. While I was there, I noticed there was a lobby with some comfortable looking chairs and a sofa. I asked the waiter if it was OK if I sat in there for a while and he said I could. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I got in a nice, big, soft, leather chair and sat for a while, took out my favorite pic of Michael and Timmy and just cried and cried! Still mourning over my father. I think I was there for more than an hour, just crying. I had nothing else to do, and those seats were so comfortable! I couldn't help it. I almost fell asleep. But I knew I had to get back to the bus station. So eventually I had to get up and walk back.

It was dark when I started back to the bus station, and I could not remember where I turned at. I began searching for someone to tell me where the bus station was. I got 10 different people that gave me 10 different streets to turn down. I didn't know if I was coming or going! I must have walked all around downtown Portland before I finally got to the bus station! I said if I had been walking in a straight line, I'd have been back in Tillamook! I did that much walking that night! Didn't find the bus station until about 9PM. Then I didn't care, I plopped down on one of those hard wire benches they always have, and fell asleep for a while. But the station was due to close at 10:30PM and a security guard there was clearing everyone out. One crazy bitch of a girl even argued with the guard, calling him every name in the book on her way out! I asked the guard if there was a shelter in that town and he did not know of one at all. That's why all the homeless people were covering the streets. I didn't have anywhere to go, so I had to think of a creative way to keep myself occupied. I had over 12 hours to kill before the bus to Tillamook was due to come! I really did not want to spend a night with a bunch of homeless thugs! So, I decided to catch the train around town. But I fell asleep on the train. When the train ride ended, I found myself in an area that I did not know and it was dark! But I had to vacate the train anyways.

I asked when the train to take me back to the bus station was coming, and the supervisor said there would be another train coming in an hour and a half. It was cold outside too! And I was dressed for the weather in Phoenix! I seriously thought I would be home by nightfall! It was 100 degrees in Phoenix, and probably about 55 degrees in Portland that night! I was freezing and did not have a coat. I reached in my suitcase and pulled out the only thing I had that I could possibly keep warm in; my nightgown. I took it and folded it in half and wrapped that around my shoulders. I slept for about 5 minutes while I was there, but most of my time was spent trying to keep warm. I actually thought about dad that night. I was thinking he was up in Heaven now saying to me "OK, you like to get yourself in trouble? Now I'm going to show you what real trouble is like!" That's one of the last things I remember him saying to me when I spoke to dad on the phone only a month before he passed. He said "You sure get yourself in a lot of trouble!" Maybe I do. But I stayed at the shelter because I had to, and it was a good thing it was there. Finally, the first train into town came. I didn't bother with a ticket, as I still had one from the night before. No one ever checked those! I just climbed in. I was on that train for maybe 2 hours, going all over town. I was asleep most of the way there. But I finally got off where the bus station was and walked the rest of the way.

The bus station there has a little cafe too, so I sat there for a while and had something to eat. By this time, I still had about 4 hours to kill. So I ate, and then went back to the waiting area to wait for the next bus to Tillamook. I fell asleep in the waiting area. Even though those seats were uncomfortable. I was excited when the bus finally did come to take me back to Tillamook! I bought a ticket and hopped on. Now, I was on my way home. Of course I did fall asleep most of the way. But I'll tell you now, it was good to be home! I immediately climbed in bed and went to sleep.

Feeling Now

Losing a parent really changes you. I have been saying for years I felt blessed to be my age and have both my parents still with me. Even though I know several people my age, and some even younger, who lost one or both their parents. I always felt bad for them, and cried with them when they lost their family member. Shoot I even know several people my age, or close, who've lost siblings! Its always sad, but you never really know how it feels until it's happened in your own family. I lost my grandma in 2001, just before the 9/11 tragedy. Of course I cried for days, but I think in a small way, you are always somewhat prepared to lose a grandparent, just because they are older. But we tend to think of our parents as being immortal, I guess. My ma is still here with us, but having lost my pa, now I wonder how much longer has ma got to live? How long will it be before I lose her too?

I almost did not get to see my dad. My ma called me on Saturday morning and told me that dad hasn't got much longer. I knew that, because Kathy told me and my sis that the doctor gave him days to live. Not months. Not weeks. Not a year.... Days! I felt like my guts had been wrenched out! Ma asked me how soon I can make it to Salem to catch a bus. I told her I don't know. I thought Salem was too far. I thought it would be best to go to Portland instead. But ma insisted I go to Salem to catch the bus. I knew I could have caught a bus to Portland, but had no idea if there was one going to Salem from here. There was never one that I knew of. So ma asked me to call Lulu, my friend I made at the shelter, offer her $50 to take me to and from Salem and get there as fast as I could. So, I called Lulu and asked her if she was free that day. At first she said she had other things to do. But then I told her I need to get to Salem that day, it was an emergency. I had to catch a bus to go see my father before he passed. So, Lulu agreed to drop everything and rush right over. Meanwhile, ma gave me $50 to give to Lulu.

Lulu showed up and I got into her car, told her about how my father only has days to live and I was supposed to catch a bus to Arizona. After ma put the money in my account, she told me to call Kathy's daughter, my stepsister, and so that is what I did. That was when I found out that I was not supposed to leave on Saturday, but instead on Sunday. So, I apologized to Lulu and her husband, Darrell, who was also there, and asked them to come back and pick me up around 11AM the next day, as I was supposed to catch the bus at 2PM and it takes 2 hours to drive from Tillamook to Salem. So, I went back home after buying dinner for myself, and Darrell and Lulu got something as well. After that, they spent $20 on gas, and had another $20 left over for the next day, which was supposed to be for gas. So, I had to sit at home and wait one more day.

The next day was when the fiasco began. About 10AM, I texted Lulu to remind her to come and pick me up at 11AM. Well, she called me and said Darrell was in the hospital with a broken ankle because he fell the night before and she had no idea how long it was going to take. Now, Lulu was talking about that I have to give her another $30. I asked her what happened to the last of that $50 I gave her the day before. That was supposed to be used only for gas and dinner, which they bought dinner for themselves the day before. They should have had another $20 left. But I found out later that Lulu used that money to buy cigarettes!! I was PISSED!!!!! To say the least! I did not give her that money for some dumb cigarettes! I gave her that money for gas! And $40 would have given them enough gas to get to Salem and back to Tillamook nicely, and then they could use $10 to buy themselves some dinner. I would have been fine with that. But NOT SOME DAMN CIGARETTES!!!!!!

I was already angry now, because it was coming up on 11AM and they still had not shown up. I was afraid I was going to miss my bus! Thus I may not get to see my father and say a final farewell to him. I texted Lulu again and reminded her that I have to get to Salem. She called me back and said I can still get to Salem in time to catch the bus, but Darrell had to have some x-rays done. I asked her if there was any way they could hurry that up because getting to Salem was really important to me now. She said we cannot rush this and then hung up on me. I was getting scared. I didn't know what else to do or whom else to turn to. So I phoned my ma. I was crying at the time, because I was afraid I was not going to get to see my father before he passed. Ma was wondering why Lulu would not just leave Darrell at the hospital while she takes me to Salem, then come back and pick him up after I've been dropped off. I told her it's because Lulu is afraid Darrell is going to yell at her. Ma asked "Does she not understand how serious this is?!" I told her that I think Darrell is doing this on purpose! Every time I want Lulu for something, he always has to get involved. I think he fell and hurt his foot just for attention. I don't doubt he was in pain, but I really and truly believe he just did it so all the attention would be focused on himself.

Well, ma told me to call Lulu back and stand firm. So, I did. I told Lulu she either has to take me to Salem today, or give me all my money back today because that was the deal. Well, they finally arrived around 12:30! I was so mad at Darrell though, I could not even look at him! Let alone talk to him or hear him talking! But I remained calm and civil. I tried! It was not easy at times. He and I argued all the way there because I had to give those fools $30 more!! He wanted to spend it on the most expensive gas in the town! But I saved them 13 cents more per gallon by going to Fred Meyers, which is just about a mile from the expensive gas station. But Darrell fussed the whole time about that. I said to him "If you want the expensive gas, you can pay for it!" He yelled back "No! Because we're using our own car!" I reminded him that he has $50 of my money! Now another $30 more. So that is $70 they have of my money! I could have rented a car for that much and drove myself. Darrell seemed to think I am made of money. They were the ones who spent the money I gave them foolishly! I was MAD!!!! I wanted to choke Darrell.

We argued off and on the whole time during that trip. Darrell made a joke about how he never wants his car to leave his sight. I reminded him how he lived in Wheeler while Lulu was in Tillamook. Darrell interestingly commented saying "That was an emergency." I told him "Well this is an emergency too! You're still alive. My father is going to be dead in a few days!" That was when Lulu said something that really pissed me off. She said when her brother was dying he didn't want to see anyone anyways. I wanted to say "My father is NOT your brother! My father loves me!" but I was so stunned Lulu would say something like that and mean it, I was speechless! But I was mad! Every time Darrell and I would argue, Lulu would tell the both of us to shut up. But I was angry, and rightfully so! I'll never get another chance to see my father! She's going to have Darrell there for a lot longer than I was going to have my father! And there I was in the back of their car, worried sick that I was going to miss my bus and not be able to exchange the ticket for a later time. It was a non-refundable, non-transferable ticket. So, I didn't know what was going to happen now.

Ironically enough, Darrell is also an INXS fan. But he's as bad a fan as the damn Yatesfags!! He does not follow Michael's code of ethics! Michael was all about peace and love. Darrell is all about how much attention he can get out of this, and how much money he can get from someone. I guarantee if Michael's job was to get me to Salem as fast as possible, he would have done it! No questions asked, no arguments, and if Darrell had had other plans, Michael would have gladly left him in the hospital to take me to Salem in time to catch my bus, and then swung by after he was done to pick up Darrell. No matter what Darrell would have said in the end or how angry he would have gotten. That's what a decent person does! Decent people also do not steal money from someone who makes less money than they do, to waste on some stupid-ass cigarettes!!!! And yes, I consider that last $20 stolen money! They could have used that for gas like they were supposed to, instead of asking me for another $30. It was a darn good thing I had it, otherwise I might never have gotten to see my father!

It was 3PM before we got to the bus station. I had already missed the bus I was supposed to be on, and there was no one attending the bus station when I got there, and they would not be there until 7PM. I was given a number to call, so I did. I got the operator at the bus' national headquarters, but she said my ticket was voided, and I had to wait to speak to an attendant. She said even then, there is no guarantee I would be able to switch the time of my ticket. Well I made Lulu and Darrell wait with me! Darrell of course fussed about it the whole time saying "I want to go home!" I told him I had to wait until the bus' office opened again, and if I cannot exchange my ticket, they would have to drive me home. So, we waited out the 4 hours together. I made them do it. No way was I going to let them leave me stranded there after getting me there late! My father's spirit would not let me let them get away with that! But that whole time, I prayed heavily to GOD that they would let me on the next bus.

When 7PM finally did roll around, I went inside. There was finally someone in the bus station's office. I went up with tears in my eyes and begged and pleaded with them to exchange my ticket. I told them my father is dying and I have to get to Phoenix as quickly as possible. Well, not only did the attendant exchange my ticket, he even waived the $20 rescheduling fee. I was so relieved and grateful!! My prayers were answered! So, I went back to Lulu and Darrell and got my things, thanked them as much as I could, and went back to the bus to have my things loaded on. Now, I was on my way to Phoenix. It took 2 nights, and it was dark when I got there. But I will tell you all one thing, I am NEVER trusting Lulu with anything again. I tried never to judge anyone at that shelter, I tried giving Lulu the benefit of the doubt a lot of times, I was always polite to people there. In fact, I was known throughout the shelter as the kindest, most polite person there. Well, I try to always be nice and polite. I never judge anyone. I gave that up when I entered my 40s. I didn't want to be this age and still being hostile to people due to looks, religion or creed. That's not what my parents would want, and not what Michael (or Timmy) stood for! But Lulu is the classic example of a person who is homeless because they are irresponsible!

Lulu and Darrell have now finally found themselves a place to move to, and are going to move in on the 3rd, so they said. Lulu has some books that belong to me, and as soon as I get them back from her, I am never speaking to her again! She is not the kind of person I want as a friend! She is too irresponsible! But to be honest with you all right now, I have the feeling I am NEVER going to see those books again!! And Lulu may get this place, but she is going to lose it again, as quickly as she got it! Because she is so irresponsible and unreliable! I think surely I can kiss those books goodbye! No matter though, I am still never speaking to Lulu again! If I stay friends with them, I will never get ahead of where I am now. I'll never be able to get a car, I'll never be able to get a puppy, I'll never even be able to go to Australia! Because they'll suck up each penny I get! Just when you think you've got a good person for a friend, you find out who they really are and that gets frustrating! I must be slipping in my old age! Really! Loretta (Lulu) really cares about no one but herself! Herself and her dumb cigarettes!! She says after she moves she'll quit. I say, I'll believe it when I see it!