Feeling Like Shit!

Well, this morning I feel like shit. I was at the dog park with our buddies, Karen and Kim. Anna was not there. After Andy and Mike left, Karen started talking to me about the note I left on Roger's door, and said that Lois is PISSED!!!! She said Lois was one pissed off woman. But she blamed Anna for the note. I promised myself that if Anna got blamed for that note that I would completely confess to writing it. Karen told me that Lois knows who the culprit is, and it's NOT Roger. When Karen told me he didn't write that letter to Anna and said that Lois knows exactly who it is, I really felt like shit! I got this lump in the pit of my belly. I said to Karen that I have a confession to make. Karen knew right away what I was going to say. She said "You did it!" I said "yes." I said that Anna had nothing to do with that letter. I feel just awful!! I said some shitty things in that letter. Calling Roger things like "retarded" and "spineless". Now I feel I have to explain everything to Lois, and apologize to Roger. I feel like shit! Poor Roger he got the worst end of the deal, and he didn't even have any idea what it was all about. Karen began making pranks about the whole deal after I confessed, but even her jokes could not cheer me up. I just feel like shit! I don't even care that this whole issue is ruined now, I feel bad because I thought Roger did it, and I blamed him for it.

What else was I supposed to think??? After this shopping cart war going on! And Roger saying the note on Anna's door was stupid, I figured he'd stoop that low as to put a message like that on Anna's door. I was just sticking up for Anna, I thought I could by giving him a taste of his own medicine. Or so I thought that's what I was doing. I said if Roger did not do it, then it must have been Andy. But Karen said that Andy does not have a computer or a printer. Besides, he would have used the word "cow", not "bitch". But he has called Anna a fat bitch before. I heard him. Kim spoke up and said that it's most likely the last person you'd expect, and I thought about that actually last night. I said to Karen and Kim that all I can hope is that the person who wrote it is not a fat-ass themselves. Kim said it could be someone who is usually quiet, but can pack a punch. I don't know about the "pack a punch", but the one person I know of on this floor who is quiet, and always gives me dirty looks is a woman who is MUCH fatter than either me or Anna! I saw her yesterday morning smoking a cigarette out front. She seems to be quiet, and she always looks depressed. As far as I know, she only talks to a few people here. She does not seem to have many friends here herself, and she's a lot fatter than Anna is! She's even fatter than me! Why would she call Anna fat names when she's even fatter than the both of us?

Then there is this guy Dan, I call him "that ugly dude", because he always looks so mean and ugly. I figured from day 1 that he could even be the one pushing the shopping carts in front of Anna's door. Karen said he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, but I always figure that to be wrong, because he always looks so mean. He's also quiet, and seems to have a problem with me and Anna. Of course I always call him "the ugly dude", and I swear sometimes he hears me say it. LOL! But Anna never says it. And Dan himself is fat, at least as fat as Anna. Though I don't think he's lazy. Dan kinda looks like Paul Casler from back in WA, who always gave me and Anna trouble since we were kids. His mom was a whore. Really! She was! Everyone in the neighborhood knew his mom spent her nights downtown, prostituting. Paul, and both his sisters all had different fathers. Neither one of them had the same daddy. Dan, besides always having that ugly look on his face, is quite ugly physically himself. I just never have anything to do with him. He looks too mean. So I stay away from him. And I like it a lot better when he keeps away from me.

But still I feel like shit! I'm going to tell Lois I wrote the letter, and then I have to apologize to Roger. And I will. He's going to be pissed off too. Well, I wouldn't blame him if he did! I deserve anything he can ever say about me. That's how low I feel! I just feel effed right now!